The mirror in Hermione's bedroom was fuming. For the past two weeks, Hermione had been draping her school robes over it so it wouldn't see what she and the yummy Weasley boy were doing. But it could still hear them, that is, whenever it decided to listen in. And it decided to listen in every night. Like tonight.
After the usual preliminaries consisting of "Oh my God, Ron," "I need you inside me, Ron," "Faster, Ron, harder," "Oh God, Hermione," "Stop, stop, 'Mione, I need to be inside you," along with the usual endearments, mainly "Scarlet woman" and "Keeper boy," plus a fair amount of moaning, growling, whimpering and gasping thrown in for good measure, there was a long silence broken only by heavy breathing. And then:
"Can I move in here with you?"
"No, you may NOT."
"Aw, c'mon love, I've been asking you for the past two weeks now!"
"I said no, and I mean no."
"Can't I just bring along a few boxers, or maybe a towel?"
"Well,... all right, you can bring a towel, so you won't have to keep using mine. Oh, and a toothbrush, too. I don't care how many times you do a cleaning charm on my toothbrush, we still have to observe proper dental hygiene. But that's IT."
"'Mioneee..."
"NO. You have your own room. And we have to follow the rules. We are the Head Boy and Girl, after all."
The yummy Weasley boy responded with a loud groan, which was followed by--
"Don't you dare give me that sad puppy-dog look! What if we get caught?"
"But, love, everyone already knows. Even, er, Peeves and Mrs. Norris."
"I'm talking about the Professors. What would Dumbledore say if he knew?"
"I seriously doubt that he doesn't know about, well, this. And knowing him, maybe he'll say something along the lines of, 'It's about time.'"
"Oh, sure, and maybe McGonagall will do the hustle at the Leaving feast."
"Do the what?"
"Never mind."
"Right, then... why don't you move in with me instead?"
"Absolutely not! It's just as inappropriate as you moving in here! Besides, what would your parents say if they find out?"
"I don't think you need to worry too much about my mum and dad. My mum already thinks the world of you, anyway. She'll probably knit you jumpers till you're ninety. You and your crazy ideas, getting Winky to live at the Burrow. My mum will never be the same again. As for my dad, well, just give him a few plugs or a Muggle appliance at Christmas and he'll love you forever. So that just leaves... Bloody hell, Hermione, YOUR mum and dad will KILL me!"
"No, they won't. They already love you. I told them about how you saved me from a troll in first year, and how you belched up slugs for me because Malfoy called me a Mudblood and how you went and followed the spiders to the Forbidden Forest for me while I was petrified in second year, and how--."
"Oh, so now you're saying it'll be okay with your parents if we moved in together?"
"No, no, no! I did NOT say that!"
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I didn't!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"You said they love me! So they won't mind even if we lived together in a broom closet."
"That is NOT what I meant and you know it! Will you stop putting words in my mouth?!"
"Ha, ha, as if anyone could ever do that!"
"RON!"
"All right, all right, don't get your knickers in a twist. Oh, wait, you're not wearing any knickers. In fact, you're not wearing anything right now, are you?"
"The next words out of my mouth will be a very powerful hex."
"Did you know you look so cute when you're boiling mad?"
"Did you know you're evil?"
"Only after we make love. You just bring out the devil in me, you do."
There was a short silence followed by the sound of Hermione giggling like a ticklish six-year old.
"Ah, the sweet sound of laughter from the woman I love! My work here is nearly done. There's just one more thing for me to do now."
"What's that? Wait, where are you going? What are you looking for over there? What's that you're hiding... Ohhh!"
"D'you... d'you like it?"
"Oh, RON, it's so... Beautiful. Amazing. Perfect."
"Really? I just -- I made it myself. Couldn't find anything in Hogsmeade good enough for you. Percy, Fred and George didn't have any luck in Diagon Alley, either. So I asked Bill and Charlie to look for a likely-looking ring in Egypt and Romania and send me some photographs, but I didn't care for the ones they showed me. By the way, you were describing yourself back there."
"Oh, RON..."
"Just so you'd know, I'm already bound to you. All you have to do is smile at me and I'm as good as dead to any other woman. Bit annoying, really. So it's only fair for me to think of ways to bind you to me, too. After all, fair is fair."
"A-are you asking me to--"
"Who said anything about asking? You didn't ask me anything before you went and bound me to you."
"Ron--"
"You're so sneaky, you know, looking at me like that with those eyes and doing that thing where your tears are just gathered up there but aren't falling down, and that trembling bottom lip thing should just be declared illegal..."
"Ron--"
"And besides, how should I ask you? What do you want me to ask you? For all I know, the question I had in mind is nothing like the question you have in mind..."
"Ron--"
"Furthermore, there are sooo many things to consider about this sort of thing. It takes planning and timing and stuff like that, and you know me, always too hot-headed and too mmffhmmph--"
Neither of them spoke for some time, but the soft kissing noises, along with an occasional whimper, made it clear just what they were doing. Then:
"I guess that'll teach you to shut up."
"Well,... I don't think I've learnt my lesson yet. Could you, maybe, teach me some more? A little longer this time, and just a bit more tongue--"
"RONALD ARTHUR WEASLEY! SHUT UP!"
"Er,... right. Did you want to say something?"
"WILL YOU-- I mean,... will you marry me?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
"WHAT?! You mean you-- you-- provoked me into asking you to marry me?!"
"Well,... It -- it seemed like a good idea at the time. P-please don't kill me."
"Oh, you can open your eyes, you big baby. I'm not going to curse you."
"Oh, good. So, are you going to punish me for provoking you?"
"RON!"
"By the way, the answer is yes."
"Oh. Well, since you tricked me into asking you, I'm thinking maybe I didn't really mean to ask you--"
"HERMIONE!"
"All right, all right. Question asked and answered. Can we sleep now?"
"Well,... you have me so worked up I don't think I can sleep at all tonight. How about we go for a nice, long, honest-to-goodness shag instead?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
If mirrors could smile, the one in Hermione's room would've cracked one so wide that its wooden frame would be splintered.
-- THE END --
A/N:
1. Whew! That's done. If you liked my baby, drop me a "great job" review and I'll do a Snoopy dance. If you didn't like it, drop me a "this stinks" review and I'll laugh at you for having such bad taste (ha ha, just kidding).
2. Special thanks to my beta reader, the amazing sunshyndaisies! I am ready to crown you "Queen of the Universe" anytime you want.
3. I absolutely enjoyed writing from Ron's POV. Hermione, on the other hand, was a challenge; most of the time I was pulled in twenty different directions while writing her. It was tough trying to find a balance. She's a serious person, but I don't want her to be seen as a boring stiff. However, making her too funny would be so obviously OOC.
4. Yes, I confess, Ron's epitaph in Chapter 8 is a pathetic attempt at a limerick. Please don't kill me.
5. The medi-wizard Hermione called a quack is named Duckworth. Get it? Oh, never mind.
6. I call this the "For those of you" section, dedicated with love and gratitude to the kind and considerate souls who reviewed my, er, first-born. Right, here goes:
a. For those of you who asked about Ron's (actually the trio's) advanced DADA training, it consisted mainly (to my mind) of defensive moves such as blocking curses, resisting Crucio and Imperio, and repelling dark creatures/wizards. If inspiration strikes (and you all know how FICKLE she could be), I might elaborate on that in a future fic.
b. For those of you who probably tore their hair out and wanted to flame me (but were too nice to do so) because of my cliffhangers in Chapters 3 and 6, I hope that the succeeding chapters redeemed me in your eyes.
c. For those of you who enjoyed my attempt at a blow-by-blow of a Quidditch game, thanks!
d. For those of you who answered my A/N question at the top of Chapter 6, double thanks!
7. Did I forget to mention anything? Oh, yeah... REVIEW, DAMN IT!