My friend Sarah wrote some guidelines, and I reluctantly respond. No, I respond eagerly. No, with gusto! Ok, seriously, though. This is my first guideline-d story, and my first fanfic. Constructive criticism is welcome, but criticism like "you suck" is not constructive. Please keep this in mind. Oh, yeah, and please laugh at least once while reading my story.

Guidelines:

Limit of 6 named characters
x-files based
Mulder and Scully really want each other, but someone keeps following them around to prevent them from…you know
One person has an ardent desire to dance naked through wherever they are(not Mulder)
Optional appearances-
Xena, Krycek, Cigarette-Smoking man, Bambi the entomologist, not the deer, Giant sunflower seed monster, Winnie the pooh, Death (required), Foul Ole Ron, The Easter Bunny, Captain Picard
Required lines-
"And then this giant woman named Maud came up and smacked me on the ass."
"*My* underwear? Puce."
"He/she threw up in my fish tank." Mulder
(in response to a good offer) "And if I refuse?"
"Captain Ahab was crazy, Starbuck was a wuss, Queequeg was stupid. That simple."
"Yeah, and you're the dick, Moby."
Following techno babble "What the HELL did you just say?" "We're fucked" "Ah"
"You'd better not queef in my chair."
"Damn. And I just ordered a pizza."
"Admiral Jenkins will debrief you." "On a first date?"

Required situations-
Spitball to the back of someone's head
One disaster that winds up covering everyone in marshmallow
A horny skunk
Plot- six people stuck somewhere isolated, with some bad guy stalking around nearby. Impending doom, and rising tensions because of cramped quarters.

Ok, so sit back and enjoy. I've finished the first chapter. It should be up within a week. Continue on to prologue, please! I need readers!!!