Élharma basked in the warmth of the late afternoon sunlight. She had just awoken from a rather splendid nap, quite content to stay in the sweet haze that comes just after sleeping. The sweet tunes of birds wafted through the air, and the peaceful content sounds of the nearby horses filled her heart with joy.
Through closed eyelids, she saw a shadow fall across her. Uncertainty and caution laced the atmosphere above her.
'It is just one of the horses trying not to trod upon me' she thought lazily.
Then, a sweet, gentle pressure upon her lips spread pleasureable warmth through her body. She felt soft, silken lips mold themselves upon her own. Definitely NOT horse kind. Alarmed, her eyelids flew open. She saw Haldir, his kind, gentle face hovering just above her own.
The sharp crack of her hand upon his face exploded into their ears well before either elf registered that she had moved at all. She was furious! How dare he take advantage of her at such a time! Confusion also wound its way into her mind; the exotic feelings coursing through her veins were completely new experiences, not wholly welcome but not all together unwelcome either.
Haldir sat back, a bright red welt appearing on his cheek in the form of a handprint. She had more strength than he had imagined. "I am sorry, that was..." His voice trailed off. How could he say that his kiss had been a mistake? She might view it as such, but he did not. He viewed his actions as progress. He could not sit here and lie to her. He would not say that it was a mistake because that is what she wanted him to say.
"A mistake. You are correct." She finished for him, "That was a definite and undeniable mistake." Her voice was menacing. Venom burned behind her eyes.
He understood her anger. While his kiss had not been a mistake in his eyes, it was most definitely inappropriate.
She stood and stepped away from him, her back to him. He eyed her; uncertain of what he saw there. She had become quiet, almost placid, lacking the animation and passion that he had become so familiar with.
Élharma stood for a moment, unsure of herself. What just happened? She was utterly and completely confused. A voice resonated within her mind. A voice that she had not heard in a long while. It was her own voice, for once drowning out the echo of her father's words. But she could not come to trust that voice, not yet. That voice had led her into to much pain.
She turned to face him once again. Haldir saw the all to familiar icy glare etched deeply upon her fair features.
She spoke tonelessly, "Your time of training with me is finished. I have taught you all I can about the horses. You are free to return to your duties as captain of the keepers."
Haldir sat in shock for a moment. They had something very good going and she was just going to dismiss him? That's it? It cut into his pride, and anger heated his blood. How could she? She had no right to just throw him away like some manner of garbage. Like hell he was dismissed. He was infuriated now. His mind searched frantically for something to lash out with. Some way to inflict the same hurt upon her that his ego had sustained.
"Yes, I'll go. Just as you wish! As a matter of fact, I'm glad to go, I am glad to finally be finished with these stupid horses. I'm glad to be finished with you. I never wanted this assignment. I never wanted the punishment of being your learner. I don't want you. I never did. I came because I pitied you. You and your stupid, mindless beasts." He raved venomously.
As he spoke, Her face became faint, vague, and distantly impassive. No emotion showed, either angry or hurt or happy. Nothing. Her eyes became unfocused, unmoving, as if she were looking at something that was there yet not really there. Upon his silence, her eyes focused once again. She looked into his eyes with a sadness so utterly deep that it pierced his heart. He ignored the pain.
Haldir turned in a fury and stormed through the woods, feeling victorious at the absolute and complete sadness that he had saw in her gaze.
Élharma stood upon weak knees, seeing not Haldir but her father. Her father had called them stupid, mindless beasts too. 'You see?' a harsh voice filled her head, 'I wont say that I told you so, but I told you so!!! Ha! All he can do is hurt you. It serves you right for becoming a weak, insecure, fragile fool. You should have known better than to let your guard down. What were you thinking? That he might actually love you? Ha. I don't think so!!! No one can love you.'
She leaned heavily upon the solid shoulder of Calmacil, her knees weak. He blew gently upon her temple. Just as it had always been, the horses were her refuge.
Haldir had landed a crushing blow upon her heart. She had almost let herself love him; almost returned his kiss. She had almost reached out and caressed his kind, gentle face with her hand. She shuddered visibly. Thank Valar that she had not, or this bitter parting would have been more devastating. It would have killed her. The wound would have been fatal, much deeper than the betrayal she was feeling now.
That night Élharma stayed with the heard, literally feeding upon the calm comfort resonating there.
Haldir lay strewn unceremoniously upon his bed, not able to sleep. He kept telling himself, as if to convince himself, that he was truly happy to be rid of her. He could have any maiden in all of lothlorien. He WAS the captain of the wardens; he most definitely did not need her. There was plenty of she- elves that would enthusiastically be his. He did not really care for her anyway, she did not deserve him. Every time he thought that he had thoroughly convince himself, the memory of her stricken face would emerge, unbidden, from his memory to haunt him throughout the night.
The next morning, Élharma waited upon the Lady Galadriel in the great halls of lothlorien. She was quiet, abnormally so, lacking the icy stare that all were accustomed to seeing her with. Her expression lacked all; it was indefinite, vague. Galadriel could only percieve within the maiden's mind sheer and profound sadness.
Haldir, on the other hand, went about his business as usual, guarding his post at the borders with ardor; but he became sullen, perpetually in a dark mood. He steered clear of the halls of Lorien as if it were haunted by deamons. On the rare occasion that business at the borders forced him to be in her presence, he did not look at her, not acknowledging her existence. His pride told him that his actions had been justifiable, his words well founded; He had no reason to apologize or be sorry.
Spring turned to summer, and summer to fall. Winter came and went, and life stayed the same. Late in the following summer, Haldir had reason to enter the presence of the Lord and Lady of Lorien. There had been a number of orc attacks that merited concern, and Haldir was coming to confer with Lord Celeborn. He walked in stiffly, fully prepared to ignore the face that had haunted him for the last year.
He gave a start, the place where she usually stood at Galadriel's side was empty.
Celeborn noticed the point where Haldir's eyes rested.
"She is gone, my friend." He said gently.
Haldir could only stand and stare, unblinking, at the place she had stood.
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*** Whew!!! I am glad to be done with that chapter! It was torture to write. Well, let me know what you think!
PS: My #%@##*& computer cant seem to get along with my ##@*^!@! scanner!