The Fall of William
Disclaimer: Joss owns Btvs
A/N: Hi all. Thank you all for the nice reviews. They meant a great deal. There are some questions some of you asked and I'll answer them as best I can. One it is possible to miscarry one twin and still have one healthy baby. I didn't make it up and it's a noted fact most conceptions start out as twins but with or without the mother's knowledge one twin dies. Two this baby is Not Dawn. Dawn is Buffy's sister. Plus the baby's like four years old going on five. Three I didn't plan on putting in another live baby. It wasn't a planned thing. But the miscarriage was always planned. Four she didn't have an abortion. Five why didn't I have Buffy or Spike mention this in a fight? Well it's a subject I didn't want to get into. I didn't want this story to just be about the baby they lost and who was at fault. Plus for one it was an accident and two Buffy didn't even know she was pregnant much less Spike. Okay I know the last two chapters were disjointed but that's because I'm writing a prequel and you'll see more in depth versions of these flashbacks, it will all make sense once you've read it. Whew this is long. Buffy's somewhere around thirty or thirty one. Spike is older than her by three years. But last but not least is the baby pretty and where the hell has she been?! Well with parents like Buffy and Spike let's hope so lol! And read the rest of this chapter to find out where she's been. One last thing. It's only been about four days since this whole thing started time wise. Enjoy. Skyz.
~*~
Ch:21
"Here," Oz said as he trotted into the livingroom. In his hands he held his wallet and displayed prominently were a number of baby pictures.
Spike took it from him and stared.
"That's her?" he breathed staring.
"Yes," Buffy replied from her position beside him. She smiled as she took in Spike's stunned delight in looking at their little girl.
Oz grinned.
"She's very pretty," Anya piped up coming forward with her own pictures. "And if I do say so she's becoming quite the little accountant. She can even count to twenty and as I often assure her there is no shame in only being able to count to such a low number. Twenty is—"
"Anya," Willow muttered exasperated. "He doesn't want to hear about that!"
Spike raised his head blinking.
"Yes," he muttered, "I want to hear about that! I want to know everything. I've missed out on so much."
Buffy rose abruptly at that and feeling guilty she slipped quietly out of the room escaping into the kitchen.
Heaving a deep sigh she leaned against the counter, her thoughts scattered and the guilt that had slowly seeped its way inside of her would not go away.
Since her friends had decided to start showing baby pictures and telling stories she'd had no time to actually talk to Spike. To explain.
Not that she felt she had to justify why she hadn't told him about their daughter. Spike knew as well as she did how he'd been these past few years. And it hadn't been a happy place. Much less a point in his life where he could happily be a father.
"You alright pet?"
Buffy glanced up and stared at him a moment.
Spike stood hesitantly in the doorway not sure how to proceed. It had only been an hour since she'd dropped her bomb on him and he was extremely happy but he wasn't so sure about Buffy's reaction to the whole ordeal.
"I…....." she started to say I'm fine but thought better of it. This wasn't something that could go unsaid. That could be ignored. She didn't want to start off their fresh start by lying.
"What?" he asked curiously stepping in.
"You know I would have told you," she found herself saying.
Spike paused in front of her, reaching out and taking her hands in his. Giving her his support.
"I tried. Those letters for one that first year. But then…well you hadn't gotten any better and didn't want to add any more to your suffering. Because I had a direct hand in it," she muttered staring at their locked fingers.
Her thoughts drifting briefly.
"Anyway," she began abruptly. "Years passed and I started seeing Wes. I know I shouldn't have put him in the position I did. Being your shrink and mine is a tough job. Plus he knew about Angelina and keeping it a secret from you I'm sure was very hard."
Spike frowned slightly.
"I guess that's why he pushed me so hard," he responded thoughtfully. "I mean I was a mess. I was a wreck and he kept going at me. Makin' me see the errors of my ways so to speak. Then last year after you were shot he really dug into me and this time I let him actually help me. It makes sense now."
"Well I'm glad you see it that way because Spike at the time I didn't want you anywhere near her," Buffy reluctantly admitted.
Spike's fingers tightened on hers as he heard this. He clenched his jaw and tried to be reasonable about this.
"I understand," he muttered. Or at least he was trying to anyway.
Buffy gave a skeptical laugh.
"No you don't," she countered. "You're a very dangerous man Spike. I mean physically and emotionally. It's not that I feared you would hurt her. I know you would never do something like that."
Buffy tugged her fingers from his and moved away.
She paced the kitchen restlessly, trying to put together what she wanted to tell him in her mind. How she could say what needed to be said without hurting his feelings.
"I would never knowingly hurt my child Buffy!" Spike exclaimed vehemently clenching his hands at the thought. "I'd rather die first! I thought you'd know that!"
"I do," Buffy snapped glaring at him. "But you know Spike that if I'd told you about her, there would have been no way I'd have ever seen her again. We both know that don't we?" she asked coldly staring him in the eye.
"I…" he began to protest and state that he would never be so cruel! But the words didn't come, sticking in his throat as his mind mocked him.
He couldn't refute her statement because it was true.
"See," Buffy said with a small humorless smile. "You would have taken her and kept me away from her out of vengeance and that would have killed me. Would have done worse than any bullet you inflicted, any physical pain you caused me. I thought long and hard after you didn't respond to my letters and decided it would be better for you not to know. At least not then."
"And if I had responded?" Spike asked then voice hard and cool.
Buffy glanced at him and gave a shrug.
"At the time I can't say I was thinking clearly. I was a mess. Still grieving about the baby and then feeling guilty about you're lack of saneness. I put so much onto my shoulders that by the time I came back to some semblance of myself it was a month after Angelina was born. And I was eternally grateful that you hadn't read my letters. You sent them all back unopened and I knew for the time being I would be okay."
They were silent a moment each lost in their own thoughts.
"Why didn't you tell me last year when I got out?" he asked then, determined to know whether she'd meant to keep this a secret forever.
Buffy faced him fully then and pursed her lips.
"Do you know what you said to me? Do you remember?" she asked flatly. She watched his expressive eyes as he thought back and watched his face pale as he remembered his words. His actions.
"I—I get it," he mumbled beyond ashamed.
He ducked his head in shame and blew out a breath.
Buffy sighed, and walked toward him, quietly wrapping her arms around his waist, offering her love and comfort.
"It's alright," she murmured softly. "I told you I forgave you everything Spike. But it was because of that particular night I didn't tell you. Even when you swore you could change I knew you didn't want to. And if I had told you what would you have done?"
Stroking his hair, she waited for him to respond.
"I'd of taken her," was his muffled reply.
Buffy nodded absently.
"I know."
"If you'd told me I would have done my best to turn her against you. Raised her to hate you like I wanted to hate you. Like I had. I thank God you didn't tell me Buffy. I would have ruined not only you but our little girl. I was mightily fucked up back then. After you shot down my half assed attempt to reunite I got to thinkin'. Real hard like. You told me I had to want to change. To want to be a better man. And until then I hadn't thought there was anything wrong with me."
He paused looking up at Buffy and grinning slightly sheepish.
"Until you pointed out my every fault and my every sin. I wanted to change then, wanted to show you I could. That's where Wes comes in. He welcomed it, he was so happy it's a wonder he didn't shout from the rooftops."
They shared a laugh.
"She's adorable," he whispered into her hair as he hugged her close.
Buffy's smile was huge as she laughed.
"Yes she is and that's a totally unbiased opinion if you couldn't tell!" She exclaimed. "She's so smart Spike. Really everyone says so. She loves to tell jokes! But they don't make sense, but she finds them hilarious. Oh and if you hadn't noticed she's a brunette."
Spike burst out laughing.
"I wonder where she gets that from," he asked snickering.
Buffy slapped him playfully on the shoulder as she pulled away from.
"I wouldn't know," she remarked stiffly.
"Must be me then," Spike mused rubbing his chin. "Cuz if you hadn't noticed m'not a natural blond."
Buffy smirked.
"I hadn't but thanks for pointing that out. She's got your eyes though. The brightest blue, they're always full of laughter."
"She's happy then?" he asked softly.
Buffy nodded.
"Yes," she answered.
"D…does she know about me?" he wondered looking down.
"Yes," was Buffy's immediate answer. She ignored Spike's shocked look and continued on. "She's curious about things like that. All the other kids at her preschool have mommies and daddies. She wanted to know where hers was. I told her you know that you were away—"
"And she just accepted that?" he asked curiously.
Buffy shrugged.
"Well she asks about you all the time. So I guess no she didn't accept that. Not that I expected her too and I was going to wait until she was older to explain the whole sordid tale."
"I don't-I don't think it was all bad," Spike said looking up frowning slightly.
Buffy met his gaze and shrugged a small smile gracing her face.
"No it wasn't all bad," she admitted.
"So where's the little bit at?" Spike asked.
Buffy shook her head to clear it and rubbed a hand over her eyes.
"She's in a safe place," Buffy muttered moving by Spike and out of the kitchen. Spike followed after her.
"Hey Buffy," Willow said with a large smile. "We were just talking about how Angie ate that can of—"
"Uh Wills I don't think that's a good story to be telling since you gave it to her," Oz put in softly.
Willow gulped and clamped her mouth shut.
"It was—it-Buffy wasn't mad," she quickly announced.
Spike arched a brow and looked from Willow to Buffy.
"What's she goin' on about?" he asked.
"Uh nothing," Buffy quickly said. "I was just telling Spike where Angelina is while we're all here."
Everyone looked at eachother.
Then turned to look at Gunn.
"Well uh Spike," Gunn began plopping down onto the couch grinning. "We've got this thing—we call it the Scrappy plan for the littlest member of the Scooby gang. Generally we all aren't involved in cases like this. There's usually one of us left in charge of Angie if Buffy's busy. But since this was a team effort we had to get her to a safe place. That was my job. There are only a certain number of people we trust. That Buffy trusts. And three of the four are out of the country. That left...Lorne."
Spike looked around wondering at the strange looks that were plastered to Buffy's band of misfits' faces.
"What's wrong? Is she alright?! Is this chit not right—I mean Buffy wouldn't have some crazed perso—"
"He's a man," Buffy interrupted quickly. "And he's perfectly sane. And no he's not some kind of pervert. In fact he's very good with her. He runs a club in Vegas."
"What kind of club?" he asked suspiciously. He didn't approve of men being nannies; you never knew what they'd have in mind.
He shuddered at the thought.
"Just a club," Buffy mumbled forgetting to mention it was a night club that specialized in drag queens. "He adores Angie. And no one would ever think to look there for her if they came after me. In fact only a select few even know about her."
"We kept it a secret," Faith spoke up for the first time. "You never know what some creep's gonna do to get to B. So yeah we kept it a secret for Angie's safety."
She stared long and hard at Spike a moment as if trying to brand her message across his skull.
He stiffened ready to snap back.
"Cut it out," Gunn snapped out. "Faith give him a break. You want I should call Lorne up? We've been keeping a low profile in case Quentin's been watching and looking for a weakness. So—"
"So in other words," Buffy cut in. "I haven't had too much time to speak to Angie what with being sick and trying to put Quentin out of commission. Do you-would you want to talk to her?"
Buffy swallowed waiting for his response.
"W-would she wanna talk to me you think?" he asked hesitantly, not sure how Angie would react talking to him.
"Here," Anya shoved the phone into Buffy's hand and waited impatiently.
"I'm sure she'd be—she's really a big talker she can go on for ages. I'm sure she'd like to talk to you. New people intrigue her. Let me um…let me call them."
Buffy's hand shook as she dialed.
Gunn caught Oz's eye and silently agreeing they ushered the women out of the room and left the two parents alone.
"Lorne's House of Waffles," was how Lorne answered the phone. The loud giggles that erupted clued Buffy in that her daughter was well and in a good mood.
"Hi Lorne. How are you, how's Angie?" she asked gesturing for Spike to pick up the extension in the kitchen.
"Hey baby doll," Lorne gushed. "She's been a hoot. A little princess haven't you cup cake? You want to talk to her?"
Buffy glanced at Spike who'd joined her on the couch.
At his enthusiastic nod she smiled back at him.
"Yes. Put her on please," she replied.
"Hey little lady guess who's on the phone? Mommy!"
Spike couldn't help but grin as he heard a slight scuffle for the phone and then a little excited voice was on the line.
"Mommy!"
"Hey baby. I've got some one who wants to talk to," Buffy announced.
"Who?" Angelina asked excitedly. "Ant Willow?"
It was a good while before Buffy could get a word in edgewise as Angelina finished talking about Willow and the fun time she'd been having with Lorne.
Looking at Spike Buffy silently decided that when she told Angie about Spike it would be in person.
"I've got a friend and his name's Spike. He wants to talk to you baby. Can you say hi?"
"Hello Angelina—"Spike began voice choked slightly.
"Spikes?!" Angie squealed. "That's a silly name—Mommy why'd his Mommy name him Spikes?"
Buffy smothered her laughter.
"You may call me William," Spike piped up tone as proper as he could make it.
"Willum," Angie repeated slowly testing the word.
"William," Spike said again enunciating.
"Willum," Angie repeated exasperatedly.
"Will—"Spike began again.
"Spike," Buffy cut in quickly sensing Angie wouldn't put up much more with Spike trying to correct her.
"What?" he asked startled. Looked around. What was wrong? "She isn't saying it right!"
"I am too," Angie protested loudly. "Willum, Willum, Willum!! Mommy," she cried tears in her voice.
Spike groaned.
"Bloody hell," he moaned burying his head in his hands. He couldn't even speak to her!
"Bloody 'ell," Angelina echoed.
"She's his daughter alright," Buffy mumbled under her breath shaking her head with a grin. "Honey that's a bad word. You can't say words that…"
~*~
Xander hesitated outside the livingroom doorway listening to the voices coming from within.
Shaking his head he scrubbed a hand over his face and leaned against the wall, trying to figure out how his life had gotten so bad.
How Spike seemed to be taking all he wanted from him. Buffy and even little Angie.
God knew he loved that little girl and had even looked over the fact she was part of Spike and embraced her because she was like a little miniature Buffy.
Now Spike was back and he was out in the cold! He didn't even have Anya to give him solace.
Shoving from the wall he turned and went back through the kitchen and out into the back yard slamming the door behind him.
Spike was causing all of his problems. He was the reason Anya wanted nothing to do with him. He'd told Anya he was in love with Buffy. He'd made a fool out of Buffy; he'd swept back into her life expecting to be welcomed with open arms.
The list in Xander's mind went on and on.
Pacing in quick steps he tried to think reasonable about this. Buffy knew what Spike was and if he reverted back to his old ways there was no way she'd take him back.
People didn't change. Especially like people like Spike, he thought with a grin and narrowing his eyes he paused.
People like Spike didn't change.
And now all he had to do was show Buffy that.
Show her that Spike hadn't changed and then he would prove to Buffy how unworthy he was of everything she offered him.
Trudging from the backyard he flipped open his cell and without a thought dialed quickly.
"Tierney," was Angel's snapped out answer.
"You and I have a mutual problem," Xander announced. "And he goes by the name of Spike."
Angel's laughter was deep as it erupted.
"Whatever shall we do?"
"I want him dead," Xander gritted out getting into his car and driving from the curb.
"That can be arranged," Angel assured him easily.
~*~
A/N: Time for a bit of selfish self promotion here folks! I've been nominated over at Spuffy Awards for Best AU angst fic and the links posted on my Bio page. So if you feel the need go ahead and vote for me! Hope you enjoyed.