Pairing: Rory/Jess
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but these are my words.
Author's Note: This chapter focuses on Rory dealing with her grandfather's death without Jess and the effects of that. It explores Lane and Rory's friendship and hints at what is going on between Rory and Dean. I put in a little Lane and Dean interaction, because I think that those two characters have the same relationship with Rory in this story. I hope you guys like it...please keep the reviews coming, good and bad cause I can take it.
Rory was quiet. She tried to be polite and talk to everyone but found she couldn't. It was too hard to move her lips to form the words. Rory sat on the sofa with Lane and Dean on either side of her. She heard their voices, but they were far away and distant.
She wanted to scream.
She wanted to tear her hair out and throw the beautiful vases holding the beautiful flowers against the wall. Rory imagined the smash and the shattering of glass everywhere. She imagined the shock and appall on everyone's faces. Rory really wanted to.....she was forcing herself to remain still. To remain the proper grieving granddaughter. Somehow screaming and smashing things made more sense to Rory at that moment than sitting there, being so polite and cordial to everyone.
Rory raised her eyes and looked at Mrs. Kim sitting across from them saying nothing. Mrs. Kim was staring at her. There was something in her eyes....something like understanding or pity. It was unnerving to Rory. Mrs. Kim was pitying her. So she is human, Rory thought.
For some reason Mrs. Kim staring at her and saying nothing comforting as one would usually to a grieving relative, and yet giving Rory that look....it disturbed her. Rory could suddenly feel everyone's eyes on her, as if the entire room was watching her and whispering about her. At the same time Rory knew she was being ridiculous....but she met Mrs. Kim's eyes again and she had to look away.
Rory saw her mom from across the room. She was talking to people Rory didn't recognize and their eyes met. Rory stood suddenly.
"I see my mom. I'll be right back."
Lane watched her friend go. She had watched Rory sit there like a zombie, barely moving and barely showing any emotion at all. Lane had tried to comfort her, tried to talk to her.....but Rory was so ......so closed off. Rory could talk to her mom, Lane noticed. They had always been close.
She could talk to Jess too.
Lane thought about the note still in her pocket. She hadn't given it to Rory yet. Yet. She looked at Dean sadly next to her. She could tell by his face that he was thinking the same things that she was.
"We are not very good at this Dean."
"No we are not."
"At least she is not crying. That is good right."
"I'd rather her cry than just sit there mute. Like we are not even here." Lane didn't say anything, but she agreed.
"I am going to try and talk to her alone. I promise we won't be gone long." Dean nodded and sat there. He was angry, and he felt ridiculous. He watched Lane approach Rory and watched them exit the room. He sat there, his mind frozen on the look he caught Rory giving Jess an hour earlier.
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"This is the room I snuck into when my grandmother threw that disastrous birthday party for me." Rory had found some conversation in her after all. She didn't know what Lane wanted to talk about but she guessed about how she was feeling. That was what everyone wanted to know. How are you doing? Are you feeling okay? Can I get you something? Like there was anything to make her feel better, Rory thought.
"It's nice." Lane glanced around the room. She had heard Rory tell that story before, and now she finally had an image to go with the story. But that wasn't why Lane wanted to speak to Rory alone.
"Yeah, it is." Rory looked around and sighed.
"Listen Rory we need to talk." Lane couldn't stand it anymore. She needed to ask Rory a million questions about Jess. She felt she had the right to know, and she was hurt Rory didn't confide in her earlier. Petty, maybe, but Lane had always felt that she needed Rory more than Rory needed her, and the current situation seemed only to reinforce those insecurities.
"Okay." Rory wasn't in the mood to talk and she could tell by Lane's tone of voice that she was serious. It was her "I have a plan to sneak away and get more cd's" voice.
"I spoke to Jess after the funeral." Rory opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. She felt her throat go dry and she looked away. "He actually came up to me and asked me......to give you this." Lane handed the note to her. Rory held it with disbelief. The two girls walked to the bed and sat down. Rory was staring at the folded piece of paper in her hands......still unable to speak.
"He asked you to give this to me?" Her voice was small, and on the verge of breaking. She ran her fingers over the folded piece of paper, just one, and over name which was carelessly written.
"Yeah he even said 'please.' I could tell he had planned on coming here and giving it to you himself. But I guess, since I came with Dean and everything....he decided not to come." Rory's head looked up at Dean's name. She looked pleadingly at Lane with fear in her eyes. "Don't worry. I didn't read it and I didn't tell Dean anything." Lane resisted the urge to smile. She felt like a friend to Rory again, like a confidante.
"Thank you." Rory looked Lane in the eyes. She was truly grateful and realized at that moment that Lane was a true friend.
"No problem." Lane thought that Rory was looking at her and smiling because she wanted read the letter alone, but Lane wasn't ready to leave Rory yet. She liked being alone with Rory and in on the secret, even if Rory didn't really want her there. "You read the letter, don't mind me." Lane got up and walked to the other side of the room where a magnificent dollhouse was sitting on a table. She stared at the intricate dollhouse and thought of Rory and Jess and then of the types of people of who have dollhouses like that.
Rory read the letter quickly. Short and sweet...so sweet. It was better than the first one. Better than anything she had ever read because this was for her.....Jess created those thoughts with the intention of her reading it. If there were any tears left, she would have cried then. But there weren't so she just stared at it and read it again.
When she was finished reading she looked up and leaned back on the bed. She closed her eyes and felt that Jess was there now.......she couldn't help but smile. The effect of the letter was immediate. Color long absent came back to her and her face lit up.
Lane glanced at Rory from across the room. She was literally glowing. Lane decided to not to press Rory about Jess. This wasn't about her; it was about Rory, she reminded herself. Jess made Rory happy when no one else could, that was all that matters. Lane decided she would try not to hate him.
"So you and Jess huh?" Lane walked over to Rory on the bed and lied next to her. Both of them leaning against all the pillows.
"Yeah. Me and Jess." Rory could have denied it. Could have lied and said it was an accident. But Rory chose not to, she was too filled with love for him at the moment. She sighed heavily.
"If he makes you happy then that is all that matters."
"I can't explain it Lane. He has been the only one in the last week that has been able to make me feel better. At all. I mean I was with him and he just held me and said all the right things. I knew it was wrong, being there with him alone, but it didn't feel wrong. It felt really good. Better than anything.......ever. Amazing. And now I know that I don't want to hide anymore and I don't want to pretend that there is nothing between us."
"Rory I get it. You love him. You don't have to explain any further. You love Jess and not Dean."
"I love Jess." Rory paused letting the words sink in. "Whoa, I have never said it before. Like out loud."
"How does it feel?"
"Good. Really good."
"Then that is all that matters."
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but these are my words.
Author's Note: This chapter focuses on Rory dealing with her grandfather's death without Jess and the effects of that. It explores Lane and Rory's friendship and hints at what is going on between Rory and Dean. I put in a little Lane and Dean interaction, because I think that those two characters have the same relationship with Rory in this story. I hope you guys like it...please keep the reviews coming, good and bad cause I can take it.
Rory was quiet. She tried to be polite and talk to everyone but found she couldn't. It was too hard to move her lips to form the words. Rory sat on the sofa with Lane and Dean on either side of her. She heard their voices, but they were far away and distant.
She wanted to scream.
She wanted to tear her hair out and throw the beautiful vases holding the beautiful flowers against the wall. Rory imagined the smash and the shattering of glass everywhere. She imagined the shock and appall on everyone's faces. Rory really wanted to.....she was forcing herself to remain still. To remain the proper grieving granddaughter. Somehow screaming and smashing things made more sense to Rory at that moment than sitting there, being so polite and cordial to everyone.
Rory raised her eyes and looked at Mrs. Kim sitting across from them saying nothing. Mrs. Kim was staring at her. There was something in her eyes....something like understanding or pity. It was unnerving to Rory. Mrs. Kim was pitying her. So she is human, Rory thought.
For some reason Mrs. Kim staring at her and saying nothing comforting as one would usually to a grieving relative, and yet giving Rory that look....it disturbed her. Rory could suddenly feel everyone's eyes on her, as if the entire room was watching her and whispering about her. At the same time Rory knew she was being ridiculous....but she met Mrs. Kim's eyes again and she had to look away.
Rory saw her mom from across the room. She was talking to people Rory didn't recognize and their eyes met. Rory stood suddenly.
"I see my mom. I'll be right back."
Lane watched her friend go. She had watched Rory sit there like a zombie, barely moving and barely showing any emotion at all. Lane had tried to comfort her, tried to talk to her.....but Rory was so ......so closed off. Rory could talk to her mom, Lane noticed. They had always been close.
She could talk to Jess too.
Lane thought about the note still in her pocket. She hadn't given it to Rory yet. Yet. She looked at Dean sadly next to her. She could tell by his face that he was thinking the same things that she was.
"We are not very good at this Dean."
"No we are not."
"At least she is not crying. That is good right."
"I'd rather her cry than just sit there mute. Like we are not even here." Lane didn't say anything, but she agreed.
"I am going to try and talk to her alone. I promise we won't be gone long." Dean nodded and sat there. He was angry, and he felt ridiculous. He watched Lane approach Rory and watched them exit the room. He sat there, his mind frozen on the look he caught Rory giving Jess an hour earlier.
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"This is the room I snuck into when my grandmother threw that disastrous birthday party for me." Rory had found some conversation in her after all. She didn't know what Lane wanted to talk about but she guessed about how she was feeling. That was what everyone wanted to know. How are you doing? Are you feeling okay? Can I get you something? Like there was anything to make her feel better, Rory thought.
"It's nice." Lane glanced around the room. She had heard Rory tell that story before, and now she finally had an image to go with the story. But that wasn't why Lane wanted to speak to Rory alone.
"Yeah, it is." Rory looked around and sighed.
"Listen Rory we need to talk." Lane couldn't stand it anymore. She needed to ask Rory a million questions about Jess. She felt she had the right to know, and she was hurt Rory didn't confide in her earlier. Petty, maybe, but Lane had always felt that she needed Rory more than Rory needed her, and the current situation seemed only to reinforce those insecurities.
"Okay." Rory wasn't in the mood to talk and she could tell by Lane's tone of voice that she was serious. It was her "I have a plan to sneak away and get more cd's" voice.
"I spoke to Jess after the funeral." Rory opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. She felt her throat go dry and she looked away. "He actually came up to me and asked me......to give you this." Lane handed the note to her. Rory held it with disbelief. The two girls walked to the bed and sat down. Rory was staring at the folded piece of paper in her hands......still unable to speak.
"He asked you to give this to me?" Her voice was small, and on the verge of breaking. She ran her fingers over the folded piece of paper, just one, and over name which was carelessly written.
"Yeah he even said 'please.' I could tell he had planned on coming here and giving it to you himself. But I guess, since I came with Dean and everything....he decided not to come." Rory's head looked up at Dean's name. She looked pleadingly at Lane with fear in her eyes. "Don't worry. I didn't read it and I didn't tell Dean anything." Lane resisted the urge to smile. She felt like a friend to Rory again, like a confidante.
"Thank you." Rory looked Lane in the eyes. She was truly grateful and realized at that moment that Lane was a true friend.
"No problem." Lane thought that Rory was looking at her and smiling because she wanted read the letter alone, but Lane wasn't ready to leave Rory yet. She liked being alone with Rory and in on the secret, even if Rory didn't really want her there. "You read the letter, don't mind me." Lane got up and walked to the other side of the room where a magnificent dollhouse was sitting on a table. She stared at the intricate dollhouse and thought of Rory and Jess and then of the types of people of who have dollhouses like that.
Rory read the letter quickly. Short and sweet...so sweet. It was better than the first one. Better than anything she had ever read because this was for her.....Jess created those thoughts with the intention of her reading it. If there were any tears left, she would have cried then. But there weren't so she just stared at it and read it again.
When she was finished reading she looked up and leaned back on the bed. She closed her eyes and felt that Jess was there now.......she couldn't help but smile. The effect of the letter was immediate. Color long absent came back to her and her face lit up.
Lane glanced at Rory from across the room. She was literally glowing. Lane decided to not to press Rory about Jess. This wasn't about her; it was about Rory, she reminded herself. Jess made Rory happy when no one else could, that was all that matters. Lane decided she would try not to hate him.
"So you and Jess huh?" Lane walked over to Rory on the bed and lied next to her. Both of them leaning against all the pillows.
"Yeah. Me and Jess." Rory could have denied it. Could have lied and said it was an accident. But Rory chose not to, she was too filled with love for him at the moment. She sighed heavily.
"If he makes you happy then that is all that matters."
"I can't explain it Lane. He has been the only one in the last week that has been able to make me feel better. At all. I mean I was with him and he just held me and said all the right things. I knew it was wrong, being there with him alone, but it didn't feel wrong. It felt really good. Better than anything.......ever. Amazing. And now I know that I don't want to hide anymore and I don't want to pretend that there is nothing between us."
"Rory I get it. You love him. You don't have to explain any further. You love Jess and not Dean."
"I love Jess." Rory paused letting the words sink in. "Whoa, I have never said it before. Like out loud."
"How does it feel?"
"Good. Really good."
"Then that is all that matters."