FIFTY-TWO
Folken Lacour rested his cheek against his wife's hair while she cried in his arms. Damn it all – it wasn't supposed to be like this . . . Jin never should have had to do it alone – I should have been there with her . . . it's all my fault . . .
Against Folken's express wishes, Jindra had sent a note to him at the sorcerer's tower and pleaded with him to meet her. From the tone of her words, Folken had guessed that something dreadful had happened, even though she had not given him any details. Jindra was aware of the risks involved in sending a message to him at the tower and Folken knew that she would of done so only if it were an emergency.
When he had entered the private reading room at the Marchment Bookshop, he had found Jindra pale and trembling as she sat curled up on the couch. Folken had gone immediately to her side and with a sob, his wife had just about thrown herself into his arms. It had taken him several minutes to calm Jindra down enough so that he could find out what had happened. He had been expecting the worse and wasn't too surprised to learn what had happened. In halting words, Jindra told Folken what had happened with her father, and her mother's reaction later, when she had broken the news about their secret marriage. As she finished speaking, Jindra's tears once again overwhelmed her while Folken held her and murmured comforting words as he rested his cheek against her hair.
It was quite sometime before Jindra cried herself out and silence crept back into the room. Folken put his hand under his wife's chin and lifted her face up towards him. He felt something within him well up as he looked at Jindra's red eyes and tear streaked face. I should have been there with her – she wanted us to tell them together . . . and as usual, I let her down.
Folken gently brushed Jindra's hair back from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear; she had let her hair grow longer again for him. "I'm sorry Jin – I should have been there with you;" he kissed her forehead. "You never should have had to go through that alone – I'm so sorry . . ."
"I-I-I waited . . . I waited for you. B-But my f-father was there and – and I . . . I didn't want to lie to him anymore – I just wanted to have it all out in the open . . . and now – now he won't even talk to me . . . he looks at me like I'm a stranger – like he doesn't know me." Jindra closed her eyes and buried her face in Folken's jacket as her tears started once again. "H-H-He hates me!"
Gods, how I hate this – we shouldn't have to go through things like this. Why does everything have to be so hard? Folken tightened his arms around Jindra and kissed the top of her head. I can't wait until we leave this place – until we leave all this pain and heartache behind . . .
As he held his wife in the circle of his arms, Folken's thoughts once again returned to Jindra's brother; and his own part in Coren's untimely death. He knew that he would have to eventually tell her – there was no way that he would be able to keep such a dire revelation from her. But now was not the time – Folken didn't think he could bring himself to heap even more misery on the situation by telling Jindra the truth about her brother's death. I will tell her – I need to tell her . . . but I'm so afraid of what will happen when I do . . . I know she's going to hate me . . .
Folken Lacour felt the tears as they slipped down his face and dropped to mingle in his wife's dark reddish-brown hair. I don't know what I'd do if she left me . . .
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Anton Lefebvre was walking down the hallway toward the main guardroom when he saw Folken Lacour coming towards him. As the outlander apprentice came closer, Lefebvre thought that he looked unusually pale and sad. Looks like the freak is starting to feel a little guilty . . . Anton quickly dropped his eyes as the two men passed each other.
He was startled when Lacour called out to him. "Excuse me Sergeant . . ."
Lefebvre turned around, "Yes sir?"
Folken came closer, "I-I know this is a rather strange question; but, do I know you? You seem very familiar to me. When I saw you in the hall the other night I was sure that I knew you from somewhere."
Damn it all! I was hoping he wouldn't recognize me. Anton clenched his fists as he tried to keep his voice neutral. "Yes, I believe we have met before; but it was well over a year ago – I wouldn't have expected you to remember, as it was very brief." He inclined his head slightly, "Anton Lefebvre."
"Lefebvre . . . now I remember – it was at Coren Roh's going away dinner . . . we met on the outside terrace." Folken looked puzzled, "But I could almost swear that you were wearing a cadet's dress uniform from the academy when we met."
"Yes . . . I was . . ." Anton said without any further elaboration.
Folken was about to ask the other man how he came to be a guard in the sorcerer's tower, but there was something in Lefebvre's eyes that made him have second thoughts. He regarded Anton for a few moments before he spoke again. "I-I heard you speak at Coren's funeral . . . the two of you must have been very good friends."
Lefebvre nodded, "Yes, Coren was like a brother to me – his family had become like my own. It was such a horrible tragedy for everyone, but his sister took it especially hard. The two of them were extremely close." Anton's eyes were cool as he looked at Folken. "I only wish that I could have done more for her." He saw Folken's eyes narrow slightly and inwardly he smiled. A bit jealous, are we? Why don't we see how much?
"I tried to be a source of comfort for her – she was so distraught, especially right after the funeral. She and I were always close and I knew that she needed someone to be there for her and I was more than willing to offer whatever support I could. I like to think that Coren would have wanted it that way – he always encouraged me to see his sister . . . I think that he was hoping that Jindra and I would fall in love with each other." Anton watched the emotions that played across Folken's face, "But as you and I both know, Jindra's heart already belonged to another."
"How . . .?" Folken looked down for a moment before raising his eyes back up to the dark-haired man across from him. "She told you – Jin told you about us."
"Oh yes, dear little Jindra couldn't wait to throw you up in my face." Anton's eyes blazed and his voice was ice cold. "I could have given her everything – a home, a family, a name." He spat out the last word, gratified to see the effect it had on Folken. "But no, she refused me; and instead chose some upstart outlander freak that had neither money nor a future to offer her. Yet I was the one who held her hand and tried to soothe away her grief – not you; and just where were you Lacour? You certainly weren't at Jindra's side when she needed you the most – and why was that?"
Unconsciously, Lefebvre had stepped closer -- until the two men were just a foot apart. "Was it because you knew that you couldn't be seen with her in public? Or was it because her parents would have thrown you out right on the spot?" Anton's eyes narrowed as he gave Folken a sly smile, "Or was it something more? Was there some other reason that kept you away?"
Lefebvre watched what little color there was in Lacour's face drain away. "I know quite a lot of things about you Folken Lacour," he put an emphasis on Folken's surname. "Things that might make Jindra see you in a slightly different light were she to learn of them."
Folken's voice was just as cold as Anton's as he replied, "Jindra knows everything there is to know about me – I've held nothing back from her." This time, it was Lefebvre who was startled, "If you're trying to insinuate something about where I came from and who I am, then you're wasting your time. Jin knows everything – I told her myself." Folken couldn't help rubbing it in just a little more, "As you can see, she didn't turn me away. In fact, my confession only brought us even closer together."
Anton clenched his fists again and his eyes reflected the hate and fury that burned in him. "How can you stand there like some kind of smug little bastard knowing that you've ruined Jindra's life? I know about the oaths that you took when came here – so how can you possibly believe that you could ever give her the kind of life that she deserves? If you really loved Jindra you would never have put her in such danger – you know what will happen to her if the two of you are found out! I've heard the rumors – do you really want her to become another one of those disappearing inconvenient women?"
Folken's eyes blazed with a fire of their own, "No one will ever hurt Jindra as long as I have a breath left in my body. I made a pledge to her – a commitment – which only my death will break. But she knew the risks involved when she gave me her heart, and it is the strength of her love that has kept us together when I was sure that we didn't have a chance. She and I know the chance that we're taking just by even speaking with one another, let alone planning any kind of future together. But we are willing to take that chance . . ."
Lefebvre put his hand on the hilt of the sword at his hip, "I swear I'd kill you right now if I thought I could get away with it! I won't let you endanger Jindra's life – I'll see you dead first before that happens!" He sneered at Folken, "I know there is something else going on with you Lacour and I will find out what it is. Maybe then she'll listen to me and see you for what you really are. Hopefully I'll be able to save her before it's too late."
"Then what Lefebvre – you'll force her into marrying you? I'm sure her father would be more than happy to give his consent – or has your recent removal from the academy lowered Erich Roh's opinion of you?" Folken could see that his words had stung Anton hard, for the look that the man gave him bordered on murderous.
"Unlike you, Jindra is well aware of the particulars of my – my leaving the academy, as is her father. I had nothing to hide from either of them – what happened was my own fault and I take full responsibility for it – I am man enough to do that. Again, unlike you, I am also man enough not to put the woman I love into unnecessary danger . . ."
"So, that's what all this is really about – you're still in love with Jindra. You hate me because I have her and you don't – you're jealous."
"Don't flatter yourself Lacour. If you were any other man – any other honorable man – then I would let Jindra make her choice. But the mere fact of what you are – what you've given your oath to be -- has changed that. I will admit that I still love her – and I'd be more than willing to step aside for another man if I knew that Jindra really loved him and that he could take care of her properly and protect her. But I don't believe either of those things to be true where you're concerned. Jindra may be infatuated with you but I don't believe that she truly loves you – and I know damn well you can't provide for her or keep her safe from harm. The only thing she could ever hope for with you is that she manages to escape with her life – never mind with her reputation still intact."
"You're the one who's infatuated Lefebvre, no I take that back – obsessed. I don't know if it's because you feel you owe something to Coren – to look after his sister or some such; but if you know that Jindra doesn't love you, why do you refuse to let her go? You can lie and try to convince yourself that Jindra doesn't love me – but deep down you know it's true." Should I tell him? Will that be enough to convince him? No, it'll only make matters worse . . . he'll probably bring the whole tower down on us and then what?
"Perhaps Jindra doesn't love me in quite the same way, but someone has to make her see some sense and see the consequences of what she's chosen. Her parents have obviously turned a blind eye to the situation – something that I find very hard to believe. Someone has to have some concern for her and try to protect her from herself."
"You think you're the man for the job, Lefebvre? You'll excuse me if I question your objectivity, but don't you think Jindra is old enough to know her own heart and make her own decisions?"
"Just because the law says she's an adult, doesn't necessarily mean that Jindra is grown up enough to realize just what kind of trouble and ruin she is bringing on herself by remaining with you – and I don't think she understands half of what could happen to her if the two of you are found out. Don't you have any concern for her safety whatsoever Lacour? Don't you care about what they will do to her?"
"Of course I do! A day doesn't go by that I don't worry about her – about what could happen to her . . . I don't think I would be able to live with myself if something happened to her." Unable to hold back any longer, Folken's voice started to break. "But I can't let her go -- I can't . . . I love her too much – I need her too much."
Anton silently regarded him for a few moments, his dark blue eyes still cold. His voice was softer however, when he at last spoke, "Jindra is unlike any other woman that I have ever met. Though she may not be the most beautiful girl that I've seen or known, it is the beauty that lies within her heart that makes her so special."
He looked away from Folken as he continued, "I used to listen to Coren talk about her – about her art, her gentle and giving nature, her sense of humor – and although I had never met her until that night of the party, I fell in love with her. When I finally did see her for the first time – I felt as if I had just stepped into a dream. When she smiled at me it was as if the sun itself had come out and shined itself down on me. When Coren left, I knew how despondent Jindra was – how much she missed him; and I tried to take his place in her life – I tried to be like a brother to her, but what I felt for her was more than just what a brother would feel for a sister. I fell in love with her – deeply in love with her . . . and I asked her to be my wife." Lefebvre lapsed into silence for a few moments as Folken watched the profile of his face.
The dark-haired man turned back towards Folken, "When she refused me . . . when she told me that she couldn't ever love me the way that I loved her – something inside of me just snapped . . . a rage unlike anything I had ever felt in my life swept over me . . . and – and I said such things to her that made me feel ashamed for over a year."
Anton's voice took on an icy tone yet again, "But more than that was the hate – the hate that burned within me that she would choose you over me; and I learned to hate you with such a passion that it's all I can do not to run you through and cut out your heart right now."
His eyes bored into Folken's, "I will never stop hating you Folken Lacour – and I will find a way to come between the two of you. I know that something is going on within the tower – something having to do with the accident that took Coren's life and I will find out what it is. You had better hope that it doesn't involve you Lacour – because if I find out you had anything at all to do with it, I won't hesitate to go straight to Erich Roh and then we'll see just how much Jindra really does love you."
Folken felt the sweat roll down his back as he tried to steady his breathing. Gods, how could he know – is that why he's here, did Jindra's father have him placed here to spy on the tower and find out the truth? He'll ruin everything! He'll turn Jin against me before I even have a chance to explain to her what happened -- that it was really an accident.
Anton Lefebvre watched Folken for a few moments wondering what kind of thoughts were passing through the other man's mind at that moment. I'd be worried too, if I were him. I wonder if Jindra will slap him or if she'll just turn away? Gods, how I wish I could be there when it happened; then when it's all over, she'll see me there waiting for her – waiting to comfort her. I'll be the one that she turns to, the one that her heart will call out to. She'll be mine – as she was meant to be.
Lefebvre put his hand on the hilt of his sword as he spoke, "I'm watching you Lacour – never forget that. When the truth finally comes out, I'll be there. I'll be there to make sure that you get everything that you deserve and that Coren Roh is avenged." The dark-haired man turned and walked away, continuing down the hall until he reached the door to the main guardroom. Without looking back, Anton Lefebvre opened the door and stepped inside.
Folken felt a chill as he stood in the middle of the hallway and watched Lefebvre walk away from him. Why didn't we just leave the day we got married – we could have gone overland . . . why? It's all going to come crashing down, I just know it . . . Jin will hate me – she'll leave me and then I'll have nothing . . . my life will be nothing. Why? Why did this have to happen? Why?
Quickly turning back down the hallway, Folken Lacour hurried towards his quarters; his heart in turmoil and his eyes moist with unshed tears.
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"I can't believe you could be so stupid, Lefebvre! What ever possessed you to confront him like that?"
Anton smiled at the man, "You should have seen the look on his face . . ."
"You've more than likely ruined everything."
"Nonsense, all I've done is crawl under his skin a little – make him nervous. He'll have no choice but to tell her now – and if he doesn't then it's the perfect set up for me to do it. Either way, she'll end up despising him – then you get what you want and so do I."
"I still don't like it – you took a great risk . . ."
Anton's eyes narrowed, "How do you know what happened between us anyway? Are you spying on me now?"
"I don't like to call it spying Sergeant; I prefer to think of it as watching out for my own interests. I hate to break your bubble Lefebvre, but I don't trust you anymore than I trust anyone else; which means that the only person in this place that I do trust is myself." The man raised his eyebrow at Lefebvre's expression, "Don't take it personally, but trusting anyone in this tower is like sticking a knife in your own heart."
"We had an agreement . . ."
"I am well aware of that, but I've been in this tower almost as long as you've been alive, Sergeant – I learn from my mistakes and I don't make them again. As long as everything works out as it should, then I will uphold my end of our agreement. But if you continue to jeopardize our plans with your macho posturing, then I may have to withdraw my earlier consent. I cannot allow you blow this whole thing open because you can't control your temper – or your lust for the girl."
Anton bristled at the man's words, "I won't allow you to speak of her in that manner . . ."
The man snorted, "That's all she's good for Lefebvre – that's all any woman is good for;" he gave the younger man a smirk, "or man for that matter." He smiled at the revulsion that he saw on Anton's face. "Such a conservative you are Sergeant." He moved closer, "Haven't you ever wondered Lefebvre, wondered what it would feel like? Wondered what kind of pleasure you could experience?"
The man was only inches away and Anton could feel the man's breath on his cheek as he spoke, "You're a very attractive man Lefebvre . . . I've always had a soft spot for brunettes . . . and those eyes – I bet they would be absolutely beautiful filled with tears . . ."
Anton jerked away, "Get away from me – you . . . you filthy . . . you're disgusting . . ."
The man laughed, "Such spirit – I like that too." He sobered a bit, "Now the very enchanting Miss Roh . . . those eyes of hers – so expressive and brilliant . . . a man could get lost in a pair of eyes like that . . . "
"I'll gut you like a fish if you even lay one finger on her . . ."
"Aren't you planning on using her for the same purpose Lefebvre? Don't tell me you have no intention of bedding the girl – "
Anton clenched his fists and wished that he was still wearing his sword. "I'm not like you – I will not force myself on her and take her against her will. I am going to make Jindra my wife; it is the honorable thing to do."
The man smiled and tried to keep from laughing, "Such an innocent you are Sergeant – it's almost refreshing." Won't he be surprised when he learns the truth about the pure and innocent Miss Jindra Roh – or should I say Mrs. Lacour? So much for her honor . . . this just gets better and better. I'll be sorry to see it all end – I haven't had this much fun in years.
The man turned towards the door, "As much as I'd like to continue shocking your old-fashioned sensibilities Lefebvre, I do have actual work that needs my attention." He gave Lefebvre a pointed look, "I won't warn you again to stay away from Lacour – you are not to do anything unless I tell you to, understand."
Anton merely nodded and watched as the man let himself out. Disgusting lout . . . gods this place makes my skin crawl . . . I can't believe he would actually – and with other men . . . it's sick . . . he's as bad as that whore Dimetra . . . the sooner I get away from this twisted place the better.