EL pressed the button on the intercom that magically appeared on her desk. "Ogre, did you get your new suit yet?"
"Why yes o wise and infinite one." Was the sniveling reply.
"Great. Would you call the boys back in here? I need them to fill out some paperwork before they go to Hawaii." El leaned back in her Italian leather recliner. The office was looking quite nice; and she didn't even feel strained. It was good to have a magic laptop; it would've been hell to find a bay window this time of spring.
"Of course ma'am."
The four trooped in moments later. Kurama looked around approvingly. "Very nice. I had thought the silver would've offset the green; but using the forest green instead of grass green was a nice decision."
EL shrugged. "Eh; all that time wasted watching TLC was actually a good idea."
Hiei raised an eyebrow. "Where'd you find a bay window this time of spring?"
"The magic laptop." EL put her hand on a stack of papers that had magically appeared. "Now, I've called you all back here to fill out these questionnaires. And they have to be done before you can go."
The mortals accepted their papers, seeing no way to escape from the infinitely evil power of EL. Hiei glared at her.
"Did I mention you're just absolutely to die for when you're giving me that wicked die-bitch-die look?" suddenly the lighting in the room faded to a single spotlight focused on the evil girl. Several cherry blossom petals floated past her (and some landing in her hair) and onto the rest of the room. Then a bright blue finger disrupted the angst of the scene.
"Um…your assistant's hand just slipped." Kurama pointed out.
The lighting returned to normal.
"Dammit Ogre." EL sighed. "Oh, just go…um…go out to lunch, or something. Oh, and by the way…nice Zoot suit."
Ogre bowed out.
"Now, as I was saying, you'll have to fill these out, and then I have to post them-"
"WHAT THE HELL!?!" Hiei demanded. "These are obscene, and personal, and I REFUSE!"
EL narrowed her eyes, and slipped off her glasses. "You'll do it because I own your tight little butt."
"I won't." he sneered.
EL frowned. "You'll cooperate or you'll be punished."
"I'm ready!" he declared, tensing.
"Oh no, you're not gettin off easy this time." She replied, typing. "Besides, your grossly caricaturized mum is at a bridge tournament. Now this is your last chance to cooperate or else."
Hiei snorted. "You have no power over me."
EL grinned. "Sorry, this isn't Labyrinth." She hit the ENTER key.
Hiei found himself in the world's most uncomfortable position. He was on the desk of the evil, heinous, usurping bitch EL in a sparkly purple G-string with one hand on his hip and the other cocked at an odd angle.
"Now sing my little three-eyed wonder, sing." She commanded, grinning.
"No."
EL sighed.
Hiei twitched. "I'm a little teapot, short and stout-oh what the hell?!" he tried to slap her hand away.
EL sat back down, the $20 still clutched in her hand. "You're in a G-string. This is standard." She smiled. "Now keep singing, or cooperate."
"Here is my handle, here is my spout-I'm gonna kill you." He declared.
The other three were on the ground, rolling with laughter.
"Ok you three, up and on your feet, or else someone's getting put in a chicken suit and they have to do the Macarena."
Hiei jumped off the desk, and curled up in a fetal position on the couch. He was FREEZING.
"Ok, ok, I suppose I'll let you put some clothes on." EL's fingers flew over the keyboard.
A very disgruntled Hiei was actually quite pleased…for the moment.
"Oh, and Yusuke was kind enough to take pictures for me, so I have plenty of blackmail material on my hard drive." EL leaned back in her chair.
"Uh…why are you so horrible to Hiei? I thought you loved him." Kuwabara stuttered, successfully cowed by the awesome evilness that is EL.
"Oh, I positively adore him! But it's a love-hate relationship. I love him, he hates the horrible things I do to him, he begins to cooperate, I make his life better. That's just how it is! ^^"
"I've never known anyone to end their sentence with ^^." Kurama mused.
"I couldn't help myself-I'm so pleased with this job. Now, go into the room next door, fill out those forms, and I'll post them so that we can find the perfect girl." EL got up, and shooed them out of the office. Then she sat back down in the overstuffed Italian reclining desk chair. "This is going to be quite wonderful!"
"Why yes o wise and infinite one." Was the sniveling reply.
"Great. Would you call the boys back in here? I need them to fill out some paperwork before they go to Hawaii." El leaned back in her Italian leather recliner. The office was looking quite nice; and she didn't even feel strained. It was good to have a magic laptop; it would've been hell to find a bay window this time of spring.
"Of course ma'am."
The four trooped in moments later. Kurama looked around approvingly. "Very nice. I had thought the silver would've offset the green; but using the forest green instead of grass green was a nice decision."
EL shrugged. "Eh; all that time wasted watching TLC was actually a good idea."
Hiei raised an eyebrow. "Where'd you find a bay window this time of spring?"
"The magic laptop." EL put her hand on a stack of papers that had magically appeared. "Now, I've called you all back here to fill out these questionnaires. And they have to be done before you can go."
The mortals accepted their papers, seeing no way to escape from the infinitely evil power of EL. Hiei glared at her.
"Did I mention you're just absolutely to die for when you're giving me that wicked die-bitch-die look?" suddenly the lighting in the room faded to a single spotlight focused on the evil girl. Several cherry blossom petals floated past her (and some landing in her hair) and onto the rest of the room. Then a bright blue finger disrupted the angst of the scene.
"Um…your assistant's hand just slipped." Kurama pointed out.
The lighting returned to normal.
"Dammit Ogre." EL sighed. "Oh, just go…um…go out to lunch, or something. Oh, and by the way…nice Zoot suit."
Ogre bowed out.
"Now, as I was saying, you'll have to fill these out, and then I have to post them-"
"WHAT THE HELL!?!" Hiei demanded. "These are obscene, and personal, and I REFUSE!"
EL narrowed her eyes, and slipped off her glasses. "You'll do it because I own your tight little butt."
"I won't." he sneered.
EL frowned. "You'll cooperate or you'll be punished."
"I'm ready!" he declared, tensing.
"Oh no, you're not gettin off easy this time." She replied, typing. "Besides, your grossly caricaturized mum is at a bridge tournament. Now this is your last chance to cooperate or else."
Hiei snorted. "You have no power over me."
EL grinned. "Sorry, this isn't Labyrinth." She hit the ENTER key.
Hiei found himself in the world's most uncomfortable position. He was on the desk of the evil, heinous, usurping bitch EL in a sparkly purple G-string with one hand on his hip and the other cocked at an odd angle.
"Now sing my little three-eyed wonder, sing." She commanded, grinning.
"No."
EL sighed.
Hiei twitched. "I'm a little teapot, short and stout-oh what the hell?!" he tried to slap her hand away.
EL sat back down, the $20 still clutched in her hand. "You're in a G-string. This is standard." She smiled. "Now keep singing, or cooperate."
"Here is my handle, here is my spout-I'm gonna kill you." He declared.
The other three were on the ground, rolling with laughter.
"Ok you three, up and on your feet, or else someone's getting put in a chicken suit and they have to do the Macarena."
Hiei jumped off the desk, and curled up in a fetal position on the couch. He was FREEZING.
"Ok, ok, I suppose I'll let you put some clothes on." EL's fingers flew over the keyboard.
A very disgruntled Hiei was actually quite pleased…for the moment.
"Oh, and Yusuke was kind enough to take pictures for me, so I have plenty of blackmail material on my hard drive." EL leaned back in her chair.
"Uh…why are you so horrible to Hiei? I thought you loved him." Kuwabara stuttered, successfully cowed by the awesome evilness that is EL.
"Oh, I positively adore him! But it's a love-hate relationship. I love him, he hates the horrible things I do to him, he begins to cooperate, I make his life better. That's just how it is! ^^"
"I've never known anyone to end their sentence with ^^." Kurama mused.
"I couldn't help myself-I'm so pleased with this job. Now, go into the room next door, fill out those forms, and I'll post them so that we can find the perfect girl." EL got up, and shooed them out of the office. Then she sat back down in the overstuffed Italian reclining desk chair. "This is going to be quite wonderful!"