Spike sat at the scarred metal table his hands cuffed and his face
expressionless. He wasn't sure how this had happened.
One minute he's been getting married the next he'd been handcuffed and led away.
To only God knew where.
He prayed Buffy was okay.
Through all of the chaos he'd lost sight of her. His gut clenched and he cursed at his carelessness. If anything happened to her....
The door to his confinement was slowly unlocked.
It opened and the first thing he let his eyes take in was the endless green of Buffy's eyes as she stepped into the room.
He half started to spring up; overwhelmed with such an acute happiness and relief it threatened to consume him. But halfway there he realized he was cuffed to the table.
"Buffy! God luv are you okay? Did-were you hurt?" his voice held all the relief and happiness that shined brightly in his blue eyes.
Buffy gritted her teeth.
Keep it clean, she reminded herself.
Calm, rational and clean.
Her silence was enough to cause Spike to snap his mouth shut as he slumped back into his chair, his eyes never leaving hers.
Slowly, deliberately she walked towards the table.
He watched her.
She watched him.
Her hand rested next to one of his and she resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, to feel his skin against her own.
Spike's eyes traveled down her for the first time.
Took in her change of clothes. Nothing too special just jeans and a t- shirt, her hair was swept back in a pony tail and her face was mostly devoid of makeup.
What caught his attention was the badge clipped to her hip.
He tried to swallow past the bile that rose, tried to ignore what was right in front of his eyes. His eyes couldn't take it any longer and dragging them away he found them resting on her slender hand.
Her ring hand, he thought dully.
It gleamed, the thin gold band she'd requested, like a beacon, the light at the end of a dark tunnel.
The light of betrayal.
He choked back a laugh as it all came crashing down on him. Thoughts so fast and quick they were hard to discern flitted through his mind. Angel's words. Buffy's words. Dru's words.
Until they were one jumbled voice, raging inside his brain.
"Could you state your name for the record," Buffy's cold voice filled the silence of the room.
All he could hear though was the blood roaring in his head, pounding his ears. Causing his eyes to throb, his heart to skip a beat. Then another.
What have I done? He thought dimly. What have I done?
"Spike," he found himself replying hollowly. This can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
"Your full legal name please."
Buffy couldn't even look at him as the silence stretched on and she knew he'd seen her badge clipped to her hip.
That he was going over everything he'd ever said to her.
Knowing he was screwed.
She was surprised she could be so calm and patient, because before coming in here she'd been sure she would break down.
But now that she was here...she knew she could do this.
It was her job.
"What's yours?" Spike rasped out looking up at her, eyes flashing with a fury so dark and deep it turned his eyes nearly black.
"We aren't here for that," was her only response.
Spike looked up at her, heart pounding, rage a living breathing thing egging him on as he glared at her.
"Never knew the CIA whored their agents out. Guess you learn somethin' new everyday huh luv?" How could you do this to me?! I loved you, he silently raged.
He shook his head forcefully; he couldn't love her, because she was nothing more than a whore, a lying whore!
"Didn't know it could be so easy to get to you William. Into your bed, your life," she retorted mockingly her hands on her hips.
Spike smirked.
Ignored her.
"Dontcha wanna hear what we have on you Spikey?" she taunted. She needed a response from him. Anything. He had to talk because if he was talking then she could get him to ask for a lawyer.
"Well let's see shall we," Spike bit out, pretending to ponder this. "How about everything?" He'd told her everything. Given her all he could. Fool, his mind raged. Tricked by a mere woman!
Buffy sighed, this wasn't going the way she'd thought it would. Well hoped it would, she hadn't known what to expect. Screaming, cursing who knew? But she wasn't getting those and it scared her.
She needed him to talk to her.
"Did you ever really love me I wonder Buffy-oh wait what's your name? Your real one? Elizabeth can't be it! Is it Susan? Or Mary or-"he rambled on. She had lied to him, made him fall for her and he'd been so blind. Consumed by her, so much that he'd been too blind to realize. To see she would destroy him.
Angel had warned him.
"It's Elizabeth," Buffy interrupted quietly.
"Well," Spike drawled, "Elizabeth did you?"
Buffy smiled, she could play this game.
"What do you think?" she asked curiously taking a seat opposite him.
Spike stiffened as she took a seat, looked over at him and waited for him to answer the question.
"I think you're a lying whore," he whispered harshly. He hoped that hurt her, that his disgust was enough to make her feel just a tiny bit of what he was feeling.
Bitch!
Buffy sat back and shrugged.
"I don't care what you think. I'm here to help you out here Spike," she announced shoving back the pain his words caused. This wasn't the time to get emotional.
"Help me out," he echoed incredulously. Put me away for life? Rip my heart out? What more could she do to him?!
Bitch.
"Yes. Look where you are," she snapped gesturing around. "You're under arrest here pal and it's not looking good for you! Now you've got names, contacts that would be useful information we could use. And if you were to divulge it to us I'm sure you and I can work out some kind of deal," she spoke clearly and calmly.
Spike's bitter laughter echoed off the walls as he stared at her.
"Sorry there luv but I've been there ridden the ride and there's nothin' you bloody wankers could offer me that I'd want! Get outta here with that shit!"
"Open your eyes," Buffy yelled pounding her fist on the table anger over taking her. "Look around you Spike! This is it for you! The end of the road here! Who do you think put you in this position huh?" she demanded.
He ignored her, ignored the pain he was feeling, the ache that had formed in the middle of his chest.
Bitch, he chanted over and over in his head. Lying, back stabbing bitch.
"Angel," she spat his name out like a curse.
Watched Spike stiffen.
"No," he answered despite himself. He and Angel may not always get along but they were the only family eachother had. He would never betray him.
"No?" Buffy echoed then laughed long and hard. "Okay you keep thinkin' that Spikey. Cuz right now across the hall Angel's spilling his guts out. Telling everything he can about you. He is gonna get a deal. Do you hear me? He'll walk and you'll rot in a cell for the rest of you life!" Open your eyes you fool, Angel's going to tear you apart, you'll never be free! She shook her head at her thoughts. She had to stay calm here.
"You're lying! This is your doing, he'd never betray me!"
Lying, back stabbing bitch, wouldn't know the truth if it bit her in the ass! She's making it all up, he reminded himself. He'd told her everything why would they need Angel?
"He already has! What do you think led us to you? Him, working a side business of selling heroin. Heroin to the man who sold it to your mother." She hated saying that, but she needed something to push him. To make him understand!
She knew she'd gone too far when he jumped up his chair skidding and falling backwards, the table lifted halfway off the ground as he jumped at her.
"You shut your fucking mouth bitch," he screamed. Lies, lies, they whirled around him, invaded his soul, made him gasp for breath and fight the urge to scream, to kill. His body shook with the force of his rage.
Bitch.
Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and regarded him coolly.
"Why? Did I get too close to the truth? You know you can't trust Angel, how many times did I warn you about him? Huh? He's destroying you right now and you're too blind to see it! Tell me-give me something to work with here Spike! I can't do this by myself!" It was as close to begging as she'd ever come. Was ever likely to do, she mused dimly as she stared at him silently beseeching.
"Uncuff me," he demanded raggedly. This was Buffy; he thought his heart twisting painfully. This was just some mistake. She was trying to help him, he tried to rationalize it. The CIA was using her to get to him.
She didn't know what she was doing.
Bitch, of course she did!
No, she didn't, she's scared, look at her. Into her eyes, she's hurting just like me.
Give her something!
Spike couldn't think his head was too full of so many conflicting images, voices; he wanted to rest for a bit.
But he couldn't not until he understood, knew why she'd done this to him.
I love her.
Bitch was gonna learn a lesson.
He shook his head.
"Uncuff me," he begged again. This couldn't be happening, he felt like he was losing his mind.
He stared at Buffy silently pleading.
She was indecisive; she knew it wouldn't be wise.
"Buffy...."
Why did he have to say it like that? She wondered tiredly. Why did she have to feel so moved by him?
Why had she done this?
She lifted the keys from her pocket and waited for him to lower the table back down and slowly uncuffed him.
The cuffs fell away and he slowly massaged his wrists, his eyes downcast.
"Spike," Buffy whispered. Don't, her mind warned her. Don't reach out to him; don't let him see you care.
I need you.
I want you.
I love you.
He reached out lifted his hand.
Cupped her face with it.
"So pretty," he mused softly. "So sweet. So innocent looking."
Buffy stood as still as possible heart pounding.
What had she done?
His eyes were glazed over and he looked half out if his mind.
What had she done to him?
She knew this went against all the rules, he shouldn't be touching her and she certainly shouldn't be allowing it.
She swallowed and tried to move away but her feet failed her and she remained rooted to the spot.
"Who would ever believe it by looking at you," he continued walking closer. "That you were a lying, back stabbing whore."
"And who would know by looking at you what a lying, murderer you are?" she retorted.
They stared at one another one long moment before, his bruising grip on her face loosened and he let his fingers graze her cheek, his eyes lost and desolate.
"I loved you," he whispered brokenly.
"That was a mistake..." she choked out.
He leaned in closer, inhaled her scent, let his fingers curl in her hair.
"Did you love me?" he wanted to know as he nuzzled her neck. Stepped ever closer, he needed to know.
Make me believe you, he thought desperately.
Make this be a dream.
Please, God let this be a nightmare.
"That's not the point," Buffy tried to keep it unemotional. Tried to resist his nearness, his voice in her ear.
Stop it, she wanted to scream. Get away from me, don't touch me!
But she did neither as he shook his head again.
"That's not an answer," he said reproachfully. I can't take this any more, make it stop, make it stop!
Bloody bitch was gonna pay!
"Ask for a lawyer," Buffy whispered closing her eyes as Spike's mouth brushed her own.
"Don't talk," he ordered harshly. Her voice was there, all around him, he was drowning in her and she couldn't shut the fuck up!
Why couldn't she leave him be?
"Please Spike...."
"Do you love me Buffy? Please...." If you do make me believe....Make me understand Buffy, make me want to love you back.
"I...I," she couldn't speak. Swallowing she tried to control her emotions, tried to distance herself from him. Tried to move away again, his grip was loose and easily broken. She couldn't do this. Why had she insisted on doing this herself?
"I love you," she found the words tumbling out of her mouth. "So much Spike. Please...."
There it was again. That voice, so soft and loving. Deceitful. An evil illusion used to wrap him in her web and slowly, torturously squeeze the life out of him.
Bitch.
"Please what?" Spike demanded as he looked into her eyes, brought his hand up to clench around her neck. "Don't hurt you? Don't call you the filthy whore that you are? The bitch that slept in my bed for all these months?! That looked me in my eyes and married me?! Told me she loved me! Those were all lies! Lies! Why did you do this to me? Why did you make me love you?! WHY?"
"Let go of me," she ordered through clenched teeth.
Spike's lips curled into a sneer and with a muttered curse he flung her away from him, with the carelessness and rage of man possessed.
"Bitch," he screamed. "You think you can get away with this?! Do this to me-"
"It's already done Spike! You wanna act surprised by the fact you're going to prison by all means! But don't think this was all brought on by me. This is your fault, you're a criminal. A murderer, you've killed people, many of them. A few months ago you killed the man you felt was responsible for your mother's death-"
"Don't speak her name! You're not fit to speak it," he growled advancing on her heedless to the warning going off in his mind.
Keep away from her; she'll lure you with her sweet scent, her innocent voice, those green eyes filled with love. She's destroying you!
He was beyond caring, beyond comprehending much of anything beside the rage that coursed through his veins.
Buffy stood tall and proud.
"You're not thinking straight Spike-"She'd never seen him like this before, so enraged, so hurt...
You did this to him, she reminded herself.
I'm sorry.
So sorry...
"Oh so now you know me huh? Who are you to tell me whether I'm thinkin' straight or not?" he snapped.
Buffy tried to hide her growing apprehension of him as he switched from one personality to the other.
"Buffy," he choked out coming toward her, trying to touch her, snatching his hand back as if burned seconds before it rested against her cheek.
"Spike listen to me please, I need you to concentrate and hear what I'm saying to you. I- you need to calm-"
"Shut up! You aren't going to delude me with more of your lies, shut up," he was yelling again.
Spike blinked trying to shake the voices they were over crowding his brain. They were all around him.
Whispering, telling him they loved him.
But if they did then why did he feel so torn? So hurt? As if he'd been tossed in front of a Mac truck, run over and left for dead?
He gripped his hair, yanked at it and growled bending low.
"Stop talking to me," he spat out.
He could hear her voice.
I love you Spike.
I love you so much.
You don't know how much I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
"Spike!"
He turned and shoved her as hard as he could; he had to get her to shut up, because she spoke nothing but lies.
Bitch!
He didn't hear her startled cry as she was flung into the wall with enough force her head cracked against it. Didn't hear as she slumped lifelessly to the ground.
All he heard was the endless echo of lies.
~*~
The hall outside Buffy's room was filled with people and as the unofficial leader Giles was the first to spot the doctor and pounce on him.
"How is she?" he demanded gripping the thin doctor's arm.
The doctor peered at Giles then at the curious and concerned faces of the Scoobies who'd clustered in around them.
"Are you family?" he asked carefully glancing at his patients chart.
"Yes," was Giles's immediate response as he impatiently waited for the doctor to continue.
"And you are?" the doctor asked gesturing to the others. "I will speak only to family. I can't divulge my patient's condition to jus-"
Gunn shoved forward whipping out his badge and shoving it in the doctor's face.
"You see that? It gives us the right to do whatever we want. And what we want right now is for you to tell us about our friend! How is she?!" He growled out gripping the doctor by the lapels of his white coat.
Giles along with Oz pried Gunn off the startled doctor and after taking a good number of steps away from them he began to speak.
"She's suffered a mild concussion, and she lost the baby," he announced.
"Baby?" Giles gasped in shock.
"God," Faith moaned closing her eyes, leaning against Gunn.
"Son of a bitch," Gunn muttered angrily glaring at the wall.
"I....is she okay?" Willow hesitantly asked clutching at Oz's arm as she tried to grasp what this all meant to Buffy.
Oz's face was pale but other than that his expression remained the same.
"Well she will be there's a chance of fever and infection so we'll keep her here until we feel she's fit to leave."
The doctor hesitated.
"She's wearing a wedding band, is there a number we can contact her husband?"
"We-uh..." Giles had to clear his throat twice before he could get the rest out, "we will inform him of this. Is-does she know? Is she willing to take visitors?"
"She knows but would prefer to be left alone. Visiting hours begin at twelve tomorrow afternoon. You can all com-"
"We'll stay thank you," Oz spoke then, his voice daring the doctor to disagree.
Nodding quickly the doctor left as fast as he could, that group of people disturbed him on a number of levels. Mainly a physical one.
"Will you...could you stay here with her," Gunn asked Willow and Faith as he caught Giles's gaze.
Faith looked up at him suspicious.
"Aren't you going to stay too?" she demanded.
"I'll be back," he assured her. "Call Fred, she'll want to be here for Buffy too," he instructed Faith as he turned and walked away.
Giles glance at Oz who was quietly talking to Willow then moved to follow Gunn down the hall.
"I'll be back," Oz assured Willow kissing her quickly.
"What are you going to do?" Willow asked knowing she really didn't want to know.
Oz glanced at her over his shoulder.
"We'll be back," he assured her once again not answering as he jogged down the hall to catch up with the other two.
Willow glanced at Faith who sat slumped in one of the waiting room chairs.
"She won't like it if they hurt him," she felt the need to say.
Faith lifted cold brown eyes to Willow's.
"He'll be lucky he's alive, he deserves whatever they do to him," she snapped coldly.
Willow didn't respond as she sat next to Faith and wrapped an arm around her.
~*~
"Why did you do that?" Dr. Cordelia Chase demanded as she glared at Giles and the other two men who stood outside the room Spike currently sat in.
Giles didn't take his eyes from the man inside as he answered.
"We did nothing to him," he stated coldly.
"Look at him," Cordy yelled pointing a finger at Spike. "Do you see what you've done to him? He's had a psychosis break! He's delusional and you caused it. I can't believe you wen-"
"Listen," Oz cut in glancing at Cordy. "We only showed him a tape, told him a few things and left the room. He was perfectly fine when we left him Dr. It just sort of seemed to happen. If you hold any one responsible then hold him. It's obvious he can't deal with his present situation. I suggest instead of blaming us you do your job and check him out."
Cordy glared at them all before she turned on her heel, jerking out her cell phone and requesting a psychiatrist be paged immediately.
Gunn crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the glass that separated him from Spike.
"You think he's fakin'?" he asked through gritted teeth.
Giles stepped closer to the glass, until his nose was almost pressed against it, his eyes narrowed.
"If he is he deserves an award. He's not faking," Oz answered.
Giles couldn't keep his eyes from man the in the room.
He watched with detached fury as Spike tore apart the room, throwing furniture, screaming.
Grabbing his hair and yanking at it.
He spoke to people who weren't there, claimed not to know anyone named Buffy. Became irrational if her name was mentioned.
And the baby.....
The tape of his unconscious or not attack on Buffy had it seemed been the right tool to push him over the edge, Giles mused.
"It is less than he deserves. He should suffer for what he's done and I'm quite certain this is not enough. I shall have to fix that," Giles said more to himself then to the others.
He moved away from the window, walked down the hall.
Gunn and Oz reluctantly following.
Leaving behind a man driven over the edge by his actions. By the thought of actually killing his child.
~*~
Days had passed until it was a week later and Buffy was fed up with the insincere sympathy that came off Faith in waves as she stepped into Buffy's hospital room a small hesitant smile on her mouth.
Buffy scowled, staring out the window, ignoring Faith, her eyes on some distant point.
"Buffy," Faith began.
"What is it Faith? Have you come to offer more fake sympathy?" she asked calmly as she turned to face one of her bestfriends.
Faith's eyes narrowed as she frowned slightly.
"B look I know you're not yourself right now so I'll let that go. Of course I'm sorry about your baby. I mean it was-it's a horrible thing."
"Right," Buffy muttered darkly drifting to the window again.
Faith sighed, wondering how she could get through to Buffy. She was truly sorry about the baby but in a way she was glad. Glad that B wouldn't have to be saddled with that bastard's baby.
It just proved her point that he was a useless piece of shit, what he did to her. The way he couldn't even face it himself. What kind of man did that?
Bastard.
She was glad he was rotting in prison.
"I can hear your thoughts Faith. I think it would be best if you left- "
"Buffy you can't read my mind," Faith protested.
"Sure I can. I know you and you're thinking what a great thing it is I'm not saddled with a baby. That way my life can go on and-"
"Don't put words in my mouth!" Faith erupted. "I woulda loved that baby like a good aunt and fuck B I'm really sorry about what happened. I don't know why you can't believe that! You know what? That's really insulting too because of all the-"
"I'm sorry," Buffy interrupted voice drained of all emotions as she walked to the bed and paused at it. Her fingers ran over the sheet.
Her eyes followed the movement, her eyes glued to her ring.
"They told me..." Buffy choked a little as she continued, "Told me Spike's really out of it. He's completely lost his sense of self. I wish- why did Giles have to tell him?! Why did they have to do it? I could have-"
Faith clenched hr jaw, hating that Buffy was blaming herself for this. She'd seen the tape and it was certainly not B's fault!
"Have what Buffy? Could have paved the path to acceptance? He did this to you! He killed that baby and you're feeling sorry for him! He's so fucked up he can't even bring himself to-"
"Shut up," Buffy yelled.
"Why? It's the truth! He's the reason you're in here right now and you know what? You were right when you said I was glad the baby was dead! Because I am! You don't need his demon spawn-"
"Get out," Buffy shrieked as she swept the contents of her breakfast off the bedside table. She picked up a pitcher of water and threw at Faith. "Get out, get out, get out!"
Willow ran as fast as she could as she heard Buffy yelling from down the hall and burst into the room just as Buffy threw the pitcher at Faith.
Ducking back out, she waited a moment before she poked her head back in.
Faith was standing rigidly, water dripping off her face, down her chin.
"Faith," Willow spoke quietly not wanting to startle either woman," you should leave. Now. I'll talk to you later okay?"
Faith clenched her jaw shut, tears threatening to fall as she wiped at her wet face. She shouldn't have said those things, she thought darkly. Why couldn't she learn to keep her mouth shut? She wondered as she quickly slipped out the room. She leaned against the wall, all the anger and fear draining out of her body.
She slowly closed her eyes.
Willow hurried to Buffy who was silently crying.
"Oh Buffy I'm sorry," Willow murmured holding her close.
"I need your help Willow," Buffy gasped out through sobs.
"Anything."
~*~
"Now Senator Hinley," Buffy chastised gently as she wandered around his large spacious office.
Greg Hinley sat rooted to his seat, watching the small but deadly woman with wary and fear filled eyes.
"I'm sorry but I just can't do that!" He exclaimed hands gripping his desk tightly to keep his hands from shaking.
Buffy whirled around a bemused expression gracing her face, she lifted her gun pointed it at his head and shook her head.
"Can't isn't in my vocabulary and certainly shouldn't be in yours. I mean what with you being a civil servant and all! I'm surprised at you-but then again I know what you enjoy as a hobby."
She gave a delicate shudder.
The Senator blanched and recoiled in shame and fear as she advanced on him, her steps slow and precise.
"Now I am not kidding when I tell you this, I will use this gun and I will walk out of this building of me own free will. They'll never catch me. And do you know why?"
Greg gulped as he looked into her cold, flat eyes and shook his head.
"No...." he choked out.
"Because I've got nothing left to lose. Now you pick up that phone Senator or by tomorrow night you'll be on Larry King Live trying to explain to the world why you dabble in bestiality and let's not forget smuggling."
The Senator picked up the phone.
"Good now be a doll and call the Attorney General. He'll fill you in on the rest. Oh and if you mention this little visit to oh-I don't know my boss I'll release the videos. Hell I'll sale t-shirts! I'll be in touch," Buffy called over her shoulder as she slipped out of the stunned Senator's office, handed her gun to the Secret Service agent at the door and gave him a wide smile.
"Thanks," she said.
The tall blond nodded.
"Tell Gunn I said hey," was his only reply.
Buffy nodded and hurried out grabbing her cell phone out as she went.
She dialed quickly.
"Wolfram & Hart how may I be of assistance?"
"I want to hire the best damn lawyers you've got....."
~*~
Giles hung up the phone the look on his face disapproving as he glanced at Buffy who sat slumped on his den's sofa.
"It's done Buffy," he announced solemnly.
Buffy barely opened her eyes as she felt exhaustion settle over her bones and caused her to sink further into the leather couch.
"Good," was all she could muster.
"I don't know why you bother but you've made it so he's the most protected and well placed criminal in the history of the world," he remarked dryly.
"That's not funny," Buffy mumbled.
Giles eyed her.
"It wasn't meant to be," he retorted. "He's only serving five to ten and if with good behavior-God I can't believe this he'll be out in three years Buffy. I hope you know what you're doing."
Buffy opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling.
"I'm doing what I must," was her hushed reply. "He needs all the help he can get Giles. He's torn apart inside and I just want to help him."
"And what of you dear? What of you? Who will help you? Are you not also torn apart? You've quite forgotten yourself while you've been taking care of him," he admonished gently as possible.
"You'll help me won't you Giles?" she asked in a broken whisper.
Giles's anger and disapproval melted away as she lifted wet, tear filled eyes to his and he nodded his throat tight.
Walking to her he hugged her to him.
"Of course I will Buffy; you mean more to me than I can say. I'll help you. I love you Buffy. No matter what," he vehemently vowed.
"Thank you," Buffy sobbed clutching him. "Thank you."
~*~
End of Flashback....
"You know those letters I sent you," Buffy broke the thick silence that had fallen after she'd finished speaking.
"I am sorry," Spike whispered.
Buffy ignored it and continued as if he hadn't spoken.
"So those letters I sent you that first year, do you remember them?" she asked again looking at him.
Spike turned away from her, unable to look at her.
"I'm sorry," he repeated voice thick with pain, shame. He had to get away from her, he couldn't be near her.
He wondered how she could bear the sight of him.
"Please Spike," Buffy muttered. "I need to talk to-"
"I can't," he bit out.
Buffy swallowed, pressed a hand to her forehead and tried to keep from shaking as she watched Spike through her lashes.
"Listen," she said reaching out, touching his arm.
He jerked back, as if burned.
"Don't," he yelled. "Don't touch me! H.....how can-Buffy I'm sorry," he choked back a sob, moving further away even as she came closer.
He stumbled back, tried to hunch within in himself. Tried to erase the images assaulting him.
Buffy watched in horrified silence as he slumped to the ground, as if his legs could no longer support him.
His face contorted in pain and grief he bent over, head bowed tears streaming down his face.
"Oh Spike," Buffy whispered as his shoulders shook with silent sobs. She reached out to him and he jerked back again.
Buffy dropped to her knees beside him, resisted his attempts to move away and held onto him with all her might.
"How can you touch me?" he asked voice raw and ragged. "Look at me? I'm nothin'-I'm-I killed our baby."
She clasped his face in her small hands, her own tears falling as he continued to struggle.
"Because I-"she had to break off as words failed her.
Sucking in a shaky breath she tried to keep from breaking down, she had to be strong when she said this.
One sobbing person was enough.
"I love you Spike," she told him looking him in the eyes. "So much- I'd forgive you anything, everything-"
He wrapped his arms around her hugging her close, his tears mingling with her own as they sobbed in eachother's arms.
"When I saw you last year I was goin-I wanted-"she began in a tortured whisper.
"I'm so sorry," he repeated.
"I wanted to tell you," she continued stroking his hair, raining kisses along his face.
"I love you Buffy. I do, I really love you, so bloody much...."
"About our baby," she choked out bringing his face even with her own so she could look into his eyes.
Which were red rimmed and puffy from all the tears he'd cried.
"I-I Buffy I killed our baby," he rasped, his face crumpling as the words came out, hitting him all over again.
"Our other baby," she corrected him softly.
"What other baby?" he croaked out, his mind working as slow as ever. He felt drained, so drained all he wanted to do was sleep. He couldn't have heard her correctly.
"When uh...when I miscarried-well um...it was twins. And it was just the one-and I didn't know and-you didn't answer my letters and you wouldn't see me and I'd made you go crazy-I could-I'm sorry," she sobbed rambling incoherently.
Spike's mouth hung open, his heart stopped and he blinked.
"Another baby?" he asked his face a mask of confusion. Another baby. Another baby. Another baby. "We've got another baby Buffy. A girl or a boy?" he wanted to know.
"A girl," Buffy answered.
Spike's face lit up with a tear filled smile, a half laugh, half sob escaping him as he shook his head.
"We've got a little girl," he marveled as he closed his eyes.
~*~
Willow clutched Anya to her as they quietly sobbed in a corner of the livingroom.
"They deserve a happy ending," Willow hiccupped.
Anya only sobbed louder.
Faith sat slumped on the ground silent tears streaming down her face as she listened to the two voices from the kitchen.
Oz cleared his throat and wiped at his own eyes.
He lifted his hand and flicked the t.v. off.
"Won't be watching any more of those," he muttered.
Gunn bit his lip.
"Damn wolves," he grumbled fighting off his own tears. He sniffled and glared at the t.v. a minute. "They're so pretty you just gotta cry."
"Yeah," Oz agreed as he slapped Gunn on the back. "They're so...." He shook his head throat closing.
"White," Anya sobbed.
~*~
A/N: Hmmm. Well there you go. Cried a few times while writing this thing. Took a lot out of me. Next chapter is a present one for sure. Not sure when I'll updated again but it will be sometime next week hopefully. You guys are so smart a couple of you guessed about the miscarriage. Hope you were surprised about the other baby though. Anyway damn those wolves because I was getting misty eyes there too. See ya. Skyz.
One minute he's been getting married the next he'd been handcuffed and led away.
To only God knew where.
He prayed Buffy was okay.
Through all of the chaos he'd lost sight of her. His gut clenched and he cursed at his carelessness. If anything happened to her....
The door to his confinement was slowly unlocked.
It opened and the first thing he let his eyes take in was the endless green of Buffy's eyes as she stepped into the room.
He half started to spring up; overwhelmed with such an acute happiness and relief it threatened to consume him. But halfway there he realized he was cuffed to the table.
"Buffy! God luv are you okay? Did-were you hurt?" his voice held all the relief and happiness that shined brightly in his blue eyes.
Buffy gritted her teeth.
Keep it clean, she reminded herself.
Calm, rational and clean.
Her silence was enough to cause Spike to snap his mouth shut as he slumped back into his chair, his eyes never leaving hers.
Slowly, deliberately she walked towards the table.
He watched her.
She watched him.
Her hand rested next to one of his and she resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, to feel his skin against her own.
Spike's eyes traveled down her for the first time.
Took in her change of clothes. Nothing too special just jeans and a t- shirt, her hair was swept back in a pony tail and her face was mostly devoid of makeup.
What caught his attention was the badge clipped to her hip.
He tried to swallow past the bile that rose, tried to ignore what was right in front of his eyes. His eyes couldn't take it any longer and dragging them away he found them resting on her slender hand.
Her ring hand, he thought dully.
It gleamed, the thin gold band she'd requested, like a beacon, the light at the end of a dark tunnel.
The light of betrayal.
He choked back a laugh as it all came crashing down on him. Thoughts so fast and quick they were hard to discern flitted through his mind. Angel's words. Buffy's words. Dru's words.
Until they were one jumbled voice, raging inside his brain.
"Could you state your name for the record," Buffy's cold voice filled the silence of the room.
All he could hear though was the blood roaring in his head, pounding his ears. Causing his eyes to throb, his heart to skip a beat. Then another.
What have I done? He thought dimly. What have I done?
"Spike," he found himself replying hollowly. This can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
It can't be true.
"Your full legal name please."
Buffy couldn't even look at him as the silence stretched on and she knew he'd seen her badge clipped to her hip.
That he was going over everything he'd ever said to her.
Knowing he was screwed.
She was surprised she could be so calm and patient, because before coming in here she'd been sure she would break down.
But now that she was here...she knew she could do this.
It was her job.
"What's yours?" Spike rasped out looking up at her, eyes flashing with a fury so dark and deep it turned his eyes nearly black.
"We aren't here for that," was her only response.
Spike looked up at her, heart pounding, rage a living breathing thing egging him on as he glared at her.
"Never knew the CIA whored their agents out. Guess you learn somethin' new everyday huh luv?" How could you do this to me?! I loved you, he silently raged.
He shook his head forcefully; he couldn't love her, because she was nothing more than a whore, a lying whore!
"Didn't know it could be so easy to get to you William. Into your bed, your life," she retorted mockingly her hands on her hips.
Spike smirked.
Ignored her.
"Dontcha wanna hear what we have on you Spikey?" she taunted. She needed a response from him. Anything. He had to talk because if he was talking then she could get him to ask for a lawyer.
"Well let's see shall we," Spike bit out, pretending to ponder this. "How about everything?" He'd told her everything. Given her all he could. Fool, his mind raged. Tricked by a mere woman!
Buffy sighed, this wasn't going the way she'd thought it would. Well hoped it would, she hadn't known what to expect. Screaming, cursing who knew? But she wasn't getting those and it scared her.
She needed him to talk to her.
"Did you ever really love me I wonder Buffy-oh wait what's your name? Your real one? Elizabeth can't be it! Is it Susan? Or Mary or-"he rambled on. She had lied to him, made him fall for her and he'd been so blind. Consumed by her, so much that he'd been too blind to realize. To see she would destroy him.
Angel had warned him.
"It's Elizabeth," Buffy interrupted quietly.
"Well," Spike drawled, "Elizabeth did you?"
Buffy smiled, she could play this game.
"What do you think?" she asked curiously taking a seat opposite him.
Spike stiffened as she took a seat, looked over at him and waited for him to answer the question.
"I think you're a lying whore," he whispered harshly. He hoped that hurt her, that his disgust was enough to make her feel just a tiny bit of what he was feeling.
Bitch!
Buffy sat back and shrugged.
"I don't care what you think. I'm here to help you out here Spike," she announced shoving back the pain his words caused. This wasn't the time to get emotional.
"Help me out," he echoed incredulously. Put me away for life? Rip my heart out? What more could she do to him?!
Bitch.
"Yes. Look where you are," she snapped gesturing around. "You're under arrest here pal and it's not looking good for you! Now you've got names, contacts that would be useful information we could use. And if you were to divulge it to us I'm sure you and I can work out some kind of deal," she spoke clearly and calmly.
Spike's bitter laughter echoed off the walls as he stared at her.
"Sorry there luv but I've been there ridden the ride and there's nothin' you bloody wankers could offer me that I'd want! Get outta here with that shit!"
"Open your eyes," Buffy yelled pounding her fist on the table anger over taking her. "Look around you Spike! This is it for you! The end of the road here! Who do you think put you in this position huh?" she demanded.
He ignored her, ignored the pain he was feeling, the ache that had formed in the middle of his chest.
Bitch, he chanted over and over in his head. Lying, back stabbing bitch.
"Angel," she spat his name out like a curse.
Watched Spike stiffen.
"No," he answered despite himself. He and Angel may not always get along but they were the only family eachother had. He would never betray him.
"No?" Buffy echoed then laughed long and hard. "Okay you keep thinkin' that Spikey. Cuz right now across the hall Angel's spilling his guts out. Telling everything he can about you. He is gonna get a deal. Do you hear me? He'll walk and you'll rot in a cell for the rest of you life!" Open your eyes you fool, Angel's going to tear you apart, you'll never be free! She shook her head at her thoughts. She had to stay calm here.
"You're lying! This is your doing, he'd never betray me!"
Lying, back stabbing bitch, wouldn't know the truth if it bit her in the ass! She's making it all up, he reminded himself. He'd told her everything why would they need Angel?
"He already has! What do you think led us to you? Him, working a side business of selling heroin. Heroin to the man who sold it to your mother." She hated saying that, but she needed something to push him. To make him understand!
She knew she'd gone too far when he jumped up his chair skidding and falling backwards, the table lifted halfway off the ground as he jumped at her.
"You shut your fucking mouth bitch," he screamed. Lies, lies, they whirled around him, invaded his soul, made him gasp for breath and fight the urge to scream, to kill. His body shook with the force of his rage.
Bitch.
Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and regarded him coolly.
"Why? Did I get too close to the truth? You know you can't trust Angel, how many times did I warn you about him? Huh? He's destroying you right now and you're too blind to see it! Tell me-give me something to work with here Spike! I can't do this by myself!" It was as close to begging as she'd ever come. Was ever likely to do, she mused dimly as she stared at him silently beseeching.
"Uncuff me," he demanded raggedly. This was Buffy; he thought his heart twisting painfully. This was just some mistake. She was trying to help him, he tried to rationalize it. The CIA was using her to get to him.
She didn't know what she was doing.
Bitch, of course she did!
No, she didn't, she's scared, look at her. Into her eyes, she's hurting just like me.
Give her something!
Spike couldn't think his head was too full of so many conflicting images, voices; he wanted to rest for a bit.
But he couldn't not until he understood, knew why she'd done this to him.
I love her.
Bitch was gonna learn a lesson.
He shook his head.
"Uncuff me," he begged again. This couldn't be happening, he felt like he was losing his mind.
He stared at Buffy silently pleading.
She was indecisive; she knew it wouldn't be wise.
"Buffy...."
Why did he have to say it like that? She wondered tiredly. Why did she have to feel so moved by him?
Why had she done this?
She lifted the keys from her pocket and waited for him to lower the table back down and slowly uncuffed him.
The cuffs fell away and he slowly massaged his wrists, his eyes downcast.
"Spike," Buffy whispered. Don't, her mind warned her. Don't reach out to him; don't let him see you care.
I need you.
I want you.
I love you.
He reached out lifted his hand.
Cupped her face with it.
"So pretty," he mused softly. "So sweet. So innocent looking."
Buffy stood as still as possible heart pounding.
What had she done?
His eyes were glazed over and he looked half out if his mind.
What had she done to him?
She knew this went against all the rules, he shouldn't be touching her and she certainly shouldn't be allowing it.
She swallowed and tried to move away but her feet failed her and she remained rooted to the spot.
"Who would ever believe it by looking at you," he continued walking closer. "That you were a lying, back stabbing whore."
"And who would know by looking at you what a lying, murderer you are?" she retorted.
They stared at one another one long moment before, his bruising grip on her face loosened and he let his fingers graze her cheek, his eyes lost and desolate.
"I loved you," he whispered brokenly.
"That was a mistake..." she choked out.
He leaned in closer, inhaled her scent, let his fingers curl in her hair.
"Did you love me?" he wanted to know as he nuzzled her neck. Stepped ever closer, he needed to know.
Make me believe you, he thought desperately.
Make this be a dream.
Please, God let this be a nightmare.
"That's not the point," Buffy tried to keep it unemotional. Tried to resist his nearness, his voice in her ear.
Stop it, she wanted to scream. Get away from me, don't touch me!
But she did neither as he shook his head again.
"That's not an answer," he said reproachfully. I can't take this any more, make it stop, make it stop!
Bloody bitch was gonna pay!
"Ask for a lawyer," Buffy whispered closing her eyes as Spike's mouth brushed her own.
"Don't talk," he ordered harshly. Her voice was there, all around him, he was drowning in her and she couldn't shut the fuck up!
Why couldn't she leave him be?
"Please Spike...."
"Do you love me Buffy? Please...." If you do make me believe....Make me understand Buffy, make me want to love you back.
"I...I," she couldn't speak. Swallowing she tried to control her emotions, tried to distance herself from him. Tried to move away again, his grip was loose and easily broken. She couldn't do this. Why had she insisted on doing this herself?
"I love you," she found the words tumbling out of her mouth. "So much Spike. Please...."
There it was again. That voice, so soft and loving. Deceitful. An evil illusion used to wrap him in her web and slowly, torturously squeeze the life out of him.
Bitch.
"Please what?" Spike demanded as he looked into her eyes, brought his hand up to clench around her neck. "Don't hurt you? Don't call you the filthy whore that you are? The bitch that slept in my bed for all these months?! That looked me in my eyes and married me?! Told me she loved me! Those were all lies! Lies! Why did you do this to me? Why did you make me love you?! WHY?"
"Let go of me," she ordered through clenched teeth.
Spike's lips curled into a sneer and with a muttered curse he flung her away from him, with the carelessness and rage of man possessed.
"Bitch," he screamed. "You think you can get away with this?! Do this to me-"
"It's already done Spike! You wanna act surprised by the fact you're going to prison by all means! But don't think this was all brought on by me. This is your fault, you're a criminal. A murderer, you've killed people, many of them. A few months ago you killed the man you felt was responsible for your mother's death-"
"Don't speak her name! You're not fit to speak it," he growled advancing on her heedless to the warning going off in his mind.
Keep away from her; she'll lure you with her sweet scent, her innocent voice, those green eyes filled with love. She's destroying you!
He was beyond caring, beyond comprehending much of anything beside the rage that coursed through his veins.
Buffy stood tall and proud.
"You're not thinking straight Spike-"She'd never seen him like this before, so enraged, so hurt...
You did this to him, she reminded herself.
I'm sorry.
So sorry...
"Oh so now you know me huh? Who are you to tell me whether I'm thinkin' straight or not?" he snapped.
Buffy tried to hide her growing apprehension of him as he switched from one personality to the other.
"Buffy," he choked out coming toward her, trying to touch her, snatching his hand back as if burned seconds before it rested against her cheek.
"Spike listen to me please, I need you to concentrate and hear what I'm saying to you. I- you need to calm-"
"Shut up! You aren't going to delude me with more of your lies, shut up," he was yelling again.
Spike blinked trying to shake the voices they were over crowding his brain. They were all around him.
Whispering, telling him they loved him.
But if they did then why did he feel so torn? So hurt? As if he'd been tossed in front of a Mac truck, run over and left for dead?
He gripped his hair, yanked at it and growled bending low.
"Stop talking to me," he spat out.
He could hear her voice.
I love you Spike.
I love you so much.
You don't know how much I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
"Spike!"
He turned and shoved her as hard as he could; he had to get her to shut up, because she spoke nothing but lies.
Bitch!
He didn't hear her startled cry as she was flung into the wall with enough force her head cracked against it. Didn't hear as she slumped lifelessly to the ground.
All he heard was the endless echo of lies.
~*~
The hall outside Buffy's room was filled with people and as the unofficial leader Giles was the first to spot the doctor and pounce on him.
"How is she?" he demanded gripping the thin doctor's arm.
The doctor peered at Giles then at the curious and concerned faces of the Scoobies who'd clustered in around them.
"Are you family?" he asked carefully glancing at his patients chart.
"Yes," was Giles's immediate response as he impatiently waited for the doctor to continue.
"And you are?" the doctor asked gesturing to the others. "I will speak only to family. I can't divulge my patient's condition to jus-"
Gunn shoved forward whipping out his badge and shoving it in the doctor's face.
"You see that? It gives us the right to do whatever we want. And what we want right now is for you to tell us about our friend! How is she?!" He growled out gripping the doctor by the lapels of his white coat.
Giles along with Oz pried Gunn off the startled doctor and after taking a good number of steps away from them he began to speak.
"She's suffered a mild concussion, and she lost the baby," he announced.
"Baby?" Giles gasped in shock.
"God," Faith moaned closing her eyes, leaning against Gunn.
"Son of a bitch," Gunn muttered angrily glaring at the wall.
"I....is she okay?" Willow hesitantly asked clutching at Oz's arm as she tried to grasp what this all meant to Buffy.
Oz's face was pale but other than that his expression remained the same.
"Well she will be there's a chance of fever and infection so we'll keep her here until we feel she's fit to leave."
The doctor hesitated.
"She's wearing a wedding band, is there a number we can contact her husband?"
"We-uh..." Giles had to clear his throat twice before he could get the rest out, "we will inform him of this. Is-does she know? Is she willing to take visitors?"
"She knows but would prefer to be left alone. Visiting hours begin at twelve tomorrow afternoon. You can all com-"
"We'll stay thank you," Oz spoke then, his voice daring the doctor to disagree.
Nodding quickly the doctor left as fast as he could, that group of people disturbed him on a number of levels. Mainly a physical one.
"Will you...could you stay here with her," Gunn asked Willow and Faith as he caught Giles's gaze.
Faith looked up at him suspicious.
"Aren't you going to stay too?" she demanded.
"I'll be back," he assured her. "Call Fred, she'll want to be here for Buffy too," he instructed Faith as he turned and walked away.
Giles glance at Oz who was quietly talking to Willow then moved to follow Gunn down the hall.
"I'll be back," Oz assured Willow kissing her quickly.
"What are you going to do?" Willow asked knowing she really didn't want to know.
Oz glanced at her over his shoulder.
"We'll be back," he assured her once again not answering as he jogged down the hall to catch up with the other two.
Willow glanced at Faith who sat slumped in one of the waiting room chairs.
"She won't like it if they hurt him," she felt the need to say.
Faith lifted cold brown eyes to Willow's.
"He'll be lucky he's alive, he deserves whatever they do to him," she snapped coldly.
Willow didn't respond as she sat next to Faith and wrapped an arm around her.
~*~
"Why did you do that?" Dr. Cordelia Chase demanded as she glared at Giles and the other two men who stood outside the room Spike currently sat in.
Giles didn't take his eyes from the man inside as he answered.
"We did nothing to him," he stated coldly.
"Look at him," Cordy yelled pointing a finger at Spike. "Do you see what you've done to him? He's had a psychosis break! He's delusional and you caused it. I can't believe you wen-"
"Listen," Oz cut in glancing at Cordy. "We only showed him a tape, told him a few things and left the room. He was perfectly fine when we left him Dr. It just sort of seemed to happen. If you hold any one responsible then hold him. It's obvious he can't deal with his present situation. I suggest instead of blaming us you do your job and check him out."
Cordy glared at them all before she turned on her heel, jerking out her cell phone and requesting a psychiatrist be paged immediately.
Gunn crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the glass that separated him from Spike.
"You think he's fakin'?" he asked through gritted teeth.
Giles stepped closer to the glass, until his nose was almost pressed against it, his eyes narrowed.
"If he is he deserves an award. He's not faking," Oz answered.
Giles couldn't keep his eyes from man the in the room.
He watched with detached fury as Spike tore apart the room, throwing furniture, screaming.
Grabbing his hair and yanking at it.
He spoke to people who weren't there, claimed not to know anyone named Buffy. Became irrational if her name was mentioned.
And the baby.....
The tape of his unconscious or not attack on Buffy had it seemed been the right tool to push him over the edge, Giles mused.
"It is less than he deserves. He should suffer for what he's done and I'm quite certain this is not enough. I shall have to fix that," Giles said more to himself then to the others.
He moved away from the window, walked down the hall.
Gunn and Oz reluctantly following.
Leaving behind a man driven over the edge by his actions. By the thought of actually killing his child.
~*~
Days had passed until it was a week later and Buffy was fed up with the insincere sympathy that came off Faith in waves as she stepped into Buffy's hospital room a small hesitant smile on her mouth.
Buffy scowled, staring out the window, ignoring Faith, her eyes on some distant point.
"Buffy," Faith began.
"What is it Faith? Have you come to offer more fake sympathy?" she asked calmly as she turned to face one of her bestfriends.
Faith's eyes narrowed as she frowned slightly.
"B look I know you're not yourself right now so I'll let that go. Of course I'm sorry about your baby. I mean it was-it's a horrible thing."
"Right," Buffy muttered darkly drifting to the window again.
Faith sighed, wondering how she could get through to Buffy. She was truly sorry about the baby but in a way she was glad. Glad that B wouldn't have to be saddled with that bastard's baby.
It just proved her point that he was a useless piece of shit, what he did to her. The way he couldn't even face it himself. What kind of man did that?
Bastard.
She was glad he was rotting in prison.
"I can hear your thoughts Faith. I think it would be best if you left- "
"Buffy you can't read my mind," Faith protested.
"Sure I can. I know you and you're thinking what a great thing it is I'm not saddled with a baby. That way my life can go on and-"
"Don't put words in my mouth!" Faith erupted. "I woulda loved that baby like a good aunt and fuck B I'm really sorry about what happened. I don't know why you can't believe that! You know what? That's really insulting too because of all the-"
"I'm sorry," Buffy interrupted voice drained of all emotions as she walked to the bed and paused at it. Her fingers ran over the sheet.
Her eyes followed the movement, her eyes glued to her ring.
"They told me..." Buffy choked a little as she continued, "Told me Spike's really out of it. He's completely lost his sense of self. I wish- why did Giles have to tell him?! Why did they have to do it? I could have-"
Faith clenched hr jaw, hating that Buffy was blaming herself for this. She'd seen the tape and it was certainly not B's fault!
"Have what Buffy? Could have paved the path to acceptance? He did this to you! He killed that baby and you're feeling sorry for him! He's so fucked up he can't even bring himself to-"
"Shut up," Buffy yelled.
"Why? It's the truth! He's the reason you're in here right now and you know what? You were right when you said I was glad the baby was dead! Because I am! You don't need his demon spawn-"
"Get out," Buffy shrieked as she swept the contents of her breakfast off the bedside table. She picked up a pitcher of water and threw at Faith. "Get out, get out, get out!"
Willow ran as fast as she could as she heard Buffy yelling from down the hall and burst into the room just as Buffy threw the pitcher at Faith.
Ducking back out, she waited a moment before she poked her head back in.
Faith was standing rigidly, water dripping off her face, down her chin.
"Faith," Willow spoke quietly not wanting to startle either woman," you should leave. Now. I'll talk to you later okay?"
Faith clenched her jaw shut, tears threatening to fall as she wiped at her wet face. She shouldn't have said those things, she thought darkly. Why couldn't she learn to keep her mouth shut? She wondered as she quickly slipped out the room. She leaned against the wall, all the anger and fear draining out of her body.
She slowly closed her eyes.
Willow hurried to Buffy who was silently crying.
"Oh Buffy I'm sorry," Willow murmured holding her close.
"I need your help Willow," Buffy gasped out through sobs.
"Anything."
~*~
"Now Senator Hinley," Buffy chastised gently as she wandered around his large spacious office.
Greg Hinley sat rooted to his seat, watching the small but deadly woman with wary and fear filled eyes.
"I'm sorry but I just can't do that!" He exclaimed hands gripping his desk tightly to keep his hands from shaking.
Buffy whirled around a bemused expression gracing her face, she lifted her gun pointed it at his head and shook her head.
"Can't isn't in my vocabulary and certainly shouldn't be in yours. I mean what with you being a civil servant and all! I'm surprised at you-but then again I know what you enjoy as a hobby."
She gave a delicate shudder.
The Senator blanched and recoiled in shame and fear as she advanced on him, her steps slow and precise.
"Now I am not kidding when I tell you this, I will use this gun and I will walk out of this building of me own free will. They'll never catch me. And do you know why?"
Greg gulped as he looked into her cold, flat eyes and shook his head.
"No...." he choked out.
"Because I've got nothing left to lose. Now you pick up that phone Senator or by tomorrow night you'll be on Larry King Live trying to explain to the world why you dabble in bestiality and let's not forget smuggling."
The Senator picked up the phone.
"Good now be a doll and call the Attorney General. He'll fill you in on the rest. Oh and if you mention this little visit to oh-I don't know my boss I'll release the videos. Hell I'll sale t-shirts! I'll be in touch," Buffy called over her shoulder as she slipped out of the stunned Senator's office, handed her gun to the Secret Service agent at the door and gave him a wide smile.
"Thanks," she said.
The tall blond nodded.
"Tell Gunn I said hey," was his only reply.
Buffy nodded and hurried out grabbing her cell phone out as she went.
She dialed quickly.
"Wolfram & Hart how may I be of assistance?"
"I want to hire the best damn lawyers you've got....."
~*~
Giles hung up the phone the look on his face disapproving as he glanced at Buffy who sat slumped on his den's sofa.
"It's done Buffy," he announced solemnly.
Buffy barely opened her eyes as she felt exhaustion settle over her bones and caused her to sink further into the leather couch.
"Good," was all she could muster.
"I don't know why you bother but you've made it so he's the most protected and well placed criminal in the history of the world," he remarked dryly.
"That's not funny," Buffy mumbled.
Giles eyed her.
"It wasn't meant to be," he retorted. "He's only serving five to ten and if with good behavior-God I can't believe this he'll be out in three years Buffy. I hope you know what you're doing."
Buffy opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling.
"I'm doing what I must," was her hushed reply. "He needs all the help he can get Giles. He's torn apart inside and I just want to help him."
"And what of you dear? What of you? Who will help you? Are you not also torn apart? You've quite forgotten yourself while you've been taking care of him," he admonished gently as possible.
"You'll help me won't you Giles?" she asked in a broken whisper.
Giles's anger and disapproval melted away as she lifted wet, tear filled eyes to his and he nodded his throat tight.
Walking to her he hugged her to him.
"Of course I will Buffy; you mean more to me than I can say. I'll help you. I love you Buffy. No matter what," he vehemently vowed.
"Thank you," Buffy sobbed clutching him. "Thank you."
~*~
End of Flashback....
"You know those letters I sent you," Buffy broke the thick silence that had fallen after she'd finished speaking.
"I am sorry," Spike whispered.
Buffy ignored it and continued as if he hadn't spoken.
"So those letters I sent you that first year, do you remember them?" she asked again looking at him.
Spike turned away from her, unable to look at her.
"I'm sorry," he repeated voice thick with pain, shame. He had to get away from her, he couldn't be near her.
He wondered how she could bear the sight of him.
"Please Spike," Buffy muttered. "I need to talk to-"
"I can't," he bit out.
Buffy swallowed, pressed a hand to her forehead and tried to keep from shaking as she watched Spike through her lashes.
"Listen," she said reaching out, touching his arm.
He jerked back, as if burned.
"Don't," he yelled. "Don't touch me! H.....how can-Buffy I'm sorry," he choked back a sob, moving further away even as she came closer.
He stumbled back, tried to hunch within in himself. Tried to erase the images assaulting him.
Buffy watched in horrified silence as he slumped to the ground, as if his legs could no longer support him.
His face contorted in pain and grief he bent over, head bowed tears streaming down his face.
"Oh Spike," Buffy whispered as his shoulders shook with silent sobs. She reached out to him and he jerked back again.
Buffy dropped to her knees beside him, resisted his attempts to move away and held onto him with all her might.
"How can you touch me?" he asked voice raw and ragged. "Look at me? I'm nothin'-I'm-I killed our baby."
She clasped his face in her small hands, her own tears falling as he continued to struggle.
"Because I-"she had to break off as words failed her.
Sucking in a shaky breath she tried to keep from breaking down, she had to be strong when she said this.
One sobbing person was enough.
"I love you Spike," she told him looking him in the eyes. "So much- I'd forgive you anything, everything-"
He wrapped his arms around her hugging her close, his tears mingling with her own as they sobbed in eachother's arms.
"When I saw you last year I was goin-I wanted-"she began in a tortured whisper.
"I'm so sorry," he repeated.
"I wanted to tell you," she continued stroking his hair, raining kisses along his face.
"I love you Buffy. I do, I really love you, so bloody much...."
"About our baby," she choked out bringing his face even with her own so she could look into his eyes.
Which were red rimmed and puffy from all the tears he'd cried.
"I-I Buffy I killed our baby," he rasped, his face crumpling as the words came out, hitting him all over again.
"Our other baby," she corrected him softly.
"What other baby?" he croaked out, his mind working as slow as ever. He felt drained, so drained all he wanted to do was sleep. He couldn't have heard her correctly.
"When uh...when I miscarried-well um...it was twins. And it was just the one-and I didn't know and-you didn't answer my letters and you wouldn't see me and I'd made you go crazy-I could-I'm sorry," she sobbed rambling incoherently.
Spike's mouth hung open, his heart stopped and he blinked.
"Another baby?" he asked his face a mask of confusion. Another baby. Another baby. Another baby. "We've got another baby Buffy. A girl or a boy?" he wanted to know.
"A girl," Buffy answered.
Spike's face lit up with a tear filled smile, a half laugh, half sob escaping him as he shook his head.
"We've got a little girl," he marveled as he closed his eyes.
~*~
Willow clutched Anya to her as they quietly sobbed in a corner of the livingroom.
"They deserve a happy ending," Willow hiccupped.
Anya only sobbed louder.
Faith sat slumped on the ground silent tears streaming down her face as she listened to the two voices from the kitchen.
Oz cleared his throat and wiped at his own eyes.
He lifted his hand and flicked the t.v. off.
"Won't be watching any more of those," he muttered.
Gunn bit his lip.
"Damn wolves," he grumbled fighting off his own tears. He sniffled and glared at the t.v. a minute. "They're so pretty you just gotta cry."
"Yeah," Oz agreed as he slapped Gunn on the back. "They're so...." He shook his head throat closing.
"White," Anya sobbed.
~*~
A/N: Hmmm. Well there you go. Cried a few times while writing this thing. Took a lot out of me. Next chapter is a present one for sure. Not sure when I'll updated again but it will be sometime next week hopefully. You guys are so smart a couple of you guessed about the miscarriage. Hope you were surprised about the other baby though. Anyway damn those wolves because I was getting misty eyes there too. See ya. Skyz.