Chapter 1
Chapter 1.
Cloud sat on the bed, in his home…he had been sitting there for a few hours now, watching the day pass by, and thinking about that fateful day 3 years ago, when Sephiroth had killed his love, Aeris. Before Aeris had been killed, he hadn't realized he loved her, until he saw the blade protrude from her chest, and saw the gleam in Sephiroth's eye, and the grin spread across his face.
Now all Cloud felt was an empty void in his heart…even though he was married to Tifa, and had a beautiful little girl with her…he never could really forget about Aeris. He had done what his friends had told him to do. They had told him to forget Aeris…to move on with his life, and marry Tifa. He loved Tifa, yes…but as much as he loved Aeris? No..not nearly as much. Still, he couldn't leave her like that. She loved him with all her heart, and now that he had a child with her, and that made matters even worse.
He was supposed to be at the bar helping Tifa, but recently he had been taking more days off than usual. Surely Tifa would notice something was wrong with him if he didn't go back to work soon. He didn't want to worry her, or Terra…he just couldn't do that. He got up and walked around the room, wondering what he should do. Tifa would be home in about an hour…and his little girl would come home with her.
"Guess I'll just live things out and see what happens…that's all I really can do…" He said aloud, running a hand through his spiky blonde hair. He was interrupted from his thoughts as he heard the door open.
"Cloud! I'm home! Are you feeling better?" Tifa asked as she came in through the door, and into the bedroom.
" Huh? Oh..yea, I'm feeling better, I suppose.….where's Terra?" He said, a bit surprised she was home so early.
"Oh…I left her at Barret's house… figured we could spend some time by ourselves, for once..."
Cloud looked up at his wife…. he couldn't deny the fact that she was beautiful…and smart…and perfect…. but not for him. Tifa was not for him. Aeris was.
"Well…yea, it would be nice. We haven't done anything like that in a while now…but we need to talk about some important things, right now …" He knew this was going to be very hard for her, so he motioned for her to sit on the bed.
Tifa sat with a worried look on her face…she knew some thing was wrong with her Cloud. But she just didn't know what it was.
"Tifa" he began, rather hesitantly " I love you…. and I love Terra…. but I'm not sure I love you, as much as you love me. Even after these years of a happy marriage…. I still can't stop loving Aeris…even though she is dead…. you might be happy with this marriage. It might be all you ever wanted…. but its not for me. I want Aeris in my arms…"
Cloud looked at his wife and saw tears in the rims of her eyes…he could hardly stand doing this to her.
"Cloud…I…Cloud, she is dead! She was killed, and there is no way of bringing her back! No matter how hard you wish, no matter how much you dream, Aeris cannot come back. You have a wife, being me, and a child, Terra. You can't turn back now, Cloud Strife. It's not going to happen."
He looked at Tifa and sighed. He knew she was right…. there wasn't a way to bring Aeris back…She was dead…. gone. He had tried telling himself that many times…and it never worked.
"Tifa…I know I have you, and the children. But all I ever wanted in life when I met Aeris…was to be with Aeris. I know I should have said something earlier…before we got married. But I didn't want to hurt you" he paused, thinking of his next words " It was stupid of me, I know…and this is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life…but I'm thinking of leaving, and searching of a way to bring Aeris back.
Tifa looked at Cloud in disbelief…she couldn't believe what the man was saying. Find a way to bring Aeris back? That was impossible…yes, they were friends..but Tifa didn't really want Aeris back…Cloud's heart belonged to Aeris. Not her.
"Cloud…" she noted how stupid she must look, sobbing and red-faced " Damn you. You have a life here! And you don't want to hurt me?!?" she retorted " This is more painful than anything I have ever experienced" she spat out the last few words "I would rather die by Sephiroth's' hands than die like this! This has been eating me alive, day-by-day, little by little, ever since she died! I knew your heart belonged to her…but I couldn't accept it….I just couldn't" Tifa looked down with tears rolling down her smooth cheeks.
Cloud and Tifa sat in silence for about 15 minutes, and finally Tifa looked up, and at Cloud. Cloud looked back at her, deep into those brownish-crimson eyes that he had looked into so many times. He was thinking about how much he hated himself right now, for doing this to her. But he needed Aeris…he needed her more than he had ever needed anything.
So many things were going through Tifa's head at that moment. He wanted to leave her and Terra…for Aeris. Damn Aeris. Tifa loved Aeris like a sister…. but why did they both have to love the same man? She always had to ruin things for Tifa…always. But, she did love him more than life itself…and wanted him to be happy. And if it took Aeris to do that…then that's what he would have. She took in a deep breath and sighed.
"Cloud. I love you more than life itself. And I have ever since we were children. I almost died when you were gone for so long…" Tifa looked down at her hands and noticed she was shaking " But you are obviously unhappy with me, and the girls. You want Aeris…. you need Aeris…. go. Go and find your heart Cloud…. go and find Aeris Gainsborough. I can' t bare to see you in any more pain than you deserve…Now go. Leave my home…."
Cloud sat looking at Tifa…she was shaking now..hardly able to contain the emotions that were raging inside of her…undoubtfully hate for Aeris…maybe hate for himself as well. No. Tifa did not hate him. She was hurt, like anyone would be. All he could do was look at her…. was she actually giving up that easily? How could he think that? She wasn't giving up. She was doing what was best for the man she loved. He knew that.
"Tifa…you have no idea how much I want to thank you. You have been there for me ever since I can remember…you've always been there for me…words cannot describe my thanks to you.." he took her hands in his, and looked into those deep brown eyes of hers " I will always love you…. like a brother would his sister. I will never leave you, or forget you. I will always be here as a brother for you. I'm not sure if I will be coming back from…well…I don't even know where I am going…but if I do die…I will still remember you always." He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then let go of her hand, and got up, realizing he had no place here anymore. "I'll go say goodbye to Terra…. take good care of her, Tifa…"
Tifa slowly nodded her head, if a bit reluctantly " I will do my best, Cloud..be careful. And next time I see you…which I know I will…you seem to be able to do anything…..I expect to see Aeris by your side..do you understand me?"
Cloud nodded his head and started to walk out the door…he was leaving his children..his wonderful, perfect child behind. Terra. He could picture Terra…she was 3 now. She had brilliant blue eyes like her father, and a little bit of Mako as well, which made them glow softly. Her hair was a reddish brown, and very long for her age. He wanted her to learn Yuffie's techniques, as well as his own and her mothers. "She's extremely intelligent." he thought to himself…She'd be a perfect companion for Yuffie. He let out a deep sigh, and headed for Barret's house.
Tifa watched him go, through the hall and out the door….things were never going to be the same. She wanted to argue with him, tell him to stay with her…but she knew he would be miserable if she did that…and she only wanted what was best for the love of her life. " And Cloud" She said softly, so as he could not hear…. " I will always love you, my heart….always." She didn't even notice the blood trickling from her palm, as she dug her nails deeper into her flesh, or the tears streaming down her cheeks.
* * *
Cloud walked down the streets of Wutai, Yuffie's home village. It wasn't a very large place, but it was perfect for the people that took up residence. He was thinking of what to say to Terra….so young and beautiful…and innocent. And she was going to lose her father…for the time being, anyways. He hated himself for doing it….but…he had to. He finally came up to Barret's home. He thought back to the days when he had first met the huge man…he seemed so tough, but inside was a warm heart…especially for his little girl Marlene.
He walked up to the door and knocked gently, afraid of what was to come inside. He had promised Barret 3 years ago he wouldn't harm Tifa in any way. And he had hurt her more than any one could have imagined. He jumped back as someone opened the door. There stood his old friend, Barret. The man was huge, and quite threatening, for he had a machine gun for an arm.
"Here to pick up your kids, eh? I thought Tifa'd be doin' that. Ah well, come on in you spiky little punk" Cloud always knew Barret was joking when he called him Spiky little anything…
" Actually, Barret…" he hesitated, before saying the next few words
"Actually what, Cloud?" The huge man interrupted him.
"I'm here to say goodbye to them, and to you. I..I can't go on without Aeris…I've tried for the last 7 years…but I have dreams about her, and there's this void in my heart that can never be filled, not by anyone but Aeris.." He said all of this in a rush.
Barret reached out with his good arm and pulled Cloud inside, then slammed the door and held Cloud up against it.
"What the hell do you mean, boy? Yer leaving Tifa, and the girls, for a DEAD woman?!?! Boy, you need to get your spiky ass straight before I do it for you! You promised me you would never hurt her, and here you are doin' it!"
Cloud took it all in without struggle…he knew that he deserved it. "I know, Barret. But it was making our marriage unhappy…or it would have soon enough. I was not happy with her. And I didn't want to make things worse for her..Barret, please try to understand me…I was pretty much forced into a relationship with her.."
Barret held Cloud up and looked at him, considering the young mans words. He suddenly dropped Cloud and watched him fix his clothes and such. The boy never learned to just drop things when they needed to be dropped…
"I suppose yer right. You were kind of pushed into it, huh? Ah well. I hope she'll be okay…ya know? She'll need help with Terra..and Yuffie will be there. And I'm willing to bet that Terra isn't going to take this well… she won't be able to remember, anyways. Well, she won't approve of it when she gets old enough to understand. " Barret said in an apologizing way….
Cloud looked down to the floor. How could he be so cold hearted to his child? But they all missed Aeris, and he was going to bring her back. He'd come back, and see Terra again. He would come back with Aeris by his side..what would she think of that? Seeing their father with another woman besides her mother? He could only guess…
"Barret? How do you think the girls will react to this? I mean…with me being with another woman and all….when I come back that is…"
"Honestly, I dunno. Just have to live things out….she'll understand, hopefully. So, yer goin' ta have ta go pretty damn far away ta get ta where yer goin', eh? You'll need people to go with ya, ya know? Might get your spiky ass in trouble." Barret said, kinda hinting at something.
"Go with me? I….I….no. You need to stay here with Marlene, and watch out for Tifa…and Yuffie needs to be here for Terra and Tifa…"
"What about 'ole Red, and Vincent? You could find 'em somewhere. Red is in Cosmo Canyon. And Vince…I dunno where he is. But he should be easy enough to find, ya know?" He laughed as he remembered his friends…it had been so long since he had seen them. But, he couldn't go, he knew. He had Tifa and Marlene.
"I suppose I could go and find them. That'd be nice, to see them again. I'll need my weapon though. And I left that here, for safekeeping. You'd better remember where you put it." Cloud smirked, knowing Barret would never lose Cloud's sword.
"Naw, I wouldn't lose that thing! Anyways, its near freakin' impossible, the thing is so damned huge." Barret started up the stairs, yelling for Terra, telling her that her father was there. He continued up the stairs, into the attic.
The girl came down the stairs, her bouncing with life every step of the way. Cloud crouched down waiting for her hugs. He couldn't help but admire the sheer beauty of her. Terra's reddish-brown hair hung down to her waist today, since she wouldn't be seeing Yuffie. He noticed how her bright blue eyes shone when she saw him..
He wrapped her in his arms and hugged her very tightly. This would be the last time for a while he would see her face.
"Terra..I'm going away for a while. I'm going on an adventure" he knew this would spark her interest. " I need to find something I lost a few years back"
"You're going somewhere?!? To find something you lost? Ohhhhh, take me with you! Please daddy!" Terra piped in suddenly…Cloud laughed lightly, knowing how hard it would be to say no to those big blue eyes of hers. "Pleeeease!" He put her at arms length, and looked at her.
"Terra..I can't take either of you with me, you or your mother... No matter how much I want to. I just can't." Terra knew he had nearly saved the world at one point…but a woman named Aeris was the one that actually saved the world. But she had gotten killed, if she remembered correctly.
"Fine daddy…be mean." Terra had started pouting, "I'll just stay here all bored, I guess." Cloud was laughing when he heard heavy footfalls coming down the stairs. He looked up, and saw Barret, carrying his sword. Cloud got up from his crouching position, and walked over to Barret. He looked at the sword with a longing so profound, that he almost couldn't keep from reaching out and grabbing it.
"Here ya go, Cloud….in the same condition as when ya left it with me. Damn good sword…." He handed the sword to Cloud, and watched the blonde warrior take the sword, and look at it like a long lost friend, or child. In all truth, that's almost what it was. And the sword responded with a bright, glowing light when Cloud held it
Cloud took the sword from Barret, feeling the reassuring weight of the blade. He felt the cool metal as he brushed his fingertips over the blade, felt the razor sharp edge cut through the tip of his finger. The perfect balance. For once, in all the 7 years, Cloud felt more like Cloud Strife than he had in a long time. He put the sword, Soul Blade, over his shoulder and turned to look at his girls.
"Terra…your mother will be here soon. Just wait for her to come and get you. She may not be here until tomorrow. Just wait here with Barret. I love you Terra, and I'll see you…sometime. See you later, Barret. Keep safe" Barret simply nodded and told the girls to go back Marlene's room. He watched as his friend walked through the door, trying his hardest to ignore the tears that were rimming his eyes.
* * *
Tifa was lying on her bed, and had been since Cloud had left. She had been sobbing the whole time. She knew her child was safe right now. She didn't have to worry about her. She was most likely still with Barret. Barret had always been so kind to her. Like a father. She owed him so much. He shouldn't have to take care of her children right now….but at that point in time, she knew he wouldn't care. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her. She took in a deep breath and sighed. He would come back. And with Aeris by his side. Cloud….every thought somehow turned into one of Cloud…of course..how could it not?? The love of her life had left her….for a woman that was dead. Tifa knew she was dead, but she also knew, that somehow, when Cloud came back, Aeris would be at his side, alive and breathing. She knew Cloud would somehow find a way to do it. Tifa got up from her bed and walked to the mirror, making sure she was halfway decent. After fixing a few strands of stray hair, she walked out the door, and made her way to Barret's place to pick up the girls.