Jess tried to ignore the sounds around him and focus on the book. It
really wasn't that hard.he had been doing it his whole life. The book was
alright, but nothing spectacular. He was just grateful that the diner was
slow enough that he was able to read Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. He
knew in about an hour the diner would be full of the lunch hour crowd and
he would have to actually work instead of reading or pretending to work.
Jess' attention was torn away from the book when he saw Babette and Miss Patty rush in the diner very out of breath and collapse on two stools. He decided to ignore them and keep reading.
"Jess, where's Luke?" Jess didn't even look up from his book when he shrugged.
"Sweetie this is an emergency."
Jess hated it when he Miss Patty called him names that belonged to foods or small children with blonde curls. He was about to give a sarcastic response when Luke came down the stairs behind him.
"Man of the hour." Jess was grateful Luke could take care of those women because now he could get back to Ralph Ellison.
"What?"
"Luke we need to tell you something." It wasn't until then that Jess noticed that their voices seemed different. There was an urgency that he hadn't noticed before.
"Have you two started already? It's not even noon yet."
"It is about Lorelai and Rory." At this Jess looked up from his book. His back was turned away from them so they couldn't see his face.
"Did something happen? Are they alright?" Jess held his breath at Luke's words without even realizing it.
"No they're not." Hearing that, Jess quickly spun around and faced them. He didn't care that he was letting his guard down and that they would see that he cared. He tried to ignore the images coming to his mind and endless possible tragedies awaiting the next sentence Miss Patty could utter. "Their grand-father died."
"Oh my God, that's terrible. What happened?" Both of Luke's hands were pressed on the counter and he looked down at the cold shiny surface. The three of them didn't notice Jess move to stand next to Luke so he could hear everything, every detail about the tragedy.
"Stroke. Lorelai said he died almost instantly," Miss Patty said.
"I went over to their house this morning to return her projector and slides, and Lorelai told me what happened." Jess contemptuously noted that Babette was eager to tell how she knew everything.
"How'd she look?" Luke's voice was low and soft.
"Terrible. She was packing a few things when she came to the door to stay at her mother's in Hartford. But what can you expect? She's not the one I am worried about though. I am worried about Rory. Apparently her grandfather kneeled over right in front of her while Lorelai and Mrs. Gilmore were out."
At this Jess closed his eyes. He tried to let the information sink in and he felt a great pain in his chest. Short thoughts were running through his mind while still listening to the conversation, this is too much.she won't be able to handle it. He was consumed by the damage that this death could do to sweet Rory. He had to remind himself to keep it together at least for now.
"How did Rory look?" Luke was very aware of Jess next to him and the thoughts running through his mind because they were running through his.
"I didn't see her. Lorelai said she was in the shower but who knows."
Jess couldn't take anymore. He could tell this was all the information they were good for so he turned abruptly grabbed his book and went up the stairs to his room. He sat on his bed and put his head in his hands. He was tempted to call but decided not to. What would he say? What could he possibly say to make the pain go away? "I'm sorry" and "He's in a better place" were just too used and too cliché. Besides she wasn't even his.
Then he started thinking of Dean which made him angry. He started thinking of Dean comforting Rory and holding her in his arms. He knew he was an asshole for his train of thought but he also knew that he couldn't help it. Jess felt the familiar anger stirring within him. Anger at Dean. Anger at Rory for being with Dean instead of him. He took solace in the anger because it was something that he could handle. He was used to feeling it. But the anger quickly passed. He couldn't be angry at Rory, especially not now.
Trying to think of something else, Jess got up and put on a Radiohead CD which he burned. Desperately, he opened up his book and tried to lose himself in it like he did earlier. He tried to focus on the words and language Ralph Ellison used. It was futile.
He sighed and gave in to the other scarier emotions raging within him. Jess glanced at his watch as he laid back on his bed and threw the book across the room. It hit the couch so it didn't make that much noise and no damage was done. Except to the book itself. Jess knew that he didn't have very much time to sort his shit out. Soon Luke would come upstairs telling him to work. Or worse, trying to talk to him.
The music was soothing. He closed his eyes and sighed. He admitted to himself he was hurt. Which was a very big step for Jess. He admitted that he was hurt knowing Rory was hurting and the pain was magnified because he couldn't do anything to make it go away. For her.
He was lying there for quite some time thinking. When "Karma Police" came on he decided to do something. He would write a letter to her. Jess had no intention of actually giving it to her but hopefully it would be somewhat cathartic. He grabbed a spiral notebook and began scribbling away. He didn't edit and he didn't hold back. It was about four pages in length when he was finished, which Jess thought was a bit long.
Then Jess remembered Shane was going to come over later because Luke would be out of town that night. He decided to cancel. Although Shane had turned out to be a great distraction from everything so far and probably would tonight, he wasn't in the mood. He was too concerned with Rory.
Carefully Jess folded the letter that Rory would never read and tucked it within the pages of his copy of Light in August by William Faulkner that was lying on top of a number of other books on the nightstand next to his bed. He shook his head in a vain attempt to think clearly and went back downstairs to fill coffee cups and take orders.
About a mile away Rory was back in the shower; it was her third that morning. The previous two times the water pounding on her skin was able to distract her from the painful reality around her. This time it wasn't working though. This time she was slumped against the tile wall sitting down with her head resting on her knees. She couldn't stop crying and couldn't stop thinking about what happened. She looked at her hands and thought her fingers looked like raisins.
She willed herself to get out and wrapped her fluffy blue robe around herself. She looked at herself in the mirror and barely recognized herself. Her eyes were red from crying and she had dark circles under them. Her hair was wet and matted down to her head making her look very tiny and very pale. Rory turned away from the mirror disgusted with herself and went to find her mom. Hopefully she was doing better than before. Hopefully her mom would be strong now and had stopped throwing things.
Very slowly Rory got dressed and put on jeans and a shirt. She walked to the couch and set next to her mom who was staring straight ahead at nothing at all. They sat their not saying anything. They seemed like they were in a trance, like zombies moving in slow motion not capable of going faster.
Rory wanted her mom to be strong and her mom was, but even Lorelai Gilmore had her limits. The phone rang a few times and each time Lorelai would answer and talk politely and not give way to the emotions eating her alive. Neither had eaten or slept since IT happened.
"We are very popular today." Lorelai's voice was without emotion.
"It was probably Babette that did it." Rory also spoke without emotion. Her mind wandered to that morning when she heard Babette's voice coming out of the shower. She knew then that Babette would soon spread the news of IT all over town.
"Probably." Lorelai paused then continued, "Your grandmother keeps calling. I think she is doing pretty well. She is able to keep busy by having to deal with all the arrangements." Lorelai paused thinking Rory would jump in and say something but Rory didn't so she continued, "I will have to leave soon to go over there."
"Can I stay here?" Rory did not want to go back over there. Back where IT happened. What her mind keeps replaying in her mind over and over. Rory didn't want to go anywhere. She just wanted to curl up and sleep through the whole thing.
"Oh," pause, "Kay." Lorelai didn't think she should leave Rory alone but she also knew she needed to talk to her mother. There were so many things unsaid between them that needed to be dealt with. Things about her dead father. Things about her failure as a daughter. She felt her chest cave in just thinking about all that had happened. Besides, she reasoned to herself, Rory probably doesn't want to go back to that house right now.
The phone rang again and Lorelai picked it up and changed her voice and pretended that she was fine. She told everyone that she was fine. That Rory was fine. That was the word that kept getting used, "fine." Rory was sick of hearing it. Tears rolled down her cheeks while she was thinking about how "un-fine" they were. Her mother tucked the phone in her shoulder and head wrapped both arms around her crying daughter.
Jess' attention was torn away from the book when he saw Babette and Miss Patty rush in the diner very out of breath and collapse on two stools. He decided to ignore them and keep reading.
"Jess, where's Luke?" Jess didn't even look up from his book when he shrugged.
"Sweetie this is an emergency."
Jess hated it when he Miss Patty called him names that belonged to foods or small children with blonde curls. He was about to give a sarcastic response when Luke came down the stairs behind him.
"Man of the hour." Jess was grateful Luke could take care of those women because now he could get back to Ralph Ellison.
"What?"
"Luke we need to tell you something." It wasn't until then that Jess noticed that their voices seemed different. There was an urgency that he hadn't noticed before.
"Have you two started already? It's not even noon yet."
"It is about Lorelai and Rory." At this Jess looked up from his book. His back was turned away from them so they couldn't see his face.
"Did something happen? Are they alright?" Jess held his breath at Luke's words without even realizing it.
"No they're not." Hearing that, Jess quickly spun around and faced them. He didn't care that he was letting his guard down and that they would see that he cared. He tried to ignore the images coming to his mind and endless possible tragedies awaiting the next sentence Miss Patty could utter. "Their grand-father died."
"Oh my God, that's terrible. What happened?" Both of Luke's hands were pressed on the counter and he looked down at the cold shiny surface. The three of them didn't notice Jess move to stand next to Luke so he could hear everything, every detail about the tragedy.
"Stroke. Lorelai said he died almost instantly," Miss Patty said.
"I went over to their house this morning to return her projector and slides, and Lorelai told me what happened." Jess contemptuously noted that Babette was eager to tell how she knew everything.
"How'd she look?" Luke's voice was low and soft.
"Terrible. She was packing a few things when she came to the door to stay at her mother's in Hartford. But what can you expect? She's not the one I am worried about though. I am worried about Rory. Apparently her grandfather kneeled over right in front of her while Lorelai and Mrs. Gilmore were out."
At this Jess closed his eyes. He tried to let the information sink in and he felt a great pain in his chest. Short thoughts were running through his mind while still listening to the conversation, this is too much.she won't be able to handle it. He was consumed by the damage that this death could do to sweet Rory. He had to remind himself to keep it together at least for now.
"How did Rory look?" Luke was very aware of Jess next to him and the thoughts running through his mind because they were running through his.
"I didn't see her. Lorelai said she was in the shower but who knows."
Jess couldn't take anymore. He could tell this was all the information they were good for so he turned abruptly grabbed his book and went up the stairs to his room. He sat on his bed and put his head in his hands. He was tempted to call but decided not to. What would he say? What could he possibly say to make the pain go away? "I'm sorry" and "He's in a better place" were just too used and too cliché. Besides she wasn't even his.
Then he started thinking of Dean which made him angry. He started thinking of Dean comforting Rory and holding her in his arms. He knew he was an asshole for his train of thought but he also knew that he couldn't help it. Jess felt the familiar anger stirring within him. Anger at Dean. Anger at Rory for being with Dean instead of him. He took solace in the anger because it was something that he could handle. He was used to feeling it. But the anger quickly passed. He couldn't be angry at Rory, especially not now.
Trying to think of something else, Jess got up and put on a Radiohead CD which he burned. Desperately, he opened up his book and tried to lose himself in it like he did earlier. He tried to focus on the words and language Ralph Ellison used. It was futile.
He sighed and gave in to the other scarier emotions raging within him. Jess glanced at his watch as he laid back on his bed and threw the book across the room. It hit the couch so it didn't make that much noise and no damage was done. Except to the book itself. Jess knew that he didn't have very much time to sort his shit out. Soon Luke would come upstairs telling him to work. Or worse, trying to talk to him.
The music was soothing. He closed his eyes and sighed. He admitted to himself he was hurt. Which was a very big step for Jess. He admitted that he was hurt knowing Rory was hurting and the pain was magnified because he couldn't do anything to make it go away. For her.
He was lying there for quite some time thinking. When "Karma Police" came on he decided to do something. He would write a letter to her. Jess had no intention of actually giving it to her but hopefully it would be somewhat cathartic. He grabbed a spiral notebook and began scribbling away. He didn't edit and he didn't hold back. It was about four pages in length when he was finished, which Jess thought was a bit long.
Then Jess remembered Shane was going to come over later because Luke would be out of town that night. He decided to cancel. Although Shane had turned out to be a great distraction from everything so far and probably would tonight, he wasn't in the mood. He was too concerned with Rory.
Carefully Jess folded the letter that Rory would never read and tucked it within the pages of his copy of Light in August by William Faulkner that was lying on top of a number of other books on the nightstand next to his bed. He shook his head in a vain attempt to think clearly and went back downstairs to fill coffee cups and take orders.
About a mile away Rory was back in the shower; it was her third that morning. The previous two times the water pounding on her skin was able to distract her from the painful reality around her. This time it wasn't working though. This time she was slumped against the tile wall sitting down with her head resting on her knees. She couldn't stop crying and couldn't stop thinking about what happened. She looked at her hands and thought her fingers looked like raisins.
She willed herself to get out and wrapped her fluffy blue robe around herself. She looked at herself in the mirror and barely recognized herself. Her eyes were red from crying and she had dark circles under them. Her hair was wet and matted down to her head making her look very tiny and very pale. Rory turned away from the mirror disgusted with herself and went to find her mom. Hopefully she was doing better than before. Hopefully her mom would be strong now and had stopped throwing things.
Very slowly Rory got dressed and put on jeans and a shirt. She walked to the couch and set next to her mom who was staring straight ahead at nothing at all. They sat their not saying anything. They seemed like they were in a trance, like zombies moving in slow motion not capable of going faster.
Rory wanted her mom to be strong and her mom was, but even Lorelai Gilmore had her limits. The phone rang a few times and each time Lorelai would answer and talk politely and not give way to the emotions eating her alive. Neither had eaten or slept since IT happened.
"We are very popular today." Lorelai's voice was without emotion.
"It was probably Babette that did it." Rory also spoke without emotion. Her mind wandered to that morning when she heard Babette's voice coming out of the shower. She knew then that Babette would soon spread the news of IT all over town.
"Probably." Lorelai paused then continued, "Your grandmother keeps calling. I think she is doing pretty well. She is able to keep busy by having to deal with all the arrangements." Lorelai paused thinking Rory would jump in and say something but Rory didn't so she continued, "I will have to leave soon to go over there."
"Can I stay here?" Rory did not want to go back over there. Back where IT happened. What her mind keeps replaying in her mind over and over. Rory didn't want to go anywhere. She just wanted to curl up and sleep through the whole thing.
"Oh," pause, "Kay." Lorelai didn't think she should leave Rory alone but she also knew she needed to talk to her mother. There were so many things unsaid between them that needed to be dealt with. Things about her dead father. Things about her failure as a daughter. She felt her chest cave in just thinking about all that had happened. Besides, she reasoned to herself, Rory probably doesn't want to go back to that house right now.
The phone rang again and Lorelai picked it up and changed her voice and pretended that she was fine. She told everyone that she was fine. That Rory was fine. That was the word that kept getting used, "fine." Rory was sick of hearing it. Tears rolled down her cheeks while she was thinking about how "un-fine" they were. Her mother tucked the phone in her shoulder and head wrapped both arms around her crying daughter.