Chapter 14
Her eyes smoldered a steel gray, the only outward sign of the effect that his words held upon her. Otherwise, she stood almost leisurely, leaning against the bed, her hands gently crossed against her bosom. Inwardly, though, the truth of what he said burned upon her mind like that of a red-hot brand. Assassin. The word jarred her very heart into a cold, painful catching rhythm. Elves were supposed to love all living things, they were supposed to love life itself; yet here she stood, a trained assassin in the highest regards with the blood of her own brethren upon her hands. For so long, she had denied and hidden that part of her in fear; yet in this instant, she was forced to face the harsh reality.
Her tone was easy, hiding all signs of the conflict that raged within her mind, she asked him, "What do you suggest?"
He regarded her wantonly, "You know, when all of the prestigious lords and ladies find out that you have killed in cold blood, they are more than likely to banish you."
She did not waver, her voice controlled and impassive, "Do not make me repeat myself, Lirahall. I am fully aware of the gravity of my situation"
A mischievous smile played on his fine features; "You could come back to Mirkwood with me and bond with me. Then you would know that your little secret was safe."
She arched a brow, commenting offhandedly, "Come now, Lirahall. You know that I have the same knowledge of you as you have of me. Besides, I would rather die a thousand deaths before wedding you."
He put his hand over his heart, "I am hurt, my dear. Then again, you are correct in the presumption that I have not divulged my assassin training to Lord Tharanduil, although he knows that I can and have killed."
Narrowing her eyes, she said, "Then we have come to an understanding. I will not tell anyone that you also are one of Kelutanya's assassins, and in return you will return the favor."
Lirahall nodded, not moving from his post at the entryway.
He watched her with interested regard, his voice falling to a whisper so faint that her elfin ears could barely decipher the sounds, "So beautiful, yet so deadly…" He trailed off, his eyes caressing the golden folds of her hair.
She glared at him, refusing to wither beneath his gaze like she was sure all the other maidens had before her. "Leave. Now." She said tightly.
He bowed halfheartedly before turning to leave. Just before the door closed, she heard him whisper, "You will have to face your fear sooner or later."
Those words piqued her curiosity. She knew that he was right, but what exactly did she fear? Did she really fear that the other elves would find out what she had been trained to do? Did she really fear their judgment for what she had already done? The answer that wound its way into her mind was a most definite NO. Than what did she fear, if it was not those two things?
With sudden realization, it dawned upon her that the thing she feared most was the training itself, the experiences themselves. For some reason, she felt that if she came to terms with, or remembered those experiences, that somehow that the training would begin to control her. She was afraid that she would become the tyrant that she had been educated to be. It was the same fear that had kept her from letting herself love Haldir, she had been ultimately afraid of herself, of her past experiences.
A thought tugged at her consciousness. She wanted to be free. Free from the fear. The thought grew until it consumed her whole mind. Freedom. The sweet intonations dripped like honeyed water upon parched lips: FREEDOM. And she knew what she had to do for that freedom, and at that moment it did not matter that she was banished to work the mines in Moria for the rest of eternity. She would accept her past, every gruesome detail. She now understood that her past experiences, both good and bad, could not control her. They were merely there, tools for her to use. That's it. Just tools. Period.
Suddenly, she wanted to tell everyone. Not that it would be a happy event, they would most likely send her to exile; but it would free her from hiding anything more in her heart. She could stop trying so hard to close her memories off to Galadriel, she could stop pretending to not know how to use weapons in front of the Lords of the house. She could look into Haldir's eyes when he talked about his tutors and teachers. Haldir…
She sighed, her mind pulling, gnawing at the things that Lirahall had said, 'I wonder what REALLY took him away from me tonight?' she speculated. What if he really did have another lover? A daughter?
She lay back on the bed, her arms flung wide open, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling. Had he lied to her? She remembered the many times he had said that she was his ONE love. His only love. Was this other… this other….other woman his one love? His eternal bond mate?
Remarkably, Élharma found that no matter how long she pondered this, she could not find anger for him in her heart. She simply loved him too much to feel spite for him.
A single diamond tear rolled down her face when she considered the possibility of losing him. If he did have someone else, especially if that other female had produced his daughter, he would marry the other. Élharma desperately did not want to lose him, but because she cared so much for him, she knew that she would have to let him go. Of course, it would be easier to let him go if he was angry with her; and it was more than likely that he would be when she told him that she had been betrothed to Lirahall. Even more was the likelihood that he would be very VERY angry when he found out that she was a trained killer, especially after he found out what her last assignment had been.
With this resolve lingering in her mind, she listened for the return of her beloved.
Eventually, the thunder subsided and the sound of raindrops falling faded into a faint whisper. A fresh breeze blew under the patio door, carrying with it the scent of wet trees and grass.
Élharma found the rain undeniably inviting, so she slipped soundlessly out of the large glass doors onto the terrace. There she stood, letting the refreshing water wash over her, cleansing her thoughts of all of the fear that had inundated her very soul only a few short hours ago. She closed her eyes, feeling the tiny droplets converge upon her long lashes and run in rivulets down her cheeks.
Standing in the slight rain cleared Élharma's head, bringing peace to her mind and body. With firm resolution, she decided that no matter who was Haldir's life mate, she would determine to remain his friend. Yes, she cared for him now too much to simply stop loving him. She decided that even if he did not return her feelings, she would love him forever. To her ultimate surprise, a sensation of total and complete satisfaction came from these simple thoughts.
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As they walked through the rain, Haldir felt an ever- increasing worry embed itself within his heart. He dreaded facing Élharma. He knew that it would break her heart to find out that he had been keeping a secret from her, and the fact that he would hurt her broke his heart.
When they had neared Imladris, he looked to the terrace that he knew would lead to Élharma's room. To his surprise, she was standing there, still clad in the evening dress, standing out in the rain. At the sight of her, his heart leapt into his throat, she was beautiful. She was not looking at them, her head was thrown back towards the sky and her eyes were closed. A smile graced her fair features, and the gentle mist made her skin seem to glow.
He felt someone watching him. Looking around, he felt Cee looking at him curiously. Her dark eyes flitted from the figure on the balcony to him and back again. She smiled, "You love her, don't you?"
He nodded ardently.
"She is beautiful." The woman said.
Haldir smiled, "That she is."
"How is she going to react when you tell her that you have had another lover? I assume that she does not know, as your lord Celeborn did not." The young woman asked.
Haldir nodded, "She will be hurt, and it will break my heart."
The girl nodded, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Anything." He answered.
She continued, "I know that elves can only love, truly love once. Who is your true love?"
Haldir winced, this human (correction, his DAUGHTER) had a way of getting to the point, "You don't mince words, do you? I am sorry to have to tell you this, but my love is with the maiden on the balcony. I regret to tell you this, and please don't think less of me or of elves, but my affair with your mother was just that: an affair."
She quirked and eyebrow, "And you think that I don't mince words? Anyway, I thought that you would say that. Somehow, my mother knew; it probably had something to do with the fact that you never returned to her. Now, anyway, tell me about yourself."
He did, telling her about the different twists and turns that his life had taken, and in turn she told him about herself.
He found out that her mother had moved to a small town called Holar in the northern part of Rohan, a place more elf friendly. She had grown up there, working as a maid at one of the inns. Her mother had died at the ripe age of 96. Cee apparently had the long lifespan of one of the halfelven. A few years ago, she had fallen in love with one of the Dunaden men and they had been married. A year later, their daughter was born. Then, about six months ago, orcs raided the town and took many for slaves. Cee recounted with tears that her husband and three year old daughter were two of the many victims, being taken to Mordor to work in the mines.
Haldir's heart went out to this woman. She exhibited an inner strength that was not unusual with humans in that she had lost everything that had been dear to her, yet hope still lingered in her heart.
The party entered Imladris, and Cee was shown to her room. All of the others quickly dispersed, leaving Haldir standing alone in the entryway. With a heavy and unsure heart, he stood there, the water dripping from his clothing to form a shallow pool at his feet. He could not decide weather to go and see Élharma or to go to his room and talk to her in the morning.
After a few moments, he turned as if in a trance and trudged up the stairs. Élharma could wait; right now, he needed time to think. Just as his weary head came into contact with the softness of the pillow, he heard in his mind Élharma's sweet voice, "I love you."
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Élharma felt Haldir's indecision. She felt the weariness not only of his body, but also the weariness that plagued his very spirit. She keethed her peace and joy into his heart as she felt him drift into sleep. It had been a long night for both of them and it was best that they take some time to process all of the information before seeing the other.
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Élharma awoke in the still darkness that comes just before dawn. The morning air was still, for the evening animals had quieted and the creatures of the day had not yet awaken. This was her favorite time of day, so she wrapped the plush blanket about her shoulders and sat upon the balcony. The air held a crispness that caused her to snuggle even deeper into the down coverlet.
There was a faint knock on her door.
"Come," She said.
Haldir came sleepily through the room, his own robe wrapped snugly about him. He stood in the doorway for a moment, his hair tousled and his eyes droopy from just waking up. Élharma grinned up at him and patted the spot on the couch next to her. He meandered to her and fell heavily against the cushions. She leaned against him, snuggling her head against the firm muscles of his chest.
He stroked her head, following her hair down the thick braid until he could curl the end in his finger. He hated the fact that she always bound up her hair so tightly; in his opinion it should be left loose. He leaned his head down and kissed the golden waves.
"Can I unfurl your hair, my beloved?" He whispered
He felt her smile against his chest as she replied, "Of course."
Slowly, still lethargic from having just awakened, he untied the knot of leather holding the end. Working the rest of the braid loose with his fingers, he reveled the feeling of its silken length against his hand.
"Élharma, my love. I have something to tell you." He murmured, continuing to gently comb his fingers through her soft tresses.
She drew back slightly, bringing her face level with his, "As do I."
He sighed, she was making this harder than he thought it would be. He could think of no other way to tell her than to just say it, so he held his breath slightly and blurted out, "I have a daughter."
She smiled, resting her forehead against his, the mists of her blue green eyes swirling in a mesmerizing pattern of colors just inches from his own pale green ones, "I know. And I also know that you will be marrying her mother. You are just that kind of elf. Honorable. Loyal."
Haldir smiled, she was taking this better than he cold have ever dreamed, "No, I will not. You see, her mother died many years ago."
Élharma frowned, he was not making sense at all. Why in the world was he smiling if his one love had died? She averted her eyes, laying her head once again on his chest, "I am sorry for your loss."
Haldir laughed, reaching a hand up to caress the gently peak of her ear, "You are quite mistaken. I did not love her, I do not."
Élharma smiled now, but only for a moment before she looked at the ground again, "I have something to tell you as well." She said as she moved to the other end of the settee.
Concerned, he looked at her imploringly.
She did not meet his gaze, "Two things actually. First, do you remember Lord Tharanduil's advisor?" She asked.
He nodded. He most certainly did! He had caught that arrogant elf staring at his beloved Élharma one to many times last night.
"Well, I was at one time promised to him. He was my betrothed." She continued, flinching slightly at the words.
Stunned slightly, he asked, "But you never wed, right?"
She nodded slightly before continuing, "Then there is the second thing,"
But she never had the opportunity to finish because at that moment, one of the house servants burst in. "Mi lady! Sir! Élharma! Haldir! Oh, I am so sorry that I have to interrupt you like this, but you are called to breakfast with the Lords. They request your presence immediately, for the matter in question is quite urgent." He slammed the door in a flourish.
The two elves leapt off of the couch and into the room in a flurry of excitement. Haldir placed a light kiss on Élharma's delicate fingers, apologizing, "I am sorry, but whatever you have to say is going to have to wait," And before Élharma had time to reply, he was gone.
Alone now, Élharma dressed hurriedly in one of her riding outfits. Running a brush through her hair and throwing a cloak about her shoulders, she rushed to the dining hall.
There, she saw that Haldir had already arrived, as had most of the other household heads of the various cities represented. She saw the raven colored hair of a human woman and assumed that it was Haldir's daughter. While Elrond was speaking, Arwen, who sat on the other side of Élharma, updated the maiden.
Apparently, Haldir's daughter's daughter and husband had been enslaved by the orcs and taken to Mordor and the woman, Cee, had pleaded to the council to help free them. They were discussing how to help.
"We cannot send our troops to a certain death in Mordor. Not in a direct assault." Elrond said.
Lord Celeborn interjected, "We cannot just leave them there! I know that men and elves have been at odds for the past few decades, but they are not just men! At least one has elfish blood running in her veins."
Lady Galadriel, quiet and surreal as always suggested, "What about a small team to go in under cover and release the prisoners?"
Arwen nodded, "I agree with the lady, we send in a small group of highly trained warriors who sneak in, get the prisoners and sneak back out."
Celeborn and Elrond nodded, they liked this idea, but Tharanduil asked, "And where are you suggesting we get such highly trained warriors? Our ranks have not received such training since long before the great war."
There was a long silence, all the elves at the table contemplated the truth to this.
Cee spoke up, tears falling from her eyes to stain the brocade gown she wore, "Please, I beg you. They are the only ones I have. PLEASE! Is there no one?"
Élharma felt the sting of pity on this young woman. Standing suddenly, she said, "I will go."
All eyes turned to her, and she met their gaze boldly.
Lord Tharanduil scoffed, "And how does a mere maiden think she can take on all of the armies of the dark realm? Sit down."
Élharma leveled her gaze to the lord, "I am one of Kelutanya's assassins." She said bluntly.
Tharanduil scoffed, "A thing of childhood rhymes and songs meant to scare little elflets into submission. That is not real."
Lirahall stood, drawing his bow and an arrow, he dipped the feathers of the arrow in the red plum sauce. He notched the arrow in the bow and held it taunt as he said, "She is. I will prove it to you."
The hall was silent, everyone held their breaths as the twang of his bowstring echoed into their ears. All eyes snapped back to Élharma, who was suddenly standing with an arrow clenched in her trembling fist, the point pressed lightly against the material covering her heart. Her eyes were glued to the motionless shaft as red plum sauce dripped quietly upon her plate. The stillness was deafening. Suddenly, Élharma seemed to come out of a trance and the arrow fell to the table with a clatter.
Haldir watched her warily, unsure weather to believe this new news or not. How could someone who loved living things with such a passion be a killer? The very idea troubled his heart, a seed of mistrust planted itself unknowingly in his heart.
Lirahall declared loudly, "As you know, Kelutanya imprinted this reflex into all of his students. I would know, I am also one." Everyone looked at him wonderingly.
He continued, "I will go."
Haldir, not wishing to leave this elf alone with Élharma, stood and said, "I will go," also not quite believing what he had heard, he wished to see such training manifest itself firsthand.
Cee, her eyes burning with renewed hope stood and said, "As will I."
Elrond, who was the first to regain his composure said, "Well, I guess we have our small party of highly trained warriors."
The four in question reclaimed their seats and began making preparations to leave.
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Editor's commentary:
Hmmm. What do you think her 'last assignment' had been? Do you think that Lirahall will win Élharma's love? He seems to be the only one who believes in her very unique abilities. Do you think that someone is going to die? What was the REAL reason Lirahall wanted to go on this mission? Do you think that when Haldir sees Élharma kill something he will still be able to love her? What about this seed of mistrust? Do you think it will grow into anything substancial?
Author's comments:
OK, this chapter was HELL to write. Let me know what you think. This mission will either make or break their commitment and love for one another. They could actually die. Or be maimed. Or whatever.. (laughs maniacally)
Thank you for all these reviews! And I promise that the next chapter will be a WHOLE lot more interesting.
Please don't forget to review!!!!