Chris Folterman
Period 2
5/10/03
The Ring, the Purple Latex Aardvark and the Fighting Plunger
Many many moons ago there was a boy by the name of Jake. Jake was walking through the Wal-Mart super-center until he came about some thing that he desired at first sight. He was staring right at the one of the cheap toy things for a quarter. Then at once he rushed back to his mom who was at the check out counter. He then asked his mom desperately for one quarter to put into the machine to get a toy. So his mother giving in gave him a quarter she had at the bottom of her purse. Jake then rushed to the machine and put the quarter in place to turn the knob. Then slowly he turned knob and soon there was a small capsule at the bottom the machine with something inside. He then quickly opened the capsule to find a green, plastic, circular ring that fit his finger perfectly. As soon as he put the ring on his finger he felt the immense power that it welded.
The next day after coming home from school Jake gave his mother the unpleasant news that he was given two detentions and one referral. When his mother asked what these punishments were for Jake said in a malicious voice, "I beat three kids up because I now have the power."
The next day at school he quickly executed his teacher with his ruler at first sight. The other students ran and called for help. When the SWAT team arrived they shot down Jake at first sight. But as Jake fell the green plastic ring left his finger and fell down into the deepest sewer.
As the ring continuously fell it left Outer Earth and soon it was entering Middle Earth. The ring must have been falling for 3 weeks before it made its complete stop, which was landing and bouncing off the head of the great wizard, Gandalf while taking a shower. The wizard instantly fell unconscious. When he awoke he was still in his shower with the water running. At his side was the green ring. Gandalf then picked up the ring and said to himself, "I have long feared the day when this ring would come down upon Middle Earth." Gandalf then knew he must take it upon the council to find out what to do with the ring.
The wizard then met at the council where Legolas the elf, Gimli the dwarf, Strider the human, and Shrodo the bobbit were. He placed the green ring before the council. Gandalf then said, "The ring says on its inside 'Made In China' only there it can be unmade." Gimli then said, "Let's end this now and save ourselves the plot of this story." He then took his giant axe and wailed at the ring. The ring did not have a scratch on its green plastic surface. Strider said, "It is most evident that we go to China to unmake this ring so that no child ever again gets its finger on it. You may have my sword." Then Gimli said in his deep raspy voice, "You may have my ass." Then Legolas answered, "I'll give you a bow". Shrodo and Gandalf just then stared at the three in silence. Gandalf then broke the silence and said, "Then it's settled. We shall go to Outer Earth to get this plastic piece of crap unmade."
The party then made its way up the long dark sewer toward Outer Earth. It was weeks before there was any disturbance in the long dark tunnel. Gimli said to the crowd in his raspy voice, "I like taking the sewer, it's nice and dark."
One day traveling (or it could have been night) in the tunnel there was a odd noise none that any of them have heard of before. The noise continued for days. Then one moment the noise had stopped. Appearing in the middle of the tunnel falling was an aardvark covered in purple latex. He then said to the five, "My name is Tooty and I have come for the ring that you carry." Gandalf then said, "You will not get the ring that we posses." Both of them knew that a fight was soon about to begin.
Then Tooty jumped towards the wizard. Gandalf dodged the attack and hit the aardvark with his long staff. Tooty at once got up and began moving in an odd way shaking himself. There was a painful squeaking sound and it was coming from the latex that Tooty was wearing. All the five were on the ground moaning in pain from the annoying sound of the latex.
Gandalf then moved his staff through the air and said some fancy words that made him look like he knew what he was doing. Rays of light spawned from the tip of the staff and were headed toward Tooty. But then suddenly the rays bounced off the latex and hit the wizard. Instantly he turned into a chimpanzee. Gandalf then said, "Oh well this can't be good." Tooty then stopped the persistent noise and headed toward the wizard for the ring. All seemed to be at a terrible end for the aardvark would certainly give the ring to the children.
But then suddenly out of the darkness something struck the aardvark and made him topple to the ground. When the shadow appeared it was a giant plunger. The plunger then identified himself to the party as Chaser. He said that he had been part of the Mario Brothers and that he separated from them on one of their journeys in the deep dark sewers.
The plunger continued to fight Tooty with no sign of giving up. The two engaged in combat for over four hours. Between Tooty's squeaking latex and the plungers dirty bottom plunging it seemed that it would have been hours before anyone would appear victorious.
Tooty said to the plunger, "You appear to be one fighting plunger that won't give up. But now try and stop me when I perform the inflating latex balloon of doom." Chaser then cried out not to perform the inflating latex balloon of doom because he knew that the balloon would inflate up so much that it would cause everyone to suffocate. Tooty made the first balloon but luckily messed up making it. The end result was that all seven of them flew through the tunnel and appeared up at Outer Earth. Gandalf and Company were quite excited.
Soon Tooty began to make another balloon but this time he would not mess up. He made his squeaking noise to keep the others from attacking.
Then in the sky out of no where a giant melon was headed directly toward earth. The chimpanzee Gandalf then yelled to Shrodo, "Throw the ring into the melon, It's our only certain chance that the ring will be unmade." But Shrodo yelled back, "I don't have the ring, you left it at your house." The wizard then said, "Damn, that really blows." Just then all of Outer Earth was destroyed and no survivors remained.
The green plastic ring remained on the wizard's dresser until the REAL Gandalf found it. He said to himself at that moment, "YEEESSSSS, now my bottle cap collection is complete."