A/N: Another in a series of one-shots. This one involves Gohan of the
normal timeline and his guilt issue over the Cell Games. ~ This ~ means
Gohan's thoughts. Disclaimer, I don't own DBZ. Read and review, please!
REFLECTIONS
The lake near home. It was as beautiful as ever, unchanged even after all that had happened. It was still the perfect place to reflect on thoughts. Gohan wished he could say the same. Two years after the Cell Games, he still felt a twang of guilt every time he thought of it.
~ Oh Dad, why did you trust me so? I had the power, but I let him live, and in effect I killed you. It was my fault, regardless of what you or any of the others say. I will always say the same - I helped Cell kill you. ~
He thought of events that followed.
~ Krillin married the android I rescued. I'm still not sure what I think about it. Man, would Dad be happy if he knew! And then, there's my brother... ~
His younger brother Goten had been born less then a year after the Cell Games. He felt certain that Goku must not have known, because he decided to stay in the Other World. He couldn't imagine his beloved father being so...cruel. Now he had to be strong, for his brother.
~ I was able to sense the energy fluxing in Mom just days later. I was the one who suggested the possibility of pregnancy, but I only revealed that after a month, so I could be sure of it. I didn't want to rush Mom, but it soon became apparent. She started eating more then me when I was hungry on a regular basis...that must have tipped off Grandpa. He came to me and asked if I, too, noticed something, and I told him my suspicions. He immediately took her to the doctor's, where it was confirmed. ~
That was unexpected. Never in his entire life had he ever thought he would be anything but an only child. But then, life had never been the way he expected.
~ I went from being a pampered wimp to a 'true warrior', as Vegeta would put it. I was supposed to be a scholar, and suddenly I've been kidnapped by my nutty saiyan uncle and thrust into the world of fighting.
~ How I wish that never happened. ~
As soon as that thought entered his mind, he regretted it. No, he didn't wish it never happened. If it wasn't for that he'd still be studying non- stop, he never would have meet the Z warriors, but most of all, he never would have changed at all. He'd still be the same sniveling, cowardly, spoiled little wimp he had started to become. Piccolo would still be an evil old geezer.
~ And the world would be destroyed because of my temper and my damned 'hidden power'. ~
His hidden power. The subject alone was enough to set him off. It was that that made the warrior part of him. Now that was something he could do without.
~ It's because I'm half-and-half. Pure saiyan or pure human is nowhere near as strong. If only one of the others, like Vegeta or even my dad, had my hidden power...everything would be different. ~
The only question was, would that be a good change? There was no way to be sure. As Goku had said, "Sometimes life is too unsure to have regrets." Gohan had to agree with him.
Then the voice of Android 16 suddenly went through his mind.
~ "It is because you cherish life that you protect it." Then, as though it just happened, I see it happen again, in slow motion. Cell, turning around, and crushing the gentle android's head. I watch the parts fly in small circles, and I watch the tiny light on his brain chip flicker and die.NOOOO!!! ~
He powered up to level 2 suddenly with a shout heard around for miles. The anger flowed through him, fresh as it was the day he first felt it. The difference now was he tried to stop, tried to power down again. He hadn't before.
~ It was so much easier last time. I had reason to attack, reason to feel the rage. I don't, anymore. ~
He sensed, rather then saw, Piccolo approach. The Nameck had comforted him the last time this had happened, so he knew what had him worked up. He waited.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
Gohan wanted to say no, he wasn't, but his throat was constricted, halting any speech. Piccolo seemed to understand. Giving him a rare smile, he said softly, "You will be."
That was all it took. Powering down suddenly as he had powered up, he began to cry. This, too, Piccolo had expected. No matter how strong Gohan was, the boy was still a child, and he did not like fighting. Goku had ignored this fact, and it nearly resulted in the death of them all.
Piccolo went to the boy, and simply put his hand on his student's back, waiting for him to finish. After about half an hour, the tears subsided, and Gohan looked up at him with anger and confusion in his eyes. "Why?" he whispered. "Why do I feel so guilty?"
"I don't know," Piccolo replied.
Gohan's head lowered. "I hate this feeling. Like I know I could have done something, but I didn't. Almost like I killed Dad."
"You killed no one but Cell."
"Yeah, but that doesn't erase the feeling. It should, but it doesn't."
"That, young Gohan, is something you must find for yourself."
"I know, Piccolo. I know."
After Piccolo left, he collapsed on the ground beneath him, leaning against the tree.
~ Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like it was my fault Cell killed my father, the same way it's Cell's fault I made level 2? If only...gods, Trunks, I think you had the right idea. Leaving everyone behind, if only for a little while. Maybe I could try it... ~
Then he thought of his mother, and his younger brother, and he knew he just couldn't try it. His brother, after all, was maybe a year old, and no matter how tough Mom was, he knew she'd not last long afterwards if he left. And he would not let his mother die thanks to him.
Gohan grinned as he noticed something in the now-night sky. It was a star, shooting across the sky. It went out of his view near where his house was. It was almost as if heaven agreed with his final decision, and was telling him to go home.
The boy laughed. "Sure thing. Dinner sounds great about now!"
He ran home. At the door, his little brother Goten held his arms up. With a smile, Gohan complied, and carried him inside. Maybe his father would never come home again, but he, Son Gohan, would always return.
THE END
REFLECTIONS
The lake near home. It was as beautiful as ever, unchanged even after all that had happened. It was still the perfect place to reflect on thoughts. Gohan wished he could say the same. Two years after the Cell Games, he still felt a twang of guilt every time he thought of it.
~ Oh Dad, why did you trust me so? I had the power, but I let him live, and in effect I killed you. It was my fault, regardless of what you or any of the others say. I will always say the same - I helped Cell kill you. ~
He thought of events that followed.
~ Krillin married the android I rescued. I'm still not sure what I think about it. Man, would Dad be happy if he knew! And then, there's my brother... ~
His younger brother Goten had been born less then a year after the Cell Games. He felt certain that Goku must not have known, because he decided to stay in the Other World. He couldn't imagine his beloved father being so...cruel. Now he had to be strong, for his brother.
~ I was able to sense the energy fluxing in Mom just days later. I was the one who suggested the possibility of pregnancy, but I only revealed that after a month, so I could be sure of it. I didn't want to rush Mom, but it soon became apparent. She started eating more then me when I was hungry on a regular basis...that must have tipped off Grandpa. He came to me and asked if I, too, noticed something, and I told him my suspicions. He immediately took her to the doctor's, where it was confirmed. ~
That was unexpected. Never in his entire life had he ever thought he would be anything but an only child. But then, life had never been the way he expected.
~ I went from being a pampered wimp to a 'true warrior', as Vegeta would put it. I was supposed to be a scholar, and suddenly I've been kidnapped by my nutty saiyan uncle and thrust into the world of fighting.
~ How I wish that never happened. ~
As soon as that thought entered his mind, he regretted it. No, he didn't wish it never happened. If it wasn't for that he'd still be studying non- stop, he never would have meet the Z warriors, but most of all, he never would have changed at all. He'd still be the same sniveling, cowardly, spoiled little wimp he had started to become. Piccolo would still be an evil old geezer.
~ And the world would be destroyed because of my temper and my damned 'hidden power'. ~
His hidden power. The subject alone was enough to set him off. It was that that made the warrior part of him. Now that was something he could do without.
~ It's because I'm half-and-half. Pure saiyan or pure human is nowhere near as strong. If only one of the others, like Vegeta or even my dad, had my hidden power...everything would be different. ~
The only question was, would that be a good change? There was no way to be sure. As Goku had said, "Sometimes life is too unsure to have regrets." Gohan had to agree with him.
Then the voice of Android 16 suddenly went through his mind.
~ "It is because you cherish life that you protect it." Then, as though it just happened, I see it happen again, in slow motion. Cell, turning around, and crushing the gentle android's head. I watch the parts fly in small circles, and I watch the tiny light on his brain chip flicker and die.NOOOO!!! ~
He powered up to level 2 suddenly with a shout heard around for miles. The anger flowed through him, fresh as it was the day he first felt it. The difference now was he tried to stop, tried to power down again. He hadn't before.
~ It was so much easier last time. I had reason to attack, reason to feel the rage. I don't, anymore. ~
He sensed, rather then saw, Piccolo approach. The Nameck had comforted him the last time this had happened, so he knew what had him worked up. He waited.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
Gohan wanted to say no, he wasn't, but his throat was constricted, halting any speech. Piccolo seemed to understand. Giving him a rare smile, he said softly, "You will be."
That was all it took. Powering down suddenly as he had powered up, he began to cry. This, too, Piccolo had expected. No matter how strong Gohan was, the boy was still a child, and he did not like fighting. Goku had ignored this fact, and it nearly resulted in the death of them all.
Piccolo went to the boy, and simply put his hand on his student's back, waiting for him to finish. After about half an hour, the tears subsided, and Gohan looked up at him with anger and confusion in his eyes. "Why?" he whispered. "Why do I feel so guilty?"
"I don't know," Piccolo replied.
Gohan's head lowered. "I hate this feeling. Like I know I could have done something, but I didn't. Almost like I killed Dad."
"You killed no one but Cell."
"Yeah, but that doesn't erase the feeling. It should, but it doesn't."
"That, young Gohan, is something you must find for yourself."
"I know, Piccolo. I know."
After Piccolo left, he collapsed on the ground beneath him, leaning against the tree.
~ Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like it was my fault Cell killed my father, the same way it's Cell's fault I made level 2? If only...gods, Trunks, I think you had the right idea. Leaving everyone behind, if only for a little while. Maybe I could try it... ~
Then he thought of his mother, and his younger brother, and he knew he just couldn't try it. His brother, after all, was maybe a year old, and no matter how tough Mom was, he knew she'd not last long afterwards if he left. And he would not let his mother die thanks to him.
Gohan grinned as he noticed something in the now-night sky. It was a star, shooting across the sky. It went out of his view near where his house was. It was almost as if heaven agreed with his final decision, and was telling him to go home.
The boy laughed. "Sure thing. Dinner sounds great about now!"
He ran home. At the door, his little brother Goten held his arms up. With a smile, Gohan complied, and carried him inside. Maybe his father would never come home again, but he, Son Gohan, would always return.
THE END