Disclaimer: I own nothing! Boo Hoo Hoo!!
Pairing: Rory and Jess. sorta.. They end up together in the end.
Rating: Pg-13 -
AN: I wrote this for Challenge # 1 at I recommend you going there, it rocks! Ali gave me the song, and I wrote the fic
The Little Girl In the Lilac Dress
By Jayde
All Alone staring out watching her life going by
When her days are grey and her nights are black
Different shades of mundane
And the one eyed furry toy that lays upon the bed
Has often heard her cries
And heard her whisper out name long forgiven, but not forgotten
You're forgiven, not forgotten
You're forgiven, not forgotten
You're forgiven, not forgotten
You're not forgotten
The rain pours down as She stares out the window to the empty driveway that is the entrance to her house... The house that she had shared with him. Shaking her head, she sighs, and rests the side of her face on her knees Idly she glances at the foot of their bed where in despair, she had thrown the bear that he had won her those many years ago. She frowned when she saw that one of the small black button eyes were dangling precariously from a single thread.
She stands up, and wipes her face tiredly, not that surprised to find it damp. She licks her parched lips and tasted the salt, another reminder of the tears that she had shed. Tears over him... Tears over herself... And tears over...her. She shakes her head as a fresh round threaten to surface, biting them back, she bends down and picks up the soft plush bear, and holds it to her cheek, inhaling the scent that is still caught in the fluffy fabric, a scent that had been locked away in a box for a year. One whole year.
Walking over to her desk, she bends down and opens the rarely used bottom drawer, sitting after she has the small cotton pouch in her hand. Setting the pouch in front of her, she unties the small ribbon that had held it closed for the endless months before. She closes her eyes as the memory comes into her mind, like it had only happened the day before...
"Mommy, mommy! I ripped my dress!!" A distressed child ran to her mother with tears running unnoticed down her rosy cheeks.
"Really, Baby? Is it a big rip?" The child's mother scooped the crying girl in to her arms, soothing the way only a parent knows how.
The young girl sniffed, "No, but the lace is coming off! Grandma bought me this dress so I could wear it to her wed... her weddink... her wedding! It's my favourite!!"
Her mother wiped the child's tears, as she sat down at her desk and took the small sewing pouch out of the bottom drawer. "Now, you have to promise to be very still when I fix your sleeve, I don't want to poke you with the needle.
The girl shook her head solemnly, "I don't like needles, they hurt when the doctor uses them."
"I know they do, Baby. That's why I don't want to poke you now." The mother said, her blue eyes damp as she looked into her daughter's own. She smiled, holding two spools of thread for the girl to see. "Now, what colour thread? White, to match the lace, or lilac, to match your dress?"
The child's brow furrowed in concentration, "Lilac, It's the prettiest colour in the whole wide world!"
Her mother smiled, and then threaded a small needle with the lilac thread. "Be still, Honey." She whispered softly as she began to sew the sleeve of her daughter's dress.
A moment later, the woman carefully snipped the string, and smiled into the wide innocent chocolate brown eyes of her daughter. "All done. Good as new. Now, why don't you take that dress off, and give it to Mommy, so I can put it away until Grandma's wedding?"
The girl frowned, "How far away is the wedding, Mommy?"
"It's only two Sundays away."
"Hmmm... Okay. I don't want it to get dirty. It's my favourite!"
"I'll make sure it stays clean, I'll even put it with my clothes, okay?"
"Okay!" Satisfied that her dress would be safe, she took it off, and gave it to her mother...
They didn't know, that it would be the last time that the girl would wear it in her life.
Tears streaming unchecked from her eyes, she takes out a spool of thread, and looks away when she sees the colour. Lilac. The needle still sticking out of the fine thread, with the remains of that last use still dangling from the small hole. Shaking her head, she sets the spool aside, again, rummaging in the pouch.
Pulling out a roll of black thread with a needle, she nods to herself. After stringing the thread, she takes the soft bear into her hands, and pulls the dangling eye the rest of the way off.
Hugging the now two eyed bear to her only minutes later, she resumes her position at the window seat looking out at the wet dreary September day. Just the opposite of what it was exactly a year before, where you could see the blue sky with no hint of clouds, when you could hear the birds sing joyfully from the trees.
A bleeding heart torn apart left on an icy grave
In their room where they once lay face to face
Nothing could get in the way
But now the memories of a man are haunting her days
And the craving never fades
She's still dreaming of a man long forgiven, not forgotten
You're forgiven, not forgotten
You're forgiven, not forgotten
You're forgiven, not forgotten
You're not forgotten
When the people gathered beside the small grave that day one year ago, all the mother of the child being lowered into the ground could think was that it wasn't meant to be like that. It was supposed to be a fun day, a day filled with laughter, and water balloon fights, celebrating the end of Summer, and therefore the beginning of kindergarten for her daughter.
Not a day of mourning, when her family and friends gathered around a small opening in the ground to watch a lilac painted casket be carefully placed in a hole, and to be buried eternally.
The child's mother lightly pinched her forearm, and winced in pain, not from the sting of the flesh, but from the breaking of her heart. Her husbands strong arm around her shoulders the only thing keeping her from collapsing on the grass. The grass that was alive, unlike her child.
She saw the priest finish speaking, although she had no idea what words he had said. She moved on automaton, gently kissing the fragile flowers of the lilac branch she clutched in her hand, and then placing it on the top of the casket, where her daughters face was, just through the panels of wood, and yards of purple silk. The face that would never smile again, the eyes that would never shine with laughter, and the cupids-bow mouth that would never sweetly kiss her mothers' cheek, or smack her fathers' lips playfully after a tickle fight. The voice that would never be heard saying 'I love You' to her family, or friends. The little girl in the lilac dress, who never really got to see life, who never got to fall in love, and who never got to experience the joy of having her own child... The little girl in the lilac dress was eternally frozen in time, with a picture of her family beside her, and a miniature of the bear that her mother would lovingly fix a year later clutched under her frozen hands.
With tears rolling down their cheeks, the parents of the little girl in the lilac dress tried to say goodbye to the light of their life.
Sitting at the window, looking out at the driveway that is the entrance to her house, She wishes for what she doesn't know will happen. She wishes for a future, she wishes for healing, she wishes for the man she loved, the man she still loves. She wishes for happiness, and a family. Not to replace the one she lost, but to fulfil the one wish that her daughter in the lilac dress made before the terrible illness had claimed her. The wish for brothers and sisters, the wish of a happy home, and the dream that she would know her whole family.
Still alone staring on, wishing her life goodbye
As she goes searching for the man long forgiven, not forgotten
You're forgiven, not forgotten
You're forgiven, not forgotten
You're forgiven, not forgotten
You're not forgotten
While she sobs, a man walks in the room, a single lilac branch in his hand. He crouches down beside her and takes her in his arms. His chocolate brown eyes that had been mirrored in his daughter, filling, and overflowing with emotion. He shakes his head, and kisses her hair, thinking back to the day, only a few months ago when they had last been together...
"You don't understand! You don't know how I feel, Jess! I'll never see her again, and it hurts, it hurts so much!"
"She was my daughter, too, Rory! I know how it feels!"
"Then how can you live here?! Everywhere in this house reminds me of her, I can't stay here, I need to leave this place before it kills me!" She started to throw clothes haphazardly into a bag, her eye catching a small thin pink ribbon, she held it up, tears streaming down her face, "Do you see this!? This is her hair ribbon, Jess! I can't even look at it without wanting to scream. How do you think I feel walking through the halls that I know she ran through? I can't go near the door to her room! Every night I can hear her crying, but I know it can't be her! When I'm in the kitchen I can almost see her dancing in that little purple and pink dress that I made her, laughing. She did that only days before... before she was, gone. In the living room, I see her opening presents on Christmas day, and her blowing out the candles on her birthday cake! She was only five! Why did that have to happen to her. I wish I was the one who was dead, instead of her. I'd gladly trade places with her right now."
"Then Amber wouldn't have any parents, because I would be right with you, You know I wouldn't be able to live without you!"
"And I can't live without Her!!"
"That's not what she wanted, Rory! She said it to us herself! She wanted us to be happy, she wanted us to have more kids so she could have brothers and sisters. She wanted them to know her—"
"And they Can't! They can't know her! If we had more children, they would never know her!" She interrupted, sobbing, as she zipped her bag up.
"But they would grow up knowing that they had a sister! A sister who is with them all of the time! And She'd know them!"
She nodded, her voice calm she responded, "I need time. I have to have time, Jess. I need to get away from here, away from the memories." Picking up her bag, she walked to the door and opened it. She looked back before it closed, seeing her husband sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, "I'll be back. You know I won't be able to stay away forever... I love you." She said softly, yet loud enough for him to hear her.
He nodded in response, "I love you, too."
The door shut quietly behind her.
It wasn't until she was driving in her car that she realised that she still had Ambers ribbon in her hand.
She came back 2 1/2 months later to find that her husband had left. She hadn't seen him since.
"It still hurts." She whispers brokenly into his chest.
"I know it does." He rubs her back for he knew that it always made her feel better. It still did after all this time.
"I still love you."
"And I've always loved you."
She smiles slightly and turns her head up for a kiss.
"Do you think we can make it happen?"
He instantly knows what she was asking. "Well, wishes and dreams can come true."
The End