Regrets
Pairing : Harry/Severus
Spoilers : Um. . . all of them I think, set somewhere in Harry's 6th year
Rating :Well its gona be pretty tame, a few innuendos nothing to bad I should
hope, maybe some violence and gore later on so for now, um PG-13? (I'm
not to clued up on the ratings so forgive me if it's to high/low)
Summary :Harry is involved in the last battle and runs to the only person who takes
Harry for Harry to comfort him, that man is Severus Snape. Yes People
this is SLASH! As in M/M, guys' in love! So if you don't like it,
Run! Run far away!
A/N :Well this is my first fic! YEAY! I am hopeless for plots, it seems like
they are avoiding me, I think I must have hurt there feelings some how, oh
well, this is just an attempt at starting a story; I live for feed back ppl!
Even flames, but constructive criticism ppl, I do know that at the moment
this story is just the ramblings of one very insane monkey but if you
guys can help Id love it! (and yes I know this chappy is way to short.)
Oh and Disclaimer, Well, I'm not JKR, I really really wana be, but apparently, just cos I wana be her doesn't mean I am her, but personally I think that's just some stupid rumour, I mean really, one person just cant keep Draco all to them selves can they? So oh well, I'll just have to go on hopping!
/flashback/
Harry stood on the edge of the battle field, people all around had fallen, Neville, Terry, Sprout, Narcisa Malfoy, Goyle, Nott and countless others. He watched paralysed at the death surrounding him.
He was Harry Potter, he was supposed to have saved them all, but he hadn't, he had just stood there. He didn't have that luxury now.
"Harry, Harry, Harry, isn't it beautiful? Like an ocean of blood, can you hear it call to you?" Harry had felt the cold shadow of Tom Riddle slide up behind him from the chaos of the battle. He couldn't say anything, he didn't trust his voice, he didn't trust himself. He could feel the call of the blood, the death, it was begging him to join it, and Harry was fighting a losing battle with it.
"Little one?" Riddles voice was smooth and seductive, like a perfectly sharpened knife, cutting through Harry's resistance, "join me."
"No." Harry still had his back to Riddle his eyes scanning the field, he desperately wanted to look away but a morbid curiosity kept his eyes glued to the seen laid before him. His voice held no emotion what so ever.
"Well," chuckled Voldemort, the sound was un-natural, evil and sinister, "that sounds convincing. No. . . Where is you Gryffindor courage Harry? Or have you finally realised that you don't belong with them," he gestured to a group of Order members, Dumbledore at the head of them, "but with me." A cold clammy hand brushed his cheek. "With the sssssnakessss, and ttthe dark."
Harry fought the urge to say yes, to turn and forget the grief, the guilt and all the hell of his life, to be more powerful than most could even hope, to live forever and not to have to live up to any one.
The battle raged on around them and still the Gryffindor Golden Boy didn't answer. No one dared to interrupt them, the Order afraid of hurting Harry, the Death Eaters afraid of offending their Lord.
Harry's eyes picked out a familiar form. The man looked larger than life, his cloak billowed around him and his wand sent off wave after wave of curses and shields. At his feet lay a discarded Death Eater mask, stained in blood and earth, the masks white making an unearthly contrast to the dark red and mud that surrounded it.
The mans face was unremarkable, with no really memorable features, but that was the point. The man was Snape, hexing Death Eaters for all he was worth. The simple yet powerful glamour that hid his features gave him the means to fight for the light side and still spy.
If there was a battle then Snape would go in as a Death Eater, when it started his mask would drop and the glamour would go up, no one ever even knew he was there, except Voldemort who thought he was fighting on the dark side and a select few Order members that had seen the glamour, yet if the fight was lost Severus would return to spying.
There Harry thought was the real hero of the war, he risked his life daily and was hated by both sides, he was accepted no where and completely trusted by precious few. He was nothing but a shadow, the moment he had agreed to become a spy he had made his life forfeit.
Harry felt rather than saw the dark magic that coursed through the battle bend to Snapes will. The forbidden power twisted around him and protected him, like it was a part of him.
It was the same Evil that called to Harry, and it seemed as though Snape had given into it. Yet Harry was still adamant he would not. He would not risk becoming the next Dark Lord.
Ron Fell. Somewhere in his peripheral vision Harry saw him drop to his knees at the hands of his elder brother Percy, who had defected when he heard about Crouch's son.
Harry lost it. First Hermione scarcely a year ago, and now Ron and countless others, his only family were slowly being picked off one by one and he would soon be left with nothing, hell he might be alone already, he had no idea what had happened to his godfather and Lupin.
He closed his eyes and turned around bowing his head submissively. The cold hand traced his cheek bone down to his lips and then ran lightly across his cupids bow. "Have you finally sssseen Harry? I am all that'sss left, I am the only one, your only hope." Still Harry didn't even hazard a glance at the thing before him.
He dropped his barriers, let the Evil in and let it control him. Let it race through his veins, more additive than any drug. "Tom," he whispered.
"Yessss?" Harry opened his eyes, gone was Voldemorts scaly skin and red eyes, he was exactly as Harry remembered him in second year. Perfect. . . Just great.
Un able to resist the seduction of the danger that surrounded the now deadly hansom form Harry leaned in and kissed him softly, drawing on his magic. "Good bye." He said in the same whisper and summoned all the magic he could lay his hands on, including Snapes.
He wanted it gone. He wanted the death to end. Lashing out he screamed and threw open his arms sending off waves of power, bringing Riddle to his knees, shocked he was taken off guard. Almost immediately he tried to rectify the situation rectifying as many barriers as he could.
Almost every Death eater fell. Only those closest to Voldemort and Severus survived the attack.
Voldemort hissed at Harry. "You will regret that sweet." Harry didn't like the pet name but he was in no condition to retort. Blood was rushing to his ears and he seriously doubted he had enough strength to do a simple levitation spell, yet he was sure that Voldemort was in a similar situation. He may not be death but Harry could tell that if nothing else he had striped the man of his immortality and for the mean time the mans strength as well.
Voldemort summoned the death eaters and Apparated away. Harry simply dropped to the ground.
Dead.
All of them.
Because of him.
He must have killed about thirty Death Eaters. How many had been under the Impervious? How many of them had children? How many? This was supposed to be the last battle, the last one. The one where Harry 'banished' The Dark Lord and the world went off to live happily ever after. The one where he went home to his wife and beautiful little baby in their house with a white picket fence and spent the rest of his life in bliss.
But it wasn't for so many reasons. Harry couldn't be happy, not now, not any more. There was no wife, no baby, no picket fence and there never would be. The only person he had ever believed that possible with had been 'Mione and she had been killed for that reason, after that he realized there never would be a 'wife', boyfriend perhaps but no baby, no wife, no conventional family. The wizarding world was not very forgiving of Gay people, they did not accept it, they were very Victorian in that way.
Voldemort was still alive, not by much but still there, Snape would still have to spy, Draco would still have to live in constant fear of being forced to get the Dark Mark, Siri would still have to run, all that death had been for nothing.
Harry didn't cry, that wasn't what The Boy Who Lived did, The Boy Who Lived was strong, the figurehead of the wizarding world. He stood, shakily and touched the Port-Key around his neck and returned to Hogwarts with the rest of the survivors.
He wandered the dark halls of the Dungeons for hours, they were fitting for his mood. They were cold, completely stone and offered no comfort, he did not deserve comfort. He was a murderer.
It was late, he was exhausted, still he walked. He had never been this far down the Dungeons before, the air was thick and musty and the cold was biting at his skin. From some ware he could feel a warm sort of magic, he walked towards it, the corridors down here were deserted and Harry was curious as to just who would be so isolated from the rest of the castle.
A portrait hung in front of Harry and what ever the ever so enticing magic was. The painting was tall and had a snake sleeping soundly in the frame.
"Hello." Harry hissed at the picture.
"Hello, are you ssspeaking to me?" The picture looked at him, not in the least put out by being woken up.
"Yesss."
"I have not ssspoken to a man in sssuch a long time. Not many people can sssspeak to me, can I help you ssssspecial one?"
"I'm not sssspecial."
"You are I can feel it." Harry wasn't in the mood to argue so he just shrugged.
"I wassss wondering can I ssssee whatssss behind thisss door?"
"I'm not ssssuposed to let any one in with out the passsss word, but you remind me of the man who usssed to ussse this room, ssso I will let you in." Harry became nervous.
"Wasss the man Tom Riddle?"
"No, The Dark Lord never came into thissss room, I would not let him, The lassst man to sssspeak like you who came to thisss room wassss Slytherin, I hope you like what you find in here Harry Potter, I think you might find sssome thing to make you happy."
"I can't be happy."
"Maybe it will jussst help you forget then." Harry didn't want to question how the picture knew who he was, or why he wouldn't let Tom Riddle in this room, that implied that The Dark Lord had known about this place to. He stepped through as the frame swung off its hinges and Gawked.
The room was beautiful, and he could feel the dark magic radiating off the walls, it was a powerful place. The walls were stone and so were the floors, black, silver and ret tapestries hung on the walls and a fire blazed in the hearth. On a love seat in front lay Severus, in fresh black robes staring blankly at the fire.
Harry wanted to forget, he wanted to be normal, to be accepted, he wanted to be forgiven. As coal black eyes met his he added another want to the list, He wanted Severus Snape, someone who could understand the dark that filled his core.
Severus' eyes followed Harry but he didn't say a word, he had seen what the boy had done today, he had felt it. Severus wanted to make it better, he wanted to protect the boy from all the things he couldn't, over the past 6 years he had almost died god knows how many time protecting other people. He was tired, he wanted to think of himself for once, and when he looked into those bug emerald orbs the boy had he did just that.
Walking forward he put his arms around Harry, and broke the silence both of them feared so much yet hid behind so often.
"Live your life with out regrets, what you do cannot be undone. Live with what you have done and move on, regrets will only hurt. You can help no one that way. As they say, Carpe Diem*. Don't torment yourself Harry, you saved so many today." With that he kissed Harry. He was so sick of being alone, of being surrounded by people who thought that just because he used dark magic he was evil, he wondered how the boy had found him, he was well tucked away in Slytherins layer, but he found it hard to care when he felt Harry kiss back eagerly. He was not alone, even if it was just for a moment.
/End flashback/
Harry woke up for the second time that day. His dreams had not been pleasant. He reached out to find Severus but came back empty handed, looking round the room he found him. The Potions Master was making breakfast or rather he was making copious amounts of strong coffee. Which was far better than food Harry mused. Dragging himself out of be he grabbed a pair of boxers and put them on, he was in desperate need of a shower so he didn't get dressed completely, first coffee then shower. After that Harry didn't know what he was going to do, and suddenly thinking that far into the future scared him.
"Morning." Severus said quickly and put a stemming mug in Harry's hands who gulped it gratefully.
"Morning."
"Have you thought about what your going to do today?" Harry grimaced, could this guy read minds or something?
"Shower."
"Very well. I am afraid I'll have to leave you for the day." Harry suddenly shocked both of them by letting out a terrified mew.
"I have to Harry, the Dark Lord sent us away last night because he doesn't like anyone seeing him weak, but I must go back and find out as much as I can about just how weak he has become."
"Yeah." Harry looked at the floor, he didn't want to lose Severus so quickly after getting him. "Come back in one piece. I. . . I. . . don't think I can." But Harry was cut short by lips pressed firmly over his own.
"I will never leave you alone Harry. Never."
A/N: Well this is longer!
GetSeverusStoned: Thank you =) you are my first reviewer *grins* Hope this is long enough!
Anna may: Really? Aw damn, it was supposed to make your computer sing and dance, well, I'll have to try and fix that, LOL! Thanks
Moraco: Oh My God I cant believe your reviewing my story, I loved Your, To Love A Master, It was so good *jumps up and down*
As always, plz review. I'm addicted to those lil emails from FF.net that tell ya you've got a new review. So if anyone feels the need Id be more than happy to get another one!
*Latin, Live for the Moment