ACT 2
(After the intermission, everyone is back; Aeris adjusts her
headset mike before taking up her drumsticks while Tifa and
Yuffie do the same with theirs prior to settling down to their
synths. With everyone else in the FFVII crew ready, Tifa
directs her words to the audience.)
Tifa: Get ready, you jokers, it's time to rock!!
Aeris: Or somethin' like it.
Tidus' voice (from the audience): Can we get on with it?
Tifa: OK, hit it!!
Zack: Huh?
Red XIII: Play the tune.
(And play the tune they do--a parody of Earth, Wind
& Fire's cover of The Beatles' Got To Get You Into
My Life--sorry, I prefer that version better.)
GOT TO GET YOU, JENOVA-LIFE
Parody of Got To Get You Into My Life
Performed by Tifa Lockheart & Aeris
Gainsborough
Tifa:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE,
get you, Jenova-LIFE.
Aeris:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE,
get you, Jenova-LIFE.
Tifa:
I was alone, in Nibelheim
I didn't know what I would see there
So overwrought, from Sephiroth,
when 5 years ago, he slashed me there
Oh----an' then me an' Cloud would see her
Oh----an' Seph said that he'd need her,
for their trip to The, Promised Land.
Aeris:
I didn't run, I didn't cry
I knew Seph's intent was to stab me.
It's better than that Corneo, when that pervert
would tried to grab me.
Oh----then Jenova made the scene
Oh----the battle was extreme
After that, I was placed, in the lake.
All:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE
(repeat x4)
Guitar solo (from Vincent, no less)
Tifa:
Oh----an' then me an' Cloud would see her
Aeris:
Oh----an' Seph said that he'd need her,
Tifa & Aeris:
for their trip to The, Promised Land.
Aeris:
What can we do? What can we say
'bout the crisis from the sky that came?
Tifa:
Sephiroth, claims she's his mom,
so let's stop her, somehow, just the same
Aeris:
Oh----we stopped Jenova for good
Tifa:
Oh----did we tell you that we could....
Aeris & Tifa:
....defeat Sephiroth, our own way?
All:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE
(repeat x4)
Tifa:
I was alone, in Nibelheim
I didn't know what I would see there
So overwrought, from Sephiroth,
when 5 years ago, he slashed me there
Aeris:
Oh, an' me an' Cloud would see her
Oh, an' Seph said he'd need her.....
All:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE.....
(The instant the FFVII band finishes that tune, the
crowd erupts in cheering. In the audience, we see
Celes, Terra, Laguna, Kiros and Ward.)
Celes: Boy, tonight's performance sure was a pip.
Laguna: You said it. It's a shame Aeris an' Tifa
were spoken for--they've could've been mine.
Kiros: Maybe somethin' good may come your way,
who knows? (to Ward) What do you think, Ward?
(Ward responds by whistling, "cuckoo, cuckoo.")
Laguna (shaking his head): So funny, I forgot to
laugh.
Celes: I wish I could help you out, but, I am engaged to
Locke......(sighs)....if only he would get a better job;
somehow, I don't think a thief--
Locke's voice: TREASURE HUNTER!!
Celes: --is the right way to bring home the bacon.
Terra: Maybe I can help........(to Laguna) wanna party
wit' me after the show, Prez Laguna?
Laguna (blushing): Well....why not?
Kiros: Imagine that....
(Ward grins, while back on the stage, Cloud and co.
get ready for the next tune.)
Cloud (to the audience): OK, let's get energized with
our homage to the shoddiest, crummiest an' slummiest
city--Midgar.
(While the crowd cheers, the FFVII band rocks with
a wild Chuck Berry/Beach Boysesque tune, starting
with Yuffie playing digital samples of the Shinra's alarm
klaxon, before playing in a rocking way.)
BACK IN THAT CRUMMY MIDGAR
Parody of Back In The U. S. S. R.
Performed by Cloud Strife
Cloud:
Oh.......!!
Flew in from North Corel onboard
the Highwind--
didn't get to bed last night.
On the way, Yuffie the ninja wunderkind,
she just had a queasy flight.
All:
We're back in that crummy Midgar
We know that Shinra's gone too far, boy
Back in that crummy Midgar.
Cloud:
Been away so long we hardly miss the place
It ain't good to be back home.
Let's go tell that Rufus to get off our case
Aeris, disconnect the phone.
All:
We're back in that crummy Midgar
We know that Shinra's gone too far, boy
Back in that crummy,
back in that crummy,
back in that crummy Midgar.
Well those Honey Bee girls sure knock
me out,
an' leave Kalm Town benind
an' Wall Market makes me sing an' shout,
that Tifa Lockheart's Seventh Heaven is
always on my own mind.
(Cid plays the guitar solo, while doing a
Chuck Berry duck walk.)
Locke (in the audience): Rock out, Cid!!
All:
We're back in that crummy Midgar
We know that Shinra's gone too far, boy
Back in that crummy Midgar.
Well those Honey Bee girls sure knock
me out,
an' leave Kalm Town benind
an' Wall Market makes me sing an' shout,
that Tifa Lockheart's Seventh Heaven is
always on my own mind.
Cloud:
Show me those Mako Reactors way down
south
Take me to Choco Bill's farm.
Lemme see those ol' Gelinkas flyin' out
Come an' keep your SOLDIER warm.
All:
We're back in that crummy Midgar--hey!!
We know that Shinra's gone too far, boy
Back in that crummy Midgar.
Cloud:
Oh, oh, oh, oh.....lemme tell you somethin'.
Hey, we're back....!!
Yuffie, Aeris & Tifa:
Oooo, oooo, oooo.....
(repeat x4)
(Towards the end of the tune, Cid ignites
a Fire 3 on Rinoa's butt; she jumps up running
all over Event Square.)
Rinoa: YEE-OUCH!! FIRE, FIRE!! HUH, HUH,
HUH, HUH!!
(Near one far wall of Event Square, Rinoa
spots a drinking fountain, and sits on it,
drenching her now doused butt with ice water,
putting out the fire, just as the tune finishes.)
Quistis: Rinoa!! Stop messin' 'round here an' get
back here!!
Rinoa: Would you mind waitin' till I put my butt out
first?
(The band gets ready for the next tune, while Cid
smirks at the hapless Rinoa.)
Cid (muttering): Now we're even for that egg you
threw at me....
(Meanwhile, Reeve, the creator of Cait Sith, is fixing
the cat and his Mog.)
Zack: You fixin' Cait Sith?
Reeve: You betcha--in fact, it's the next tune to play.
(With that in mind, the band plays the tune, while
Reeve, using a remote, controls Cait Sith to strut
'round the stage.)
FIXING CAIT SITH
Parody of Fixing A Hole
Performed by Reeve
Reeve:
I am fixing Cait Sith, as a Shinra spy,
before I send it to Cloud's bunch,
before they go.
In Gogonga Town, they're searchin'
for Zack.
an' Tifa's right now wonderin':
"Where did Zack go?"
An' it truly doesn't matter, if I am a wimp
Just don't call me a gimp.
I ain't no gimp.
See that Scarlet actin' like she's so stuck up,
yet never wins.
No wonder her Proud Clod was such a bust
I've got The Keystone, to deliver to Tseng,
an' no doubt Cloud is wonderin',
where he might go.
Hey!! Hey!!
(During the solo, Reeve does a jig with his
Cait Sith creation, while the audience laughs.)
Reeve:
An' it truly doesn't matter, if I am a wimp
Just don't call me a gimp.
I ain't no gimp.
Stupid Rufus hopes to use that Sister Ray,
to wipe out Sephiroth's crater an' that
WEAPON.
I've led the people, safely out of Midgar
before Meteor crashes down.
So let's all go....!!
I am fixing Cait Sith, as a Shinra spy,
before I send it to Cloud's bunch,
before they go.
Before they go.......
(Reeve and Cait Sith bow to the cheering crowd,
but in the audience, Wakka--with Tidus, Rikku,
Irvine, Zell and Selphie--is booing and hissing.)
Wakka: BOOOOOO!! HISSSSSSSS!!!! BOOOOO!!!!
Tidus: Hey, don't be a sourball. I thought that tune ruled.
Wakka: But that dude used a machina Mog, ja?!? Only
the stupid Al Bhed use machina, ja?
Rikku (testily): I BEG YOUR PARDON!!
Wakka (sheepishly): Sorry. No offense....
Zell: How much you wanna bet there'll be hot dogs at
the New Year's Eve bash afterwards?
Selphie: Bet heavily on it. WHOO-HOO!!
Irvine: We're there, Selph.
(Back on the stage, Marlene, getting ready with her harp,
talks to the crowd.)
Marlene (to the audience): Remember the time when Cloud
had to sneak out of Aeris an' Elmyra's house in Sector 5?
Well, here's the story.
(With just Marlene playing her harp, The Turks playing
their strings and Aeris playing the tubular bells, it's time
for the next tune.)
CLOUD'S LEAVING HERE
Parody of She's Leaving Home
Performed by Marlene Wallace
Marlene:
Friday morning at 5:00 A. M.
here in Sector 5,
Cloud is now closin' the bedroom
door,
an' leavin' the note that he hoped
would say more.
He goes downstairs to the kitchen
clutchin' his Buster Sword
Quietly turnin' the front door key,
steppin' outside, he is free.
All:
He,
Marlene:
We gave Cloud most of our gil,
All:
is leavin',
Marlene:
sacrificed our Hi Potions,
All:
here.
Marlene:
an' gave him everything that
Square could buy.
Cloud's leavin' here to go back
to Tifa, an' AVALANCHE too,
bye, bye.
An' meanwhile, back at Sector 5,
Aeris just gets up.
Picks up the letter just lyin' there,
standin' alone at the top of the
stairs,
she breaks down an' sobs to Elmyra:
"Mommy, my sweet Cloud's gone!!
Why would he treat me so thoughtlessly?!?
How could he do that to me?!?"
All:
He
Marlene:
We know Cloud's a spikey head
All:
is leavin'
Marlene:
Why is Cloud a spikey head?
All:
here.
Marlene:
But then, it's his trademark gimmick, no doubt.
Cloud's leavin' here to go back
to Tifa, an' AVALANCHE too,
bye, bye.
Friday morning at 9:00 P. M., down in Sector
5,
Aeris is waitin' to meet up with Cloud
At least she didn't scold him so loud
All:
He
Marlene:
We know that Cloud loves Aeris
All:
is havin'
Marlene:
She is Cloud's Final Fantasy
All:
fun.
Marlene:
Fun is the one thing in a RPG
Romance is the flair that makes
bucks for Square's Final Fantasy,
bye, bye.
Cloud's leavin' here, bye, bye.
(The crowd cheers big time while Marlene
blows a kiss.)
Marlene: Thanks....
(At the left end of the stage, Reno is talking
with Rude.)
Rude: So what chuu goin' to do for your New
Year's resolution?
Reno: What else but have a drink to The Turks
an' party with my Yuffers.
Rude: As in Yuffie, no doubt.
Reno: Yup.
(In the audience, Edea is seen talking with Cyan,
Edgar and Auron.)
Cyan: I must say, I didn't think that Aeris had the
talent to play those drums.
Edgar: It just goes to show how talented those Cetra
can be. By the way, did you hear 'bout the time I once
tied bananas to the ceiling fan and shot Ultima blasts
at them?
Edea: No kiddin'?
Edgar: No foolin'.
Auron: You wanna hear somethin' wacky? I heard
that Yuffie was trying to dust an overhead ceiling
fan, and she stepped up on the ladder--and stuck
her head in the fan by accident. (imitates the
spinning fan blades) Drrrrrrrrrrrrrr........!!
(imitates the fan blades hitting Yuffie's head)
Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh......!!
Which, by the way, had no bananas tied to it.
Edea: Yes, we have no bananas.
(They all laugh, while back on the stage, Elmyra
talks to the crowd.)
Elmyra (to the crowd): People, it's time to point
out that all proceeds from the money we got in
ticket sales for tonight's performance will be
donated to The Nibelheim Home For
Homeless Chocobos--and all that being for the
benefit of our own Cloud Strife--or is that Mr.
Strife? (The audience laughs while the band plays
the next tune.)
BEING FOR THE BENEFIT OF MR. STRIFE!!
Parody of Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite!!
Performed by Elmyra
Elmyra:
For the benefit of Mr. Strife,
there will be a show tonight
in Event Square.
The Wallaces will all be there,
givin' Shinra quite a scare,
what a dare!!
Fightin' Rufus an' his Shinra
cohorts, along with that crummy
Sephiroth.
For his life, Mr. Strife will save
The Planet!!
The celebrated Mr. S.,
will take on, without any stress,
that Demon's Gate.
An' Cid Highwind, will smoke
an' curse,
while Mr. Strife gives them his worse,
don't be late.
Messers S. an' H. assure their big fans
their game playin' will be second to none.
On the scene, here's Red XIII, dancin'
the waltz!!
(While Red XIII, on four rollerblades, scoots
from one end of the stage to the other, to the
laughter of the howling audience, Tifa and Yuffie
play on their organs, a swirling hurdy gurdy type
of solo. After that, Elmyra resumes.)
Elmyra:
The game begins at twelve to six,
when Mr. S. performs his tricks
with Omnislash.
An' Mr. H. will demonstrate
some Limit Breaks he'll
undertake in a quick flash
Having been some days in preperation,
a splendid time is guaranteed for all.
With his life, Mr. Strife is toppin' the bill.
(While the band plays on, Tifa and Yuffie
play, in addition to their organs, their
digital samplers which play a mix of
circus calliope sounds, before playing
a unique calliope coda to finish the tune,
to the cheering of the crowd.)
Elmyra: Thank you!! I sure gave it my all, eh?
Anyhow, it's time for the next intermission,
so we'll be back in time for Act 3, an' we hope
you will too. So when we come back, be there or
be Square--no pun intended......
Coming up: more Beatle stuff FFVII style in Act 3!!
(After the intermission, everyone is back; Aeris adjusts her
headset mike before taking up her drumsticks while Tifa and
Yuffie do the same with theirs prior to settling down to their
synths. With everyone else in the FFVII crew ready, Tifa
directs her words to the audience.)
Tifa: Get ready, you jokers, it's time to rock!!
Aeris: Or somethin' like it.
Tidus' voice (from the audience): Can we get on with it?
Tifa: OK, hit it!!
Zack: Huh?
Red XIII: Play the tune.
(And play the tune they do--a parody of Earth, Wind
& Fire's cover of The Beatles' Got To Get You Into
My Life--sorry, I prefer that version better.)
GOT TO GET YOU, JENOVA-LIFE
Parody of Got To Get You Into My Life
Performed by Tifa Lockheart & Aeris
Gainsborough
Tifa:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE,
get you, Jenova-LIFE.
Aeris:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE,
get you, Jenova-LIFE.
Tifa:
I was alone, in Nibelheim
I didn't know what I would see there
So overwrought, from Sephiroth,
when 5 years ago, he slashed me there
Oh----an' then me an' Cloud would see her
Oh----an' Seph said that he'd need her,
for their trip to The, Promised Land.
Aeris:
I didn't run, I didn't cry
I knew Seph's intent was to stab me.
It's better than that Corneo, when that pervert
would tried to grab me.
Oh----then Jenova made the scene
Oh----the battle was extreme
After that, I was placed, in the lake.
All:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE
(repeat x4)
Guitar solo (from Vincent, no less)
Tifa:
Oh----an' then me an' Cloud would see her
Aeris:
Oh----an' Seph said that he'd need her,
Tifa & Aeris:
for their trip to The, Promised Land.
Aeris:
What can we do? What can we say
'bout the crisis from the sky that came?
Tifa:
Sephiroth, claims she's his mom,
so let's stop her, somehow, just the same
Aeris:
Oh----we stopped Jenova for good
Tifa:
Oh----did we tell you that we could....
Aeris & Tifa:
....defeat Sephiroth, our own way?
All:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE
(repeat x4)
Tifa:
I was alone, in Nibelheim
I didn't know what I would see there
So overwrought, from Sephiroth,
when 5 years ago, he slashed me there
Aeris:
Oh, an' me an' Cloud would see her
Oh, an' Seph said he'd need her.....
All:
Got to get you, Jenova-LIFE.....
(The instant the FFVII band finishes that tune, the
crowd erupts in cheering. In the audience, we see
Celes, Terra, Laguna, Kiros and Ward.)
Celes: Boy, tonight's performance sure was a pip.
Laguna: You said it. It's a shame Aeris an' Tifa
were spoken for--they've could've been mine.
Kiros: Maybe somethin' good may come your way,
who knows? (to Ward) What do you think, Ward?
(Ward responds by whistling, "cuckoo, cuckoo.")
Laguna (shaking his head): So funny, I forgot to
laugh.
Celes: I wish I could help you out, but, I am engaged to
Locke......(sighs)....if only he would get a better job;
somehow, I don't think a thief--
Locke's voice: TREASURE HUNTER!!
Celes: --is the right way to bring home the bacon.
Terra: Maybe I can help........(to Laguna) wanna party
wit' me after the show, Prez Laguna?
Laguna (blushing): Well....why not?
Kiros: Imagine that....
(Ward grins, while back on the stage, Cloud and co.
get ready for the next tune.)
Cloud (to the audience): OK, let's get energized with
our homage to the shoddiest, crummiest an' slummiest
city--Midgar.
(While the crowd cheers, the FFVII band rocks with
a wild Chuck Berry/Beach Boysesque tune, starting
with Yuffie playing digital samples of the Shinra's alarm
klaxon, before playing in a rocking way.)
BACK IN THAT CRUMMY MIDGAR
Parody of Back In The U. S. S. R.
Performed by Cloud Strife
Cloud:
Oh.......!!
Flew in from North Corel onboard
the Highwind--
didn't get to bed last night.
On the way, Yuffie the ninja wunderkind,
she just had a queasy flight.
All:
We're back in that crummy Midgar
We know that Shinra's gone too far, boy
Back in that crummy Midgar.
Cloud:
Been away so long we hardly miss the place
It ain't good to be back home.
Let's go tell that Rufus to get off our case
Aeris, disconnect the phone.
All:
We're back in that crummy Midgar
We know that Shinra's gone too far, boy
Back in that crummy,
back in that crummy,
back in that crummy Midgar.
Well those Honey Bee girls sure knock
me out,
an' leave Kalm Town benind
an' Wall Market makes me sing an' shout,
that Tifa Lockheart's Seventh Heaven is
always on my own mind.
(Cid plays the guitar solo, while doing a
Chuck Berry duck walk.)
Locke (in the audience): Rock out, Cid!!
All:
We're back in that crummy Midgar
We know that Shinra's gone too far, boy
Back in that crummy Midgar.
Well those Honey Bee girls sure knock
me out,
an' leave Kalm Town benind
an' Wall Market makes me sing an' shout,
that Tifa Lockheart's Seventh Heaven is
always on my own mind.
Cloud:
Show me those Mako Reactors way down
south
Take me to Choco Bill's farm.
Lemme see those ol' Gelinkas flyin' out
Come an' keep your SOLDIER warm.
All:
We're back in that crummy Midgar--hey!!
We know that Shinra's gone too far, boy
Back in that crummy Midgar.
Cloud:
Oh, oh, oh, oh.....lemme tell you somethin'.
Hey, we're back....!!
Yuffie, Aeris & Tifa:
Oooo, oooo, oooo.....
(repeat x4)
(Towards the end of the tune, Cid ignites
a Fire 3 on Rinoa's butt; she jumps up running
all over Event Square.)
Rinoa: YEE-OUCH!! FIRE, FIRE!! HUH, HUH,
HUH, HUH!!
(Near one far wall of Event Square, Rinoa
spots a drinking fountain, and sits on it,
drenching her now doused butt with ice water,
putting out the fire, just as the tune finishes.)
Quistis: Rinoa!! Stop messin' 'round here an' get
back here!!
Rinoa: Would you mind waitin' till I put my butt out
first?
(The band gets ready for the next tune, while Cid
smirks at the hapless Rinoa.)
Cid (muttering): Now we're even for that egg you
threw at me....
(Meanwhile, Reeve, the creator of Cait Sith, is fixing
the cat and his Mog.)
Zack: You fixin' Cait Sith?
Reeve: You betcha--in fact, it's the next tune to play.
(With that in mind, the band plays the tune, while
Reeve, using a remote, controls Cait Sith to strut
'round the stage.)
FIXING CAIT SITH
Parody of Fixing A Hole
Performed by Reeve
Reeve:
I am fixing Cait Sith, as a Shinra spy,
before I send it to Cloud's bunch,
before they go.
In Gogonga Town, they're searchin'
for Zack.
an' Tifa's right now wonderin':
"Where did Zack go?"
An' it truly doesn't matter, if I am a wimp
Just don't call me a gimp.
I ain't no gimp.
See that Scarlet actin' like she's so stuck up,
yet never wins.
No wonder her Proud Clod was such a bust
I've got The Keystone, to deliver to Tseng,
an' no doubt Cloud is wonderin',
where he might go.
Hey!! Hey!!
(During the solo, Reeve does a jig with his
Cait Sith creation, while the audience laughs.)
Reeve:
An' it truly doesn't matter, if I am a wimp
Just don't call me a gimp.
I ain't no gimp.
Stupid Rufus hopes to use that Sister Ray,
to wipe out Sephiroth's crater an' that
WEAPON.
I've led the people, safely out of Midgar
before Meteor crashes down.
So let's all go....!!
I am fixing Cait Sith, as a Shinra spy,
before I send it to Cloud's bunch,
before they go.
Before they go.......
(Reeve and Cait Sith bow to the cheering crowd,
but in the audience, Wakka--with Tidus, Rikku,
Irvine, Zell and Selphie--is booing and hissing.)
Wakka: BOOOOOO!! HISSSSSSSS!!!! BOOOOO!!!!
Tidus: Hey, don't be a sourball. I thought that tune ruled.
Wakka: But that dude used a machina Mog, ja?!? Only
the stupid Al Bhed use machina, ja?
Rikku (testily): I BEG YOUR PARDON!!
Wakka (sheepishly): Sorry. No offense....
Zell: How much you wanna bet there'll be hot dogs at
the New Year's Eve bash afterwards?
Selphie: Bet heavily on it. WHOO-HOO!!
Irvine: We're there, Selph.
(Back on the stage, Marlene, getting ready with her harp,
talks to the crowd.)
Marlene (to the audience): Remember the time when Cloud
had to sneak out of Aeris an' Elmyra's house in Sector 5?
Well, here's the story.
(With just Marlene playing her harp, The Turks playing
their strings and Aeris playing the tubular bells, it's time
for the next tune.)
CLOUD'S LEAVING HERE
Parody of She's Leaving Home
Performed by Marlene Wallace
Marlene:
Friday morning at 5:00 A. M.
here in Sector 5,
Cloud is now closin' the bedroom
door,
an' leavin' the note that he hoped
would say more.
He goes downstairs to the kitchen
clutchin' his Buster Sword
Quietly turnin' the front door key,
steppin' outside, he is free.
All:
He,
Marlene:
We gave Cloud most of our gil,
All:
is leavin',
Marlene:
sacrificed our Hi Potions,
All:
here.
Marlene:
an' gave him everything that
Square could buy.
Cloud's leavin' here to go back
to Tifa, an' AVALANCHE too,
bye, bye.
An' meanwhile, back at Sector 5,
Aeris just gets up.
Picks up the letter just lyin' there,
standin' alone at the top of the
stairs,
she breaks down an' sobs to Elmyra:
"Mommy, my sweet Cloud's gone!!
Why would he treat me so thoughtlessly?!?
How could he do that to me?!?"
All:
He
Marlene:
We know Cloud's a spikey head
All:
is leavin'
Marlene:
Why is Cloud a spikey head?
All:
here.
Marlene:
But then, it's his trademark gimmick, no doubt.
Cloud's leavin' here to go back
to Tifa, an' AVALANCHE too,
bye, bye.
Friday morning at 9:00 P. M., down in Sector
5,
Aeris is waitin' to meet up with Cloud
At least she didn't scold him so loud
All:
He
Marlene:
We know that Cloud loves Aeris
All:
is havin'
Marlene:
She is Cloud's Final Fantasy
All:
fun.
Marlene:
Fun is the one thing in a RPG
Romance is the flair that makes
bucks for Square's Final Fantasy,
bye, bye.
Cloud's leavin' here, bye, bye.
(The crowd cheers big time while Marlene
blows a kiss.)
Marlene: Thanks....
(At the left end of the stage, Reno is talking
with Rude.)
Rude: So what chuu goin' to do for your New
Year's resolution?
Reno: What else but have a drink to The Turks
an' party with my Yuffers.
Rude: As in Yuffie, no doubt.
Reno: Yup.
(In the audience, Edea is seen talking with Cyan,
Edgar and Auron.)
Cyan: I must say, I didn't think that Aeris had the
talent to play those drums.
Edgar: It just goes to show how talented those Cetra
can be. By the way, did you hear 'bout the time I once
tied bananas to the ceiling fan and shot Ultima blasts
at them?
Edea: No kiddin'?
Edgar: No foolin'.
Auron: You wanna hear somethin' wacky? I heard
that Yuffie was trying to dust an overhead ceiling
fan, and she stepped up on the ladder--and stuck
her head in the fan by accident. (imitates the
spinning fan blades) Drrrrrrrrrrrrrr........!!
(imitates the fan blades hitting Yuffie's head)
Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh......!!
Which, by the way, had no bananas tied to it.
Edea: Yes, we have no bananas.
(They all laugh, while back on the stage, Elmyra
talks to the crowd.)
Elmyra (to the crowd): People, it's time to point
out that all proceeds from the money we got in
ticket sales for tonight's performance will be
donated to The Nibelheim Home For
Homeless Chocobos--and all that being for the
benefit of our own Cloud Strife--or is that Mr.
Strife? (The audience laughs while the band plays
the next tune.)
BEING FOR THE BENEFIT OF MR. STRIFE!!
Parody of Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite!!
Performed by Elmyra
Elmyra:
For the benefit of Mr. Strife,
there will be a show tonight
in Event Square.
The Wallaces will all be there,
givin' Shinra quite a scare,
what a dare!!
Fightin' Rufus an' his Shinra
cohorts, along with that crummy
Sephiroth.
For his life, Mr. Strife will save
The Planet!!
The celebrated Mr. S.,
will take on, without any stress,
that Demon's Gate.
An' Cid Highwind, will smoke
an' curse,
while Mr. Strife gives them his worse,
don't be late.
Messers S. an' H. assure their big fans
their game playin' will be second to none.
On the scene, here's Red XIII, dancin'
the waltz!!
(While Red XIII, on four rollerblades, scoots
from one end of the stage to the other, to the
laughter of the howling audience, Tifa and Yuffie
play on their organs, a swirling hurdy gurdy type
of solo. After that, Elmyra resumes.)
Elmyra:
The game begins at twelve to six,
when Mr. S. performs his tricks
with Omnislash.
An' Mr. H. will demonstrate
some Limit Breaks he'll
undertake in a quick flash
Having been some days in preperation,
a splendid time is guaranteed for all.
With his life, Mr. Strife is toppin' the bill.
(While the band plays on, Tifa and Yuffie
play, in addition to their organs, their
digital samplers which play a mix of
circus calliope sounds, before playing
a unique calliope coda to finish the tune,
to the cheering of the crowd.)
Elmyra: Thank you!! I sure gave it my all, eh?
Anyhow, it's time for the next intermission,
so we'll be back in time for Act 3, an' we hope
you will too. So when we come back, be there or
be Square--no pun intended......
Coming up: more Beatle stuff FFVII style in Act 3!!