Chapter 15

Misunderstanding

A/N:: This chapter was hard to write. I had it all down PERFECTLY and all nicely written JUST THE WAY I WANTED IT. Just when I was typing the last few sentences, that stupid error thing popped up saying my Microsoft Works Processor had to be shut down! The thing was, I didn't save it! Unfortunately, I don't think I quite captured the mood I was going for in the rewrite of chapter 15. But, oh well, what can you do? Usual disclaimers apply and, as always, I wish you a pleasant read.

***

Legolas gazed at the stars above him, tracing out images of beasts and fallen men by connecting the blinking, bright dots. He could not sleep for he had never felt more alive. Of course, the blood flowed in his veins just as freely as it always had, but tonight, he could feel his body screaming with life. From his toes to the top of his head, he felt he could hear his very skin sing. He had never felt this happy before and it almost frightened him.

He stiffened when he felt Laera stir, pressing her head against his chest, sighing. His heart began to beat faster as her fingers softly trailed across his chest then gently grip the material of his tunic. She was so lovely and he still could not believe that she was his! He gazed down at the beautiful Elf he held in his arms and grinned like a little boy on the dawn of his birthday. Was this all just a beautiful dream? Had Laera really come to care for him as much as did for her? He tightened his grip on her and softly kissed the top her head. It was all too much but at the same time he simply could not get enough. Although he was more than content just watching her sleep, he still couldn't wait until she woke and looked at him with her beautiful dark eyes. Eyes that could speak such love yet can also scream such hatred.

Legolas laughed quietly as he remembered how Laera had been at the beginning of their journey. She had been so difficult! Her spark, her mettle had brought him to heights of anger he never knew he possessed. But it had been that same spirit that drew him to her. Like he had told her on that road leaving Rhovan's cabin, he desired someone like no other and there was nobody like Laera.

Smiling, Legolas reminisced about their journey, from the day he had rescued her from a certain death in Elhite Vale, across the plains, through Rhovan's forest, across the obliterated village, to now, at the foot of the mountain. Had it only really been four days? He laughed, remembering Laera's childish actions with his sword. And then, inevitably, his thoughts came to their kiss. It had been his very first and he assumed it had been hers as well. Magical and surreal, it had been everything Legolas had dreamt his first kiss would be like. Even now, hours later, he could still feel the soft, but eager pressure of her lips against his. Even now, the thrill had not yet died.

It had come so sudden, the kiss. He hadn't even spoken of his feelings and neither had she. Suddenly, the abruptness of it all struck him and he struggled to remember the look on her face. She had been surprised, as was expected, but she had not drawn back. She didn't protest or put him in his place. But then again, it had been such a sudden act. He could have caught her off guard.

He frowned, absurdly ridiculous thoughts entering his mind. What if she had been too frightened to say anything? It pained him to think of him frightening her. What if she didn't feel the way he did and just didn't want to embarrass him by saying so? He bit his lip, considering these questions. Many more questions arose until it quite overwhelmed his assurance and filled him with doubt and dread.

Had he just imagined that look of love and trust in her eyes? Had his hopes and dreams driven him to a delusion that masked Laera's true feelings? He suddenly realized how bold he had been to even think of kissing her, how arrogant such an act was. There had been no courtship! She probably thought him an improper cad. What would her father think? Finally, he came to a conclusion.

Of course she did not feel the way he did. Although it caused him more pain than any orc could ever bring upon him, he convinced himself it was true. He decided he would apologize to her the first thing the next morning. He would tell her that it had meant nothing. The kiss had been an impulse of an Elf with much-too-much on his brain and a too-heavy burden on his shoulders, he made up his mind to say. She would be relieved, he thought, trying hard not to wince at the thought of Laera confirming his doubts. Then they would continue on with their journey to save Gandalf. Something of their old comradeship would return over time…he hoped. He will force himself to be satisfied with her friendship, despite the odds. Gazing longly at the top of Laera's head, Legolas hoped he was wrong.

***

Laera woke feeling light-hearted and happy. The sky overhead was dark, overcast, and threatened a downpour, but all around her she saw nothing but colour and rainbows. She didn't even mind the scant, fetid odour of the mess the horse left a few feet away from the camp. She smiled, remembering last night. She looked to her left, wanting to wake Legolas, to tell him about her feelings for him. She realized now that her feelings of jealousy, her conflicting, confusing views on Legolas were nothing but the product of her love. It warmed her to think of loving Legolas. She always had, she realized, from the moment he had stuck his tongue out at her. Looking over, she frowned when she saw he wasn't there.

Laera looked anxiously about the camp, eager to greet him. She smiled when she saw him not too far away, beginning to put away their gear. Slowly, she climbed out of her "bed" and walked over to him. She could not wipe the grin off of her face as she approached him.

"Good morning, Legolas," she greeted, her smile broadening. But she suddenly felt the corners of her mouth relax into a frown when she saw the expression on his face.

He glanced up at her briefly before continuing his work. "Good morning," he replied brusquely after a moment.

Laera's eyebrows knotted up in wonder as she pondered about what to say next. She stood, for a moment or two, hovering over him, trying hard to dismiss the look she had seen on his face. It seemed so… impassive --cold even. Deciding it was just her imagination, Laera decided then to tell him of her feelings. "Legolas, about last night…" she began eagerly.

But she was quickly interrupted by Legolas. "Yes, about last night. I am sorry…" he swallowed thickly. This was going to be harder than he had earlier anticipated.

"Sorry?" Laera said, confused. What in Middle-Earth was he talking about? Legolas was acting so strange…

"Yes. I must apologize for that… kiss," he began, rising. His back turned to her, he continued. "It was very rude of me, I realize. I do not know what came over me. I guess I allowed myself to forget that a kiss is supposed to be special…only to be given and received by two people who love and care for one another. It will never happen again, I assure you."

Laera stared unmoving at Legolas's back, for once in her life speechless. A kiss is supposed to be special…only to be given and received by two people who love and care for one another… he had said. So he had not thought of their kiss was 'special'? He did not love her? Had this all been a game that had gone too far? Her eyes lowered to the floor, a hand rising over her heart. Then, suddenly, anger and embarrassment rushed in and saved her from the darkness that threatened to engulf her. Eyes, full of contempt, rising from the floor, Laera glared at Legolas's back. She would never let him know, she declared, how much of her soul he had touched with just a simple kiss. She would never let him know how peaceful and secure she felt in his arms.

For Legolas, Laera's silence was torture. When Legolas turned to her, hoping to find a girl who would tell him that he was dreadfully wrong, he was dismayed to find quite a different one. Laera stood stiffly, chin raised haughtily in the air. Her eyes flashed and a her cheeks were flushed with colour. She gazed at him, her face expressionless. He now realized that all his doubts and fears were true.

"Thank you for your apology," she said. "You are right, Legolas. A kiss should only be shared between two people who love one another. It should never be given freely or… carelessly." Laera fought hard to keep the tremble out her voice and found, with satisfaction, that she succeeded.

"So it had meant nothing for you as well? You did not feel anything?" Legolas asked, his face a sickly white to the lips. The tone of her voice alarmed him. She sounded almost cold.

"Of course it did not," Laera said, her voice filled with a forced casualness. Her insides churned at the look of disbelief that crossed his features. Before she felt her already faltering composure fall into pieces around her, Laera turned away to begin tidying the campsite.

Legolas was aghast. Despite his uncertainties, in the back of his mind he knew he was being absurd. Deep within his heart he knew that Laera not only cared, but loved him as well. It shocked and saddened him deeply to find that she did not. He wanted to run to her, to tell her that the kiss meant more to him than the fate of Middle-Earth, to tell her that he loved her more than she could ever imagine. But he could not…

He now realized how vulnerable he allowed himself to be in her presence. In his chest, he felt a gnawing, searing pain as if something restless and hungry moved about inside of him. He closed his eyes and clutched his chest for he knew his heart was breaking. He moved away from the camp and walked to his horse who grazed happily on the alpine grass, his path blurred by tears of anguish and sorrow. Legolas approached the horse and lovingly caressed its neck, thinking about what had just happened. His grief was overwhelming.

In the throes of his misery Legolas wrapped his arms around his old friend and buried his face in the soft hairs of the horse's mane. How can one fall from blissful heights to such agonizing lows? Suddenly, the true meaning of why he was at the foot of the Fehn mountains came to him. He was here on a mission, not to win the hand of a maiden! He shut his eyes and cursed himself for his foolishness. He took a deep breath and waited for the pains in his chest to subside. He must go on, he must survive this. Gandalf needed him.

Laera sat by her makeshift bed, the corners of her blanket that she had resolved to fold in between her fingers. She had long since forgotten what exactly she was going to do with the blanket. She watched as a tear fell from her chin and fell on the rough, green material, staining it an even darker green. She was still trying to come to terms with what just happened.

Inside, all she felt was pain. A fire that ate at her soul and burned through her heart. Closing her eyes, Laera willed for the anger and rage to quickly fill in the holes Legolas's words had inflicted on her heart. After a moment, she found herself giving into the rage and soon her grief was pushed to the back of her mind. How dare he! She vowed she would never forgive Legolas for what he had done, for causing her such hurt. Legolas had been very cruel…

Legolas returned to the camp pulling the horse behind him. He did not return the smile she gave him. "Are we going into the mountain today?" she asked, her manner unusually light.

"No, the entrance is still quite a climb away," Legolas said, glancing upward.

"Well we better get moving if we want to reach it before the sun set."

"Yes…" Legolas agreed. Another night under the stars with Laera did not appeal to him like it once would have. It was still too painful.

So the two set off, talking every now and then, both with their minds elsewhere. Poor, misguided elves. There is no greater bliss than to love somebody and to have that person return that love. And for a night they tasted that bliss. There is no greater misery than to have that taken away. As the sun rose higher, so did the wall that had begun to slowly reconstruct itself between the two elves. By midday it had successfully built a world between them, waiting, patiently, for the right challenge to destroy and send it back to the point of misunderstanding from whence it came.

***

Took your love away, too fast

Left no chance to say 'Look back'…

Now I know the truth it makes it easier,

And maybe when time goes by, I'll understand.

Let's pretend that I've moved on

Then I'll tell myself that life goes on

Without you…

Open my eyes, look deep inside,

I run away

***

A/N:: 'I Run Away' by Britney Spears. A lovely song that I was listening to as I wrote this chapter. It inspired most of it.

Oh dear, *ducks rotten tomatoes* I apologize for what I believe HAD to have happened. I have a feeling people may be angry for the strategically written plot twist I initiated in this chapter. But, I felt it must be done in order for the rest of the story to work. Hope you understand and, once again, I'm sorry!