Spike knocked on Buffy's door late that night and waited nervously
for her to answer.
He wanted to thank her in person for helping him through last night. She'd been amazing and though he was uncomfortable with the fact, he'd literally cried his eyes out in front of her he decided he would face her like a man.
The door was opened and Spike grinned at Buffy.
"Hi," he said with a nervous laugh.
"Hi," Buffy responded stepping aside to let him in.
"So...um I wanted to thank you," he began as he turned to face her and clenched his hands into fists.
"I got your note. Sorry I wasn't back when you woke up. I sent your suit to be cleaned and had some errands to run. How are you?" she asked carefully as she took a seat on the sofa.
Spike paced the livingroom with slow easy steps.
"I'm dealin'," he muttered.
Buffy cocked her head and crossed her arms over her chest. Pursed her lips and watched him pace.
"By killing that man?" she asked conversationally.
He stopped mid step and turned to face her.
His face was expressionless and he eyed her warily.
"You followed me?" he bit out.
Buffy gave a small shrug.
Spike's eyes narrowed and he stared down at her.
"Yeah," he finally gritted out. "By killin' that bastard I'm dealin'."
Buffy's eyes lingered on his a moment before she rose too and walked to the door and opened it.
"Thanks for stopping by," she said coldly.
Although not startled he was surprised that she was kicking him out instead of listening to him.
But he didn't have to explain anything to her at all. She wasn't anything to him, he thought bitterly.
Riiiiiiight, the rather loud and obnoxious voice in his head spat out. She had already gotten under his skin. He walked to the door.
Lifted his hand and let it rest just above Buffy's.
"Not gonna even listen to me?" he asked carefully.
"Well how can you explain murder?" she questioned with a cold twist of the lips.
"Easily. He deserved it," Spike simply said.
"Why?"
"He was a bloody drug dealer pet. Filth! Deserved what he got."
"Death by your hands?"
"How do you know it was by my hands?" he asked staring into her eyes.
"Wasn't it?"
Spike tilted his head and reached out to touch the hand that held the door. Lifted it when she didn't resist.
"You've never killed anyone Buffy?" he asked. "Never let these hands take someone's life? I know you've done it. Can't deny it. I see it in your eyes and you and I are alike. Aren't we?" he purred silkily.
"I don't know. I don't go by the name of William the Bloody do I?" she asked and was resigned to realize she had hoped she was wrong on this. But no such luck as she saw the surprise flicker in his eyes before he grinned.
"No you don't but does it matter? He killed my mother and I warned him Buffy. If she died then he died. She's in the ground and he was walking around as if he'd done nothing wrong! You think I could let that go?"
She pulled her hand from his and turned her back to him.
"Don't judge me," he snapped. "She was free of that life for years and she's back here no more than a month and bam! She's back on the smack!"
Buffy studied him and then gave a small shrug.
"You aren't the law," she said and believed it. Some laws and rules were not meant to be broken. Murder was one of them.
Spike's sardonic laughter filled the room as he tossed his head back and roared.
"Law? We're talkin' laws now? Rules and such? You break those everyday and so do I! Law? I am the law! I am a law unto myself. There is nothing more to it. Nothing less. You cross me and you-"
"Die? Is that it? What do you call that? It sounds like revenge to me. Revenge is never good Spike. It comes back to haunt you," she muttered as she ran a hand over her eyes and let out a sigh.
"Justice," he succinctly put it. "It's justice my style. And fuck yes you cross me and think you can get away with it I'll make you regret it!"
"You should leave. I'm very uncomfortable with you Mr. Bloody. I work for you and we really shouldn't be talking about this. It's none of my business."
Spike blinked and then shook his head. She couldn't be kicking him out! He was for all extent and purposes her boss and she worked for him.
His feet stayed firmly planted to the carpeted floor as he glared at her.
"You don't get where I am by making things easy on people who disobey you. If I tell someone don't ever give drugs to m'Mum then I damn well bloody expect them to respect that. For them to just dismiss that and give drugs to m'Mum then they'll pay the price. You can't tell me you don't understand this Buffy. W e don't live in a normal world. Rules that would normally apply don't. Not to us. I do what I have to keep what is mine. I've known the man who did this for years and I should have killed him long ago but my Mum made me promise to leave him unharmed. She loved him and he- "he couldn't even finish as anger overwhelmed him and he closed his eyes to try and calm himself down.
"Just please would you leave," she finally whispered tiredly as she turned and walked back into her bedroom and closed the door firmly behind her.
Spike sighed and watched the door shut and heard the lock click in place. He didn't understand how she could not understand where he was coming from. He didn't kill for sport and never killed those who didn't need it. It wasn't in him to go out and kill innocent people.
In fact, he rarely went out and did the deed himself. But tonight had been special. It had been a message to all who thought they could screw around with him and get away with it.
Turning he walked to the door and pulled it open.
He closed it softly behind him and leaned against the wall before he slowly slid down it and took a seat. She would have to come out eventually and then she would have to talk to him. There was something going on between them and this, he was determined would not ruin it.
He wouldn't let it.
He stayed there all night sprawled out on the floor.
Until the telltale sign of a cart, being wheeled his way. It stopped right in front of him. Spike opened his eyes and was met by the sight of a room service cart and slowly grinned.
"Hello," he said smoothly as he rose to his feet.
The man stared at him warily before he gave a small nod.
"Wife locked me out. Had a huge row last night," Spike lied easily.
The man gave a small chuckle.
"Ah," he said knowingly.
"Go ahead and give her breakfast to her and I'll try sweet talk her into lettin' me back in," Spike said with a grin as the man knocked on the door three times before Buffy answered it.
Buffy glanced at her watch before she gave the waiter a small smile and let him in. She closed the door and her back to it as she pulled out a tip for the waiter. He had been quick about getting her what she wanted.
She was handing it to him when the door opened again and Spike strode in.
Her eyes narrowed and then she handed the waiter his tip and watched as Spike ushered him out.
"What can I do for you Mr. Bloody?" she asked sarcastically.
"It's Devlin Buffy," he muttered. "William Devlin."
Buffy didn't know why he was wasting her time or his with perusing this. God, she thought and shook her head. She hadn't counted on this one obstacle. Because somewhere along the last few weeks she'd actually kinda, sometimes liked Spike.
However, here he stood in rumpled clothing, mussed hair and bearing the name William the Bloody.
Murderer, thief, liar, and most of all a criminal mastermind and still she couldn't help but find him attractive.
She had never seen this side if him before and a huge part of her, the Slayer side of her rebelled against the curiosity that had been piqued from last night. Who was she to judge him? He had been right in the fact she had killed people.
She had and although not in cold blood, it was inescapable. She carried it inside of her everyday. She wondered how he could live with himself, and then realized he probably never dirtied his hands doing the actual killing.
He wouldn't have to. Last night had been a rare occasion and she was certain blood had run on more than one occasion by his own hands.
She looked at him and was startled to see him standing barely a foot away. She hadn't heard him move and felt a chill crawl down her spine.
Get him out of here; a voice warned her sharply as she watched him come closer. He was a criminal and she was-
Who was she?
She was the law.
Then again so was he.
She knew he'd killed that man in the alley, she would bet her life on it and yet.....she hadn't made the call to Giles to inform them of this.
Why not?
She wasn't sure she was going to like the answer. She wasn't sure she liked where this seemed to be going either.
Never in her life had she been indecisive in regards to her job and the work she did. She had ethics and rules and never once had she broken them. Giles had warned her about breaking the rules. Once they were broken, once you stepped over that line, it was hard to ever go back.
Hard to realize you weren't on the right side anymore. That you had drifted so far you had nowhere to go but to fall all the way down. And down in her job equaled bad.
Very bad.
Murderer.
Grieving son.
An empire builder.
He wa-
She couldn't think any more because he was kissing her.
And she was kissing him back.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she stepped over the line.
Crushed it.
Fell.
She wasn't ready for it, the force of her want for him, the need that threaded through her traitorous body as her hands fisted in his hair and she let him control the bruising kiss.
Until she couldn't take it any more and she shoved him back, he stumbled locking his hands around her waist and he fell back into the cart knocking it over.
Then they were on the floor in a tangle of limbs and it wasn't pretty. It wasn't gentle and sure as hell wasn't sugar and spice.
It was a fight for dominance as they grappled with clothing and competed for the taste of skin.
His hands were rough and clumsy as he tore at her blouse and tossed it aside and then went about trying to get her bra off.
"Fuck," he muttered, as he couldn't get his fingers to work.
His hands were shaking and he felt lightheaded. He shook his head quickly and tried again.
Until Buffy gave a low laugh and brushed, his hands aside and did it herself.
"Now that wasn't so hard was it?" she asked as she lowered her head to lick at base of his neck. Felt his pulse race as she settled her lips over his Adams apple and let her teeth gently scrape it.
He moaned and shoved her back until she was lying on her back, then he took her in. Growled and attacked her chest.
A nice, long savoring dance would have been nice, but it wasn't what either wanted at the moment. Instead of savoring, they devoured, and instead of a long seduction of the senses, it was an onslaught of sensations, overwhelming in their all-consuming ness.
She wondered whom she was with at that moment as she unsnapped his jeans and watched his eyes darken as he kissed her.
Spike or William the Bloody?
There were two of them, of that she was sure and at that moment as Spike let out a groan half laugh as he finally managed to get out of the constraints of his pants and she could not help but smile back, that it didn't matter who it was.
She wasn't thinking of how this would affect them both as he filled her. Moved within her.
Consumed her.
She wasn't thinking of the consequences as her hips rose to meet his in a wild rhythm that matched the beating of her heart.
Looking back, she would think it was the biggest mistake and the greatest mistake she had ever made.
However, she wasn't thinking that. Wasn't thinking that despite her vehement thoughts on being able to separate this from her job that it would never work.
Hell she wasn't thinking at all.
This suited Spike just fine.
Cuz he wasn't thinking either.
Not as her nails dug into his back and raked over his hips before here hands settled on his face.
Wasn't thinking that even if he could have turned back the hands of time he wouldn't have changed this moment. This wild and wicked feeling he had surging through him.
The feel of her clenching around him, her voice whispering his name.
Both of them.
It didn't matter to him as he felt her climax, that in only a few short months his life, hers, would be changed forever.
His mouth settled over hers in a slow drugging kiss as he felt himself follow her over the edge.
It was perfect.
It was the wildest ride in his entire life.
It was-
~*~
End Flashback....
Spike slowly lifted his mouth from hers, only to bring it down to brush against hers once more.
"Buffy," he began in a whisper.
Buffy could not look away from him as she waited for whatever it was he had to say. Her heart pounded painfully and her entire body ached in pain.
And she was thinking, I do not need this.
I do not want this.
"Spike....." even as she whispered his name.
The silence of the room was shattered by the sound of the door crashing to the floor as it was kicked in.
Wood flew everywhere and when Oz and the rest stepped through, they paused at the sight before them.
Gunn looked at Oz who looked at him then they turned as one to look at Xander who was pale and his gun shook in his shaking hands.
Perhaps it would have been better to have walked in on them in a passionate clench, in the middle of sex. It would have been less startling.
However, as it was, there was nothing wrong with what they had walked in on. They both had their clothes on. They weren't doing anything other than looking at eachother.
And it wasn't any more than that.
Yet it was so much more than that.
A look that said it all.
Who needed words when you had looks like those? Oz mused as he reached a hand to Xander to stave him off.
It was awkward, and uncomfortable for Gunn to be seeing this, it was like intruding on a private, intimate moment that no one had been meant to see, especially not them.
But where it was awkward and odd for Oz and Gunn it was down right crushing for Xander.
He had lived through the years of Spike and Buffy and for all of them had always held out the slightest hope that she would finally look his way and see what had always been right in front of her.
But it had always been about Spike.
And in that second the look passed between them he knew he never, in his life could amount to that. Could never be enough for her. Or ever hope to see her look at him like she was looking at Spike.
Love, hate, pain, and hurt raced through him and in a second, he was back to that night.
Overwhelmed he found himself lifting his gun.
Speaking.
"Get away from her," he yelled as his finger tightened on the trigger.
He wanted to thank her in person for helping him through last night. She'd been amazing and though he was uncomfortable with the fact, he'd literally cried his eyes out in front of her he decided he would face her like a man.
The door was opened and Spike grinned at Buffy.
"Hi," he said with a nervous laugh.
"Hi," Buffy responded stepping aside to let him in.
"So...um I wanted to thank you," he began as he turned to face her and clenched his hands into fists.
"I got your note. Sorry I wasn't back when you woke up. I sent your suit to be cleaned and had some errands to run. How are you?" she asked carefully as she took a seat on the sofa.
Spike paced the livingroom with slow easy steps.
"I'm dealin'," he muttered.
Buffy cocked her head and crossed her arms over her chest. Pursed her lips and watched him pace.
"By killing that man?" she asked conversationally.
He stopped mid step and turned to face her.
His face was expressionless and he eyed her warily.
"You followed me?" he bit out.
Buffy gave a small shrug.
Spike's eyes narrowed and he stared down at her.
"Yeah," he finally gritted out. "By killin' that bastard I'm dealin'."
Buffy's eyes lingered on his a moment before she rose too and walked to the door and opened it.
"Thanks for stopping by," she said coldly.
Although not startled he was surprised that she was kicking him out instead of listening to him.
But he didn't have to explain anything to her at all. She wasn't anything to him, he thought bitterly.
Riiiiiiight, the rather loud and obnoxious voice in his head spat out. She had already gotten under his skin. He walked to the door.
Lifted his hand and let it rest just above Buffy's.
"Not gonna even listen to me?" he asked carefully.
"Well how can you explain murder?" she questioned with a cold twist of the lips.
"Easily. He deserved it," Spike simply said.
"Why?"
"He was a bloody drug dealer pet. Filth! Deserved what he got."
"Death by your hands?"
"How do you know it was by my hands?" he asked staring into her eyes.
"Wasn't it?"
Spike tilted his head and reached out to touch the hand that held the door. Lifted it when she didn't resist.
"You've never killed anyone Buffy?" he asked. "Never let these hands take someone's life? I know you've done it. Can't deny it. I see it in your eyes and you and I are alike. Aren't we?" he purred silkily.
"I don't know. I don't go by the name of William the Bloody do I?" she asked and was resigned to realize she had hoped she was wrong on this. But no such luck as she saw the surprise flicker in his eyes before he grinned.
"No you don't but does it matter? He killed my mother and I warned him Buffy. If she died then he died. She's in the ground and he was walking around as if he'd done nothing wrong! You think I could let that go?"
She pulled her hand from his and turned her back to him.
"Don't judge me," he snapped. "She was free of that life for years and she's back here no more than a month and bam! She's back on the smack!"
Buffy studied him and then gave a small shrug.
"You aren't the law," she said and believed it. Some laws and rules were not meant to be broken. Murder was one of them.
Spike's sardonic laughter filled the room as he tossed his head back and roared.
"Law? We're talkin' laws now? Rules and such? You break those everyday and so do I! Law? I am the law! I am a law unto myself. There is nothing more to it. Nothing less. You cross me and you-"
"Die? Is that it? What do you call that? It sounds like revenge to me. Revenge is never good Spike. It comes back to haunt you," she muttered as she ran a hand over her eyes and let out a sigh.
"Justice," he succinctly put it. "It's justice my style. And fuck yes you cross me and think you can get away with it I'll make you regret it!"
"You should leave. I'm very uncomfortable with you Mr. Bloody. I work for you and we really shouldn't be talking about this. It's none of my business."
Spike blinked and then shook his head. She couldn't be kicking him out! He was for all extent and purposes her boss and she worked for him.
His feet stayed firmly planted to the carpeted floor as he glared at her.
"You don't get where I am by making things easy on people who disobey you. If I tell someone don't ever give drugs to m'Mum then I damn well bloody expect them to respect that. For them to just dismiss that and give drugs to m'Mum then they'll pay the price. You can't tell me you don't understand this Buffy. W e don't live in a normal world. Rules that would normally apply don't. Not to us. I do what I have to keep what is mine. I've known the man who did this for years and I should have killed him long ago but my Mum made me promise to leave him unharmed. She loved him and he- "he couldn't even finish as anger overwhelmed him and he closed his eyes to try and calm himself down.
"Just please would you leave," she finally whispered tiredly as she turned and walked back into her bedroom and closed the door firmly behind her.
Spike sighed and watched the door shut and heard the lock click in place. He didn't understand how she could not understand where he was coming from. He didn't kill for sport and never killed those who didn't need it. It wasn't in him to go out and kill innocent people.
In fact, he rarely went out and did the deed himself. But tonight had been special. It had been a message to all who thought they could screw around with him and get away with it.
Turning he walked to the door and pulled it open.
He closed it softly behind him and leaned against the wall before he slowly slid down it and took a seat. She would have to come out eventually and then she would have to talk to him. There was something going on between them and this, he was determined would not ruin it.
He wouldn't let it.
He stayed there all night sprawled out on the floor.
Until the telltale sign of a cart, being wheeled his way. It stopped right in front of him. Spike opened his eyes and was met by the sight of a room service cart and slowly grinned.
"Hello," he said smoothly as he rose to his feet.
The man stared at him warily before he gave a small nod.
"Wife locked me out. Had a huge row last night," Spike lied easily.
The man gave a small chuckle.
"Ah," he said knowingly.
"Go ahead and give her breakfast to her and I'll try sweet talk her into lettin' me back in," Spike said with a grin as the man knocked on the door three times before Buffy answered it.
Buffy glanced at her watch before she gave the waiter a small smile and let him in. She closed the door and her back to it as she pulled out a tip for the waiter. He had been quick about getting her what she wanted.
She was handing it to him when the door opened again and Spike strode in.
Her eyes narrowed and then she handed the waiter his tip and watched as Spike ushered him out.
"What can I do for you Mr. Bloody?" she asked sarcastically.
"It's Devlin Buffy," he muttered. "William Devlin."
Buffy didn't know why he was wasting her time or his with perusing this. God, she thought and shook her head. She hadn't counted on this one obstacle. Because somewhere along the last few weeks she'd actually kinda, sometimes liked Spike.
However, here he stood in rumpled clothing, mussed hair and bearing the name William the Bloody.
Murderer, thief, liar, and most of all a criminal mastermind and still she couldn't help but find him attractive.
She had never seen this side if him before and a huge part of her, the Slayer side of her rebelled against the curiosity that had been piqued from last night. Who was she to judge him? He had been right in the fact she had killed people.
She had and although not in cold blood, it was inescapable. She carried it inside of her everyday. She wondered how he could live with himself, and then realized he probably never dirtied his hands doing the actual killing.
He wouldn't have to. Last night had been a rare occasion and she was certain blood had run on more than one occasion by his own hands.
She looked at him and was startled to see him standing barely a foot away. She hadn't heard him move and felt a chill crawl down her spine.
Get him out of here; a voice warned her sharply as she watched him come closer. He was a criminal and she was-
Who was she?
She was the law.
Then again so was he.
She knew he'd killed that man in the alley, she would bet her life on it and yet.....she hadn't made the call to Giles to inform them of this.
Why not?
She wasn't sure she was going to like the answer. She wasn't sure she liked where this seemed to be going either.
Never in her life had she been indecisive in regards to her job and the work she did. She had ethics and rules and never once had she broken them. Giles had warned her about breaking the rules. Once they were broken, once you stepped over that line, it was hard to ever go back.
Hard to realize you weren't on the right side anymore. That you had drifted so far you had nowhere to go but to fall all the way down. And down in her job equaled bad.
Very bad.
Murderer.
Grieving son.
An empire builder.
He wa-
She couldn't think any more because he was kissing her.
And she was kissing him back.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she stepped over the line.
Crushed it.
Fell.
She wasn't ready for it, the force of her want for him, the need that threaded through her traitorous body as her hands fisted in his hair and she let him control the bruising kiss.
Until she couldn't take it any more and she shoved him back, he stumbled locking his hands around her waist and he fell back into the cart knocking it over.
Then they were on the floor in a tangle of limbs and it wasn't pretty. It wasn't gentle and sure as hell wasn't sugar and spice.
It was a fight for dominance as they grappled with clothing and competed for the taste of skin.
His hands were rough and clumsy as he tore at her blouse and tossed it aside and then went about trying to get her bra off.
"Fuck," he muttered, as he couldn't get his fingers to work.
His hands were shaking and he felt lightheaded. He shook his head quickly and tried again.
Until Buffy gave a low laugh and brushed, his hands aside and did it herself.
"Now that wasn't so hard was it?" she asked as she lowered her head to lick at base of his neck. Felt his pulse race as she settled her lips over his Adams apple and let her teeth gently scrape it.
He moaned and shoved her back until she was lying on her back, then he took her in. Growled and attacked her chest.
A nice, long savoring dance would have been nice, but it wasn't what either wanted at the moment. Instead of savoring, they devoured, and instead of a long seduction of the senses, it was an onslaught of sensations, overwhelming in their all-consuming ness.
She wondered whom she was with at that moment as she unsnapped his jeans and watched his eyes darken as he kissed her.
Spike or William the Bloody?
There were two of them, of that she was sure and at that moment as Spike let out a groan half laugh as he finally managed to get out of the constraints of his pants and she could not help but smile back, that it didn't matter who it was.
She wasn't thinking of how this would affect them both as he filled her. Moved within her.
Consumed her.
She wasn't thinking of the consequences as her hips rose to meet his in a wild rhythm that matched the beating of her heart.
Looking back, she would think it was the biggest mistake and the greatest mistake she had ever made.
However, she wasn't thinking that. Wasn't thinking that despite her vehement thoughts on being able to separate this from her job that it would never work.
Hell she wasn't thinking at all.
This suited Spike just fine.
Cuz he wasn't thinking either.
Not as her nails dug into his back and raked over his hips before here hands settled on his face.
Wasn't thinking that even if he could have turned back the hands of time he wouldn't have changed this moment. This wild and wicked feeling he had surging through him.
The feel of her clenching around him, her voice whispering his name.
Both of them.
It didn't matter to him as he felt her climax, that in only a few short months his life, hers, would be changed forever.
His mouth settled over hers in a slow drugging kiss as he felt himself follow her over the edge.
It was perfect.
It was the wildest ride in his entire life.
It was-
~*~
End Flashback....
Spike slowly lifted his mouth from hers, only to bring it down to brush against hers once more.
"Buffy," he began in a whisper.
Buffy could not look away from him as she waited for whatever it was he had to say. Her heart pounded painfully and her entire body ached in pain.
And she was thinking, I do not need this.
I do not want this.
"Spike....." even as she whispered his name.
The silence of the room was shattered by the sound of the door crashing to the floor as it was kicked in.
Wood flew everywhere and when Oz and the rest stepped through, they paused at the sight before them.
Gunn looked at Oz who looked at him then they turned as one to look at Xander who was pale and his gun shook in his shaking hands.
Perhaps it would have been better to have walked in on them in a passionate clench, in the middle of sex. It would have been less startling.
However, as it was, there was nothing wrong with what they had walked in on. They both had their clothes on. They weren't doing anything other than looking at eachother.
And it wasn't any more than that.
Yet it was so much more than that.
A look that said it all.
Who needed words when you had looks like those? Oz mused as he reached a hand to Xander to stave him off.
It was awkward, and uncomfortable for Gunn to be seeing this, it was like intruding on a private, intimate moment that no one had been meant to see, especially not them.
But where it was awkward and odd for Oz and Gunn it was down right crushing for Xander.
He had lived through the years of Spike and Buffy and for all of them had always held out the slightest hope that she would finally look his way and see what had always been right in front of her.
But it had always been about Spike.
And in that second the look passed between them he knew he never, in his life could amount to that. Could never be enough for her. Or ever hope to see her look at him like she was looking at Spike.
Love, hate, pain, and hurt raced through him and in a second, he was back to that night.
Overwhelmed he found himself lifting his gun.
Speaking.
"Get away from her," he yelled as his finger tightened on the trigger.