Disclaimer: Gensomaden Saiyuki and its characters belong to Minekura-sensei. We've done nothing to gain profit from this little fic. Well, nothing financial that is, just the rippling warmth in our hearts when we set these guys in yaoi scenes…..

Warning: Before you read it, please be warned that this fic has a very dark tone with twisted angsty plot and sexual abuse content. Don't read if you don't have a heart to read these kinds of stuff or to see the characters in distress and pain.

Heal the Healer

A fanfiction of Gensomaden Saiyuki

Plotter: Yoong

Writer: Sumeragi Sakura yami_no_tsubasa@otakumail.com

Part IX: Trepidation

He was drifted between the realm of consciousness and the other side. It was where everything left its physical form and surrendered to the numbing force of sensations. Sensations, those were the things that throbbed vaguely in the back of his head, under the borderline of his existence. He could sense they were there, but only as a distant annoyance he could absent-mindedly forget about.

He saw colors. Black first, then came the red. The red was in blur and it stayed that way for a long time. For how much long, he didn't know. Not that it really mattered anyway. Nothing seemed to matter. He felt like floating, like he was under water. But instead of seeing the blue water all around him, he was seeing red.

The red had started to look clearer. The clearer it got, the more he was aware of the vague sensations, throbbing from somewhere in his body. Body? When did he start having a body?

The moment he asked the question, the stronger he could feel the sensations. Pain. Dull pain slowly accumulated to the point of being irritating, until it hurt so bad that he let a whimper out of his dry lips.

The pain had awakened him. The realization of his outer world was slowly coming back. Pain. He was in pain. In many places of his body. He tried to see, but a world of red was veiling his sight. What was this red?

Blood?

He fluttered his eyes open, trying to see through the blood. He wondered why he couldn't use his hands. His hands…. Pain. God, the pain had come in full force now. He woke with a start.

It was dark all around him. A blotch of red was still covering his eyes. Maybe he injured his head and now the dry blood was covering his eyes. He moved one of his hands—surprised to see that he could—over his eyes to wipe the blood away. He could see bars, now. Straight gray bars, lining horizontally not very far away from him, which had recall something from deep within his memory. How familiar, those bars were….

He blinked twice, absent-mindedly discerning his current surrounding. He was aware of the existence of the cold stone floor under him. So, he was inside. But inside of where? And why was he feeling this pain?

Once his sight grew better, he realized, much to his horror, that he was in a cell. A small, stone prison cell that smelled like rotten carcass. He jerked up, sitting on the floor. The pain that shot throughout his system should have been blinding, but he was in such cold terror that he didn't feel the pain.

He scrambled towards the cell bars, with his breath panting raggedly with fear. Outside of the cell was dark. It looked like he was inside of a building—a dungeon, perhaps—for he could see the man-made wall visible with the illumination of the flickering torch set on it.

It wasn't a cave.

Thank goodness, it wasn't a cave.

He was afraid that he was once again locked in the cave in that rocky mountain, where he was forced to spend five hundred years of his life in hunger. But it wasn't the hunger that was really horrible. It was the unbearable loneliness, the lack of other's presence, that almost rendered him insane. Five hundred years without the company of anyone—anything—else . It was far worse than the torture of hunger or the lack of freedom.

But no, he wasn't in the cave. He wasn't in any cave.

So, where was he?

The youkai attack, he remembered. He fought them alone. In the forest. There were too many of them. He was wounded. Then one of them, the leader—the one who severely injured Sanzo—came and captured him. So he must have been in their place. Their base, perhaps. How long had he been there? There wasn't any window in the cell, therefore he couldn't predict the time.

It was then the pain from his abrupt standing up occurred to him. He fell back to the cold floor, groaning and hissing loudly. He felt something cold wrapping around his wrists and ankles. He took a look. His eyes were widening with anger when he saw iron bangles, chained to the ring on the floor, were what causing him the pain, besides the injuries he got from the fight with those blasted youkais. Strange, he didn't remember being injured this badly during the fight. Just that bad cut in his right arm. The others were just little scratches and bruises. But now his body screamed with pain that had obviously been caused by much more injuries. The youkais! They must have wounded him more when he was unconscious! Those slimy prats! Didn't they have any shame attacking an unconscious hostage?

He tried to break the chain. He unleashed the little strength he still had in him, abandoning the striking pain that weakened his body, but all to no avail. Damn it!

He rolled on his back, facing the ceiling. God, he was hungry….What everybody was doing now? he thought. Was this place near the town? He hoped it was, so they could easily find him. He had no doubt that they would come and rescue him. Even that grumpy monk, despite of his arrogance and ignorance to other people, was the very person who rescued him from that wretched cave in the rocky mountain. How long would they take to get here? God, he wished he had the strength to break this stupid chains…. He couldn't regain his strength if he was this hungry….

Thinking about his friends brought his mind to the last time he was with them. He was in the hallway with Sanzo, when Hakkai came up to them.

Don't touch me!

He was screaming at Hakkai. He could still remember vividly how Hakkai's wounded expression over his rejection. He gritted his teeth. How could he not reject? After what the man had done to him? Hurting him, betraying his trust, staining their friendship….

Damn it! Why was he thinking about that right now? He just wanted to get out of here. Would Sanzo come to rescue him once again? That cranky bastard, Goku thought with a laugh, if he did rescue him again, imagine how he could explain why he did it if Goku asked about it. The proud monk would rather bite his tongue off before telling him that he was worried.

Then without warning, like the sudden coming of a storm, a question sneaked into Goku's mind.

What if it was Hakkai who would come to rescue him?

What would he do then?

+ + + + + +

The Jeep halted with a violent jolt, after screeching and lurching at the end of the road, hazardously turning around as the effect of the brake being stepped on abruptly. The passengers inside had to grip with all they might to their seats, if they didn't want to be thrown overboard. Clouds of dust hovering in the air immediately behind the worn out vehicle, as the trace of its high-speed arrival.

Hakkai jumped out of the Jeep, obviously the only one who had survived the drive, being the driver himself. He stared up the tall hill just beyond the end of the road, to the looming little mountain with a dark mansion crowning over the top. The Kyougei Rhyaku's base. Goku was in there, wounded, alone.

He cursed under his breath. This was all just too damn similar! The youkais from his past kept Kanan in a mansion as well. Was history trying to be funny here? He was so not amused. He was afraid. So very afraid. Not of the youkais. But of losing, again.

He heard voices from behind him. Staggering out of the front seat, Sanzo looked as green as a seaweed. He fought hard to stand still, hand over his forehead, as if his very dignity and pride lied in his ability of standing up perfectly. Closing his eyes, Sanzo tried to will away the humiliating nausea that was rioting in his stomach. He would not stoop so low as to vomit. That…. that would be utterly mortifying….

Meanwhile, Gojyo, who was not so keen on keeping a good impression of his pride, was positively groaning from the back of the Jeep. He crawled out of the topless vehicle and plunge to the god-forsakenly-hard ground beneath him. He growled and "Ouw!"-ed before squirming his way to the side of the road. Regurgitating sounds were heard shortly afterwards before the man decided he felt better enough to try and stand up.

"Oi…," he bellowed shakily, glowering at Hakkai, "I refuse—do you hear me? Refuse!—to ride with you again! Ever! I swear, I'd rather run!"

"Hakkai did the right thing to do," cut Sanzo curtly, though his voice was still losing its usual flatness. "We really must hurry. The dawn is just a few hours away. We could've spent an hour for the drive, but we managed it in only twenty minutes. That was….very good…."

The proud monk fought the urge to bring his hand over his mouth, to stop the gagging attack from coming. It took him some time to finally regain his composure. Gojyo, on the other hand, seemed to need more time. Hakkai shot his two friends a wide-eyed worried look.

"I'm sorry… I'm really sorry… I didn't know it was that bad…."

Gojyo raised his hand in the air, stopping Hakkai for apologizing more. "Hah! Don't be sorry, Hakkai! I'm all right now. Though, I don't think your Hak Ryu is…"

It was true. After all the merciless humans got off, Hak Ryu instantly turned itself to its original form. He was lying senseless on the ground, eyes all blank, and whimpered a low, weak coo to let them know that it was, in fact, still alive. Again, Hakkai apologized to his dear companion.

"All right, enough resting," said Sanzo, at last. "Let's go."

"How do we get into the place?" asked Gojyo. "Should we hide and take on the enemy in silent?"

Staring at the sky, which was starting to bear the fading color of dark blue, Sanzo shook his head. "No. We don't have much time. Let's just surprise them and catch them off guard."

A wide, nasty grin quickly formed on Gojyo's face. "That'll do. Let's get crackin' then!"

The steep and narrow road leading up to the youkai base was deserted in such late hours. They ran upwards, to the mansion above, without much disturbance. All the while, Hakkai tried to calm his heart. It would be all right. It would be all right. They wouldn't kill Goku. The youkais didn't know they were coming.

The road ended in the front of a tall iron gate, guarded by a pair of youkais who seemed to be absorbed in the middle of a card game. They were sitting on the ground, laughing and talking, when they heard the sounds of running footsteps coming towards their direction. Both surprised, they reached for their weapons too late.

"Sanzo, you take the right! I take the left!" shouted Gojyo, with a definite tinge of excitement in his voice.

"Hakkai, the gate!"

"Got it!"

They did it with a perfect harmony. As Gojyo and Sanzo immobilized the two guards, Hakkai shot his fiery energy beam to the gate, which immediately fell to the ground with a tremendous creaking and clanging sound. They all leaped over the breached gate, into the inner yard of the youkai base.

"That'll sure wake the whole place up," Gojyo chuckled.

"Which isn't good," interrupted Sanzo, frowning. "They'll all be out here, all of them. Let's get inside the mansion before we're blocked!"

But it was rather too late. Youkais were showing up from everywhere. Perhaps that Boushu Jin wasn't so stupid after all, Hakkai gritted his teeth. Perhaps he had suspected that they might come earlier for the boy.

All current thoughts were washed out from his head when he had to face three sword-wielding youkais in the same time. His energy shot was just in time to strike them by the chest, before the swords swung down to his head. The swords fell clattering to the ground just below his feet. Not that it would do him any good, though, for Hakkai had never been familiar with sword-fighting. His energy shot worked wonderfully just as it was, perfect for striking distanced enemies and practical enough to block a short-ranged attack.

His mind was working systematically, going from one enemy to another. He was focusing hard on the battle, trying to bury the ever-growing fear in his chest deep within himself. Didn't need to think what he shouldn't think right now. Focus on the battle.

They were doing just fine, at first. Each of them was a menacing disaster for the enemy, with the ability of striking many youkais in the same time. Gojyo was practically enjoying himself. He laughed with a twisted delight when his Shakujou successfully tore apart the bodies of three youkais. Sanzo had managed to keep a safe zone around him, by shooting down each youkai who came within six feet away from him.

But then, the front door of the mansion was slammed open. A silver haired youkai wearing a black cloak and black outfit stood in the doorway. He had the same dark complexion as Boushu Jin. And when he scanned his surrounding sharply, Hakkai noticed the same yellow eyes as well.

"Sanzo-sama," his voice was soft, almost melodious, "The chief has suspected that you might come tonight. He even deliberately put those two imbecile guards up front so that you wouldn't suspect anything. I'm not surprised to see that he's right, though. He is, after all, rarely wrong."

Kicking a youkai on the neck, Gojyo turned to look at the newcomer. "Oh, great, another stuck-up youkai who needs a good kick in the ass."

"I'm ecstatic that you know my name, youkai," greeted Sanzo with a tone that was far from being elated. "And you are….? One of Jin's flunkeys?"

The youkai obviously wasn't happy being associated with the word "flunkey". He hissed in deep anger at Sanzo.

"You won't be able to talk like that once I'm done with you, worthless monk. My brother's right. The Goddess must have lost her mind to let a foul-mouthed bastard like you to hold such a precious thing as the Maten Kyoumon. It must have been the sutra that granted you the power to lay your filthy hand on my brother. If only I wasn't preoccupied that night, I would've gone to see you, instead of my brother. And if only Jin wasn't wounded from that last battle… he would be able to easily swat you like a fly. Now, hand me that sutra! You don't deserve it at all!"

Sanzo merely raised a brow. "And what makes you think that you do?"

The silver-haired youkai narrowed his yellow-slitted eyes. "It doesn't matter if we deserve it or not. That sutra will be put into a better use in our hands. Not even the Gyumao will be able to touch us if we use it. Now, hand it to me, filthy monk!"

"You're just as thick as your brother, youkai," said Sanzo matter-of-factly. "If the Gyumao is completely resurrected, even a sutra as powerful as this Maten Kyoumon won't be able to stop him if being used by the wrong hand. And the only one who can stop him from being fully resurrected, is me, like it or not. So why don't you bring Son Goku to me now and we will leave this base peacefully. As you can see for yourself, your people aren't quite able to face us."

"If we give you your monkey, you'll attack this base anyway."

Sanzo let out a nasty smirk. "Ah, so you're not as thick as I thought you were, after all. Though, I still think that your brother is."

Suddenly, as if there was an invisible charge of energy, a ball of powerful aura started to build up around the youkai. He balled his fists tightly beside his body, his thick veins began popping up in his neck. His hair was flowing in the air, as if the wind blew him from underneath. He shot a burning death-glare at Sanzo, unmistakably livid from Sanzo's last words.

"Nobody speaks of my brother that way!" the menacing-looking youkai growled loudly. "I, Boushu Ren, will no longer let you leave!"

Then, without further warning, he launched himself towards Sanzo. As if it was the cue for the other youkais to attack, they started appearing from inside the mansion, all howling their battle cry into the night air. Blasts of Sanzo's gun echoed through the entire mountain, but he failed to wound the raging Ren. Gojyo came to his rescue, blocking Ren's sword attack with his Shakujou, while Sanzo tried to blast the other youkais.

This wasn't good. Hakkai scanned his surrounding with great anxiety. This wasn't good at all. The youkais seemed to keep appearing from inside the mansion, like floods of ants running amok out of their nest. They couldn't fight all of them. They wouldn't have the time. What if Jin was already with Goku now, deciding that he had enough and killed the boy.

No!

Don't think that way.

Must find a way to get into the mansion unobstructed.

"Hakkai!" Sanzo shouted from between the attacks. "Go!"

Hakkai dodged a spear attack and turned a confused frown at the monk. "What did you say?"

"Just go! Get Goku out of here! We can't fight them all!"

Wide-eyed, Hakkai stared at his friend, disbelieving. Sanzo was letting him to go and get Goku? He never thought…. He thought that the monk was still furious at him. How could he let someone like Hakkai to go near Goku? Hakkai had thought that he would come to the youkai base to rescue Goku all right, but that was all. He didn't expect to be the one to actually free the boy.

"Why me? Why don't you go for yourself?" he shouted back to Sanzo.

Gojyo intercepted their between-attacks conversation, groaning while he stabbed his weapon into a youkai's side. "Don't you see we're both busy here? Someone must go and get Goku before that blasted Jin kill him!"

"I know that! But why me, of all the people? Sanzo, it's probably better for you to go!"

At the moment, Sanzo was already preparing to chant his ultimate attack. The attack using the Maten Kyoumon! The monk shot him a softened look, while concentrating his energy.

"I'm the only one who can blast all of these enemies with one attack. It will be faster that way. You go and get the brat out of here."

Hakkai couldn't utter another question. He just stared at Sanzo, those questions flashing in his eyes. Sanzo understood them, understood his fear, his hesitation. He shot a steady, yet calming look, at the shaken Hakkai and smiled.

"Just go," was the only words coming out of Sanzo's mouth.

And Hakkai understood.

Sanzo had given the chance to Hakkai. The chance to recompense for his past. The past he had been regretting so. And the trust. He had given Hakkai his trust, that Hakkai would save his Son Goku from the enemy. That was enough for Hakkai, to eliminate all traces of doubt and hesitation. After all he had done, Sanzo still trusted him. After all he had done….

Ignoring the building swell of feeling inside his chest, Hakkai nodded slowly, deeply.

Then he leaped high into the air, way above the battle field, until he reached the topmost floor of the mansion and broke through a window.

Gojyo threw a nasty grin at his monk friend. "Hey, are you sure that's wise?"

"What is?"

"Are you ready to give Goku away? After tonight, after he rescue Goku, things might not be in favor for your sex life, you know?"

Crackling madly, Gojyo dodged the bullet that was shot to his head. That was pretty close, his left ear could hear the swishing sound of the zooming bullet. The corner of his eyes twitched with cold fear as his face paled considerably.

"O..oi… I was just joking, Sanzo…."

Not wanting to say anything, Sanzo went back to chanting his spell, though he didn't do it without a sadly, blushing face.

+ + + + + +

Floors after floors, rooms after rooms, he madly, desperately, trashed about in search for Son Goku. He was quick, oh yes, that was undoubtedly. For he had been focusing solely on finding the boy, not fighting the enemy. Youkai after youkai he passed and left, without wasting another precious second to deal with them.

Where was Goku?

Where were they keeping him?

Oh God, oh God, oh God…..

He remembered. Going from room to room, floor to floor, clawing and stabbing his way into the mansion. He was soaking wet, bathed in the blood of his enemy. One by one they came to him, only to fall lifelessly to the floor. Their blood, like a tribute they gave him as their conqueror, burnt like hell's fire on his skin. But he didn't care. He was heedless of anything else.

Kanan….

Where was Kanan?

Where were they keeping her?

Rooms by rooms, floors by floors. All passing by him like flashes of images, unreal, untouched, just outside the boundary of his sanity. It was dark as well. It was the night, a night that smelled like blood, that had been haunting him for the rest of his life.

The dungeon.

They kept her in the dungeon.

Instinctively, not really able to separate his past memory from reality, Hakkai searched for the stairs leading to the basement. He found it, in a huge, tall hall. The stairs, the stone stairs, were going down into a dim hallway. Without further delay, he jumped down, not really thinking about the risk of slipping on the steps and breaking his bones.

The hallway was dim, lighted only by the torch lights lined along the stone wall. Cold gust of wind, stale and mouldy smelling, greeted him the moment he started walking down the hall. He didn't hear any sound, couldn't sense the enemy existence. Down here, it was so quite. Too damn quite.

He didn't know where to go, unsure if it was even the right place. But he never stopped, not wanting to make any regretful delay. He passed some empty cells, dark and unoccupied, flinching with great fear at his prospect of ever finding Goku locked up in one of them.

Then there it was. He saw a large wooden door, slightly opened. A trap. That was the first word that came into his mind. Should he be a fool and go in or should he be a coward and stay out of it? Damn it! Damn, damn, damn…. He didn't have time to think now. What should he do?

A fool or a coward?

Which one should he be? Was it really even a question he could answer?

A fool or a coward.

Damn….

He burst into the room with such force that the wooden door slammed against the wall and shattered in the middle. As gallant as his entrance was, he couldn't keep it until the end. Not after he saw what was there, inside the big cell at the back of the room.

The boy. Lying on the floor. Not making a sound, not making a move. Fear gripped over Hakkai like a cold clawed hand that stuck its nails into his skin, almost paralyzing him. He smelled blood. And the rotten smell of something dead.

He whimpered in agony.

Oh God, oh God, oh God….

He swallowed hard, sweat was running down his trembling back. He dared to take a step closer to the cell, then another one, and another one. His legs were rioting. They wanted to stay frozen near the door, no matter how much Hakkai wanted to move. Oh God, oh God, oh God…. He concentrated all of his might only to step closer, while reminiscences of his past kept flashing in his eyes in the most terrible way.

When he was close enough, he could see that the boy was being chained. And that—from the heavy up-and-downs of his chest—he was still breathing. Thank God. Thank the Buddha!

Hakkai scrambled to the cell, searching for the lock. The boy stirred inside the cell. He let out a hoarse groan, so soft it was barely believable to come out from Goku. The boy fluttered his eyes open, blinking at Hakkai as if he couldn't see who he was.

Oh God…

The boy was going to see him. What if his first reaction was to scream in hatred? What if he would shrink away to the corner of the cell, disgusted at Hakkai? What if the boy would rather stay in this foul dungeon than to go with him. He was certain he wouldn't be able to bear it. What was Sanzo thinking, letting him to get Goku? Oh God…

"Hak…kai…?"

Hakkai gasped as he heard his name floated in the air. The voice, shaken and weak. It was Son Goku but not really Son Goku. There was no trace of hatred in it. Just a plain, flat—though rather quivering—voice.

"Goku… It's…. it's me…," he managed to answer.

"Hakkai?" the voice sounded stronger now, as Goku seemed to regain his consciousness.

"Are you all right, Goku?"

What was he asking? Of course the boy was not all right. He was obviously badly wounded. And the fact that he just recovered from unconsciousness was another sign that he wasn't all right. And…, he remembered, and after what he had done to him….

"You're here to save me?" asked the boy, now crawling closer to the bars.

"Yes…"

The boy was now kneeling exactly behind the bars. His hands gripped the rusting, iron poles, eyes staring at Hakkai deeply. Afraid to look into the boy's eyes, Hakkai concentrated in opening the lock.

"You're here. To save me," repeated the boy, with a tone strange to Hakkai's ears.

Still avoiding the boy's stare, Hakkai stood up abruptly. "Would you move aside, Goku? I'll have to blast the lock away."

The boy did what he told. Don't think of anything else now. He said to himself. Just get him out of here. Hurry. He concentrated his energy into the balls of his hands. He focused on the lock at the cell door, measuring his power adequately for he didn't want to blast the entire cell and risk Goku's safety.

"Hakkai!!"

The boy screamed. Hakkai jerked in surprise, staring wide-eyed at him. But the boy wasn't staring at him anymore. He pointed at somewhere behind Hakkai. It was only a fraction of second before he saw Goku's mouth opened in another scream.

A scream he couldn't hear because at the moment he spun around in reflex and saw the blazing yellow sphere zooming towards him, before hitting him in the chest.

***TBC***

yoong's A/N: What? Another cliffhanger? We're so evil to leave you in such desperate end. smirk Poor Goku, got injured badly like that, and I'm the one to claim that he's my favourite character! Have I told you that I'm a sadist? laugh Again, don't worry with Hakkai and Goku's fate, I clearly mentioned in my plot that they would be together in the ending, but how? You've got to wait and see!

Sumeragi Sakura's Little Note:

Hmm…. Boushu Ren…. I'm sorry but I couldn't help not to put him in the story. Jin's brother. Hmm… Excuse me, but the image of Jin and Ren together in my head is so damn sexy! I wish you could've seen it. Or maybe if I did describe them well enough, you can see it. I hope I did. Sorry about the cliffie, though. But it's necessary, to keep you waiting for the next chapter ^__~ *gets kicked by the readers* By the way did anyone notice Sanzo said this, "So why don't you bring Son Goku to me now and we will leave this base peacefully"? Bring Son Goku to me. And you'll ask, "But this is a Hakkai/Goku fic right? Right?" Ooh, I'm such a strange, evil woman…. *chuckling like mad*