Disclaimers et al. in part 1

Previously…

Josh is here before me, and I'm not sure why I'm surprised.  He's been acting strange lately, and I know he's keeping secrets from me.  I mean, he's having these 'meetings' with Hannah, and well… he's just acting weird. 

He and Amy haven't had any fights, so it has nothing to do with fixing a screw up.  In fact, he and Amy have been….

Wait.

NO.  He wouldn't, would he?

***

This is strange, Donna won't look me in the eye, and she looks… upset?

Chapter 9a

***

January 2003

***

Present Day.

Donna is in my office with breakfast, since I didn't have a chance to grab some before we left home.  She's here, and I'm wracking my brain to try and figure out why she looks so hurt.  I don't think I've done anything too bad lately.  I'm also pretty sure if I did CJ and Hannah would both take pleasure in reminding me, and then of course would proceed to torture me in ways that only those two women can.  It's going to drive me crazy if I don't know what's wrong so that I can fix it.  It occurs to me that instead of obsessing about it, I should just ask her.

"Um, Donna?  What's wrong?"

"Nothing."  She replied a little too quickly there.  "Why would you think something is wrong?"

Ok, how to word this?  "Well for starters, you look a little… on edge."

"It's nothing, Josh."

I'm still not convinced.

"Would you tell me if it was?"

"Yes, of course.  Look, I'm just coming down with something, that's all."

"Ok."  I'm being indulgent here.  "Go see a doctor, would you?"

"Josh."  It's what, eight in the morning?  And I've already managed to exasperate her.  "I'm fine, really.  I don't need to see a doctor.  Look, I'm going to take some Tylenol and then relax.  I have a light schedule and no classes until late afternoon.  Is that ok?" 

Not really, but considering that was said in her bitter and sarcastic "I have to run all my plans by you now?" tone, I don't really have a choice, do I?

"I should go."

And with that she leaves, not allowing me to object.

***

"Hey Sam, I think I may have a problem," Josh says in a conspiratorial tone as he ushers himself into my office. 

I sigh and I pinch the bridge of my nose, "Tell me something I don't know."  Today has the potential to be a really long day if Toby continues to criticise everything Beth does, I'm not sure if I have the strength to referee anymore fights between them.  Add to this a paranoid Josh and this day has the potential to never end.

"What?"  His eyebrows wrinkle in confusion.  And they say I'm the innocent one.

I tear myself away from what feels like the hundredth draft of the inauguration speech that Beth has written - which Toby has systematically shredded - and give Josh my full attention.  "Nothing.  What's your problem?"

In typical Josh fashion he ignores my question and asks one of his own.  "What are you working on?"  I give him a look.  "The speech?"

I nod.

"I thought Beth was taking care of that."

"She is."  Or at least she's supposed to.  "See if you can help me understand this, Toby had no problems with the speech she wrote for the Convention, he made minor adjustments but that's all they were, minor adjustments.  The speech she's written for the inauguration is miles better than that."

"Ok."

"If you ask me, she nailed it in the third if not the second draft--"

"Toby, on the other hand, believes differently," he finishes for me.

"Pretty much.  She writes something and he re-writes it.  And meanwhile I've been left to play referee."

"Ah."  That sigh seems of the enlightened variety.

"Ah?"

"Toby has a thing for her," he shrugs.

"Toby?"  I am beyond incredulous here.  "Has a thing for Beth?"

"Yeah.  I don't know why it surprises you.  If I recall correctly, you had a thing for her when she first joined the campaign--"

"Yeah but…"

"You still have a thing for her," he mutters under his breath.  I choose to ignore that.

Toby having a thing for anyone, is you know, odd, but for someone like Beth is, well, ridiculous.  Ok, I know she's beautiful, smart, and yes, has certain panache.  She's opinionated and doesn't take crap from anyone, plus she knows how to use punctuation, "Oh my God!"  Realisation dawns on me.  And for some reason I'm pointing my finger around at Josh.  "Toby has a thing for Beth."  After a beat I add, "You know what this means, don't you?"  I am positively chipper, today just got a whole lot better.

"Yeah, you're gonna mess with his head and then play matchmaker and set them up," he smirks.  He clearly thinks that I'm going to fail, or you know, he could be internally laughing at my rather animated display a moment ago.  Odds are, it's a cross between the two.

I could take the high road but I'm bored and he never fails to provide good entertainment.  So I apply a hint of indignation to my tone and ask, "Didn't you come in here for a favour?"

His expression turns uncomfortable.  "It's possible that there may be something wrong with Donna."

I nod again, "What gives you that idea?"

"Well…"

There's a long pause.

"Josh, I don't have all day here," I prompt, although that sounded harsher than I meant it to.

"She…  She looked upset earlier."

"She looked upset earlier."  I heard him the first time, I'm just reiterating for clarification.

"Yeah."

I mumble, "Are you sure that Donna's the one with the problem?  Because, it's not like you to, you know, act like a paranoid--"

"A paranoid what?"

Oh, he wasn't supposed to hear that.

"It doesn't matter," I finish quickly.  I have this sudden urge to harass Toby, and sitting here explaining to Josh how out of character this is for him is just going to take too long.  "Are you sure Donna looked upset?"

"Yes."

"Okay," I drawl.  "So what did you do now?"  Because really, that seems like the only plausible explanation to me, well that or Amy said something.  But since she and Josh are good right now, she wouldn't be stupid enough to piss him off.  Or Hannah and CJ for that matter.  And there's also me-- but, yeah ok, never mind.

No, Josh has to be at fault here.

"What makes you think I had something to do with this?"

"Because."  I realise that wasn't an adequate justification, but this is Josh, the list of possible reasons are that long that I don't know where to begin.

"Yeah, that explained everything," he smirks, "You know Sam, your faith in me is astounding."

"That it is.  So what did you do?"

"Nothing."  I'm pretty sure the doubt is written all across my face right about now.  "Seriously, Sam.  She said she wasn't feeling well, but I'm not so sure."

"Josh, if she said she wasn't feeling well then that's probably all it is.  Ok?"

"Ok," he nods, although, after a beat he adds, "But could you check for me?"

Yeah, because that's not gonna blow up in my face.  Does he not remember what happened the last time he asked for a favour?

"Josh, shouldn't you maybe ask someone else to do that?"

If I wanted to incur Hannah's wrath again, I'd at least want it to be in relation to mistakes I've made within my own love life, or lack there of.  Ok, that made no sense at all.

"I would, but I don't think anyone else would believe I'm innocent."

 "Ah, so in other words you're afraid that they would beat you up."  Which of course they would.

"Sam," he grumbles, although his tone is closer to whining.

"Josh," I mimic.

"Please," he sighs.

"You know, you really can be a sweet guy."  I'm teasing him here, since you know, it's fun.

"Sam."  I think he thinks that I should be afraid of that tone.

"Ok.  Ok," I give in laughing as he leaves my office.

I stop laughing as I remember back to what happened the last time he asked me for a favour. 

Oh God, CJ will kill me.  No wait, CJ won't kill me, she'll just beat me to a pulp.

And then Hannah will kill me.

***

July 2002

***

My deputy has lost his mind.

"Josh, need I remind you what happened the last time you sent Sam to deal with Karen?"

"It wasn't that bad," he says in a strangled tone that shows it really was.

"Josh the whole thing ended with Donna propositioning Karen."

"She didn't proposition her," he defends.  "She just… gave her her underwear."

"Which you proceeded to fondle in front of the entire Operations staff," I counter.  I entirely avoid mentioning the $2,000 I ended up spending on my little shopping trip with Karen.

"Hey, I wasn't fondling her-- wait, who told you that?"  He's remembering the moment; his face has this wistful expression.

From what I heard, fondling would be a petty accurate description of what he was doing.

"Focus, Josh."

"Look Leo, Sam learned his lesson, he'll be fine, and anyway, it can't end with another panty incident because, well, Donna's not here."  He's reaching.

You can guess how much confidence that little speech gives me.

"What's happening this weekend that is so important you can not spare a few hours?"

"Donna's gonna be here."  In view of the fact that he answered in a low mumble, I'm not sure I heard him right.

"What?"
"Donna's gonna be here," he asserts.  I must give him quite the look, since he jumps in trying to explain himself.  "I said I'd do her a favour.  Her mother's cousin's great aunts something-or-other is getting married, and I said I'd go with her."

Josh is looking everywhere but at me.  I can only grin at this.  I have to mess with his head a little; this is just too good an opportunity to pass up.

"As her date?  I'm thinking Amy might have a problem with that."

His voice gets a little high as he answers, "What?  Leo.  As friends, I'm accompanying her as her friend.  And as for Amy," he shrugs, "she has nothing to be jealous of considering we're no longer seeing each other."

"Does Amy know that?"

"Well, not yet, but she will in a matter of hours.  Until then, I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything."

"Yes Josh, because discussing your love life is always the highlight of my day."

"Well, if I knew that's how you got your kicks--"

"Josh," I warn.

He grins.  "As for this weekend, I'm going with Donna, as her friend.  That's it."

"'Leo, we're just friends' would have been enough.  I think you were really just trying to convince yourself there and not me."

The look on his face is priceless.

"What happened to what's his name, Congressman Spencer's son?"

"Nathan?"

"Yeah, I thought she was seeing him.  He seemed like a genuine guy when I spoke to him, when was that again?"

"At Donna's fair well thing."

"Yeah."

It disturbs me a little that I still remember that, I really should put an end to Hannah and Margaret's need to feed me gossip.

"He's away on business."

I'm choosing not to read anything into his tone.  It's clearly evident that teasing him about this is not a wise thing to do, so instead I take this conversation back to safe ground.

"And this is going to take up the entire weekend?"

"Well, no, but we haven't seen each other since she left for the campaign.  We were gonna go to the wedding and you know, catch up."

"Catch up?"

"Yeah.  Then later probably meet up with Sam, CJ and Toby."

"Again, the whole weekend?"

"I also said I'd help her move."

And the plot just thickens.  Although, this aspect of our conversation seems vaguely familiar.

"Move?"

"Yeah, she's moving into Hannah's place.  Her roommate moved out a couple of weeks ago, and considering she's not going to be living there for at least another four months, it seemed like a waste to be paying rent."

Ah, yes.  I seem to remember having this conversation with Hannah.

"Fine, staff Karen off to Sam."

"Thanks."

"How is she?"

"Donna?"

"Josh, I know you talk to each other at least twice a day.  How is she?"

"How could you know that?"

"When you ask, 'how could you know that?' it implies that what I just said was correct."

"I wouldn't say we talk at least two times a day."

I just give him a pointed look, to which he sheepishly nods, "And in regard to my 'knowing that,' I believe that you are aware of the nature of my relationship with Donna's current boss, who also happens to be--"

"Leo, I get the point."

"--Who also happens to be the Campaign Manager, so it might not surprise you that we talk."

"Yes Leo."  He looks like a boy who has just been scolded by his principal.

Scolded.  Now that's a word that I haven't used… ever.

"So I'll ask again, how is she?"

"Donna?" he says as he smiles; now he's playing with me.

I decide to just give him a look - I believe that Margaret refers to this particular look as the 'don't mess with me' look - I have found that giving my staff 'a look,' works much better than words.

"Considering you're close to her boss and all, I thought you would have asked her."

"Yes, but now I'm asking you," I say in a tone that tells him the time for smart-ass comments is over.

"She's good.  She's learning a lot out there, Hannah's kind of taken her under her wing."

"I figured she would.  So when is Donna's flight getting in?"

"I'm not sure, she said she'd call me with the details later."

"Okay, talk to Sam, and make sure he knows if I have to apologise to Karen about a screw up on his part, he'll be spending every night listening to the President talk about some inane fact, between now and eternity."

"Yeah," he throws out as he leaves my office.  He's doing that thing where he reaches up and hits the doorframe with his fingers when he turns around.  Now he has this look like he's remembered something excruciatingly funny.  "Hey Leo, what did you do for breakfast last Saturday?"

Josh must already know, because if not, I have no way of explaining the ridiculous grin plastered on his face.  I throw him a look that he instantly recognises as, 'I had breakfast with a lunatic Republican who's probably never been introduced to the word humble in his entire life.  How do you think it went?'  He'll help deliver the South, my ass.  The only thing that bugs me is he most likely could.

"Hannah was playing happy families with her father in law," he surmises.  Then he smirks, "A little jealous, Leo?"

I give the only reaction I can.  "Get out."

***

There's a quick knock on my door and then Sam slides in, pulling the door shut behind him.  "So," he says leadingly as I finish with Toby on the phone.

"So?"  I question.  He doesn't say anything but slips into the visitor's chair.  "Listen, Leo needs you to meet with Karen Cahill this weekend."  It probably goes without saying that I'm not gonna bring up Leo's warning about the President thing to Sam.  Because, well, it saves me from spending hours listening to completely useless lectures when I could be doing important things… like running the country.

Don't even think about rolling your eyes.

"Is this something he asked you to do and you're farming it out to me?"

"Yes."

"I don't do well with Karen."

He mumbled that so I don't think he intended for me to hear it, but since I have, I smirk, "Yeah, I know.  But, you know, once you fall off the horse you gotta get back up or you know, whatever that saying is."  I'm not too concerned with being particular right now.

"I tried that already and failed spectacularly."  

"It wasn't that bad," I say, marvelling at the incredible restraint I'm showing by not laughing at him.  Also, I seem to be saying that phrase a lot today.  "Ok, yeah it was," I concede as my restraint falters, "But that shouldn't stop you from reaching for the stars, Sam."

"I'm thoroughly comfortable with remaining on the ground.  Anyway, why can't you do it?"

"Prior commitment," I say as Cait comes into my office and hands me a pile of pink slips with messages on them.  I groan, as one of them is confirmation of my lunch meeting.

"Rearrange it."  I wish I could Sam.  Oh wait; he's talking about this weekend, not lunch.

I look up at him once I've read all of the messages at which point he repeats, "Rearrange it."

I don't want to.  Of course, I'm not about to say that so instead I shrug, "Can't."

"What could be so important that you can't rearrange it?"

"It's a time sensitive thing."  Am I a politician or what?

"A politicians answer if ever I heard one."

"And you're surprised because…?"

"Seriously, what are you doing this weekend that's so important?"

"Catching up," I answer cryptically hoping he won't prod further.

"Catching up?"  But since this is Sam, could I really expect him not too?

"Yes," I answer simply.

"Ah, the wedding," he remembers.

"So you'll meet with Karen?"

"Yeah, sure, no problem.  Although if I end up making an ass of myself I don't think we should send Donna to fix it."

"We didn't send Donna, you did," I correct as I resume reading through the file that Toby and I were just discussing.

"Whatever," he answers nonchalantly.

There's silence for a few moments until Sam stands up to get some fruit, after which he sits back down.

"Er, Sam?  Is there anything you wanted to talk about?"

"You're gonna make me ask, aren't you?"

"I wish I had a clue as to what you're talking about Sam."  I know exactly what Sam's talking about, I just want to see how long it will take for him to actually ask outright.

"Last weekend."

"It was very pleasant, thanks for asking."  I'm grinning.

"What?" he's confused for a moment and then decides to ignore my previous comment and continues, "Josh what happened?  Friday, after the bar.  With CJ.  What happened?"

"You know Sam, you should maybe ask for your money back.  After fours years of college and three at law school, you still can't seem to speak in complete sentences."  He thinks I'm shaking my head in mock disgust but really it's to hide my amusement at his childlike annoyance.  "And we pay you to write for us.  It's no wonder you drive Toby crazy."

"My grasp of the English language is fine.  What happened with CJ after you two left the bar?"

"You say that as if we left together.  We didn't."

"Josh."

"It must have killed you to wait until today."  I smirk.  My amusement at his indignation is pretty much out there for all to see.  Well, they could if the door wasn't closed.  "Don't you have anything better to do than to quiz me on my love life?"

"Well I would say that I have a country to run, but that's your line."

Funny.  I give him a look.  I realise that Sam is not the only one who is quite adept at saying something with a simple look.

"What happened Josh?"

"Nothing."  Rehashing Friday night isn't something I particularly want to do.

"Nothing?"  He's incredulous, not that I blame him, CJ had a very determined look as she left the bar that night.  She was planning on making me see sense even if it killed her.  She probably would have - made me see sense that is - if she wasn't drunk of course.

"Yeah."

"So you didn't talk to CJ?"  He's still incredulous, but it's bordering on something else I'm not quite sure off.

"No, as it turns out, her system is even more sensitive than mine--"

"It's really not," he smirks.

I'm ignoring that comment.  "After dropping Amy back at her place I went for a walk.  By the time I got back to my apartment Hannah had taken CJ home."

"Oh."  He sounds despondent.

"Hannah was here in DC because she had to--"

"Yeah, I know, she was supposed to have breakfast with Nick and Kate."

"Yeah.  So anyway, she came back to my place after she dropped CJ home and helped clarify a few things."

Well, that perked him up.  "Like what?"

"It doesn't matter."  He seems to be deciding whether or not to accept that and after a moment's deliberation, he does.

"So what does that mean exactly?  Are you and Amy still…?"

"Not for long.  I'm having lunch with her in about an hour and then--"

"You're breaking up with her," he deduces from my behaviour.

"Yeah," I sigh.

"Ok."  He's quiet for a moment and then laughs, "You realise CJ's going to be expecting details?"  It's actually a statement not a question.

"Can't wait," I fake enthusiasm.

"You're faking enthusiasm."

"You guessed, huh?"

"You weren't really doing a good job of hiding it."

"That might have been my sarcastic wit coming into play."

"For some reason, CJ still has her hangover from Friday, so you should probably tone it down a little when you talk to her, you know, if you still want your head attached to your body at the end of the day."

"I'm not scared of CJ."

"Yeah, right."

I'm not.

*

"Hey, mi amore, walk with me," she says as she sees me walk through the lobby.  A lot of people are staring at me right now, although CJ hasn't seemed to notice that, or even why they're staring in the first place.

But I'm ok since I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, well, except for the fact that I look like a member of the dork squad.

"What's up?"

"Nothing really.  Listen, Josh, have you heard anything about Stackhouse courting Bruno?"

"Yeah, I just spoke to Hannah, some reporters were asking her off the record.  She didn't seem worried; according to her Bruno doesn't take up a challenge unless he's confident that he can claim victory.  There's really nothing he can win here, Stackhouse doesn't have the support of the party majority, and if he ran as an independent, all he'd be doing is hurting our chances.  She said she'd call you with confirmation, so don't go into your briefing until she does."

"Is she sure Bruno won't take up his offer?"

"She's pretty confident but she's gonna talk to someone, just to make sure.  She doesn't want to put a statement out there that will force him to reconsider working for Stackhouse."

"Ok.  Do you know what he's up to?"

"No," I lie.  I'm pretty sure Hannah's knows too.  "Give me some time?"

"Sure.  How is Hannah?"  For a second she stops; she's noticed my clothing.  "And Josh, it's July."

"Yeah, so?"

"You're wearing a winter coat."

"Yeah, I'll explain when we get to your office."  Having this conversation in the bullpen in front of witnesses is probably not a good idea, since you know, the President's Press Secretary pledging death to a certain member of Stackhouse's staff is just inviting trouble.

"Ok.  So, how's Hannah?"

"She's…" I hesitate, "good."
"And?"

"And what?"

"Any new gossip?"

"Gossip?"  First Sam and now CJ.  I smirk; I know exactly what she wants to know.

"Yeah, Mr. 760 verbal, gossip.  Are you telling me you don't know the meaning of the word gossip?"

"Of course I do, I just didn't realise that you indulged in--"

"Do you want to be hit on the head?"

"Nooooo."

"So if you guys didn't talk about what's happening in the lives of your fellow co-workers, what did you talk about?" she asks as we enter her office.

"Is that supposed to be your not so subtle way of inquiring as to what happened on Friday after Hannah took you home."  To be more precise, if Hannah and I talked about Amy.

"Yeah.  Close the door."  I close the door and finally take off the coat.  CJ's looks at me with an unreadable expression, "Josh why are your pants-- what the hell is that on your clothes?"

"Could you first ask Carol to find Cait for me?"

"Sure.  CAROL!"  Carol comes bumbling into CJ's office at which point she takes in my attire and lifts her eyebrow at CJ.  CJ just sits down and gestures for me to explain.

Since I'm not about to do that, "Could you tell Cait I need my spare suit?"  I ask.  After the bachelor party incident - the one that ended in a humiliating meeting with Joey Lucas in foul weather gear - Donna made it mandatory for there to be a spare suit available for me at the office.

CJ waits for Carol to leave, "Care to share with the class?"

"I had lunch with Amy," I answer talking a seat on her couch.

"Oh, well, that explains everything," she quips.

"By the end of it, to say Amy was a little pissed at me would be an understatement of massive proportions.  Which of course meant that she had to throw things at me.  Some guy lent me his coat, although why he has one at the office in the middle of July was somewhat puzzling to me."

"Why was she pissed and-- no wait, first, please tell me that there weren't any witnesses to this… this, whatever it was."

Well…

"Josh, please tell me that I'm not going to get a question about how the White House Deputy Chief of Staff was having a food fight in a busy public area with his girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend."

"What?"

"Ex-girlfriend.  Amy is now my ex-girlfriend."

"I'm sorry could you say that again?"

"Have you suddenly lost the ability to hear or are you unfamiliar with the term ex-girlfriend?"

"My hearing is working perfectly fine idiot boy, and I understand what is generally meant when the term 'ex' is applied to something, I'm just trying to process the fact that you were actually proactive about your love life and broke up with someone rather than being your usually dim-witted self and waiting for her to do it."

"Way to make a guy feel loved there, CJ."

"I have a briefing in less than half an hour Josh, is there a possibility that I could get the question?"

"It wasn't a food fight, it was her being juvenile a throwing food at me, so unless one of her staffers leaked it, I'd go with 'no'."

She smirks, "So it is a possibility?"

"Well, considering it would highlight the fact that her incredibly handsome…" CJ rolls her eyes and snorts derisively, "…smart and influential boyfriend just broke up with her, therefore throwing away--"

"Josh."

"She'd look like an idiot, CJ, you won't get the question."

"If I do, I'm warning you, find a great hiding spot because after I'm done kicking her ass, I'll be after yours."

"Ok."

It's silent for a few moments until curiosity gets the better of her and she finally asks,  "So, how painful was it?"

"It was fine until I accidentally told Amy the truth, which kind of involved Hannah."  Whoever coined the phrase 'honesty is the best policy' obviously has never tried to break up with a neurotic, crabby, bitchy, angry, stubborn, feminist of a girlfriend.

Do I sound bitter at all? 

"I'm sorry, you did what?"  She's laughing.

"CJ, are you sure there's nothing wrong with your hearing?"

"Yeah, I heard you the first time, I just wanted to make sure that I heard correctly," she continues through her laughter.  After taking a few minutes to control herself, she finally says, "Fill me in, what happened exactly?"

"We were meant to meet for lunch at her office to discuss the way we left things on Friday."  The way we always seem to leave things, I amend silently.

"And?"

"Instead, I told her there was nothing to discuss and that it was over.  She asked why."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, she then accused me of being 'that guy' again--"

"What guy?"

"Hit and run."  Looking at her face I can see that she knows about the type.  "I told her I didn't really care what she thought."

CJ glares at me for what I guess would be my lack of break-up etiquette, and then asks, "So where did Hannah come up in all of this?"

"She asked me if Hannah had anything to do with my decision," I grimace, "I told her the truth, that I had already decided to break it off but Hannah convinced me that she deserved a reason."

"How did she react to that?"

"She seemed genuinely hurt, like she was expecting it – the break up - but it still hurt nonetheless."

"I'm still not seeing her need to throw things at you."

"She asked what was so special about Hannah."

"You lost me."

Yeah, well, join the club; she lost me there too for a little while.

"She said and I quote, "I knew you'd find an excuse.  I have to admit though, I never thought it'd be another woman."

CJ gets a serious but somewhat incredulous expression on her face, as if not willing to believe what was just said.  "I'm still not--"

"I think she was insinuating…" I get up and start to pace, remembering the look on Amy's face.  "She's very competitive with Hannah," I state, leaving the implication in mid air.

A look of acceptance appears on CJ's face, "No kidding."

"Yeah.  She's a piece of work.  The thing is-- she didn't even sound upset."

"So what did you say?"

I sigh, "I didn't."

"What?"  CJ's now redirected her disbelief toward me, which is completely understandable.

Those juvenile remarks didn't deserve a response.

"I got up and left.  I'd just stepped out of the building when she decided to throw the contents of her fridge at me."

"And you seriously didn't do or say anything?" she asks, dubious.

"I honestly didn't have a come back for that.  What was I supposed to say?  She knows exactly what Hannah means to me.  I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.  Anyway, I was so furious that if I actually said what I was thinking then, who knows what the hell would have happened," I finally breathe.  "Like every other instance in our relationship, she bought it back to politics," I mutter.

"You think it was about work?" CJ asks, her eyebrows raised. "I don't think she was thinking about political power, Josh."

"So what, she was throwing insinuations around for kicks?"

CJ looks at me for the longest moment and then says, "Look, I never really got involved in your relationship; it wasn't my place. I could be wrong; maybe she was head over heals for you. But I don't think so. This was about the fact that she thinks she lost to Hannah again."

"You can't seriously be defending her."

"I'm not.  I'm just trying to understand what the hell happened."

Honestly, I couldn't care less anymore.

"Look, it's over and that's all there is to it."

If Amy hadn't made this about Hannah, then I think I'd be disappointed right now.  I cared about Amy and I still couldn't make 'us' work.  As it is, I'm actually thankful to her for making it easier to put our relationship behind me and not dwell on all the labels she threw at me.  To not question her assessment of the type of guy I really am.

CJ's quiet for a minute and then asks softly, "Are you going to tell Hannah?  Warn her that Amy might decide to throw that at her.  She didn't manage to get a reaction out of you but it doesn't mean she won't try and get one out of her."

"I already did."  I feel utterly dejected as I sit back against the couch.

"You called her already?"  She seems surprised which again is completely understandable.  She's wondering what the hell has happened to my protective streak, and to be honest, so am I.

"No," I sigh, "I wasn't planning to until I knew exactly what I would say, but she thought I was having dinner with Amy instead of lunch, and she wanted to give me the heads up about Bruno.  She didn't want Amy to blindside me with that and get a quote.  I thought about avoiding telling her but I figured I had to.  If there's one person Amy wants to lose to less than me, it's Hannah.  She might just use that to throw Hannah off her game, albeit temporarily."

"How did Hannah take it?"

I wish I knew.

"She was quiet.  She didn't say anything for a while, and then finally when she spoke she asked how I was doing.  Can you believe that?"  I'm incredulous I know, but seriously, how can that be her only reaction?

"Yeah," CJ murmurs.

"She wanted to make sure I was ok and that I wouldn't try and act blasé about breaking off the longest relationship I've had in years.  A relationship that in someway meant something to me - her words not mine - and that's when I exploded.  I was pissed at Amy and Hannah's non reaction caused me to take it out on her."

"I'm sorry, you did what?" she says using an icy tone.

"I got mad at Hannah," I repeat, "and you don't need to say it, I feel like a jerk already."

After a moment, CJ asks, "What happened next?"

"She was quiet again, and for a while I thought she might finally react in some way, but instead she went into political operative mode."

"Josh."  Her tone has lost all elements of frustration and is now full of apprehension.

"Yeah, I know.  I shouldn't have gotten mad at her.  It's just that she's never let Amy get to her before."

"That you know off."  I give her my, 'What the hell?' look.  "Look, it's different now, Chris isn't here anymore and so she's vulnerable, even if she won't admit it."

I take a deep sigh feeling like a complete jackass.  "It's her wedding anniversary this month and she usually gets-- it's just not a good time for her.  And this year is probably going to be worse, it would have been their tenth anniversary."

"When?"

"July 31st.  I should call Donna to make sure Hannah's ok.  Maybe she can convince Hannah to join us this weekend."

"Yeah."

"If Amy's smart she won't bring Chris into this.  Annoyed Hannah is one thing but pissed off and hurt Hannah is a whole new ball game."

"Josh."  CJ sounds doubtful and anxious all at the same time.  She's never seen that side of Hannah so it's understandable that she doesn't believe me.

"I'm not kidding CJ.  If Amy makes this personal then Hannah's gonna throw out the rulebook and pretty much annihilate her any way necessary, and she'll hurt herself in the process.  But that's not the worse part."

"Leo," she sighs in understanding.

"Not to mention Nick.  It's conceivable that the President could get Leo to hold back on doing anything drastic until after re-election, but Nick, he's protective of Hannah in ways even Leo can't compete with.  She's the only part of Chris he has left.  He loves her as his own, so if Amy hurts Hannah, well, the guy has power and is well versed in the art of destroying someone."

"Well, that might be a good thing."  How can she be joking about this?

"We don't need for this to turn into some bloody free-for-all match CJ.  The press will kill us."

"I know that Josh.  Look, talk to Leo and let him know what happened, you know he'll check up on her.  If he doesn't make any headway and thinks it's necessary then he'll get Abbey to play Godmother."

"And Amy?"

"I think, for now at least, we should follow Hannah's lead on this.  There isn't much else we can do without making things worse.  And this isn't the time for that."

"Yeah," I sigh for what seems like the thousandth time today.

"Josh, besides the whole Hannah thing are you ok, I mean she was right, this is the longest relation—"

"I'm fine," I smile.

"Do you have any regrets?"

"Regrets?" I ask confused.

"Yeah," CJ says, looking a little uncomfortable, "About ending it."

"No," I answer with conviction.  And my honesty surprises me a little, and not because I don't have faith in my decision.  I just remember back to only a few months ago, after the Welfare incident.  I remember back to not being able to walk away, and not sure of how I could-- not because Amy meant so much to me - because really, I freely admit I cared for her, but never to that extent - but simply because I didn't know how to walk away, and as stupid as that sounds now, in the moment, things could just never find a way to being so clear.

If only things had been clear back then, the past two months could have been so different.

"Are you sure?"

"What?  CJ…"

"No, I just…  Are you sure?  Cause a while back…"

"Trust me, no regrets--"

"It was the longest--"

"CJ, even a relationship idiot like me knows that the amount of time spent in a relationship really doesn't correlate to the depth of feelings involved," I throw back.  She just raises her eyebrows at me.  "Seriously, she never-- I cared for her, but now all I feel is relief.  I'm not sure why I cared, or when I stopped, but any residual feelings I have, are not about her."

"What are they about then?"

The $64million question ladies and gentlemen.  I look at my hands while trying to formulate an answer, "Honestly, I'm not really sure.  I guess… it's been bugging me that I felt a need to purse her, you know?  I just-- I spent a fair bit of time this past weekend thinking back to all the times we were together, and I noticed something that's just--" I realise that CJ isn't the person I need to be having this conversation with, and so I stop myself from talking any further.

"You know, I'm not a mind reader, so feel free to finish that sentence?"

I give her a look that says 'sorry, but I can't.'

"K," she sighs.  After a beat she laughs.  "Sam's worried about you."

And now I'm confused.  "Why?"

"He thinks that you should have had more of a reaction to Donna leaving."

"Oh."  The beginnings of a smile forming.

"And I'm not sure I disagree."

"Okay."

"Is there anything you'd like to share?"

"Not really," I grin, at which point a perfectly timed knock on the door is heard.  Cait hands me my suit and leaves.  "I have to--" I indicate to my suit as I get up.

"Sure."  I reach the door when I hear CJ say, "So, Josh, this weekend huh?"

TBC…