Disclaimer: I don't own anything.I didn't create the characters..but these
are my words and my concept...I have no money so don't sue me.
Author's Note: thanks for the reviews..I have this story already written so I will be updating a lot.keep reviewing even if it is criticism cause I can take it..
HOLD ME
Silently Jess led Rory up the stairs to the apartment while still holding her. He turned the lights on and led her inside. No one would suspect that the lights were on upstairs just down. This was how Jess was thinking. His main concern was for Rory and not him. He wanted to make her warm. He wanted to make sure her reputation was intact. He wanted to make sure she wouldn't get sick. This was what love did to him.
Under any other circumstances Jess would have relished in the close proximity to her, but Jess didn't want it like this. Not like this, he told himself over and over when his mind would wander and fantasize.
"I haven't seen it since the remodeling. This is."
"Yeah-"
"-that over there."
"That's mine." Jess let go of her as he spoke and went to the dresser to find some clothes for her. "You are gonna need to change into something warmer. You're clothes are soaked and-"
Rory interrupted him, "Where's Luke?"
"At Nicole's." He walked up to her and handed her the clothes. Jess could sill see snow in her hair and resting on her eyelashes. He wanted desperately wanted to run his hands threw it and he felt his hand burning to reach out. Just for one touch. His throat was tight. "It is some sweatpants and a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. I think they should work." He fought to keep his voice steady.
"The Smiths." Rory read the shirt Jess had given her. She remembered him wearing it once.
Jess nodded and they locked eyes again. She had the most beautiful eyes. It was one of the first things he had noticed about her. But her baby blues were red now, bloodshot from all the crying he assumed. She had dark circles under them and he doubted if she slept at all the previous night.
"I'm gonna go downstairs and make you some coffee. You change and I'll be back in a sec." He walked by her and closed the door behind him. Out of her sight he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
It felt strange taking her clothes off in the apartment, in Jess' room. Rory changed quickly into the clothes Jess gave her and then looked around. She saw books and CD's she recognized. The posters seemed mostly the stuff that Luke probably had, but there were a few that she knew was Jess' signature style. Rory was surprised that his bed was made, she never figured Jess was the kind of guy that makes his bed every day.
Jess was being so nice to her, so unlike how he usually is. Rory remembered his fingers working with such skillful dexterity on his own jacket. On her. The look on his face as their eyes met. His arm reaching out to balance her when she almost fell. The feel of him. The satisfaction of being so close to him.
He is only being nice because he feels sorry for you, a voice reminded her.
Then Rory remembered Dean. She remembered Dean coming by the house because they were supposed to spend the day together and telling him what happened. She cried as he held her and Rory pretended she felt better with him there but it was a lie. She didn't feel better at all. She told Dean she wanted to be alone and he left. He was a perfect boyfriend; he always did whatever he felt Rory wanted. It was wrong, she told herself, to brush Dean off and now be in Jess' room in his clothes on his bed. She started crying again, quietly as she laid down on the bed. She always did everything wrong.
Jess opened the door and called out her name.
"Jess?" Rory responded.
Carrying a cup of coffee and some soup he walked slowly to the kitchen table and sat them down. He tried to push the image of Rory lying down on his bed away from his mind, but he couldn't. He heard her get up and walk over to stand next to him. He could feel her arm and her shoulder touching his. He glanced at her sideways but she was looking at the coffee and soup like it was her trig homework. He could tell she had been crying.
"Coffee and soup." He didn't know what else to say. Rory nodded and sat down in the chair that the mug and bowl were in front of and Jess moved to sit directly opposite of her. "How are the clothes?"
"Warm." She took a sip of the coffee and it burned all the way down.
"Is it okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine. But I'm not really hungry though."
"When was the last time you ate?"
"This morning." Technically not a lie. She tried to eat pop-tarts that morning but she threw them up. That was the reason for shower number two.
"Liar."
"How do you-"
"You are not very good at it Rory." She put the mug down, grabbed a spoon and tentatively started to eat the soup. It was warm and felt good. She ate slowly. She looked up at Jess and he was watching her. Everywhere on her skin started to tingle and Rory didn't know whether it was from the sudden heat or from Jess' stare.
"Is your mom going to be worried? I mean it's like 2:30 in the morning." Jess didn't want to get her in trouble. He didn't want to cause her any awkward moments with her mom by coming home at 3 a.m.
"No she is at my.she is in Hartford tonight." Rory couldn't say it out loud she looked at Jess and wondered if maybe he was trying to get rid of her. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No." He responded without thinking and so quickly that it sent a bolt of electricity through Rory. It was stronger than any coffee and any kiss she ever had.
"Do you want to leave?"
"No."
Rory started eating again. Jess leaned in with both elbows on the table and watched. The air was different. By admitting they both wanted to be there, to be together, just sitting there was better somehow. Comfortable. Jess was happy she was letting him take care of her. Rory was happy Jess hadn't said anything fake about her grandpa, hadn't made her talk about something she desperately wanted to forget.
"Do you want me to refill the coffee?"
"I'm fine."
"So you keep saying." Rory looked up when he said that. He could see through her and she knew it. When Rory said "fine," Jess knew she was really saying she was anything but. No one says "fine" and means it. Rory felt tears coming and swallowed hard. She didn't want to cry in front of him.
"Are you sure about the coffee?"
"Yeah." Rory struggled with tears that wanted to come.
"Please let me get you coffee. I need to do something besides sit here like a moron."
Jess was staring at her left hand lying palm-down on the table. The other was over her eyes, and Jess knew she was trying to hide herself from him. The hand on the table was so slender and delicate with her tiny little wrist. She was pressing down on the table, he could see the effort and stress in her hand. Rory was in pain and he felt feeble not being able to do anything about it. Not knowing what else to do he reached out and took it in his hand. Rory let out a sob and cried harder.
If I don't do the right thing now I will lose her forever, Jess thought.
Her hands were cold and soft against Jess' rough skin. Slowly he intertwined his fingers with hers and started rubbing circles on her palm. He decided to go on instinct. Still holding her hand in his Jess stood and walked over to her side of the table. She was still crying. She couldn't stop and she was hiding her face with her hands. She was too exposed, too weak..
He pulled her up in an embrace. And held her to him whispering in her ear sweet things. They stumbled to his bed and fell upon it. Rory was still crying but she felt better with his arms around her. When he withdrew for a moment to adjust her on the bed she felt so alone until a few moments later and she felt him again. Jess was rubbing her back and holding her against him.
"You know I woke up this morning thinking today was going to be a good day. I mean its Saturday and no school, and I thought all I had to do was work for half a day in the diner and then I could whatever I wanted."
Jess was very aware that they were lying on the bed like lovers do. Jess was laying flat on his back slightly propped up by a pillow and Rory was tucked in against him. His right arm was wrapped around her rubbing her back and feeling her soft hair. His left hand was still holding her hand. He noticed she was not crying as hard so he continued.
"But ever since I found out what happened, I have been completely miserable."
"Who told you?" Rory's voice was uneven and muffled.
"Babette and Miss Patty. I was reading in the diner and it was around eleven. And they came in and told Luke. Suddenly my whole world is thrown off. I actually felt a physical pain in my chest. I couldn't stand that this happened to you." Jess' voice was hoarse and he was suddenly overcome with emotion. "I.have been going crazy thinking about what you must be going through. And I know it must be rough." Rory was drinking in every word. Every sentence. Letting it sink in flow within her.
"I am so glad that you found me." Jess smiled at her words. It was exactly what he wanted, needed to hear from her. Something so small meant so much to him.
"I saw you on the bridge just sitting there and I thought it best not to disturb. Then I walked around a bit smoking and thinking. I circled back and you were still there. Went back to the diner and tried to read and I couldn't focus so I went back and you were lying down. Then it started snowing and you didn't move and then I smoked some more and had an inner debate on what to do. Then I decided you were gonna freeze to death or catch pneumonia if I didn't wake you up."
"I wasn't asleep. I just kind zoned out for a while." Jess held her tighter and Rory shifted so she could put her head on his chest. She decided then that she didn't care about Dean or her mom or Luke or Shane for that matter. Jess was making her feel better, easing her pain. That can't be bad can it?
"Can I stay the night?" Rory closed her eyes waiting for Jess' response.
"Only if you promise not to take advantage of me." Rory laughed softly. Hearing her giggle Jess felt something stirring within him but he only said, "Hey, you smiled."
Jess sat up so he was looking down at Rory who was still smiling from his playful joke. He brushed some hair out of her face and felt the familiar urge to kiss her and crush her tiny firm but soft body to him. Jess knew he could make her feel good in a million ways. He wanted desperately for her to let him. He had felt this many times before with Rory and with other women but this time the urge was stronger and more intimate.
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes." Jess resisted and reclined back down and felt Rory put her head against his chest.
He wanted her. That was simple.
He wanted her since he first saw her. She has a boyfriend. He didn't care. She kissed him then rejected him. He didn't care. She ran away for a few months so she wouldn't have to deal with him. He still didn't care. He has a quasi-girlfriend. Doesn't matter, he still wanted her. Jess realized at that exact moment that it wasn't just want; it was love. If it was just want, he would have acted on it. He would have kissed her like he wanted to, tasted her inside and out. Instead Jess resisted because he knew it would be hollow. He knew that it would be taking advantage of her. In the morning, he thought bitterly, she would be gone and everything will go back to before.
Author's Note: thanks for the reviews..I have this story already written so I will be updating a lot.keep reviewing even if it is criticism cause I can take it..
HOLD ME
Silently Jess led Rory up the stairs to the apartment while still holding her. He turned the lights on and led her inside. No one would suspect that the lights were on upstairs just down. This was how Jess was thinking. His main concern was for Rory and not him. He wanted to make her warm. He wanted to make sure her reputation was intact. He wanted to make sure she wouldn't get sick. This was what love did to him.
Under any other circumstances Jess would have relished in the close proximity to her, but Jess didn't want it like this. Not like this, he told himself over and over when his mind would wander and fantasize.
"I haven't seen it since the remodeling. This is."
"Yeah-"
"-that over there."
"That's mine." Jess let go of her as he spoke and went to the dresser to find some clothes for her. "You are gonna need to change into something warmer. You're clothes are soaked and-"
Rory interrupted him, "Where's Luke?"
"At Nicole's." He walked up to her and handed her the clothes. Jess could sill see snow in her hair and resting on her eyelashes. He wanted desperately wanted to run his hands threw it and he felt his hand burning to reach out. Just for one touch. His throat was tight. "It is some sweatpants and a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. I think they should work." He fought to keep his voice steady.
"The Smiths." Rory read the shirt Jess had given her. She remembered him wearing it once.
Jess nodded and they locked eyes again. She had the most beautiful eyes. It was one of the first things he had noticed about her. But her baby blues were red now, bloodshot from all the crying he assumed. She had dark circles under them and he doubted if she slept at all the previous night.
"I'm gonna go downstairs and make you some coffee. You change and I'll be back in a sec." He walked by her and closed the door behind him. Out of her sight he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
It felt strange taking her clothes off in the apartment, in Jess' room. Rory changed quickly into the clothes Jess gave her and then looked around. She saw books and CD's she recognized. The posters seemed mostly the stuff that Luke probably had, but there were a few that she knew was Jess' signature style. Rory was surprised that his bed was made, she never figured Jess was the kind of guy that makes his bed every day.
Jess was being so nice to her, so unlike how he usually is. Rory remembered his fingers working with such skillful dexterity on his own jacket. On her. The look on his face as their eyes met. His arm reaching out to balance her when she almost fell. The feel of him. The satisfaction of being so close to him.
He is only being nice because he feels sorry for you, a voice reminded her.
Then Rory remembered Dean. She remembered Dean coming by the house because they were supposed to spend the day together and telling him what happened. She cried as he held her and Rory pretended she felt better with him there but it was a lie. She didn't feel better at all. She told Dean she wanted to be alone and he left. He was a perfect boyfriend; he always did whatever he felt Rory wanted. It was wrong, she told herself, to brush Dean off and now be in Jess' room in his clothes on his bed. She started crying again, quietly as she laid down on the bed. She always did everything wrong.
Jess opened the door and called out her name.
"Jess?" Rory responded.
Carrying a cup of coffee and some soup he walked slowly to the kitchen table and sat them down. He tried to push the image of Rory lying down on his bed away from his mind, but he couldn't. He heard her get up and walk over to stand next to him. He could feel her arm and her shoulder touching his. He glanced at her sideways but she was looking at the coffee and soup like it was her trig homework. He could tell she had been crying.
"Coffee and soup." He didn't know what else to say. Rory nodded and sat down in the chair that the mug and bowl were in front of and Jess moved to sit directly opposite of her. "How are the clothes?"
"Warm." She took a sip of the coffee and it burned all the way down.
"Is it okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine. But I'm not really hungry though."
"When was the last time you ate?"
"This morning." Technically not a lie. She tried to eat pop-tarts that morning but she threw them up. That was the reason for shower number two.
"Liar."
"How do you-"
"You are not very good at it Rory." She put the mug down, grabbed a spoon and tentatively started to eat the soup. It was warm and felt good. She ate slowly. She looked up at Jess and he was watching her. Everywhere on her skin started to tingle and Rory didn't know whether it was from the sudden heat or from Jess' stare.
"Is your mom going to be worried? I mean it's like 2:30 in the morning." Jess didn't want to get her in trouble. He didn't want to cause her any awkward moments with her mom by coming home at 3 a.m.
"No she is at my.she is in Hartford tonight." Rory couldn't say it out loud she looked at Jess and wondered if maybe he was trying to get rid of her. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No." He responded without thinking and so quickly that it sent a bolt of electricity through Rory. It was stronger than any coffee and any kiss she ever had.
"Do you want to leave?"
"No."
Rory started eating again. Jess leaned in with both elbows on the table and watched. The air was different. By admitting they both wanted to be there, to be together, just sitting there was better somehow. Comfortable. Jess was happy she was letting him take care of her. Rory was happy Jess hadn't said anything fake about her grandpa, hadn't made her talk about something she desperately wanted to forget.
"Do you want me to refill the coffee?"
"I'm fine."
"So you keep saying." Rory looked up when he said that. He could see through her and she knew it. When Rory said "fine," Jess knew she was really saying she was anything but. No one says "fine" and means it. Rory felt tears coming and swallowed hard. She didn't want to cry in front of him.
"Are you sure about the coffee?"
"Yeah." Rory struggled with tears that wanted to come.
"Please let me get you coffee. I need to do something besides sit here like a moron."
Jess was staring at her left hand lying palm-down on the table. The other was over her eyes, and Jess knew she was trying to hide herself from him. The hand on the table was so slender and delicate with her tiny little wrist. She was pressing down on the table, he could see the effort and stress in her hand. Rory was in pain and he felt feeble not being able to do anything about it. Not knowing what else to do he reached out and took it in his hand. Rory let out a sob and cried harder.
If I don't do the right thing now I will lose her forever, Jess thought.
Her hands were cold and soft against Jess' rough skin. Slowly he intertwined his fingers with hers and started rubbing circles on her palm. He decided to go on instinct. Still holding her hand in his Jess stood and walked over to her side of the table. She was still crying. She couldn't stop and she was hiding her face with her hands. She was too exposed, too weak..
He pulled her up in an embrace. And held her to him whispering in her ear sweet things. They stumbled to his bed and fell upon it. Rory was still crying but she felt better with his arms around her. When he withdrew for a moment to adjust her on the bed she felt so alone until a few moments later and she felt him again. Jess was rubbing her back and holding her against him.
"You know I woke up this morning thinking today was going to be a good day. I mean its Saturday and no school, and I thought all I had to do was work for half a day in the diner and then I could whatever I wanted."
Jess was very aware that they were lying on the bed like lovers do. Jess was laying flat on his back slightly propped up by a pillow and Rory was tucked in against him. His right arm was wrapped around her rubbing her back and feeling her soft hair. His left hand was still holding her hand. He noticed she was not crying as hard so he continued.
"But ever since I found out what happened, I have been completely miserable."
"Who told you?" Rory's voice was uneven and muffled.
"Babette and Miss Patty. I was reading in the diner and it was around eleven. And they came in and told Luke. Suddenly my whole world is thrown off. I actually felt a physical pain in my chest. I couldn't stand that this happened to you." Jess' voice was hoarse and he was suddenly overcome with emotion. "I.have been going crazy thinking about what you must be going through. And I know it must be rough." Rory was drinking in every word. Every sentence. Letting it sink in flow within her.
"I am so glad that you found me." Jess smiled at her words. It was exactly what he wanted, needed to hear from her. Something so small meant so much to him.
"I saw you on the bridge just sitting there and I thought it best not to disturb. Then I walked around a bit smoking and thinking. I circled back and you were still there. Went back to the diner and tried to read and I couldn't focus so I went back and you were lying down. Then it started snowing and you didn't move and then I smoked some more and had an inner debate on what to do. Then I decided you were gonna freeze to death or catch pneumonia if I didn't wake you up."
"I wasn't asleep. I just kind zoned out for a while." Jess held her tighter and Rory shifted so she could put her head on his chest. She decided then that she didn't care about Dean or her mom or Luke or Shane for that matter. Jess was making her feel better, easing her pain. That can't be bad can it?
"Can I stay the night?" Rory closed her eyes waiting for Jess' response.
"Only if you promise not to take advantage of me." Rory laughed softly. Hearing her giggle Jess felt something stirring within him but he only said, "Hey, you smiled."
Jess sat up so he was looking down at Rory who was still smiling from his playful joke. He brushed some hair out of her face and felt the familiar urge to kiss her and crush her tiny firm but soft body to him. Jess knew he could make her feel good in a million ways. He wanted desperately for her to let him. He had felt this many times before with Rory and with other women but this time the urge was stronger and more intimate.
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes." Jess resisted and reclined back down and felt Rory put her head against his chest.
He wanted her. That was simple.
He wanted her since he first saw her. She has a boyfriend. He didn't care. She kissed him then rejected him. He didn't care. She ran away for a few months so she wouldn't have to deal with him. He still didn't care. He has a quasi-girlfriend. Doesn't matter, he still wanted her. Jess realized at that exact moment that it wasn't just want; it was love. If it was just want, he would have acted on it. He would have kissed her like he wanted to, tasted her inside and out. Instead Jess resisted because he knew it would be hollow. He knew that it would be taking advantage of her. In the morning, he thought bitterly, she would be gone and everything will go back to before.