Author's Note: I don't own Fruits Baskets. This is about Tohru and what went through her mind that fated night, right before she came face to face with Yuki and Shigure outside her tent. She reflects on the loss of her mother and enters a moment of despair. A one-shot. Please enjoy and review!
Dedicated to my pal John who unknowingly inspired me to write this. Also dedicated to all the people out there who have to eat their meals alone and don't like to. May you find that special someone to share them with.
Meal For One, Please
By: Lauren
"A meal for one, please. Give me…your cheapest…and please make it to go." She smiled warmly at a cashier, paying him the little amount she owed while he ran into the back of his shop and returned with a heated cup of noodles, the top sealed on tightly. She took it from him, bid him farewell and began her trudge back home from work. As she walked, she held the warm cup against her chest with her freezing hands. Eventually, she arrived at her desired destination.
Tohru sat down inside her new 'home', shivering slightly as a cold breeze seeped through the flimsy material known as her walls that were held up by wooden sticks. Inside the tent was a futon and some other things she had gathered and brought with her, but the most important thing to her was a picture of her mother, sitting in its delicate frame on a little wooden table-like dresser.
The glass frame shimmered as Tohru shifted on the hard ground, kneeling while she opened her bowl of instant ramen, a bit of steam rising up into the air with the removal of the paper cover. She forced a tiny smile on her face as she muttered to the picture frame, telling her mother of what had happened today in school and at work. Nothing exciting had really occurred except she had recently discovered the Sohma household not too far off from her tent. It was where her classmate Yuki, also known as The Prince, lived.
She reminded herself to be more careful about that. She didn't want anyone to discover that her current home was actually a pathetic tent in the middle of a forest.
Tohru bit into her warm noodles, the taste seeming bland and cardboard like. Oh well. She would have to put up with this until she made more money. Ignoring the burn the hot food made on her tongue, she chewed up the noodle and swallowed it.
Silence engulfed the tent as Tohru ate, the picture of her mother watching her, while she was careful not to steam the glass up with the soup. She couldn't stand it, this unending quiet. When her mother was alive, their meals were always filled with laughter and joyous talk of each of their days. And even afterwards, when she lived with her grandfather, dinner was always bustling with voices.
But now…all that remained was a bitter silence.
The sound of her chewing seemed to echo in the tent, filling every corner and it seemed to fill her ears also, mocking her, taunting her, reminding her of what she could now never have. It was reminding her of the silence that was fated to surround her for the rest of her life, the lack of the family that she used to have.
But Tohru tried to ignore it. It was her nature and, after all, she had promised her mother she would always smile and she would live. She swallowed again as her mind flashed back to the day of the accident.
It had been so horrible, so heartbreaking and energy draining. Every time she even thought about it, her heart constricted painfully. Frankly, most of it was a blur after her mother had released her last breath. Up until that moment, everything had been in slow motion for her and then, it was as if someone had hit the fast forward button on a VCR and her life was flying past her. After being absent a few days, she had returned to school and acted as cheer as she could around her friends. She wouldn't let them know that she had left her grandfather's house and was living in the woods. She didn't want them to worry.
That too was part of her nature. She didn't want anyone to worry about her.
Mother had always worried about her. Mother had always cared about her.
Yet now…mother was gone.
The night air seemed colder then than it had ever been before. Pulling her shirt around her tighter, she tried to shrink and snuggle down in it. Suddenly, she didn't feel so hungry anymore. Tohru had lost her entire appetite. She sat the cup of noodles down next to the picture of her mother before she let her straight back relax and her feet slide out from under her. She felt so limp right now, as if she had no more strength left in her to move again. It was true; the most valuable things in life are the hardest to keep. Tohru slumped on the tent floor, fighting back the salty crystal tears that threatened to overflow from her eyes.
No.
No…she couldn't cry…not ever…
She had to smile for Mama…
She couldn't cry…
She had to smile…
She had to live…for Mama's sake at least…
A tiny, bitter smile formed on her face, so bitter that it matched the silence that surrounded her, before two single teardrops escaped from her eyes and dripped down to be sucked into the dirt. Tohru rolled onto her side, letting out a sorrowful sigh as her cheek was cushioned on the ground. She sat like this for a moment, her chest rising and falling as she softly inhaled and exhaled slowly.
She wanted to become part of the silence. She wanted to disappear in it, to be sucked into it, just like how the floor had swallowed up her tears.
Her vacant eyes came into focus as she heard the trees around her rustle in the wind, bringing her mind back to her body. Her gaze wandered upward as they fell upon her noodles and then the picture of her mother, looking down at her with a smile on her face.
Tohru pulled herself up into a sitting position, shaking her head as if she had just come out of a trance. She chuckled under her breath, while she ran her hand through her messy hair. "What am I doing Mama?" She muttered, wiping her hand over her cheek only to discover the dirt from the floor had stuck to the dampness from her tears. "I'm sorry…that was a horrible smile…I'll work hard to make it better…" Tohru told the picture. She looked down at her hands coated in dirt. "Look at this…I was clean before too." She scowled at herself before she stood up, stretching as far as the tent allowed. Picking up her food, her frown deepened when she realized how cold it had gotten. "All this a waste too." She shook her head. "But I suppose cold noodles taste better than none at all." Tohru stated, deciding to still eat her meal. Her stomach was grumbling, having regained its appetite and truthfully, Tohru didn't have enough money to buy another meal nor the energy to go out for one. "You'll have to excuse me for a little bit Mama, I've gotten myself so dirty I think I'll need to wash off in the stream." She turned and walked towards the flap of the tent that served as a door. Before leaving, she turned around and tried to do another smile for her mother. Both corners of her mouth upturned slightly.
This time, it didn't seem as cold or as bitter. Tohru would remove the silence, even if she had to do it all by herself. "I'm sorry for being so selfish Mama." She whispered, her voice low as her bangs shadowed her melancholy eyes. "I'll be content with you just watching over me from afar. So…don't worry about me. I'll manage on my own and I'll be happy, just like you were always. I love you Mama…so…good-bye…" Grabbing a nearby sponge, she turned from the tent and readied to go to the stream…
…only she emerged to be face to face with her classmate Yuki and the man she had talked to at Yuki's household. What was his name again? Oh yeah…Shigure.
The next thing Tohru knew, she was surrounded by noise. So much noise it left no room for silence, something that she wouldn't have to fill in all alone. In the blink of an eye, a new family surrounded Tohru. Not something that would replace her old one, no, nothing could ever replace her mother. But she was surrounded by a different kind of family- a family not related by blood and held together by that, but a family bonded by love and the need for one another.
A family that could help warm her heart back up once again and make her smile true.
~*~
Tohru walked into the restaurant she had grown familiar with. She smiled happily at the cashier, who spoke before she did."Noodles for one?" He asked, planning on giving her some good leftovers along with her ramen for free.
Tohru almost laughed before she shook her head. "No, actually. A meal for four please." Behind her, Shigure, Yuki, and Kyou all piled into the restaurant, saving a table for all of them to sit at.