A/N: Thank you again for all your reviews; they encourage me a lot, knowing that there are people following my story. This is pretty depressing so far; I didn't mean for it to be, but this is what came out. Not to worry; there will be plenty of Max/Alec banter in following chapters because it's so much fun to write. I'll try to keep posting chapters pretty frequently. Anyway, hope you enjoy! Please R&R.
Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own any of the characters, (though I wish Alec were mine) nor do I own the storyline of Dark Angel or anything else associated with it. They belong to Fox and a bunch of rich people.
Chapter Three
___________________________________________________________
Guilt
Abandoned Ruins
Seattle Wa., September 4th, 2021
*Flashback*
Soft, willing lips on his own. Her fingers, warm, tender, traversing the lines of
his barcode. The brief hint of lavender in the air, before the warmth of her nearness
shattered, and twisted now into the searing heat of an explosion.
A rising fireball, ascending the sky like the wingtips of a legendary phoenix.
*End flashback*
"Rachel!"
Her name parted his lips with an intensity that startled Alec into consciousness.
He rose, panting like a dog overexposed to heat, disoriented in his sudden panic.
The world rose exotically around him; he surged, frightened, to his feet, the dark rushing
in to assault him from all sides.
He remembered the screech of tires, White's voice, and their hands, dragging him
forcefully into the van, stopping him from going to her. His fear, thickening the air,
White's goons restraining him as he struggled.
Images blurred in a terrifying kladeiscope inside his head; all pictures he'd long
ago convinced himself to forget, stirred to life now by that brief, vivid glimpse of her
beautiful face on the TV screen.
Alec swallowed hard.
To his left, a few cars hushed past over rain-slick pavement; the ensuing spray
dampened the air around him.
He pressed into the shadows, scanning the area.
Light glittered off in the distance; a low-hanging fog had begun to set in with the
coming of night, and enfolded him from all sides now.
The battered remnants of an office building, destroyed long ago by the Pulse, lie
scattered amidst the falling mist and shadows. He perused the destruction, taking time to
gather his thoughts, coaching his breathing back to normal levels.
And now more recent memories began to push their way to the surface; his hasty
flight from Jam Pony, Max's voice, yelling his name. Rain. Wind. Numbness. The
agony of pushing his body past its limits. And finally, the sweet release as he sprawled
breathless to the ground, passing eventually into oblivion.
He wished he had stayed. The loneliness, insecurities, longings. They flooded
him now, with a savageness that made his head spin.
*I should have died. I'm poison.*
Max herself had said as much.
*"You're poison. I wish I'd never let you out in the world."*
Alec closed his eyes.
*She's right. Berrisford should have just killed me. Would have been doin' the
world a favor.*
* * *
She pulled the bike into her final stop for the night, and cut the engine.
Its purr settled reluctantly into silence, abandoning Max to the covetous night.
She rose lightly to her feet, swinging a leg over the machine, taking a careful,
probing look around as she stood.
She found her surroundings much the same as they had been for the previous two
hours; a desecrated pile of rubble comprised of loose sheetrock, tumbled cement blocks,
and various odds and ends proving human existence before the building had been razed
to the ground by the big quake of '09.
A noisy breath rattled in her throat; Max felt the telling prickle of nervous
perspiration hot beneath the sheath of rainwater she carried.
The brief squall had passed, but remnants of its cold and damp still clung to the
air. Max felt the chill through her leather jacket, but any discomfort was immediately
done away with by her genetically-engineered body.
She took a cautious step, hands in pockets, senses on alert.
Something in the air gave her pause. A scent lingering just under the sweet tang
of rain, warm and...alive.
Her heartbeat picked up.
"Alec?" her voice rose tentatively.
Movement stirred among the ruins.
Max broke into a jog.
The clatter of falling pebbles resounded within her sensitive ears, and now the
scent she'd detected earlier thickened with...fear? Her nostrils curled against this new
invasion of smell.
Yes, fear. She'd sensed it often enough to recognize it.
Two figures burst from amidst the rubble, wide-eyed and staring, a male and a
female who'd been engaged in...interesting activities only a moment before, Max
realized.
They eyed her warily; this woman emanated a hardness, and the leather jacket
and motorcycle gloves did nothing to suggest a patient grandmotherly-type.
Max, her worry lifted for a moment by amusement, studied these youngsters
through dark eyes.
She shrugged, and muttered, "Boo."
The teens raced off into the night. She couldn't really blame them; muggings and
worse had become customary along the outer limits of the city, and with the newfound
transgenic scare, people were downright spooked.
She took a moment to search the place, just in case, already expecting defeat.
Nothing.
Such a revelation hardly surprised her; he'd gone off to be alone, she was sure,
and sharing his hiding place with two hormonally-overloaded teenagers wouldn't be high
on his itinerary of the night.
*Alec, where the hell are you?*
*The bullet penetrated flesh, its destructive path severing veins, parting bone. His
dead eyes contemplated the gun barrel for a single moment, the waning brain waves
having yet to inform his body of the brutal end.
Pain exploded in response to the initial contact; and then blackness descended to
take him.
Alec welcomed its cold embrace.*
An effective death; one that should have happened a few months earlier, when
Berrisford confronted him. Effective, but too merciful for a man who'd killed the
woman he'd loved.
The reindocrination following the failed mission had been painful enough; and
yet somehow it fell short of the agony brought upon him with that horrific explosion, and
her final cry.
Alec pictured it again now, the violent scene playing like an action movie on the
interior of his eyelids.
*Amazing, how just a single picture can bring this all back again.* he thought
bitterly.
Max's wide, frightened eyes came to him again.
She'd followed him into the streets, even her transgenic speed much too slow to
catch a man chased by memories of a murdered love. He'd heard her calling his name,
smelled her scent pursuing him.
But that hadn't stopped him. He couldn't imagine why she'd even bothered to
come after him; it was only Alec, after all. Unworthy of any concern she might feel
obligated to give the sorry bastard.
*It's not like Max gives a damn about me. And why should she?*
He sank, miserable and wet, to the ground once more, leaning his back against a
section of wall standing amidst the surrounding destruction. His throat constricted
painfully.
*I'm sorry.*
He closed his eyes.
*Sorry Max, sorry Rachel. Sorry to whoever's life is as fucked up as my own.*
A throaty growl from the direction of the nearby street turned his head.
He knew the sound of that engine; Max and her precious baby, on the prowl.
Alec watched bike and rider meld as one with the shadows. Max's dark hair
whipped as a silken banner behind her, disturbing the peace of the air as it rippled into
the night.
She passed as quickly as he'd sensed her approach. Alec guessed her speed at a
hefty 70 mph.
She'd been searching for him.
The realization warmed his heart just the slightest.
Her heightened awareness warned her of his approach long before he appeared in
the view of her peripheral vision.
She stood, slowly so as not to disturb her balance, and spun to face him.
"I was looking for you."
He shrugged, face expressionless.
"I was...I was worried." Max continued, voice uncommonly soft. Her gaze
darted to the metal edge of the Space Needle, and beyond, into open space. The glimmer
of apartment lights danced within the depths of her eyes. "When you ran out of Jam
Pony like that-"
"Ever heard of a man needing to use the bathroom, Max?" Alec replied, a touch
of his smirk in place.
Her eyes darkened. "Stop bullshitting me, dammit! You saw Rachel and
booked."
Alec looked away.
"I saw the look on your face. And it sure as hell wasn't one of a man who hasn't
pissed in several hours, so don't go feeding me that shit."
He met her gaze without saying anything.
She took a step toward him, not looking away, studying him intently. The mask
he wore had been carefully crafted-she had to give him that-but emotions roiled
tumultuously in his eyes, and that was something he couldn't hide.
"Alec, I didn't know Logan was going to run that cable hack. If I had, I never
would have-"
"Wasn't your fault. Guy had a reason for it, I'm sure. Doesn't matter anyway."
"It doesn't matter? That's the first thing you thought when you saw her up on the
TV, huh?" Max crossed her arms.
"Max-"
"Tell me about her, Alec. Please."
He swallowed and glanced away. "I don't want to talk about it."
"But it doesn't matter. I get it; it's no big deal, but you can't even talk about it."
His eyes shone liquidly now as he looked at her. "I killed her. What's to talk
about? Manticore sent me to assassinate her father, she got in the way, and the rest is
history." His voice rang bitter.
"It wasn't your fault." she whispered, stepping toward him again.
"Nah. Wasn't my fault, just 'cause I posed as her piano teacher, rigged a bomb
under her dad's car, then confessed everything to her and sent her right into the trap." he
said, giving a bitter laugh and shaking his head.
"You tried to save them. Even though Manticore ordered you to kill Berrisford,
even though you'd spent your entire life doing nothing but following orders. You
disobeyed because you loved her. That's something even Manticore couldn't control."
"Berrisford should have killed me when he had the chance. I deserved it. He'd
have just been cleaning the shit from the world, anyway, right Max?" Alec's jaw tensed.
"Why did you come up here, Alec?" she asked, changing the subject abruptly.
"You knew I'd be up here, didn't you?"
He blinked.
"You came here because you were alone, and you didn't want to be anymore."
"That's very philosophical, Max." He shrugged. "Maybe I just like the view."
"You knew I was here. Why did you follow me?"
He smirked, but it didn't reach his eyes this time. "Now you're having fantasies
about me following you around? Max, I'm flattered. I didn't-"
"Shut up, you bastard." she hissed, closing in on him. The hair at the back of his
neck quivered to stand at attention, reacting to her nearness. He stiffened. "Tell me why
you came up here. No bullshit, no stupid, smart-ass comments."
"You want to know Max? You want to know why I came out of hiding?" he
demanded, looking her full in the eyes now. Both hands slipped into the pockets of his
jacket, to conceal their trembling.
"Because you were lonely." she whispered, eyes luminous in the darkness. Her
hand brushed his arm tentatively. "Alec, I'm sorry-"
He shrugged, and pulled away.
"Guess that makes two of us, then."
"Why are you doing this?" Max snapped, angry now. "I'm trying to help you!"
"I don't need your help. Been doin' just fine on my own."
"On your own?" she hissed, her vehemence prompting him to take a step back.
"Who bails your ass out every time you get in trouble? You'd be dead by now if it
weren't for me!"
"That's the way it should be."
She stopped, and noticed the tears glittering harshly in his beautiful eyes.
"What?"
"You heard me. I told you Berrisford should have killed me; hell I would have
done the same thing, if I were in his position. I murdered his daughter. That's not just
somethin' you forgive."
He felt wetness on his cheeks, and ducked his head, ashamed for crying in front of
her.
Max said nothing.
"And you know the last thing she said to me? 'I hate you.' How's that for a
dysfunctional relationship, huh? Beats whatever shit you and Logan have going on." His
voice choked on the words, and gurgled uselessly in his throat. A sob heaved his broad
shoulders. "I didn't mean for her to die, Max."
"I know." Max whispered, her lips trembling as he began to cry, tears hazing her
own vision.
*He looks so...broken.* she thought, and her chest tightened. *This is Alec. He's
supposed to be strong...indestructible. He's not supposed to feel pain.*
"I'm sorry." she whispered again, at a loss for comforting words.
He leaned into her, nestling his face in the crook of her neck, his entire body
trembling.
She pulled him into her arms, gently stroking the hair of his bowed head.
Above them, the moon cast their embracing figures in effulgent silver light,
elongating their shadows over the metal dome of the Space Needle.
Shuffling through the day's mail and signature slips, Normal didn't raise his head
at the light patter of footsteps.
"We're closed." he called without looking up.
His words failed to deter the late-night visitor. The footsteps rang closer.
"Hey, mister, I said we're closed." Normal repeated, sparing a brief glance for
the dripping, trench-coated man standing on the other side of the counter. "Come back
tomorrow. Place opens at 7:00."
"I heard a rumor that you have a Max Guevera in your employment. Is that true?"
Normal snorted. "What's little missy miss done now?"
"Does she work for you?" the man pressed.
"Any information you want you can come to get at 7:00 tomorrow morning. Or
didn't I make myself clear the first few times? Now get out. I've got a lot of work to be
doing. Gotta' clean up the messes these delinquents have made. Customers are pissed; I
got calls to make."
"Your cooperation would be greatly appreciated."
"And I will cooperate-tomorrow at 7:00 when the place opens."
Something clicked in the ensuing silence. Normal looked slowly up, and found
himself staring down the gleaming barrel of a pistol.
Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own any of the characters, (though I wish Alec were mine) nor do I own the storyline of Dark Angel or anything else associated with it. They belong to Fox and a bunch of rich people.
Chapter Three
___________________________________________________________
Guilt
Abandoned Ruins
Seattle Wa., September 4th, 2021
*Flashback*
Soft, willing lips on his own. Her fingers, warm, tender, traversing the lines of
his barcode. The brief hint of lavender in the air, before the warmth of her nearness
shattered, and twisted now into the searing heat of an explosion.
A rising fireball, ascending the sky like the wingtips of a legendary phoenix.
*End flashback*
"Rachel!"
Her name parted his lips with an intensity that startled Alec into consciousness.
He rose, panting like a dog overexposed to heat, disoriented in his sudden panic.
The world rose exotically around him; he surged, frightened, to his feet, the dark rushing
in to assault him from all sides.
He remembered the screech of tires, White's voice, and their hands, dragging him
forcefully into the van, stopping him from going to her. His fear, thickening the air,
White's goons restraining him as he struggled.
Images blurred in a terrifying kladeiscope inside his head; all pictures he'd long
ago convinced himself to forget, stirred to life now by that brief, vivid glimpse of her
beautiful face on the TV screen.
Alec swallowed hard.
To his left, a few cars hushed past over rain-slick pavement; the ensuing spray
dampened the air around him.
He pressed into the shadows, scanning the area.
Light glittered off in the distance; a low-hanging fog had begun to set in with the
coming of night, and enfolded him from all sides now.
The battered remnants of an office building, destroyed long ago by the Pulse, lie
scattered amidst the falling mist and shadows. He perused the destruction, taking time to
gather his thoughts, coaching his breathing back to normal levels.
And now more recent memories began to push their way to the surface; his hasty
flight from Jam Pony, Max's voice, yelling his name. Rain. Wind. Numbness. The
agony of pushing his body past its limits. And finally, the sweet release as he sprawled
breathless to the ground, passing eventually into oblivion.
He wished he had stayed. The loneliness, insecurities, longings. They flooded
him now, with a savageness that made his head spin.
*I should have died. I'm poison.*
Max herself had said as much.
*"You're poison. I wish I'd never let you out in the world."*
Alec closed his eyes.
*She's right. Berrisford should have just killed me. Would have been doin' the
world a favor.*
* * *
She pulled the bike into her final stop for the night, and cut the engine.
Its purr settled reluctantly into silence, abandoning Max to the covetous night.
She rose lightly to her feet, swinging a leg over the machine, taking a careful,
probing look around as she stood.
She found her surroundings much the same as they had been for the previous two
hours; a desecrated pile of rubble comprised of loose sheetrock, tumbled cement blocks,
and various odds and ends proving human existence before the building had been razed
to the ground by the big quake of '09.
A noisy breath rattled in her throat; Max felt the telling prickle of nervous
perspiration hot beneath the sheath of rainwater she carried.
The brief squall had passed, but remnants of its cold and damp still clung to the
air. Max felt the chill through her leather jacket, but any discomfort was immediately
done away with by her genetically-engineered body.
She took a cautious step, hands in pockets, senses on alert.
Something in the air gave her pause. A scent lingering just under the sweet tang
of rain, warm and...alive.
Her heartbeat picked up.
"Alec?" her voice rose tentatively.
Movement stirred among the ruins.
Max broke into a jog.
The clatter of falling pebbles resounded within her sensitive ears, and now the
scent she'd detected earlier thickened with...fear? Her nostrils curled against this new
invasion of smell.
Yes, fear. She'd sensed it often enough to recognize it.
Two figures burst from amidst the rubble, wide-eyed and staring, a male and a
female who'd been engaged in...interesting activities only a moment before, Max
realized.
They eyed her warily; this woman emanated a hardness, and the leather jacket
and motorcycle gloves did nothing to suggest a patient grandmotherly-type.
Max, her worry lifted for a moment by amusement, studied these youngsters
through dark eyes.
She shrugged, and muttered, "Boo."
The teens raced off into the night. She couldn't really blame them; muggings and
worse had become customary along the outer limits of the city, and with the newfound
transgenic scare, people were downright spooked.
She took a moment to search the place, just in case, already expecting defeat.
Nothing.
Such a revelation hardly surprised her; he'd gone off to be alone, she was sure,
and sharing his hiding place with two hormonally-overloaded teenagers wouldn't be high
on his itinerary of the night.
*Alec, where the hell are you?*
*The bullet penetrated flesh, its destructive path severing veins, parting bone. His
dead eyes contemplated the gun barrel for a single moment, the waning brain waves
having yet to inform his body of the brutal end.
Pain exploded in response to the initial contact; and then blackness descended to
take him.
Alec welcomed its cold embrace.*
An effective death; one that should have happened a few months earlier, when
Berrisford confronted him. Effective, but too merciful for a man who'd killed the
woman he'd loved.
The reindocrination following the failed mission had been painful enough; and
yet somehow it fell short of the agony brought upon him with that horrific explosion, and
her final cry.
Alec pictured it again now, the violent scene playing like an action movie on the
interior of his eyelids.
*Amazing, how just a single picture can bring this all back again.* he thought
bitterly.
Max's wide, frightened eyes came to him again.
She'd followed him into the streets, even her transgenic speed much too slow to
catch a man chased by memories of a murdered love. He'd heard her calling his name,
smelled her scent pursuing him.
But that hadn't stopped him. He couldn't imagine why she'd even bothered to
come after him; it was only Alec, after all. Unworthy of any concern she might feel
obligated to give the sorry bastard.
*It's not like Max gives a damn about me. And why should she?*
He sank, miserable and wet, to the ground once more, leaning his back against a
section of wall standing amidst the surrounding destruction. His throat constricted
painfully.
*I'm sorry.*
He closed his eyes.
*Sorry Max, sorry Rachel. Sorry to whoever's life is as fucked up as my own.*
A throaty growl from the direction of the nearby street turned his head.
He knew the sound of that engine; Max and her precious baby, on the prowl.
Alec watched bike and rider meld as one with the shadows. Max's dark hair
whipped as a silken banner behind her, disturbing the peace of the air as it rippled into
the night.
She passed as quickly as he'd sensed her approach. Alec guessed her speed at a
hefty 70 mph.
She'd been searching for him.
The realization warmed his heart just the slightest.
Her heightened awareness warned her of his approach long before he appeared in
the view of her peripheral vision.
She stood, slowly so as not to disturb her balance, and spun to face him.
"I was looking for you."
He shrugged, face expressionless.
"I was...I was worried." Max continued, voice uncommonly soft. Her gaze
darted to the metal edge of the Space Needle, and beyond, into open space. The glimmer
of apartment lights danced within the depths of her eyes. "When you ran out of Jam
Pony like that-"
"Ever heard of a man needing to use the bathroom, Max?" Alec replied, a touch
of his smirk in place.
Her eyes darkened. "Stop bullshitting me, dammit! You saw Rachel and
booked."
Alec looked away.
"I saw the look on your face. And it sure as hell wasn't one of a man who hasn't
pissed in several hours, so don't go feeding me that shit."
He met her gaze without saying anything.
She took a step toward him, not looking away, studying him intently. The mask
he wore had been carefully crafted-she had to give him that-but emotions roiled
tumultuously in his eyes, and that was something he couldn't hide.
"Alec, I didn't know Logan was going to run that cable hack. If I had, I never
would have-"
"Wasn't your fault. Guy had a reason for it, I'm sure. Doesn't matter anyway."
"It doesn't matter? That's the first thing you thought when you saw her up on the
TV, huh?" Max crossed her arms.
"Max-"
"Tell me about her, Alec. Please."
He swallowed and glanced away. "I don't want to talk about it."
"But it doesn't matter. I get it; it's no big deal, but you can't even talk about it."
His eyes shone liquidly now as he looked at her. "I killed her. What's to talk
about? Manticore sent me to assassinate her father, she got in the way, and the rest is
history." His voice rang bitter.
"It wasn't your fault." she whispered, stepping toward him again.
"Nah. Wasn't my fault, just 'cause I posed as her piano teacher, rigged a bomb
under her dad's car, then confessed everything to her and sent her right into the trap." he
said, giving a bitter laugh and shaking his head.
"You tried to save them. Even though Manticore ordered you to kill Berrisford,
even though you'd spent your entire life doing nothing but following orders. You
disobeyed because you loved her. That's something even Manticore couldn't control."
"Berrisford should have killed me when he had the chance. I deserved it. He'd
have just been cleaning the shit from the world, anyway, right Max?" Alec's jaw tensed.
"Why did you come up here, Alec?" she asked, changing the subject abruptly.
"You knew I'd be up here, didn't you?"
He blinked.
"You came here because you were alone, and you didn't want to be anymore."
"That's very philosophical, Max." He shrugged. "Maybe I just like the view."
"You knew I was here. Why did you follow me?"
He smirked, but it didn't reach his eyes this time. "Now you're having fantasies
about me following you around? Max, I'm flattered. I didn't-"
"Shut up, you bastard." she hissed, closing in on him. The hair at the back of his
neck quivered to stand at attention, reacting to her nearness. He stiffened. "Tell me why
you came up here. No bullshit, no stupid, smart-ass comments."
"You want to know Max? You want to know why I came out of hiding?" he
demanded, looking her full in the eyes now. Both hands slipped into the pockets of his
jacket, to conceal their trembling.
"Because you were lonely." she whispered, eyes luminous in the darkness. Her
hand brushed his arm tentatively. "Alec, I'm sorry-"
He shrugged, and pulled away.
"Guess that makes two of us, then."
"Why are you doing this?" Max snapped, angry now. "I'm trying to help you!"
"I don't need your help. Been doin' just fine on my own."
"On your own?" she hissed, her vehemence prompting him to take a step back.
"Who bails your ass out every time you get in trouble? You'd be dead by now if it
weren't for me!"
"That's the way it should be."
She stopped, and noticed the tears glittering harshly in his beautiful eyes.
"What?"
"You heard me. I told you Berrisford should have killed me; hell I would have
done the same thing, if I were in his position. I murdered his daughter. That's not just
somethin' you forgive."
He felt wetness on his cheeks, and ducked his head, ashamed for crying in front of
her.
Max said nothing.
"And you know the last thing she said to me? 'I hate you.' How's that for a
dysfunctional relationship, huh? Beats whatever shit you and Logan have going on." His
voice choked on the words, and gurgled uselessly in his throat. A sob heaved his broad
shoulders. "I didn't mean for her to die, Max."
"I know." Max whispered, her lips trembling as he began to cry, tears hazing her
own vision.
*He looks so...broken.* she thought, and her chest tightened. *This is Alec. He's
supposed to be strong...indestructible. He's not supposed to feel pain.*
"I'm sorry." she whispered again, at a loss for comforting words.
He leaned into her, nestling his face in the crook of her neck, his entire body
trembling.
She pulled him into her arms, gently stroking the hair of his bowed head.
Above them, the moon cast their embracing figures in effulgent silver light,
elongating their shadows over the metal dome of the Space Needle.
Shuffling through the day's mail and signature slips, Normal didn't raise his head
at the light patter of footsteps.
"We're closed." he called without looking up.
His words failed to deter the late-night visitor. The footsteps rang closer.
"Hey, mister, I said we're closed." Normal repeated, sparing a brief glance for
the dripping, trench-coated man standing on the other side of the counter. "Come back
tomorrow. Place opens at 7:00."
"I heard a rumor that you have a Max Guevera in your employment. Is that true?"
Normal snorted. "What's little missy miss done now?"
"Does she work for you?" the man pressed.
"Any information you want you can come to get at 7:00 tomorrow morning. Or
didn't I make myself clear the first few times? Now get out. I've got a lot of work to be
doing. Gotta' clean up the messes these delinquents have made. Customers are pissed; I
got calls to make."
"Your cooperation would be greatly appreciated."
"And I will cooperate-tomorrow at 7:00 when the place opens."
Something clicked in the ensuing silence. Normal looked slowly up, and found
himself staring down the gleaming barrel of a pistol.