4TH & LAST ACT
(On the stage, we see Aeris and Cloud sharing a kiss,
just as the audience arrives, and needless to say,
they're hooting and cheering. Upon hearing that,
Aeris and Cloud break the kiss.)
Aeris (to the crowd): Oh!! We're back. Welcome back.
(From there, she, Cloud, the AVALANCHERs and The
Turks man their instruments.)
Aeris (continued): S-O--------we're nearly down to
the wire, an' we've got six tunes remaining. With that
in mind, I'd like to dedicate the next parody to my
late mother, Iflana--and I STRONGLY suggest you ready
the Kleenex, for you see, it's a bona fide tearjerker,
believe you me.
(So AVALANCHE and The Turks play the tune, and
already we can see tears form, starting with Yuffie.)
WHILE IFLANA GENTLY WEEPS
Parody of While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Performed by Aeris Gainsborough.
Aeris (sobbing):
I remember when, the Cetra was still living,
while Iflana gently weeps
I was, born to be, sweet an' kind, always giving.
Still Iflana gently weeps.
But Jenova, soon interrupted, an' corrupted, our
world.
I don't know how that crazy Hojo
used her for mojo.
Then Hojo used me an' my Mom for his testing
while Iflana gently weeps
And while, I escaped, my poor Mom, was in death
resting
Still Iflana gently weeps.
(While everyone, I mean EVERYONE--from AVALANCHE
to The Turks, to the audience--is bawling their heads off,
and sobbing big time, Cid, plays a fantastic solo on a
Gibson Les Paul electric guitar, just like Eric Clapton did on
The Beatles' While My Guitar Gently Weeps.)
Aeris:
I know that Cloud, had hoped to wed me.
He'd never would dread me.
I'd say to Cloud, "Will you marry me?
But will you carry me?"
I see The Lifestream, an' Holy, for The Planet
while Iflana gently weeps
I see Holy.....
Still Iflana gently weeps........
(Cid plays out the guitar solo to the end while
we see a sobbing Dio backstage.)
Dio: Good thing my Gold Saucer's got flood
insurence.
Aeris:
While Iflana gently weeps........
(The tune done with, everyone bawls out one
last sob before pulling themselves together.)
Aeris: Thank you..... (to Yuffie) Yuffie, get
me some tissue.
(In the audience, we see Quistis, Selphie, Ellone,
Yuna, Rikku and Lulu sobbing.)
Rikku: WHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Poor Aeris!!
Yuna: That was S-O SAD!!
Ellone: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Selphie: She was right--it WAS a bona (sob) fide tearjerker......
Quistis: WHA HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Lulu: (sob) Pass the kleenex............
(In a matter of time, everyone is calmed down, and Yuffie
announces the next tune.)
Yuffie: OK, let's dedicate the next parody to one of our
favorite Turks next to my Reno--the one an' only Rude.
Rude: Who, me? Boy, oh boy, I am flattered. (blushes)
Reno: Here's one for you, ol' bud.
Yuffie: It's also a love tune for the gal ol' Rude boy TRULY likes--
Jesse, of AVALANCHE.
(In the audience, Jesse of the old AVALANCHE lineup blushes,
and so does Rude.)
HEY RUDE
Parody of Hey Jude
Performed by Yuffie Kisaragi
Yuffie:
Hey Rude, just don't get drunk
Here comes Jesse, to make it better
Remember, she'll never break your Turk heart
She can now start, to make it better
Hey Rude, don't be chicken
Just tell Jesse, you wanna wed her
The instant you express your love within,
you can begin, to make it better.
An' anytime you feel the pain, hey Rude, refrain
Just carry a stash of that Hi Potion
For well you know that it's a Turk, that makes it work
by showin' you've got that ol' emotion.
Hey Rude, don't let me down
You've found Jesse, now go an' get her
an' marry, in Vegas--that idea's smart,
then you two start, to make it better.
You've got ol' Reno on your side, hey Rude, I chide.
Elena an' Tseng make up The Turk crew
An' don't you know that you're so cool, hey Rude, you knew
that bald dudes like you were born to be studs
Hey Rude, break out your shades
The time's come to make the game better
You don't need those Game Shark cheat codes to win
So let's begin to make it better, better, better,
better, better, better--------OH!!!!!!!
All:
Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh
Duh, duh, duh, duh----hey Rude
(repeat x7)
(With the tune done, Jesse of AVALANCHE
climbs up on the stage and she and Rude share
a kiss. Back in the audience, we see Seltzer with Rinoa,
Seifer, Raijin and Fujin.)
Seltzer: So those two fell in love, eh? How
'bout that?
Rinoa: Come on, Seltzer, pay off.
Seifer: The sooner, the better.
Raijin: Let that be a lesson to you--
never make bets with a bunch of
Galbadians, y' know.
Fujin: DEFINITELY.
Seltzer: Hooboy.....
(Back on the stage, Zack talks to the crowd,
his trumpet in hand.)
Zack: OK, let's get back into Sgt. Pepper mode for
the rest of the night!! In case you didn't know,
I dated Tifa long before Aeris, so let's pay homage to
the supermodel AVALANCHE barmaid, the one an'
only Tifa Lockheart!!
(The crowd cheers while Tifa blows a kiss to Zack.)
LOVELY TIFA
Parody of Lovely Rita
Performed by Zack "Buster"
Gallowglass (with apologies to Square)
All:
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
Zack:
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
Nuttin' can come between us.
Ever since we first met in Gogonga
At The Seventh Heaven one night,
Tifa Lockheart came in my sight
wearin' her black miniskirt an' her
white tank top.
Along with her black suspenders,
she had gloves, as tough as fenders.
She was born to kick butt with the
Shinra's SOLDIER crew
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
may I inquire discreetly,
how do you do that Final Heaven break?
Tifa....!!
(Tifa plays a unique honky tonk solo on her piano.)
Zack:
Took her out, an' tried to win her
in Junon, an' over dinner
Told her, "Your love hits me like an Ultima blast."
Got the bill, an' Tifa paid it,
Took her home, I nearly made it,
headin' on my way home on my Gold Chocobo.
Oh, lovely Tifa, the barmaid,
where would we be without you?
She's the darling of good ol' Nibelheim.
All:
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
(repeat x4)
(The tune done, the crowd cheers while--you guessed it--
Tifa and Zack kiss. From there, Zack heads back to the
horn section. In the audience, Strago is seen with Zell,
Irvine, Relm and Squall.)
Relm: Told you Tifa an' Zack would kiss after the tune,
instead of before. That makes 558 gil which you owe
me.
Squall: Well, you can subtract it from the 806 gil you owe
me for playing Triple Triad.
Irvine: A shrewd move, Squall.
Strago: What do you think Cloud's got covered up under that sheet
near his mike stand?
Zell: Beats me, but it's got something to do with those squib pin
rigged balloon drops up overhead.
Squall: Hey, don't give the plot away, eh?
Zell: Sorry.
Irvine: Y' know.....Celes was right--tonight's definitely a pip.
Strago: Could be.
(On the stage, Tifa talks to the crowd.)
Tifa: OK, we've been through the bulk of our Beatle parodies
here, and only three tunes remain, so hopefully it'll be
downhill all the way. With that in mind, I ask you: how many times
have you gotten a Game Over in any of our Final Fantasies? The
next parody is dedicated to those that did just that. A word of
advice: always save, and if it don't work, you can always push the
reset button.
(Using one of her digital samplers, Tifa plays the first opening
notes of FFVII's Game Over theme before the rest of the band
plays.)
GAME OVER, GAME OVER
Parody of Good Morning, Good Morning
Performed by Tifa Lockheart.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over,
Game Over, Game Over.
Tifa:
What do you do when you lose out, it's no doubt, hey.
You lost a game, oh, what a shame, what a bad day.
That dreaded screen, oh, how mean.
So, next time, save your game, what a shame.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.
Tifa:
Losin' sure sucks, you pay your bucks, for a Game Shark
Sephiroth's tough, brutish an' rough, an' bite an' bark.
His Super Nova's just toasted your hide.
So you break out the kleenex till you've cried.
But you hope to try again somehow
an' someday win the game here an' now.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.
Tifa:
After a day, you start to play, back on the track
Sephiroth comes, but you don't give that dude no slack.
Knights Of The Round soon kicks his butt.
Then you Ommnislash his hair an' his gut.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.
Tifa:
An' so, at last, you won the game that day
You pulled through an' triumphed your own way
Everyone you fought is unemployed
Your bad luck streak is null an' void.
Victory's yours, now that you've won, so let's all rave.
Maybe next time you play, just remember to save.
Take it from Square, you've got that flare
to win a RPG, take it from me.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.....
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.....
(At the end of the tune, Tifa again plays the Game Over theme,
just as Cid's guitar plays a note which signals the rest of the
band to start the first half of the big finale.)
Cid: Two, four, six eight.........!!
(Aeris starts off with the opening drumbeats before the rest
of the band kicks in. Then the horn section plays an Earth Wind
& Fireesque intro.)
AVALANCHE'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND
(REPRISE)
Parody of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
(Reprise)
Performed by AVALANCHE & The Turks
All:
We're AVALANCHE's Lonely Hearts Club Band
We hope that you enjoyed the show.
We're AVALANCHE's Lonely Hearts Club Band
We're sorry, but it's time to go.
AVALANCHE's Lonely, AVALANCHE's Lonely,
AVALANCHE's Lonely, AVALANCHE's Lonely,
AVALANCHE's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
We'd like to thank Square once again.
We're AVALANCHE's one an' only Lonely Hearts
Club Band.
It's gettin' oh so near the end.
AVALANCHE's Lonely, AVALANCHE's Lonely,
AVALANCHE's Lonely Hearts....Club....Band.
(After the cheering stops, the Event Square darkens
and individual spotlights set on the band.....for it's time for
the big finish with a parody of THE most famous of all the
Beatles' Sgt. Pepper tracks......)
A DAY WITH CLOUD STRIFE
Parody of A Day In The Life
Performed by Zack "Buster"
Gallowglass & Cloud Strife
Zack:
I read The Shinra Times, oh boy,
all 'bout a SOLDIER dude that failed his test.
An' though the news was rather sad.
Well, I just had to laugh.
Cloud saw the photograph.
The town of Nibelheim was burned
Cloud knew that Sephiroth had caused the blaze.
So Cloud went to the reactor,
to save me an' Tifa.
Now we know that Sephiroth had taken off with
Jenova.
I read The Shinra Times, oh boy.
The Shinra army just bested Wutai.
These days, Wutai's a resort town,
an' yet, I felt no shame,
having played the game.
I'd love to pla-a-a-a-ay wi-i-i-ith you-u-u-u-u.......
(From there, one by one, everyone plays each instrument,
playing quietly, and building up loud while starting on the
lowest note and climbing up to the highest, till it's an
orchestral cresendo, with Aeris banging wildly on all her
drums. Then-- it stops, and we hear Tifa's piano with
Cloud's bass.Then after Zack rings an alarm clock bell,
Cloud takes over the lead.)
Cloud:
Woke up, down in Midgar,
got a drink, at Tifa's bar.
Found my way down to the train station
an' got onboard with Barret an' Tifa.
We went to Reactor 5,
hopin' we'd pull through alive,
found our way upstairs an' set the bomb.
Then a voice spoke an' I went into a dream.......
Zack:
Ah........ah, ah, ah........ah, ah, ah.......ah, ah.
Ah..........ah.........ah.......
I read The Shinra Times, oh boy.
4,000 Chocobos in Rocket Town.
An' though their tracks were rather small,
they had to count them all.
Now they know how many tracks it takes to fill
Event Square Hall.
I'd love to pla-a-a-a-ay wi-i-i-i-ith you-u-u-u-u.........
(As before, AVALANCHE and The Turks build up on
the noise and the notes till they're back at the
orchestral cresendo, building up like it may never stop--
and again, it comes to an instant stop....and that is
when Tifa and Yuffie hit an E chord on their pianos,
making a huge crash, while at the same time, Aeris bangs
her gong with her Princess Guard. For a moment, we hear
only the piano chord fade off.........and then Cloud blows a
dog whistle, causing Red XIII, Angelo--Rinoa's dog--and
Interceptor--Shadow's dog--to jump 'round and freak out.)
Shadow: Interceptor!! Heel, boy, heel!!
Rinoa: Angelo!! Bad dog!! What's with you?!?
Red XIII: I wanna dance like pooperman, I wanna dance like pooperman....
wait.....was that Sgt. Pepper's inner groove?
Cloud: Yup.
(Finally the crowd can cheer in the biggest way. Anyhow, Cloud
pulls off the cover from the object next to his mike stand--
and we can see it's a T. N. T. detonator plunger.)
Cloud: Thank you....!! Right now, it's time......to welcome the new
year known as 2003!! Is everyone ready?
All: YUP!!
Cloud: All together now, then!! 12 second countdown to the new
year, starting now....!!
AVALANCHE, The Turks & The Audience: 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5,
4, 3, 2, 1, ZERO!!
(At that moment, Cloud pushes down on the plunger, and while he
and the band play Auld Lang Zine, the following events, triggered by the
plunger take place--several fireworks and confetti salvos shoot up in the air,
a series of squib pin bombs trigger a banner, located behind Aeris' drums, to
roll down; it bears the Final Fantasy VII logo. Next, more confetti and streamer
launchers, located overhead, blast their quota over the crowd and the band.
Then the squib pin bombs also trigger huge balloon drops everywhere. And last of
all, across the front of Aeris, Tifa and Yuffie's riser, a green neon sign, reading
2003 lights up. It's an absolute cheering frenzy, while all the AVALANCHErs and
The Turks come foward to the front of the stage.)
Selphie: WHOO-HOO!!!! Balloon drops RULE!!!!!
AVALANCHE & The Turks: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: Thank you!! That is all!! Thank you for coming!! Good night, all of you!!
Tifa: Let's PAAH-TAY!!
Selphie: Hey, stupid, that was my line!!
Tifa: Sorry.
Aeris: Remember--a splendid time is guranteed for all!! GOOD NIGHT!!
Reno & Yuffie: MAZELTOV!!
Vincent: Namaste.
(And so, AVALANCHE, The Turks and the audience depart till The Event
Square is empty--and that is when we hear Dio over the P. A. system:)
Dio's voice: Attention, ladies and gentlemen......AVALANCHE and The Turks
have just left the building.
Red XIII: Thank you very much.......
OWARI (THE END)
(On the stage, we see Aeris and Cloud sharing a kiss,
just as the audience arrives, and needless to say,
they're hooting and cheering. Upon hearing that,
Aeris and Cloud break the kiss.)
Aeris (to the crowd): Oh!! We're back. Welcome back.
(From there, she, Cloud, the AVALANCHERs and The
Turks man their instruments.)
Aeris (continued): S-O--------we're nearly down to
the wire, an' we've got six tunes remaining. With that
in mind, I'd like to dedicate the next parody to my
late mother, Iflana--and I STRONGLY suggest you ready
the Kleenex, for you see, it's a bona fide tearjerker,
believe you me.
(So AVALANCHE and The Turks play the tune, and
already we can see tears form, starting with Yuffie.)
WHILE IFLANA GENTLY WEEPS
Parody of While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Performed by Aeris Gainsborough.
Aeris (sobbing):
I remember when, the Cetra was still living,
while Iflana gently weeps
I was, born to be, sweet an' kind, always giving.
Still Iflana gently weeps.
But Jenova, soon interrupted, an' corrupted, our
world.
I don't know how that crazy Hojo
used her for mojo.
Then Hojo used me an' my Mom for his testing
while Iflana gently weeps
And while, I escaped, my poor Mom, was in death
resting
Still Iflana gently weeps.
(While everyone, I mean EVERYONE--from AVALANCHE
to The Turks, to the audience--is bawling their heads off,
and sobbing big time, Cid, plays a fantastic solo on a
Gibson Les Paul electric guitar, just like Eric Clapton did on
The Beatles' While My Guitar Gently Weeps.)
Aeris:
I know that Cloud, had hoped to wed me.
He'd never would dread me.
I'd say to Cloud, "Will you marry me?
But will you carry me?"
I see The Lifestream, an' Holy, for The Planet
while Iflana gently weeps
I see Holy.....
Still Iflana gently weeps........
(Cid plays out the guitar solo to the end while
we see a sobbing Dio backstage.)
Dio: Good thing my Gold Saucer's got flood
insurence.
Aeris:
While Iflana gently weeps........
(The tune done with, everyone bawls out one
last sob before pulling themselves together.)
Aeris: Thank you..... (to Yuffie) Yuffie, get
me some tissue.
(In the audience, we see Quistis, Selphie, Ellone,
Yuna, Rikku and Lulu sobbing.)
Rikku: WHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Poor Aeris!!
Yuna: That was S-O SAD!!
Ellone: BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Selphie: She was right--it WAS a bona (sob) fide tearjerker......
Quistis: WHA HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Lulu: (sob) Pass the kleenex............
(In a matter of time, everyone is calmed down, and Yuffie
announces the next tune.)
Yuffie: OK, let's dedicate the next parody to one of our
favorite Turks next to my Reno--the one an' only Rude.
Rude: Who, me? Boy, oh boy, I am flattered. (blushes)
Reno: Here's one for you, ol' bud.
Yuffie: It's also a love tune for the gal ol' Rude boy TRULY likes--
Jesse, of AVALANCHE.
(In the audience, Jesse of the old AVALANCHE lineup blushes,
and so does Rude.)
HEY RUDE
Parody of Hey Jude
Performed by Yuffie Kisaragi
Yuffie:
Hey Rude, just don't get drunk
Here comes Jesse, to make it better
Remember, she'll never break your Turk heart
She can now start, to make it better
Hey Rude, don't be chicken
Just tell Jesse, you wanna wed her
The instant you express your love within,
you can begin, to make it better.
An' anytime you feel the pain, hey Rude, refrain
Just carry a stash of that Hi Potion
For well you know that it's a Turk, that makes it work
by showin' you've got that ol' emotion.
Hey Rude, don't let me down
You've found Jesse, now go an' get her
an' marry, in Vegas--that idea's smart,
then you two start, to make it better.
You've got ol' Reno on your side, hey Rude, I chide.
Elena an' Tseng make up The Turk crew
An' don't you know that you're so cool, hey Rude, you knew
that bald dudes like you were born to be studs
Hey Rude, break out your shades
The time's come to make the game better
You don't need those Game Shark cheat codes to win
So let's begin to make it better, better, better,
better, better, better--------OH!!!!!!!
All:
Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh
Duh, duh, duh, duh----hey Rude
(repeat x7)
(With the tune done, Jesse of AVALANCHE
climbs up on the stage and she and Rude share
a kiss. Back in the audience, we see Seltzer with Rinoa,
Seifer, Raijin and Fujin.)
Seltzer: So those two fell in love, eh? How
'bout that?
Rinoa: Come on, Seltzer, pay off.
Seifer: The sooner, the better.
Raijin: Let that be a lesson to you--
never make bets with a bunch of
Galbadians, y' know.
Fujin: DEFINITELY.
Seltzer: Hooboy.....
(Back on the stage, Zack talks to the crowd,
his trumpet in hand.)
Zack: OK, let's get back into Sgt. Pepper mode for
the rest of the night!! In case you didn't know,
I dated Tifa long before Aeris, so let's pay homage to
the supermodel AVALANCHE barmaid, the one an'
only Tifa Lockheart!!
(The crowd cheers while Tifa blows a kiss to Zack.)
LOVELY TIFA
Parody of Lovely Rita
Performed by Zack "Buster"
Gallowglass (with apologies to Square)
All:
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
Zack:
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
Nuttin' can come between us.
Ever since we first met in Gogonga
At The Seventh Heaven one night,
Tifa Lockheart came in my sight
wearin' her black miniskirt an' her
white tank top.
Along with her black suspenders,
she had gloves, as tough as fenders.
She was born to kick butt with the
Shinra's SOLDIER crew
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
may I inquire discreetly,
how do you do that Final Heaven break?
Tifa....!!
(Tifa plays a unique honky tonk solo on her piano.)
Zack:
Took her out, an' tried to win her
in Junon, an' over dinner
Told her, "Your love hits me like an Ultima blast."
Got the bill, an' Tifa paid it,
Took her home, I nearly made it,
headin' on my way home on my Gold Chocobo.
Oh, lovely Tifa, the barmaid,
where would we be without you?
She's the darling of good ol' Nibelheim.
All:
Lovely Tifa, the barmaid
(repeat x4)
(The tune done, the crowd cheers while--you guessed it--
Tifa and Zack kiss. From there, Zack heads back to the
horn section. In the audience, Strago is seen with Zell,
Irvine, Relm and Squall.)
Relm: Told you Tifa an' Zack would kiss after the tune,
instead of before. That makes 558 gil which you owe
me.
Squall: Well, you can subtract it from the 806 gil you owe
me for playing Triple Triad.
Irvine: A shrewd move, Squall.
Strago: What do you think Cloud's got covered up under that sheet
near his mike stand?
Zell: Beats me, but it's got something to do with those squib pin
rigged balloon drops up overhead.
Squall: Hey, don't give the plot away, eh?
Zell: Sorry.
Irvine: Y' know.....Celes was right--tonight's definitely a pip.
Strago: Could be.
(On the stage, Tifa talks to the crowd.)
Tifa: OK, we've been through the bulk of our Beatle parodies
here, and only three tunes remain, so hopefully it'll be
downhill all the way. With that in mind, I ask you: how many times
have you gotten a Game Over in any of our Final Fantasies? The
next parody is dedicated to those that did just that. A word of
advice: always save, and if it don't work, you can always push the
reset button.
(Using one of her digital samplers, Tifa plays the first opening
notes of FFVII's Game Over theme before the rest of the band
plays.)
GAME OVER, GAME OVER
Parody of Good Morning, Good Morning
Performed by Tifa Lockheart.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over,
Game Over, Game Over.
Tifa:
What do you do when you lose out, it's no doubt, hey.
You lost a game, oh, what a shame, what a bad day.
That dreaded screen, oh, how mean.
So, next time, save your game, what a shame.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.
Tifa:
Losin' sure sucks, you pay your bucks, for a Game Shark
Sephiroth's tough, brutish an' rough, an' bite an' bark.
His Super Nova's just toasted your hide.
So you break out the kleenex till you've cried.
But you hope to try again somehow
an' someday win the game here an' now.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.
Tifa:
After a day, you start to play, back on the track
Sephiroth comes, but you don't give that dude no slack.
Knights Of The Round soon kicks his butt.
Then you Ommnislash his hair an' his gut.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.
Tifa:
An' so, at last, you won the game that day
You pulled through an' triumphed your own way
Everyone you fought is unemployed
Your bad luck streak is null an' void.
Victory's yours, now that you've won, so let's all rave.
Maybe next time you play, just remember to save.
Take it from Square, you've got that flare
to win a RPG, take it from me.
All:
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.....
Game Over, Game Over, Game Over.....
(At the end of the tune, Tifa again plays the Game Over theme,
just as Cid's guitar plays a note which signals the rest of the
band to start the first half of the big finale.)
Cid: Two, four, six eight.........!!
(Aeris starts off with the opening drumbeats before the rest
of the band kicks in. Then the horn section plays an Earth Wind
& Fireesque intro.)
AVALANCHE'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND
(REPRISE)
Parody of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
(Reprise)
Performed by AVALANCHE & The Turks
All:
We're AVALANCHE's Lonely Hearts Club Band
We hope that you enjoyed the show.
We're AVALANCHE's Lonely Hearts Club Band
We're sorry, but it's time to go.
AVALANCHE's Lonely, AVALANCHE's Lonely,
AVALANCHE's Lonely, AVALANCHE's Lonely,
AVALANCHE's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
We'd like to thank Square once again.
We're AVALANCHE's one an' only Lonely Hearts
Club Band.
It's gettin' oh so near the end.
AVALANCHE's Lonely, AVALANCHE's Lonely,
AVALANCHE's Lonely Hearts....Club....Band.
(After the cheering stops, the Event Square darkens
and individual spotlights set on the band.....for it's time for
the big finish with a parody of THE most famous of all the
Beatles' Sgt. Pepper tracks......)
A DAY WITH CLOUD STRIFE
Parody of A Day In The Life
Performed by Zack "Buster"
Gallowglass & Cloud Strife
Zack:
I read The Shinra Times, oh boy,
all 'bout a SOLDIER dude that failed his test.
An' though the news was rather sad.
Well, I just had to laugh.
Cloud saw the photograph.
The town of Nibelheim was burned
Cloud knew that Sephiroth had caused the blaze.
So Cloud went to the reactor,
to save me an' Tifa.
Now we know that Sephiroth had taken off with
Jenova.
I read The Shinra Times, oh boy.
The Shinra army just bested Wutai.
These days, Wutai's a resort town,
an' yet, I felt no shame,
having played the game.
I'd love to pla-a-a-a-ay wi-i-i-ith you-u-u-u-u.......
(From there, one by one, everyone plays each instrument,
playing quietly, and building up loud while starting on the
lowest note and climbing up to the highest, till it's an
orchestral cresendo, with Aeris banging wildly on all her
drums. Then-- it stops, and we hear Tifa's piano with
Cloud's bass.Then after Zack rings an alarm clock bell,
Cloud takes over the lead.)
Cloud:
Woke up, down in Midgar,
got a drink, at Tifa's bar.
Found my way down to the train station
an' got onboard with Barret an' Tifa.
We went to Reactor 5,
hopin' we'd pull through alive,
found our way upstairs an' set the bomb.
Then a voice spoke an' I went into a dream.......
Zack:
Ah........ah, ah, ah........ah, ah, ah.......ah, ah.
Ah..........ah.........ah.......
I read The Shinra Times, oh boy.
4,000 Chocobos in Rocket Town.
An' though their tracks were rather small,
they had to count them all.
Now they know how many tracks it takes to fill
Event Square Hall.
I'd love to pla-a-a-a-ay wi-i-i-i-ith you-u-u-u-u.........
(As before, AVALANCHE and The Turks build up on
the noise and the notes till they're back at the
orchestral cresendo, building up like it may never stop--
and again, it comes to an instant stop....and that is
when Tifa and Yuffie hit an E chord on their pianos,
making a huge crash, while at the same time, Aeris bangs
her gong with her Princess Guard. For a moment, we hear
only the piano chord fade off.........and then Cloud blows a
dog whistle, causing Red XIII, Angelo--Rinoa's dog--and
Interceptor--Shadow's dog--to jump 'round and freak out.)
Shadow: Interceptor!! Heel, boy, heel!!
Rinoa: Angelo!! Bad dog!! What's with you?!?
Red XIII: I wanna dance like pooperman, I wanna dance like pooperman....
wait.....was that Sgt. Pepper's inner groove?
Cloud: Yup.
(Finally the crowd can cheer in the biggest way. Anyhow, Cloud
pulls off the cover from the object next to his mike stand--
and we can see it's a T. N. T. detonator plunger.)
Cloud: Thank you....!! Right now, it's time......to welcome the new
year known as 2003!! Is everyone ready?
All: YUP!!
Cloud: All together now, then!! 12 second countdown to the new
year, starting now....!!
AVALANCHE, The Turks & The Audience: 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5,
4, 3, 2, 1, ZERO!!
(At that moment, Cloud pushes down on the plunger, and while he
and the band play Auld Lang Zine, the following events, triggered by the
plunger take place--several fireworks and confetti salvos shoot up in the air,
a series of squib pin bombs trigger a banner, located behind Aeris' drums, to
roll down; it bears the Final Fantasy VII logo. Next, more confetti and streamer
launchers, located overhead, blast their quota over the crowd and the band.
Then the squib pin bombs also trigger huge balloon drops everywhere. And last of
all, across the front of Aeris, Tifa and Yuffie's riser, a green neon sign, reading
2003 lights up. It's an absolute cheering frenzy, while all the AVALANCHErs and
The Turks come foward to the front of the stage.)
Selphie: WHOO-HOO!!!! Balloon drops RULE!!!!!
AVALANCHE & The Turks: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: Thank you!! That is all!! Thank you for coming!! Good night, all of you!!
Tifa: Let's PAAH-TAY!!
Selphie: Hey, stupid, that was my line!!
Tifa: Sorry.
Aeris: Remember--a splendid time is guranteed for all!! GOOD NIGHT!!
Reno & Yuffie: MAZELTOV!!
Vincent: Namaste.
(And so, AVALANCHE, The Turks and the audience depart till The Event
Square is empty--and that is when we hear Dio over the P. A. system:)
Dio's voice: Attention, ladies and gentlemen......AVALANCHE and The Turks
have just left the building.
Red XIII: Thank you very much.......
OWARI (THE END)