Disclaimer – Legolas is no longer my brother because I disowned him – he's such a baby.
This is the sequel to Legolas's Magical Hat.
Legolas's Magical Shoes
Legolas's marriage to Gollum was hanging by a thread. He was utterly pissed off at Gollum. Ever since he had said "I do" Gollum had done nothing but talk about his "precious".
So what if Gollum had had a life before Legolas, Legolas had also had a life before Gollum, but he didn't spend all his time telling his husband about past experiences. The sheer jealousy Legolas felt drove him to insanity and he soon walked out on Gollum.
For a while, he was bitterly depressed because somewhere in his heart, he knew he'd always love Gollum.
This depression caused Legolas to wander aimlessly and trip on a rock. Upon tripping, Legolas hit his head on the ground hard and his shoe flew off his foot and made it's way across Mirkwood.
When Legolas regained consciousness, he realised with a heavy hear that he'd have to search for the shoe. Surely he did not want to dirty his fair elven feet.
He searched high and low but it was all in vain, the shoe was nowhere to be found.
One day, as Legolas was weeping over both Gollum and his shoe, a giant (bigger than the average oversized) spider made its way toward Legolas. On one foot was the shoe comfortably wrapped.
Legolas jumped for joy!
As he bent over to retrieve the shoe from the spider's leg, he noticed how lovely and hairy it was, and there eight of them. Legolas was delighted! He was instantly struck down by love for the spider, just like the spider was for him.
He named the spider Flipper and they danced the night away.
Together Flipper and Legolas built many webs for no particular purpose and lived in Holy Matrimony.
The end.
Now lets all yell at the author for that artless piece of a fragment of a story.