AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I'm becoming like all the people who never update their stories. They drive me crazy. Anyway, in this chapter Ron is making up spells. Get it, *spell* catastrophe. Haha. yeah.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except Admiral Jenkins. Extra disclaimer: I don't actually watch X-Files regularly. If I did there might be a reference to another episode, but I don't.
Chapter 4- Can You Spell Catastrophe
The three men jumped as a shriek resonated through the mansion. They stopped throwing sunflower seeds into each other's mouths to gaze, bewildered, around the room. A moment later, Hermione ran into the kitchen in her black robe and halted two inches from Ron. Her hands were clenched in tight fists and her eyes flashed with anger. Her skin and hair were stained with coral-colored water. The water dripped from her while seeping in. Ron's eye's widened. "Bloody hell, it worked," he muttered.
"What did you do," Hermione demanded in a tightly controlled voice.
"It was just a simple spell I was trying out," Ron shrugged in answer. "I really didn't think it would work."
"Undo it now!" Hermione screamed. Muttering, he got up from the table and left the kitchen, throwing a sunflower seed toward Sirius. Glaring, Hermione followed. Mulder and Sirius sat silently for a few minutes, until Mulder grinned and threw a seed at Sirius, who caught it in his mouth a threw one back.
When Scully walked in, she rolled her eyes, but could not hide her smile. "What was that all about?" she asked.
"Oh, that was just-" Sirius cut himself off when Hermione entered. She was still glaring, though no longer pink. She took out some bread and began furiously buttering it. Sirius cleared his throat. "Are you planning to butter that bread to death?" Hermione glared at him, but stopped buttering. "What did he do this time?"
"He tampered with my spell books!" Hermione exploded. "I can't read them now! They're all in ancient runes. My ancient runes book is even in ancient runes! Arghh! How can I study? He doesn't know the counter spell, either. I cannot believe him!" She took a large bite of bread and spat it back out on the plate. "How can anyone eat something with so much butter?"
Sirius sighed, dropping a handful of sunflower seeds back in the bowl as he stood. "Come on, Hermione, I'll help you figure it out." They left, Sirius with a regretful look at the bowl of seeds, Hermione glaring straight ahead.
A few minutes later, Ron poked his head in the kitchen. He sat down with a relieved sigh. He picked up the heavily lathered bread and bit into it. "Brilliant," he said. "What genius did this?" He did not wait for an answer before finishing it off. "There must be more butter than bread."
Mulder threw a sunflower seed. It hit Ron in the eye. "What did you do that for?" Ron said, holding a hand to his eye. Mulder raised his hands in resignation. He was beginning to wonder about these people.
*Beginning to wonder. I've been wondering since they arrived.*
Hermione came into the kitchen clutching a book. She walked over to Ron and smacked him with it.
"Ow!" Ron rubbed his arm.
"That was for messing with my books," Hermione said matter-of-factly. With a wave of her wand, she started a pot of water boiling.
"Where's Sirius?"
"Oh, he's up in his room. It seems his books were also switched to ancient runes." Hermione smiled sweetly at Ron. He gulped.
Ron was just rising when Sirius burst into the room, wand in hand. Jumping back, Ron pulled out his own wand. "You'll pay for that one, Ron." Sirius opened his mouth, but Ron beat him to it.
"Marshmallis Explosus!"
Before any of them could react, the entire room, including the people in it, was covered in marshmallow. Mulder licked his lips clear. Yep, marshmallow. He began to eat it off his hands.
Sirius burst out laughing. "Wherever did you learn that?"
"Just something I picked up last month." Ron grinned sheepishly. "I even know the counter spell to this one." Ron appeared to want to play in it, but Hermione did not seem ready to let him. "Okay, okay. I'll clean it up. Ahem. Marshmallis disapparatus!"
Instantly, the kitchen and five people in it were left without a trace of marshmallow. Mulder was a little disappointed.
Admiral Jenkins walked in a moment later. "What did I miss?"
************************************************************************
Ron was the only one missing from the living room that afternoon. Hermione was curled up in an armchair, studying ancient runes. Scully and Sirius were quietly discussing the vices of people they worked with. From across the room, Mulder stared at Scully. A vast array of thoughts crossed his mind. *How silky is her hair*, he thought gushily. *How soft is her skin. How firm are her… hands! Hands! Stop that! Bad Mulder! Very, very bad…*
Shaking his head did not clear the image of Scully lying across the bed, her shirt mostly unbuttoned. He tried slapping himself.
"What are you doing, Mulder?" Scully said suspiciously.
He shrugged. Then from down the hall, the four of them heard, "Skunkilius non odorus!"
A moment later, a skunk waddled into the living room. It sniffed about a little. It sprayed, producing… nothing. Surprisingly, the skunk did not smell at all. It attached itself to Hermione.
Ron entered, grinning. "This one worked better than I thought."
"Ron, what is this?"
"A skunk with no scent! Isn't it great?"
"It's humping my leg," Hermione said, crossing her arms.
"Well, there are bound to be side effects," Ron frowned. "I mean, he's an odorless skunk, do you expect him *not* to be horny?"
Sighing in annoyance, Hermione got out her wand and spoke through clenched teeth. "Finite Incantato."
The skunk disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Aw, come on, Hermione," Ron pleaded. "He wasn't doing anything."
Hermione looked at him incredulously. "He- was- humping- my- leg!" Clicking her tongue, she closed up her books and stood. "I am trying to study, to learn a little something before we start our seventh year, and you bring a skunk to shag my leg. That's just great. I'm leaving."
Ron looked around at the rest of them as Hermione stormed out. "What did I do?" he asked.
Mulder still thinking about Scully, did not answer. Scully rolled her eyes, and Sirius batted his eyelashes and grinned.
That night, they had cheeseburgers for dinner. "Tomorrow, maybe we can have pizza," Sirius suggested as they sat down. Ron was muttering to himself, but no one heard anything he said until they had finished eating.
"Maybe I can alter that spell to use for other things." Ron looked slyly down at his body. He picked up his wand from the table. "Hmm. Vestia disapparatus!"
Hermione tried not to laugh. Scully stared at the ceiling. Mulder joined Scully. Sirius started to speak, but Hermione managed first. "Ron, really. Okay, if this is what it takes…listen, you stop making up spells- and keep your clothes on for the rest of the time we're here- I'll buy you candy from the trolley on the Hogwarts Express."
Ron pulled a considering face. "And if I refuse?"
"Well," Hermione hesitated, "I can think of some animals you wouldn't like humping your leg. A flobberworm, for instance."
"A flobberworm!" Ron exclaimed, laughing. "They don't even have- you know-"
"Oh, it's surprising what a little spell can do." Hermione rested her chin on her hands and smiled
Ron choked on his laughter and shuddered. Probably at the thought of a horny flobberworm, whatever that was. "Okay, but you have to get me a lot of candy. And it has to be your money."
"Don't worry about that," Hermione waved a hand. "Mum and Dad gave me lots of extra spending money this year. But I won't do it if you don't put some clothes on now, and *keep* them on." Her voice was as stern and commanding as Scully's had ever been.
Ron looked down. "Oh yeah," he sighed. Very reluctantly, he pointed his wand. "Vestia apparatus." All his clothes reappeared on the spot.
Hermione's smile never faltered. "That's better."
End.
No previews this time. More to come soon. Please review. Thanks!!!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except Admiral Jenkins. Extra disclaimer: I don't actually watch X-Files regularly. If I did there might be a reference to another episode, but I don't.
Chapter 4- Can You Spell Catastrophe
The three men jumped as a shriek resonated through the mansion. They stopped throwing sunflower seeds into each other's mouths to gaze, bewildered, around the room. A moment later, Hermione ran into the kitchen in her black robe and halted two inches from Ron. Her hands were clenched in tight fists and her eyes flashed with anger. Her skin and hair were stained with coral-colored water. The water dripped from her while seeping in. Ron's eye's widened. "Bloody hell, it worked," he muttered.
"What did you do," Hermione demanded in a tightly controlled voice.
"It was just a simple spell I was trying out," Ron shrugged in answer. "I really didn't think it would work."
"Undo it now!" Hermione screamed. Muttering, he got up from the table and left the kitchen, throwing a sunflower seed toward Sirius. Glaring, Hermione followed. Mulder and Sirius sat silently for a few minutes, until Mulder grinned and threw a seed at Sirius, who caught it in his mouth a threw one back.
When Scully walked in, she rolled her eyes, but could not hide her smile. "What was that all about?" she asked.
"Oh, that was just-" Sirius cut himself off when Hermione entered. She was still glaring, though no longer pink. She took out some bread and began furiously buttering it. Sirius cleared his throat. "Are you planning to butter that bread to death?" Hermione glared at him, but stopped buttering. "What did he do this time?"
"He tampered with my spell books!" Hermione exploded. "I can't read them now! They're all in ancient runes. My ancient runes book is even in ancient runes! Arghh! How can I study? He doesn't know the counter spell, either. I cannot believe him!" She took a large bite of bread and spat it back out on the plate. "How can anyone eat something with so much butter?"
Sirius sighed, dropping a handful of sunflower seeds back in the bowl as he stood. "Come on, Hermione, I'll help you figure it out." They left, Sirius with a regretful look at the bowl of seeds, Hermione glaring straight ahead.
A few minutes later, Ron poked his head in the kitchen. He sat down with a relieved sigh. He picked up the heavily lathered bread and bit into it. "Brilliant," he said. "What genius did this?" He did not wait for an answer before finishing it off. "There must be more butter than bread."
Mulder threw a sunflower seed. It hit Ron in the eye. "What did you do that for?" Ron said, holding a hand to his eye. Mulder raised his hands in resignation. He was beginning to wonder about these people.
*Beginning to wonder. I've been wondering since they arrived.*
Hermione came into the kitchen clutching a book. She walked over to Ron and smacked him with it.
"Ow!" Ron rubbed his arm.
"That was for messing with my books," Hermione said matter-of-factly. With a wave of her wand, she started a pot of water boiling.
"Where's Sirius?"
"Oh, he's up in his room. It seems his books were also switched to ancient runes." Hermione smiled sweetly at Ron. He gulped.
Ron was just rising when Sirius burst into the room, wand in hand. Jumping back, Ron pulled out his own wand. "You'll pay for that one, Ron." Sirius opened his mouth, but Ron beat him to it.
"Marshmallis Explosus!"
Before any of them could react, the entire room, including the people in it, was covered in marshmallow. Mulder licked his lips clear. Yep, marshmallow. He began to eat it off his hands.
Sirius burst out laughing. "Wherever did you learn that?"
"Just something I picked up last month." Ron grinned sheepishly. "I even know the counter spell to this one." Ron appeared to want to play in it, but Hermione did not seem ready to let him. "Okay, okay. I'll clean it up. Ahem. Marshmallis disapparatus!"
Instantly, the kitchen and five people in it were left without a trace of marshmallow. Mulder was a little disappointed.
Admiral Jenkins walked in a moment later. "What did I miss?"
************************************************************************
Ron was the only one missing from the living room that afternoon. Hermione was curled up in an armchair, studying ancient runes. Scully and Sirius were quietly discussing the vices of people they worked with. From across the room, Mulder stared at Scully. A vast array of thoughts crossed his mind. *How silky is her hair*, he thought gushily. *How soft is her skin. How firm are her… hands! Hands! Stop that! Bad Mulder! Very, very bad…*
Shaking his head did not clear the image of Scully lying across the bed, her shirt mostly unbuttoned. He tried slapping himself.
"What are you doing, Mulder?" Scully said suspiciously.
He shrugged. Then from down the hall, the four of them heard, "Skunkilius non odorus!"
A moment later, a skunk waddled into the living room. It sniffed about a little. It sprayed, producing… nothing. Surprisingly, the skunk did not smell at all. It attached itself to Hermione.
Ron entered, grinning. "This one worked better than I thought."
"Ron, what is this?"
"A skunk with no scent! Isn't it great?"
"It's humping my leg," Hermione said, crossing her arms.
"Well, there are bound to be side effects," Ron frowned. "I mean, he's an odorless skunk, do you expect him *not* to be horny?"
Sighing in annoyance, Hermione got out her wand and spoke through clenched teeth. "Finite Incantato."
The skunk disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Aw, come on, Hermione," Ron pleaded. "He wasn't doing anything."
Hermione looked at him incredulously. "He- was- humping- my- leg!" Clicking her tongue, she closed up her books and stood. "I am trying to study, to learn a little something before we start our seventh year, and you bring a skunk to shag my leg. That's just great. I'm leaving."
Ron looked around at the rest of them as Hermione stormed out. "What did I do?" he asked.
Mulder still thinking about Scully, did not answer. Scully rolled her eyes, and Sirius batted his eyelashes and grinned.
That night, they had cheeseburgers for dinner. "Tomorrow, maybe we can have pizza," Sirius suggested as they sat down. Ron was muttering to himself, but no one heard anything he said until they had finished eating.
"Maybe I can alter that spell to use for other things." Ron looked slyly down at his body. He picked up his wand from the table. "Hmm. Vestia disapparatus!"
Hermione tried not to laugh. Scully stared at the ceiling. Mulder joined Scully. Sirius started to speak, but Hermione managed first. "Ron, really. Okay, if this is what it takes…listen, you stop making up spells- and keep your clothes on for the rest of the time we're here- I'll buy you candy from the trolley on the Hogwarts Express."
Ron pulled a considering face. "And if I refuse?"
"Well," Hermione hesitated, "I can think of some animals you wouldn't like humping your leg. A flobberworm, for instance."
"A flobberworm!" Ron exclaimed, laughing. "They don't even have- you know-"
"Oh, it's surprising what a little spell can do." Hermione rested her chin on her hands and smiled
Ron choked on his laughter and shuddered. Probably at the thought of a horny flobberworm, whatever that was. "Okay, but you have to get me a lot of candy. And it has to be your money."
"Don't worry about that," Hermione waved a hand. "Mum and Dad gave me lots of extra spending money this year. But I won't do it if you don't put some clothes on now, and *keep* them on." Her voice was as stern and commanding as Scully's had ever been.
Ron looked down. "Oh yeah," he sighed. Very reluctantly, he pointed his wand. "Vestia apparatus." All his clothes reappeared on the spot.
Hermione's smile never faltered. "That's better."
End.
No previews this time. More to come soon. Please review. Thanks!!!!