Title: Letter to Hermione
Author: Audrey (booksmartbrilliance@msn.com)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Summary: Ron's forced to come to terms with his feelings at the news of Hermione's engagement. Can he talk her out of marrying someone else? Can he talk her into marrying him instead?
A/N: Sorry for waiting so long to update. Hope it was worth the wait!
* * * * *
"Don't you think you've had enough?" the bartender asked raising an eyebrow at the surly redhead in front of him.
"I'm still conscious, aren't I?" Ron asked pushing the glass in front of the bartender and motioning towards it.
The bartender sighed and poured more of the gold liquid into the shot glass. Ron threw his head back and downed it in one gulp. He stared down at the empty glass lost in his own thoughts.
"Woman troubles?" the bartender ventured.
Ron said nothing.
"Man troubles, then?" the bartender asked.
"What?" Ron said, his head snapping up to take in the thin man standing in front of him. "No!"
"Well, you never know these days," the bartender said shrugging. "You see all sorts of sorrows in here. Woman, man and one time a man was all upset over his dog. Not that he had...I mean his dog had died, and so he was upset."
Ron frowned at the man, feeling annoyed. Since when had bartenders gotten to be so chatty? The whole idea behind bars was that you went there to pick up women, to have a good time, or to drown your sorrows, not to tell your life story to a stranger.
"So what's the story, then?" the bartender said.
"It's none of your business. Just pour me another one."
"It must be really bad, eh?"
"Will you shut it?" Ron snapped. "Just take my money, pour my drink and shut the bloody hell up."
The bartender shook his head and poured him another drink. Ron pushed a coin forward, but the bartender pushed it back. "Keep it, it's on the house."
"What?" Ron said looking confused.
"You must really need it with an attitude like that."
Ron sighed, feeling his conscience mumble something at the back of his mind.
"Look, I'm sorry, mate. Things are just...difficult."
"Sometimes talking helps," the bartender said.
Ron looked down at the glass. "Yeah, well I can't talk myself out of this one."
"Just spill, mate. Otherwise it's going to eat you up inside."
Ron's shoulders slumped, the man was not going to leave him in peace. "Alright, you want to know? The woman of my dreams is getting married as we speak. And she could have been mine, but I..."
There was a moment of silence. "But you what?" the bartender asked at length.
Ron took a deep breath. "But I pushed her away. I didn't know what I was doing. I thought...I didn't want to hurt her."
"Did she love you?"
"Yeah, she really did."
"Do you love her?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, it sounds like you really did screw up."
"Bloody hell," Ron said looking at the bartender. "Aren't you supposed to be sympathetic? I know I screwed up, I just said that, didn't I? Couldn't you see the bright side of things, or give me another free drink? Why do you have to rub it in my face like that? What kind of a bartender are you?"
"An honest one," the bartender said with a frown. "What I was going to say, before you interrupted, was that you did screw up...but at least you've had the chance to love someone and be loved back. That's something that not many people get to experience in their lifetimes. Not real love. Love like that you have to hold on to. But you didn't, so..."
He paused, then sighed and poured Ron another drink. "Alright, mate, you've gotten your free drinks. You're not getting another."
"That's all you've got to say?" Ron asked, shock evident on his face.
"What else is there to say?" the bartender said shrugging. "You missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime because you were scared. Look, at least its not like she's marrying this guy when she still has feelings for you, right? Now that would just be sad."
The bartender chuckled and looked up at Ron who was regarding him with something of a cross between anger, hurt and embarrassment.
"You've got to be kidding me. Bloody hell, what are you doing here? You love her, she loves you....Why is she marrying someone else? Why are you letting her?"
"I'm not letting her!" Ron shouted. "She does whatever she pleases! What am I supposed to do? Crash her wedding? Bust in there half drunk and make a scene?"
The bartender looked at him seriously for a moment. "Yes. That's exactly what you should do."
"What? Are you insane?" Ron cried. "She'll hate me!"1
"The way I see it is that you've already made a mistake of a lifetime, no point in making another. She may hate you for crashing her wedding, but at least you won't hate yourself for not trying."
"I won't hate myself," Ron said defensively.
"You already hate yourself for pushing her away. The least you can do is give her the same chance."
"To hate me?"
"To push you away. Stop making her decisions for her. A woman's mind is a complicated thing, and it may change a thousand and one times, but when it's made up, really made up, there's no turning back."
* * * * *
"Oh, Hermione," Ginny breathed, "You look beautiful!"
Hermione's mother nodded wordlessly in agreement as she wiped away tears of happiness. Hermione smiled and glanced at herself in the mirror. For the first time in her life she did feel beautiful. Her hair was swept up into a French twist and her dress fit snugly across the top before falling elegantly to the floor.
Ginny stepped up beside her, beaming in her dark blue bridesmaid's dress. For a moment they just stood there looking at themselves in the mirror.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Hermione said more to herself than to Ginny. "I'm getting married."
"To the most wonderful, kind and handsome man in the world," Ginny said. "Sometimes I really hate you."
Hermione grinned as Ginny's reflection disappeared for a moment and returned with a veil. Ginny reached up and gently placed it on Hermione's head.
Hermione took a deep breath. "Is he here?"
"Andrew? Of course he is. He's so adorable, Hermione. I saw him pacing nervously up and down at the front of the church. I went to go say 'Hello'. He looked like he was going to be sick."
"No," Hermione said, "Not Andrew."
Ginny looked at her for a moment and then the smile faded. "No, Ron's not here. I'm sorry Hermione."
Hermione smiled weakly. "It's okay," she said softly.
"He's a prat. Don't let him ruin your wedding day."
Hermione said nothing as Ginny continued to gabble on excitedly.
Ron wasn't here. So what? If he was going to be childish and rude then she didn't need to waste precious time thinking about him.
But why wasn't he here? Didn't he know how much she wanted his blessing? Of course he had told her to marry Andrew, to have a thousand babies, but he hadn't meant it. Not really. Was it too much to ask that her best friend be at her wedding?
She blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. She had just told herself she wasn't going to waste time thinking about him. If he wasn't here it wasn't the end of the world. Life would go on. So would the wedding.
"There," Ginny said smiling up at her, having fixed the veil to her liking. "You look absolutely perfect!"
Hermione forced a smile in return. She suddenly felt ill. What if she tripped going down the isle? What if her dress magically ripped open in front of all the guests? What if she was making a mistake? What if she wasn't ready? What if Harry had been right? What if she really didn't love Andrew?
She swallowed hard. No, she did love Andrew. She had to.
Before her train of thought could follow this line of derailment any longer she was being led into the entrance of the church by Ginny and her mother. A moment later the doors opened and the bridesmaids started making their way slowly down the extremely long isle. Hermione's heart was pounding. as she peeked out at the crowd.
"You look beautiful, Hermione," said a voice from behind. She spun around, the fabric of her dress rustling in the hallway. She half expected Harry to be standing there, the way he had in her dream. Her face lit up.
"Ron, you came!"
He nodded. He looked terrible. He wasn't wearing a suit or anything, just a sweater and jeans. It looked like he hadn't slept in days, and it smelled like he had been drinking. It didn't matter, though. He was there.
She ran to him and threw her arms around him. "I'm so glad you came! I thought...I thought you'd never want to talk to me again."
He hugged her back. "I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me."
She pulled back. "We're so stupid!" She said happily.
"Hermione, you've never been stupid in your entire life."
"Hermione, get ready," her mother said poking her head around the door and then disappearing from view again.
"Oh!" Hermione said snapping out of her present state of happiness. "The Wedding!" She ran to the doors to see the last bridesmaid take her place at the front of the church.
She smiled nervously at him and took a deep breath. "I guess this is it."
"Hermione," Ron said his voice cracking. "Don't do this."
Hermione felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She spun around and faced a miserable looking Ron. "What?"
"I know this is the worst possible time. I know. I know. But just...I love you. I love you, and I can't stop that. You said that you loved me once, maybe you still do. I know I have no right to ask. I know I don't deserve you. I'm sorry for pushing you away, for all the mistakes I've made. I'm sorry for hurting you, when all I wanted was to protect you. Just, please, don't do this."
Hermione stared open mouthed at her best friend for a moment unsure what to say. She felt anger overtake her, but it was quickly replaced by a heavy sadness a second later. "I love you too."
He looked at her, hope shining in his face.
"But this is my wedding day, Ron. I'm marrying Andrew. He loves me, and I...I love him."
Ron's face fell. Everything seemed to deflate from him as he slumped his shoulders and looked down at his shoes.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
He looked up at her, his face grim. "You've made up your mind then?"
"Yes, I have."
He stepped near her and kissed her forehead. "I hope you'll be happy, then. You deserve it, Hermione."
"Hermione!" hissed her mother from the doorway. "They've played the march about three times already!" Hermione gave Ron's hand a squeeze and then she ran to the door, adjusted her veil and began the march to the front.
* * * * *
Ron watched numbly as Hermione began the walk down the isle.
He had done it. He had told her how he felt. He had apologized for pushing her away. And it still hadn't done a bit of good.
Why the hell had he listened to a nosey bartender anyway? He could have been out of his misery by now, passed out in his hotel room.
He remembered the look on her face when she had turned around and seen him. She had wanted him to come. Not for the reason he had come for, but she had wanted him here.
It didn't lessen the hollow feeling inside, but maybe...
Maybe he had done the right thing by coming.
He moved to the doors and slipped into the crowded church. He leaned against the wall and watched her make her way to the front towards the git in a tuxedo. He watched as she stepped up beside him and the priest began to talk.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered, here today, to join together..."
He felt like his heart was being ripped out.
He had faced his fears and he had lost. At least he hadn't let her down though. He had come through for her, She was happy, and in the end, that's all he had really wanted.
She glanced back at him and he tried to smile, but it was too hard.
* * * * *
"...to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony..."
Hermione couldn't believe it. She was actually doing it. Actually marrying Andrew. She looked at him and smiled.
When he looked at her she felt like she was the only woman in the room. She could see the love and devotion in his eyes and it made her feel warm inside.
She glanced over her shoulder and easily spotted Ron leaning against the wall in the back. He shot her a weak smile and even though he was all the way at the back of the church, she instantly saw the pain in it.
She had to fight the sudden urge to run to him and tell him she was sorry. Sorry for not forgiving him. Sorry for not trusting him with her heart again. Sorry for taking the easy way out.
Hermione blinked.
What? That wasn't what she was doing.
Was it?
Andrew loved her, he would walk through fire for her.
Ron had walked through fire for her.
Andrew was someone she could grow old with, someone she cared about.
Ron was someone she had grown up with, someone she loved.
Suddenly she wasn't so sure she was doing the right thing. What with the dream, and Ron showing up, was it all a coincidence? She glanced back over her shoulder at Ron and had to do a double take. She could have sworn she had seen a messy black haired boy standing at the back beside him.
Was she going insane?
Harry, she whispered in the back of her mind. If you can hear me, I could use some help. I don't know what I want anymore. If I'm doing the wrong thing, give me some sort of sign.
She held her breath, but nothing happened. The church was strangely quiet as the priest continued. "If any man can show just cause why these two should not be lawfully joined together, speak now or forever hold his peace."
Suddenly there was a squeal and an excited Lavender Finnegan was standing on her feet. Hermione stared at her open mouthed as well as all the other guests. Seamus was by her side instantly trying to get her to sit down and looking very embarrassed.
"Lav, don't!"
Parvati stood beside her and began arguing with Seamus, "She can do as she likes!"
Hermione's eyes were drawn towards Lavender who was breathing strangely as Seamus and Parvati got into a verbal spat. Suddenly Lavender's voice hushed them and traveled around the church. "I think my water just broke."
Instantly guests were on their feet. Hermione watched in awe as they left their seats and rushed over to the soon-to-be-mother and unnaturally pale father.
She froze when she saw a dark haired boy a little away from the crowd, watching everything with a mischievous smile. A second later he was gone.
Hermione couldn't help but laugh as she whispered under her breath. "Thanks Harry."
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A/N: I had the sudden urge to try to finish this fic today, but it isn't wanting to cooperate. I think one more chapter should do it. Hope you liked it. Please review!