Maybe
by Lady Emma
Email: (LdyEmma425@aol.com)
Disclaimer: Not mine. All Joss'.
Rating: PG (small reference to 3-way sex)
Feedback: Yes, please! I haven't posted or really written any fic in a super-long time, so feedback is greatly appreciated.
Distribution: If you want it all you need to do is ask.
Spoilers: Ack! So many! Well, kinda. READ FURTHER AT YOUR OWN RISK. On "Watch With Kristen" @ E! Online, she mentioned that someone dies to save Andrew, and due to other spoilers and process of elimination, etc. my friend Nessa and I figured that it must be Anya. (We know it's not Willow, Dawn or, of course, Buffy, and everyone else has talked about doing further Buffy-related projects.)
Summary: Total speculation on said Anya death. Anya reflects on her life, loves and Andrew.
In my dying moments, all I could hear in my head was Andrew's voice taunting me, "You love humans!" And I protested as much as I could, but for some reason I couldn't completely lie to Andrew or to myself. In that moment, when he first said it, I knew it was true. Of course I don't love all humans. Who could make a generalisation like that? Also, you shouldn't generalise. They do that in Russia. I maybe don't love them all individually, but as a people. Maybe that's wrong too, because people are stupid. Maybe I love them because they're stupid and brilliant and cowardly yet brave. And their world is filled to the brim with emotions and lies and drama and pointlessness and everything. Humans have everything. I think I wanted everything.
I of course won't have it now. But maybe I had an awful lot of it. Maybe I had enough. I had friends and enemies and love and hate and pain and death and a life. I got to go to prom and graduate high school, and fall in love, and see my friends die, and have my own store and an occupation I loved and I got to have a wedding. Maybe it never went through, but I had one. And I was left at the altar, my heart was broken. Not an experience I'm quick to recommend, but it was a singular experience none-the-less. Humans take so many of these things for granted. Maybe some of them are extremely unpleasant and not something you want to have happen to you, but to have these experiencesit makes existence so much more worthwhile. Four years of humanity have given me so much more than a thousand years of vengeance. Humans are so special and they just don't realise it.
Maybe that's why when Andrew said he wasn't going to last this fight, I knew I had to make sure he lived. I would do anything possible to make sure that he lived. I want nothing more than for Andrew to live a long, long happy life. Maybe Xander will realise he's gay and the two of them can ride off into the sunset together. That'd be nice for them. I like to think that's what will happen, that's what I died for. They'd be happy together. I almost wish that I could live to be there with them. Ride off into the sunset with the two of them. We'd go far, far away from Sunnyhell, never to return. I think I'd like to live in Paris for a while. I'd take my two boys and run away, move to France. Pretend we're American refuges like Roman Polanski. And I'd open up a magic store there and Andrew could work for me. Xander could do whatever he wanted. He could go to school or find a construction job or do something he really wanted to do and we could support him in the meanwhile. We'd always meet for lunch at a little café on the corner. At night Andrew would fix dinner and we'd eat, followed by a little primetime television and they a night of hot erotic threesome sex. We'd spend the weekends with picnics in the park on holidays we'd take the Chunnel to London, maybe visit Giles from time to time. Maybe we'd have a childno, two. One from each of them. A boy of Xander's and a girl of Andrew's. And they'd have a horrible time explaining why they had two fathers and a mother to everyone at school, but at least we'll be in France, so they can use the words "ménage à trois". And the three of us would grow old together. Our children would grow up and leave us and have crazy weird relationships of their own. And we'd all live happily ever after, the end.
It's too bad I'll be dead.