Warning: Still slashy.
Dedication: For everyone who's putting up with the few and far between updates. On vacation, among other things.
Author's Note: I have got to learn: If I'm wearing a jacket and a low cut shirt, the jacket is not going to protect my chest from a sunburn. Maybe this will help me remember. Spent the day at Sea World and got horribly burnt. Again. Why can't I just tan like normal people? ::shakes head:: Ah well. At least I was able to sit my ass down and actually write a new chapter.
A Personal Affair
Chapter Nine
It was four hours after the incident with Sirius, and Remus was still shaking. He had *never* lost his temper quite like that before. He had actually raised his hand in anger towards a good friend. He hadn't been thinking, he had only been acting. And the thought terrified him.
Remus had never considered himself a violent person. In fact, he spent most of the past two years attempting to convince people he was the exact opposite. He was calm, and docile, and above all he was in control of himself. And today he had nearly lost it all.
//I really need to get a hold of myself.// Perhaps Sirius had been right. Perhaps this situation wasn't going to work out. But all Remus could remember was the sheer joy he had felt he night before. And in the morning. Severus wasn't afraid to touch him, to hold him, to make love to him. Severus seemed to enjoy his company, under all of that ice and sneering. And Remus enjoyed his as well. But...
//There are some things more important then personal happiness.// And Sirius...well, Remus had to admit that Sirius had a point. They hadn't tried to compromise. He had been asked to make all the sacrifices. And that wasn't right.
//We need to work something out. And something a bit more then just remembering silencing charms.// Raking his hair out of his eyes, Remus turned back towards the house. He had spent most of his time wandering the grounds, getting himself familiar with them and just avoiding the house and it's two occupants. But he couldn't avoid them forever, he knew that.
Head hanging, he trudged up the stairs. He looked very much a child called to complete an unpleasant task, which was exactly what it was. He needed to talk with Sirius. Actually, legitimately *talk* with him. No yelling, no arguments, nothing of the sort. Just two mature adults having an in depth conversation.
Well, he could hope.
"Sirius?" His voice wavered as he knocked quietly at the door. There was no answer, but Remus knew the other man was inside. "Sirius...please...I want to apologize..." That worked. The door swung open, and a glowering Sirius moved out of the way to allow Remus entry.
"Sirius...I'm sorry." Remus said, as the black haired man threw himself down on his bed without a word. "I've been selfish...i realize this. You've been shunted about for the past two years, and now I'm thinking about myself and not giving one whit to how you actually feel."
"Thats a good start." Sirius said, rolling over and fixing a rather intent gaze on Remus. "Go on..."
"I know you and Severus don't get along." Remus said, sighing. Sirius was going to make this difficult for him. "And I shouldn't ask you to. And the fact that you're here, trying to do so for my sake means more then I can say. But! I know I shouldn't ask you to. It was selfish of me."
"It was." Sirius nodded.
"And now...well..." Remus didn't know what else to say. He'd apologized. What, exactly, did Sirius want from him.
"Now what?" Sirius sat up. "We're in a bad place, Remmie, and you know it. I can't ask you to leave, you can't ask me to say. Not without sounding like total gits. So where does that leave us?"
"With quite a problem." Remus sank down into a chair, shaking his head. "I don't know what to do. And...I know Severus isn't going to be exactly helpful. He's a good man, he's just...stubborn."
"That's one way of saying it."
"But we can't leave it like this. I'm...I'm sorry. About how I acted earlier. It was uncalled for..."
"Look, Remmie, don't even bring that up, okay?" Sirius held up his hands, forestalling anything else Remus may have said on the subject. It seemed it was closed, over and done with. And that was fine with Remus.
"There's going to have to be changes made around here." Remus finally said. "By *everyone*."
"I can live with that." Sirius said, though somewhat hesitantly.
"Good. I think...much as I hate to say it, I think all three of us need to sit down and discuss this situation rationally. Otherwise it's not going to work."
"All rigth Remmie...let me say this much: I'm willing to try if he is. If he refuses to budge, if he keeps up this Lord of the Manor bullshit, then that's it. But if he makes some actual, real effort...then I can too."
"That's all I will ask of you Sirius." Remus said, solemnly. It was all he could. Severus was going to have to make sacrifices as well. And just putting Sirius up in his home was not enough. He would need to actually extend something to Sirius, try and make him comfortable. It really wasn't asking that much, and Severus kept saying about how if Sirius really cared...well damn Sirius, if *Severus* really cared he'd do the same.
"Then I can live with it." Sirius shrugged. "I do want you to be happy Remmie, but *I* want to be happy too. It's a damn hard thing for me, but I'd like a shot."
"I know...I know..." Remus nodded. "And I hope that soon all of this is over, and you won't have to hide anymore and you can have Harry and you can be happy."
"But until then..." Sirius raised his eyebrows made a helpless gesture with his hands.
"Until then I will do what I can to ease your life in whatever way possible." Remus promised.
"Thank you." And it was clear Sirius genuinely meant it.
"And I *promise* you that I will place a many silencing and blanketing charms as I know around the master bedroom!"
"Okay okay, no reminders!" Sirius made another grimace, but then he offered a small smile.
"I'm sorry." Remus flushed. "I still feel awful about that. It was rude and inconsiderate. But I didn't know you could hear!"
"Remmie....shut up about it and get out. I know you've got to butter Snape up before he'll agree to sit down and talk all this out."
"Yes..." Remus frowned, rising. He opened the door, and turned once more back to Sirius. "But I *am* sorry!"
"I know!" Sirius shook his head exasperated. "But hey..." He rose, his eyes apologetic and warm. His voice was quiet, and somewhat sheepish, and Remus cocked his head curiously.
"At least...at least I know you're enjoying yourself."
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