Disclaimer: I don't own the characters so don't sue me cause I have no
money.
Author's Note: I am trying to let everyone review, but I am not sure how...like I said this is my first fic. Trust me, I want to know what everyone thinks of my story good and bad. I will try to figure this out by the next chapter. Keep reading and keep reviewing.
"Why don't you sleep?"
"I can't."
"Why not."
"Because.....I....um.....just can't ok."
"Bad dreams."
"A bad dream."
"Tell me about it." Silence. "You don't have to. I don't want to force-"
"No I want to tell you. Tell me what you think. I had this last night but I don't really remember any details."
"Ok I am all ears."
Rory's voice was shaky at first but then steady, "I was walking in Chilton with Paris next to me like on a normal school day. And she was talking, but I don't remember what about, so we are walking in the halls and there are students everywhere. Then I see my grandpa lying on the floor like......like when......" Rory couldn't say it and she felt Jess rub her back slowly and then she continued tears forming in her eyes. "Like when he had the stroke, that was how he was lying there, like he had the stroke at Chilton instead. Not moving or anything. I try to get to him to.......help him but I can't." The tears were flowing freely and Rory's breath was becoming uneven. Jess started to think he shouldn't have made her talk about the dream. "All the students keep cutting me off and no matter how many steps I take, I don't get any closer and he is still lying there with students stepping over him and nobody even notices and I can't get to him and he is just lying there and I......." Rory is really sobbing now and Jess holds her closer and whispers in her ear.
"Shh. It's ok. Everything is alright. Stop crying. Shh."
"No everything is not alright! Everything is not ok!" Rory shouted and pulled away from Jess and sat up suddenly. Jess was startled. Rory was flipping out and he had never seen her like this. "My grandpa is DEAD! He is never coming back. I am never going to see him or hear his voice every again!" She covered her face with her hands kneeling on the bed and turned away from Jess. He reached for her and she flinched. Jess suddenly knew what this was all about. He understood the dream.
"Rory this is not your fault. Your grandfather had a stroke. You couldn't save him." Jess sat up on the bed as he spoke slowly to her. His voice was even and steady. She stood up still crying and still covering her face. She was breathing so heavily that it reminded Jess of the time he watched the skinny kid from his apartment building have an asthma attack while they were playing basketball in third grade.
"We were walking to the dining room.....from the library and he just collapsed right there. I.....I mean I thought he tripped or something. I didn't understand what was happening.....I......I didn't know what to do." Jess moved off the bed slowly listening to her.
"How could you Rory? The guy just falls down. It could have been a million things." He was walking slowly toward her. She wasn't looking at him. Rory was staring off at the image of her grandpa on the floor still fresh in her memory. She could see him there, lying on the floor in Jess' room.
"Mom and grandma weren't even there. Mom was stuck in traffic and grandma was at some committee meeting. It was just me and HIM and the maid and she barely spoke English."
Jess reached for her then and she swatted his hand away and he reached again and circled his arms around her. She was backed against the door of his closet and she struggled weakly against him sobbing. Finally Jess was able to hold her and he felt her body shaking against his. She fell limp in his arms and for the second time that night she sobbed in his shirt and in his arms.
"I would do anything to trade places with you at this moment......anything to take the pain away," Jess' voice was loud and filled with emotion. "But I can't. It's not possible. This is life and it is messy and hard and painful but if you just get through the rough parts, like now, then....then.....you get to good parts." Jess lifted her up a bit and half carried and half dragged her to his bed. He tucked her in gently. She had calmed a bit and her breaths were even. She still had her arms around his neck and he looked her in the eye.
They looked at each other then and something was shared between them.
They were both so vulnerable, their walls down and their hearts so bared and neither was used to it. Jess had never been so open with anyone in his whole life. He let this girl into his heart, all in less than a few hours. He came from a place where you keep to yourself and keep your walls up. Jess learned at a young age that if you let anyone in, if you depend on someone then it only ends in more pain. It was harder for him. Rory could never understand, he thought. She could never understand him.
They were so close. Their foreheads almost touching.
"Jess I have never felt this bad before. I know you must think I am a baby or-" Rory struggled as she spoke slowly and shakily, barely above a whisper.
"Rory I don't think that at all." Rory nodded and smiled a sad smile as the tears kept falling.
"You would think that a person would run out of tears. Apparently not."
"They will stop eventually." Jess tentatively brushed away the tears with his thumb. Her blues eyes seemed brightened from the crying and Jess couldn't help himself.
Her lips were softer then he remembered.
All his blood froze in his veins. His heart was pounding in his chest and he pulled back ashamed of the line he crossed. Rory felt his lips leave hers as quickly as they descended. Then she felt them on her forehead and when she opened her eyes Jess was already across the room.
"What book do you want?" Jess swallowed audibly and clenched both his fists.
"Book?" Rory was confused, in a daze. She felt like she was waking up and she wasn't sure if it was real or not.
"To read to you."
"You're gonna read to me?"
"I just thought it could help put you to sleep. If you'd rather-"
"No.....I want you to read to me." For the first time that night Rory noticed how Jess' t-shirt and long-sleeve shirt underneath accentuated his body nicely with his pants hanging low on his hips. How his brown hair was kinda sticking up in all directions and Rory thought it was cute. Jess turned away from her and was looking at more books. Rory sat up and bed and unzipped the sweatshirt and threw it to the ground.
Jess heard the unzipping of clothes but dared not to turn around. It was just a sweatshirt he told himself, not like she was doing a strip-tease. Then his mind started think of Rory stripping and he stifled a groan. Looking at books and skimming over titles he was remembering how she tasted, thinking how right before he landed on her soft lips he could feel her breath warm on his mouth.
"Nothing about Death or strokes." Jess wasn't stupid. How insensitive did she think he was? "And nothing with love." Jess froze.
"No love?" He hadn't meant to say it out loud. But Jess was confused. Was she saying she loved him or didn't love him?
Rory chose her words carefully. "Since I am having to deal with the agony and ecstasy of such heavy subject matter such as Love and Death right now, don't you think the book that eases me into tranquility should be without said heavy subject matter." A little wordy Rory thought, but she hoped she got her point across.
"How about Moby Dick?" The word "ecstasy" was still ringing in his ears.
"Classic."
"No whale hunting traumas or obsessions?" Jess was trying to keep things light, to keep the banter up. Problem was he loved her wit as much as everything else.
"No but I'm still young."
After some internal deliberation, Jess walked over to the bed and got in next to her. The tension was thick but both chose to ignore it. Rory curled up next to him like she was before and he began reading.
Jess' voice was soothing on her nerves. He still couldn't believe this was happening. Rory's body was right next to his, and he felt electricity wherever they were touching. The book was a poor distraction from her, but it seemed to be working on putting her to sleep. He could feel her struggle with it. Her body still tense and then relax and giving in the human need to sleep. Jess doubted if he would sleep that night, even if he was reading Melville which always bored him. His body was too awake, still burning from kissing her and very aware of her now sleeping form next to him.
Author's Note: I am trying to let everyone review, but I am not sure how...like I said this is my first fic. Trust me, I want to know what everyone thinks of my story good and bad. I will try to figure this out by the next chapter. Keep reading and keep reviewing.
"Why don't you sleep?"
"I can't."
"Why not."
"Because.....I....um.....just can't ok."
"Bad dreams."
"A bad dream."
"Tell me about it." Silence. "You don't have to. I don't want to force-"
"No I want to tell you. Tell me what you think. I had this last night but I don't really remember any details."
"Ok I am all ears."
Rory's voice was shaky at first but then steady, "I was walking in Chilton with Paris next to me like on a normal school day. And she was talking, but I don't remember what about, so we are walking in the halls and there are students everywhere. Then I see my grandpa lying on the floor like......like when......" Rory couldn't say it and she felt Jess rub her back slowly and then she continued tears forming in her eyes. "Like when he had the stroke, that was how he was lying there, like he had the stroke at Chilton instead. Not moving or anything. I try to get to him to.......help him but I can't." The tears were flowing freely and Rory's breath was becoming uneven. Jess started to think he shouldn't have made her talk about the dream. "All the students keep cutting me off and no matter how many steps I take, I don't get any closer and he is still lying there with students stepping over him and nobody even notices and I can't get to him and he is just lying there and I......." Rory is really sobbing now and Jess holds her closer and whispers in her ear.
"Shh. It's ok. Everything is alright. Stop crying. Shh."
"No everything is not alright! Everything is not ok!" Rory shouted and pulled away from Jess and sat up suddenly. Jess was startled. Rory was flipping out and he had never seen her like this. "My grandpa is DEAD! He is never coming back. I am never going to see him or hear his voice every again!" She covered her face with her hands kneeling on the bed and turned away from Jess. He reached for her and she flinched. Jess suddenly knew what this was all about. He understood the dream.
"Rory this is not your fault. Your grandfather had a stroke. You couldn't save him." Jess sat up on the bed as he spoke slowly to her. His voice was even and steady. She stood up still crying and still covering her face. She was breathing so heavily that it reminded Jess of the time he watched the skinny kid from his apartment building have an asthma attack while they were playing basketball in third grade.
"We were walking to the dining room.....from the library and he just collapsed right there. I.....I mean I thought he tripped or something. I didn't understand what was happening.....I......I didn't know what to do." Jess moved off the bed slowly listening to her.
"How could you Rory? The guy just falls down. It could have been a million things." He was walking slowly toward her. She wasn't looking at him. Rory was staring off at the image of her grandpa on the floor still fresh in her memory. She could see him there, lying on the floor in Jess' room.
"Mom and grandma weren't even there. Mom was stuck in traffic and grandma was at some committee meeting. It was just me and HIM and the maid and she barely spoke English."
Jess reached for her then and she swatted his hand away and he reached again and circled his arms around her. She was backed against the door of his closet and she struggled weakly against him sobbing. Finally Jess was able to hold her and he felt her body shaking against his. She fell limp in his arms and for the second time that night she sobbed in his shirt and in his arms.
"I would do anything to trade places with you at this moment......anything to take the pain away," Jess' voice was loud and filled with emotion. "But I can't. It's not possible. This is life and it is messy and hard and painful but if you just get through the rough parts, like now, then....then.....you get to good parts." Jess lifted her up a bit and half carried and half dragged her to his bed. He tucked her in gently. She had calmed a bit and her breaths were even. She still had her arms around his neck and he looked her in the eye.
They looked at each other then and something was shared between them.
They were both so vulnerable, their walls down and their hearts so bared and neither was used to it. Jess had never been so open with anyone in his whole life. He let this girl into his heart, all in less than a few hours. He came from a place where you keep to yourself and keep your walls up. Jess learned at a young age that if you let anyone in, if you depend on someone then it only ends in more pain. It was harder for him. Rory could never understand, he thought. She could never understand him.
They were so close. Their foreheads almost touching.
"Jess I have never felt this bad before. I know you must think I am a baby or-" Rory struggled as she spoke slowly and shakily, barely above a whisper.
"Rory I don't think that at all." Rory nodded and smiled a sad smile as the tears kept falling.
"You would think that a person would run out of tears. Apparently not."
"They will stop eventually." Jess tentatively brushed away the tears with his thumb. Her blues eyes seemed brightened from the crying and Jess couldn't help himself.
Her lips were softer then he remembered.
All his blood froze in his veins. His heart was pounding in his chest and he pulled back ashamed of the line he crossed. Rory felt his lips leave hers as quickly as they descended. Then she felt them on her forehead and when she opened her eyes Jess was already across the room.
"What book do you want?" Jess swallowed audibly and clenched both his fists.
"Book?" Rory was confused, in a daze. She felt like she was waking up and she wasn't sure if it was real or not.
"To read to you."
"You're gonna read to me?"
"I just thought it could help put you to sleep. If you'd rather-"
"No.....I want you to read to me." For the first time that night Rory noticed how Jess' t-shirt and long-sleeve shirt underneath accentuated his body nicely with his pants hanging low on his hips. How his brown hair was kinda sticking up in all directions and Rory thought it was cute. Jess turned away from her and was looking at more books. Rory sat up and bed and unzipped the sweatshirt and threw it to the ground.
Jess heard the unzipping of clothes but dared not to turn around. It was just a sweatshirt he told himself, not like she was doing a strip-tease. Then his mind started think of Rory stripping and he stifled a groan. Looking at books and skimming over titles he was remembering how she tasted, thinking how right before he landed on her soft lips he could feel her breath warm on his mouth.
"Nothing about Death or strokes." Jess wasn't stupid. How insensitive did she think he was? "And nothing with love." Jess froze.
"No love?" He hadn't meant to say it out loud. But Jess was confused. Was she saying she loved him or didn't love him?
Rory chose her words carefully. "Since I am having to deal with the agony and ecstasy of such heavy subject matter such as Love and Death right now, don't you think the book that eases me into tranquility should be without said heavy subject matter." A little wordy Rory thought, but she hoped she got her point across.
"How about Moby Dick?" The word "ecstasy" was still ringing in his ears.
"Classic."
"No whale hunting traumas or obsessions?" Jess was trying to keep things light, to keep the banter up. Problem was he loved her wit as much as everything else.
"No but I'm still young."
After some internal deliberation, Jess walked over to the bed and got in next to her. The tension was thick but both chose to ignore it. Rory curled up next to him like she was before and he began reading.
Jess' voice was soothing on her nerves. He still couldn't believe this was happening. Rory's body was right next to his, and he felt electricity wherever they were touching. The book was a poor distraction from her, but it seemed to be working on putting her to sleep. He could feel her struggle with it. Her body still tense and then relax and giving in the human need to sleep. Jess doubted if he would sleep that night, even if he was reading Melville which always bored him. His body was too awake, still burning from kissing her and very aware of her now sleeping form next to him.