All By Myself

By Silvertress and Danni

Disclaimer: We don't own Dragonball Z.

Author's Note: This one's written by Danni, so please review and as always Read, Review and Enjoy.

Gohan's head was spinning, every second he was awake the feeling got worse. When sensing the pain he closed his eyes and got ready to let the darkness take over again. He felt as if he had just been in the biggest battle of his life. He felt as if he had just defeated Cell. As the tears sprang to his eyes he tried to keep calm, the memory of the father leaving the failure of a son became too much and he opened his eyes to try and stop the mental picture. He expected to see blood, his blood everywhere. When he was greeted by a flawless physique he realised where all the pain had come from. In this place, whatever place it was strength didn't matter, here all that counted was the inside, emotions, thoughts and the feelings of one for others. All this pain came from his past. The acts that he had never been able to get over, the things he had done to others, and the general misfortune he had brought to others. His soul was bruised and damaged, broken goods. Now it would never work again. He would never regain his innocence or get rid of the images that haunted him in his dreams. Talking to Gohan Son was like walking under a ladder he chuckled wryly. At once he stopped. The sound of his chuckle was empty, hollow and contained no real emotion. Like my eyes he thought sadly. When he looked back at pictures of himself as a child he understood why people had said that his eyes were the most expressive part of him – that and his smile. Now he had neither of them.

Eventually curiosity overcame his pain, he slowly and tentatively turned over so that he was on his back. All he could see above him was a blue sky. Perfect in every way, no clouds, and no sun in sight yet it felt like a hot summers day. He looked to his left and right and saw nobody around. It was completely empty, like his heart. As Gohan contemplated this he considered the thought that this place represented you, your innermost thoughts and feelings. At that he brushed his thoughts aside and continued to survey the area.

The floor was made out of granite, cold and hard and he could see a dim reflection of himself in it. Every 10 metres or so there was a marble pillar stretching miles high into the sky. The marble was a mix of light brown and white hues but there were dashes of a light pink and blue in there. Gohan looked at the pattern, it was unusual but when looking at it you saw it had no purpose, just there to look good, once again something that was empty and hollow. The whole place reminded Gohan of a picture of a Greek place he saw in his history books – wonderfully large and ornate.

After about an hour of trying to figure out where he was and why he was there he realised he was on a path not in a building. He pulled himself slowly to the edge, trying not to hurt himself anymore, and looked down. This was too much for his current state to take and he pushed himself quickly away from the ledge. The path was about 20 metres wide and was floating in the sky. When Gohan looked over the edge he couldn't see any land below him at all – just emptiness.

Another hour later he sat up and leant against one of the large pillars. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a massive white building – Greek style to match everything else. It towered above the path and stretched for what seemed like miles. Instinctively Gohan knew that the people there would help him. He couldn't sense any ki, only a feeling of serenity, which put him at ease. He knew he had to get there though he had no idea how far away it was. Still he pulled himself up and tottered towards it. Every time he reached a pillar he had to stop, lean against it and catch his breath. This frustrated him no end and made him strive to get closer. Although this was his mentality every time he took a step forward the building moved twice as far away. Gohan tried everything to get closer. He ran, jumped, hopped, and crawled. He tried using the pillars for cover, going backwards, cartwheeling, but nothing worked. After many hours darkness crept in and Gohan threw himself down on the ground. Tired, angry and frustrated he had to fight to keep the tears at bay again. All he wanted, all he needed was someone to hug him, tell him they need him, tell him they loved him and then they would reassure them. He fell asleep gradually, still wishing and still alone.

He was woken up in the morning by the sun or some kind of light with an invisible source washing over him, gently pulling him out of his dreams. Today was the first time he didn't remember his dream – his personal hell, and it was the first time he woke up without feeling afraid or alone. He sat up and saw that the white building had moved. Not further away but closer. He was now sitting on the steps to the front entrance. Gohan looked up in amazement. The building had some kind of effect over him and he knew it, it changed his dreams and it healed the aches and pains of yesterday and made them a distant memory. One thing it didn't change was the silent call, which was from his heart for companionship. Seeing as he was still lost and totally confused. He climbed the steps to the very top. When he got there he looked around behind him. The ornate path stretched on for miles but every inch of it was suspended in the air – even the building. But now he didn't feel sick because it brought back memories of standing on Dende's (formerly Kami's) lookout. He just sighed as he reminisced about better times. Having nothing else to do he turned back around and entered the building.

As soon as he got in he was struck by how overpowering it was. Something inside it had him in awe, made him feel small and insignificant. He looked around the room he was standing in; everything in the room was pure white, just waiting to be tainted.

'Please take a seat Mr Son' a formal voice said right in his ear. Gohan whipped around like a guilty child and just stood there staring at her in shock. He hadn't seen, heard or sensed anyone at all. As he stood there she gestured to the seats behind him and he smiled sheepishly at her as in apology while sitting himself down. When he looked around she had totally vanished, he couldn't even remember what she looked like and he was left to himself.

The room was sparsely furnished. Two white sofas – one he was sitting on. A cold white floor that met the tall white walls at its edges. The walls then led to the pure white ceiling above him. Then he noticed a white door hidden in the wall. He hoped that it led to a more colourful room – the lack of colour here started to grate at his nerves.

'Mr Son will you please enter the door you can see in front of you' Gohan nearly fell out of his chair. The voice seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere. He stood up slowly and tried to stop the knot of fear he could sense in his stomach. He reached for the door handle and pushed down ready to face whatever was inside

~~

The old man kept on grinning as the rest of the room just stared. Marron backed away from the door hastily, nearly tripping over Trunks and landing in Mirai's lap. She sat down behind him and tried to use him as some kind of shield.

'It can't be' she whispered 'You're dead'

'Past tense not present anymore, we were dead but now we're alive' Chi Chi replied calmly. She looked around her eyes resting on each of the people there until she reached Goten.

'Oh my lord!' She cried 'My baby's all grown up!' She ran to him and swept him up into a hug amongst all the emotion emanated from her only Mirai and the old man noticed that Goten didn't return the hug quite so generously.

Goten was more confused than he had ever been in his entire life. Before everything had been so black and white – he hated Gohan, his parents were dead, and he had friends. Everything was simple but since that talk with Mirai his world had been turned upside down. He now felt guilty for hating Gohan or telling himself he hated Gohan – he wasn't sure. When he had first seen his brother lying there on the couch, his face contorted in agony a huge pang of guilt had hit his heart. Once he saw the pain he was in he kicked himself for not supporting his brother over the years, not seeing what the past had really done to him, maybe he saw the nightmares but he never knew what really happened. He felt bad that Gohan had never had the chance to open up to him and tell him what had happened – they were so distant, not like the people he saw on TV he thought angrily. He thought back what he had said to Trunks, well Mirai, about his parents never realising he was there. At least they were there, at least he had someone to hide behind, Gohan had never had that, ever. Now he wondered what Gohan could have done to make his mother kill herself. It seemed surprising that he would go out of his way to irritate a figure that he had always wanted in his life. Maybe she did do things to him. Goten stopped. He had never thought of it that way before. He couldn't believe that he never realised, but now he realised how easy it is to blame a scapegoat. Gohan just seemed to be everybody's. His mother blames him for the death of Goku because she didn't understand why he had really died and because Gohan was the only one feeling guilty enough to take the blame. Goten blamed him because he barely knew him. All he knew was that he had been forced to hurt others while he was away. To him it seemed easy that Goten would turn and murder his father. The others blamed him because they didn't want to admit that they could have done more to change the situation. They were also scared. They saw his power, the uncontrollable power that overwhelmed him in his anger. They were scared that Gohan would turn on them one day and kill them. The only people who didn't blame him were Vegita and Piccolo and they weren't the most supportive of all people, they couldn't do anything anyway, the others wouldn't let them. Goten looked at his mother as she ended the hug, he forced himself to smile, all the while worrying about the brother he never used to want to be there. Now he realised that to have Gohan at his side and a change to say sorry was all he wanted.

'Hey son' Goku said. Goten turned around to see his mirror image. He looked like his twin – not Gohan. After the formalities were exchanged everyone turned to look at Gohan. His face was relaxed, peaceful and now their worry subsided, he seemed safe.

'So have you got a girlfriend then?' Chi Chi asked as the rest of them turned to stare at her tactlessness. Goten started to lose it. He couldn't believe this. Maybe she was his mother but Gohan was also her child. Didn't she understand?

'Don't you understand?' Goten blurted out angrily.

'What do you mean?' Chi Chi asked innocently. The rest of the room realised that a confrontation was about to take place and they were shocked because Goten had such a good nature – like his father.

'I mean' Goten started 'don't you get it? I've been a bad brother; no I've been the worst. I wasn't there for him when he needed it. I never gave him a kind word or supported him when he needed it. But you're his mother. A mother should be there for her children. They're to help him with the growing up phase. You've been dead for 10 years. And now you just appear and expect everything to still be okay. You think I still love you. I thought I did as well. I thought I hated Gohan. I thought that he killed the pair of you. But now I see it's not true. Maybe his cockiness led to Dad's death but the rest of us were there. We should all have done something to try and avoid it. But we didn't and he died and now I see Gohan did as well – maybe not to the world but to us. I never understood why you killed yourself, no one ever told me. I just presumed that it was Gohan's fault – he seemed easy to blame. Now I think about it, why would a mother who seemingly loved her son kill herself in front of him. Not by poisoning herself but by blowing her brains out? That doesn't really seem like love to me. Don't you feel guilty that you weren't there for him? I sure am. I feel sick every time I think about him alone, facing the world and it's problems alone. Imagine being homeless at 11? The thought of that scares me. But that's what Gohan lived through. Imagine being shunned by every friend you ever had – even your own brother. That's what Gohan lived through. Any normal person would think 'hey that kid don't have any real friends' but we all know we showed him our love in the best way possible. Especially you. I never wanted to admit it before, to myself or anyone but I know you never liked him. When he came back I saw something in your eyes. Something terrible that a mother should never have in her eyes. You were jealous that Gohan got all the attention because he came back from some unknown experience and you the hardworking, mother, wife, housekeeper got none. But that's all in the past now isn't it? In this world things in the past are forgotten. Unless your name is Gohan of course, then every mistake you ever make is remembered and used against you. Anyway you're back now and here's your son. A mess aren't I? But look there's your other son, lying there on the couch. He's dying or something. I don't even know what's happening now. And all you can ask is if I've got a girlfriend. I think that maybe making sure he's okay is more important than if you're going to have grand children. For once I feel proud to have Gohan as a brother but not proud to have you as a mother. If you don't mind I'm going out but I'll be back once I've told the others what's happening here.' Goten picked up his coat and walked out of the door.

Everyone else just sat there, open-mouthed. They never expected this. Mirai was proud, it seemed that their chat had gotten through to him better than he thought. Trunks had never seen his friend like that before. Chi Chi stood there – seemingly unaffected by the barrage of abuse that her son had just fired at her. Goku stood there grinning inanely and Marron whimpered before quickly going out to the balcony.

'Seems that your son has got a lot of anger shut away inside of him' the old man commented. Chi Chi shot a glare at him and when seeing this the others couldn't believe they had never seen this side of her before.

'If you'll excuse me' Mirai said as he walked out of the room and on to the balcony.

'You okay?' Mirai said as he walked up to Marron, who's sobs could clearly be heard in the quiet of the night.

'Yeah' Marron whispered as she tried to stop them. Miari came closer and swept her into a warm embrace, which she clung to. Soon she was sobbing uncontrollably onto his chest and all he could do was mutter sweet nothings to try and soothe her.

'It's all over now' He said as he lifted her chin to look her in the eye. He brushed away a tear, which threatened to fall.

'I'm sorry; it's just that Goten was right. I was a terrible friend' She looked down trying to avoid Mirai's gaze.

'That's a lie and you know it' Mirai said angrily 'You helped him all you could, you stood by his side and defended him from others. In my book that's what a true friend does.' He lifted her chin again. Her eyes met his and after what seemed a lifetime they both leant in and shared their first kiss.

Standing in the doorway was Trunks who had witnessed everything that had just happened. When he saw them kiss a pang of jealousy hit him unexpectedly. He had never realised that he liked Marron, never. Now it was too late. His chance had gone. He also thought that it was unfair that Mirai had someone to look after but he had no one. He hung his head and went back into the room where Gohan slept.

~~

Gohan opened the door and walked in. The first thing he saw a short purple guy sorting out papers.

'Take a seat' he said as he put the papers down. Gohan walked over to the seat in front of the desk and sat down. All the time he was ready to fight if it was needed. 'Welcome, I'm Shin. I'm the supreme kai.'

'Supreme Kai?' Gohan sputtered, 'I thought there was only a grand kai'.

'Well there is but he's a little odd for a grand kai so I'm here to keep him in order, not many people know I exist so you have to keep it to yourself ok?' He looked Gohan sternly in the eye and he could only nod his agreement. 'Well anyway, I'm guessing you want to know why you're here and who you are'.

'Yes sir'. Gohan replied politely. Now he knew who the guy was he knew why he felt small and insignificant here and why he couldn't sense any ki before.

'First of all, you're in the otherworld' Gohan nodded in understanding then suddenly realised what that meant.

'What?! I'm not dead – am I?' Gohan sat in complete shock, he didn't understand – he didn't want to.

'Well not technically'

'Technically?!' Gohan was ready to just get up and leave this guy – he was obviously insane.

'Don't go' Shin said hurriedly 'let me explain. Your body is currently in a state similar to a coma. Now you have a choice. Are you going to live or die.'

'What? I don't – What? I have to decide whether I live or die? I don't know I'm not sure' His heart sank at the thought of not knowing whether to die or not. Nobody should have to make that decision.

'Do you need to talk to someone? Somebody who could help?'

'Yes. But I don't know who – Most of my 'friends' have left me.' Gohan looked down at the desk, he had nobody to help him in his time of need.

'Don't worry. You can talk to my daughter.'

'Your daughter. No offence but I don't know her at all' Gohan started to get more and more confused with every second.

'Exactly' Shin looked proud with himself 'She will offer an unbiased opinion. You in?' Gohan nodded feebly, no matter how proud he was he knew he needed someone to help him. Shin picked up a phone, which had just appeared on his desk. 'Go outside and I'll get her'.

~~

Gohan sat there with his head in his hands. He didn't know what he wanted or what he was going to do.

'Hi' Gohan turned around to see where the voice was coming from. He was looking up at one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. She sat down beside him and held out her hand, he took it slowly and shook it. 'I'm Sabriel but my friend's call me Bo for some odd reason - you're Gohan right?'

'Uh, uh, yeh' Gohan finally spat out. He couldn't stop staring. Sabriel had long midnight blue hair that reached down to the middle of her back. It was straight and in a loose half pony tail. Gohan mentally kicked himself – he couldn't believe he was checking out the supreme kai's daughter. She had dark purple eyes that Gohan instinctively knew to avoid looking into. He figured that in them he would see things that he didn't want to about her and himself. Around her eyes were the strangest things he'd ever seen – they were surrounded by a gold pattern, it looked like gold leaf that had been put on but he knew that it was permanent. She was slim with a great figure. She was wearing long dark trousers, but no shoes or socks. She had on a white long sleeved shirt with a black sleeveless jumper over it. When he looked at her he knew that he could tell her anything. But did she feel the same way about him?

'So can I hear your story? I mean if you want to tell me' She watched him think.

'Sure' he replied looking straight at her.

Sabriels P.O.V

So I got this call from Dad, about some guy I had to act counsellor to. Well I don't have to do it often but when I do I hear the most horrible things. Things, which keep me from sleeping, that give me horrible visions and make me see other people in a totally new light. Well anyway, I figure that I have to listen to another loser go on about his life. So me and Dad had a bit of a fight – him winning of course 'I'm the supreme kai – you do as I say'. I got to his office and he told me that my 'subject' was outside. I got there and I saw this guy sitting outside. Head bowed hands clasped round knees. His hair was real spiky and went everywhere. As soon as I saw him and felt his ki I knew he was a Saiyan. I really didn't want to know his story. A Saiyans life is a terrible one – death, blood and lost chances. As I got closer I made my presence known and I scared him. Deep down I laughed a bit until I had a proper look. He was obviously very tall, well toned and muscled. The thing that shocked me the most were his eyes. They were dark but full of misery and unhappiness. Other people would see them as empty because they wouldn't want to see the depravity inside, they would shield themselves from it. I was really surprised. Usually people who come here are a lot older but he's my age. Now I wanted to hear his story. We kept staring at each other. I was checking him out and I admit it but I'm not sure if he was. I hope he was, but I guess he was probably looking at the gold around my eyes. Other people stare and I hate it. When I heard his story I - I don't know I'm not sure how I felt. But now I don't want him to leave.

3rd persons P.O.V

'And that's how I got to be here' Gohan finished. They had been sitting outside for hours. He had been talking for hours, Bo had been listening for hours. 'You know I really wanna thank you for listening, I've never told anybody all of that before.' She smiled shyly across at him. 'I mean it, it's a real weight off my shoulder'.

'It's my pleasure'she replied still smiling. Gohan was just just about to smile back when two boys ran up the steps towards them.

'Thank Dende, I was beginning to think we'd never find you' the 16yr old Gohan panted as he threw himself down on the step.

'Who are you?' Gohan looked at himself, noticing the differences and the similarities between them.

'I am a younger you and I am here along with him' he said gesturing at the exhausted 11 yr old 'to help you make your decision'.

Author's Note: Whooo that was pretty interesting. So be nice and review. Next chapter you'll get more on the Z senshi end with Goten.

Till next time c ya ^-^