Jack B Badd

by daryn

Years later Jack narrates in first person the story of his life.

8. Castles Built in the Air

DISCLAIMERS: YOU MUST READ THESE FIRST

Title: Jack B. Badd Part Eight: Castles Built in the Air
Author: Daryn
Fandom: Pitch Black
Pairing: Jack/Riddick (eventually)
Rating: PG-13 for a few curse words
Email: daryn@jackisaboy.zzn.com
Series/Sequel: This is part eight in the saga of Jack
Web Page:
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, but damn I wish I did.
Warnings: Jack is a boy. Read 'Disclaimers' page for more info
Notes: Jack's POV. This is the story of Jack's life with emphasis on his experiences on the planet in Pitch Black. There is no sex, yet. Eventually Jack and Riddick will get groovy though.
Summary: Years later Jack narrates the events of his and Riddick's tropical vacation..
I shaded my eyes and looked around at all the shops and restaurants. Riddick tapped my arm and I fell into step beside him.

I couldn't keep myself still - I was almost skipping from excitement. I kept grabbing Riddick's arm and pointing at things and yelling "Look look!" I knew that I looked silly but I felt so good that I didn't care.

I was so absorbed in the sights and sounds around me - the heavenly smell of salt water - that I was almost upset when Riddick pulled me into one of the shops. Then I got excited all over again as we shopped for beach gear.

Riddick picked up the first, plainest pair of swim shorts that he saw. I began rifling through the racks to find the perfect pair for myself. As I looked, a clerk came over.

"Finding everything alright?" He asked in a friendly tone.

"Yeah!" My hands were shaking from excitement.

"First time here?" The clerk smiled. Riddick walked over and I saw that he had also picked out the plainest beach towel in the store.

I nodded at the clerk and threw a bright green towel at Riddick.

"You should get THIS towel," I said, "It's green, like in the poem. In fact, I can recite a few lines of that poem if you want…"

"Don't even think about it. You picked one yet?" Riddick nodded to the rack of swim shorts I was standing next to.

"Well…" I looked over the rack and picked up a pair of blue shorts. "I was thinking these ones. And if you're not going to get the green towel, I'll get it."

I waited outside while Riddick paid for our new beach things. As he stepped out of the shop I started to walk forward but he grabbed my arm and said "Wait. Help me out with this."

Riddick had gotten a new pair of goggles. He pulled off his old pair and I saw that his eyes were closed tightly. To this day it is still the most vivid memory I have of Riddick: the image of him standing there in the shade of the shop front with his eyes squeezed shut, waiting for me to put on his new goggles.

As he adjusted the new goggles I stepped back to admire them.

"Looks really good!" I smiled.

He handed me the old goggles. I grinned, slipped them on and adjusted them.

"Where are we staying?" I was getting more and more anxious to get to the beach.

"That one at the end," Riddick pointed to the collection of small cabins at the end of the road, right on the beach.

I drew in a deep breath and I could feel my muscles tightening as I fought down the urge to just run to the water.

The time that it took to check into our cabin to the moment when I was finally free to run to the edge of the water seemed to last for years and years.

But at long last I found myself barefoot and barreling toward the water.

After the initial thrill of splashing in the shallow water, I stood in a stupor: ankle-deep in the water, staring across it and into the distance. The water went on and on forever. Staring at all that water, it was almost impossible to imagine ever having been thirsty in my life.

I shivered and folded my arms across my chest. I couldn't even really see where the edge of the water met the horizon. When I tried to focus on it, I felt like my eyes were being turned inside out.

I noticed that there was only one sun and that it was low on the horizon. I was so accustomed to living my life based on a clock of numbers that it seemed like a genuine novelty to live a day based on the height of a sun.

I backed out of the water and, taking another long look around, slowly turned toward our cabin. I saw Riddick standing on the porch. I waved to him and began to walk back.

In the heat of my previous rush, I hadn't taken time to look around the cabin. I had my own little room that opened to a small front room. Riddick's room and the bathroom also opened to this room.

I turned on some music and flopped onto the couch in the front room. It was a bit stiff but it felt nice and cool.

Riddick poked his head inside. "I'm going to this dinner thing later. You interested?"

"Sure," I sat up. "What is it?"

Riddick shook his head. "Some kind of party the hotel puts on just about every night here. Seems like it's part of the whole tourist experience."

"Well," I raised my eyebrows, "If it is part of the experience and we are having this experience then we must go to the dinner."

I went into my room then turned around. "What are you gunna wear?" I shouted toward Riddick's room.

"Clothes." The answer came muffled through his door.

I let out an exasperated sigh and began to talk loudly as I rifled through my suitcases. "I know you pretend that you don't care what you wear but for someone who works so hard at being oblivious about it you end up dressed really well. Please pardon my social… anxiety… or… whatever…"

I pulled out my favorite shirt. It was green striped with blue and yellow. I held it up and looked at it for a minute.

"That could work." Riddick stood in the doorway. "On a circus clown."

I paused and gave him a questioning look. I knew he couldn't see the colors.

"It's all stripey." He said, gesturing at the shirt.

I looked up and gave him my biggest smile, "I. Am. So. Happy!" I shouted as I pounced on him and gave him a hug.

"Yeah. You get changed now. Hurry up." He stepped outside.

Within minutes I was heading out to join him. And then I was heading back inside to get my jacket. The beach was pleasantly windy at night.

The barbeque on the beach was amazing. There was a huge bonfire, tons of food, dancers, and lots of other tourists milling around. I piled a plate full of food and began to wander around.

I noticed a group of kids that looked like they were around my age. I watched them shyly from a distance. I thought about going up to them and introducing myself. Just then, though, I had an acute attack of shyness. I turned away and looked for Riddick.

And I saw him. He was standing with a group of people. I could see that several of them were watching him in the careful way which screamed 'I am so attracted to you'. He probably couldn't tell. I think it's one of those looks that can only be recognized by someone who's used to dishing it out.

The guy standing next to him said something and I saw Riddick smile widely. I felt a sharp stab of jealousy. I quickly dismissed it.

He's partly here for a vacation from YOU, Jack, I scolded myself. I decided to leave Riddick to his socializing. I began to walk along the beach in the direction of our cabin.

On my slow walk back I reflected on a lot of things that had been kicking around in my head for a long time. I didn't like to think about serious issues on the ship because of the confined space.

I'd go crazy if I tried to confront heavy issues there. But there in the cool open air, with the waves softly pounding and pulling at my feet and the stars shining so far away… I didn't have an excuse.

How long can this last, I thought. How long can I stay with Riddick? Certainly not forever. Where am I going to go? The only place I can think to go is to a school. Have I had enough of schools? Would I be happy at a school? Will I be on a ship, planet-hopping for the rest of my life?

Is that what I want? What do I want? Do I have to know what I want right now? What if I make a mistake?

Christ, Jack. Always with the questions, never with the answers. I sighed and sat down in the sand. I had made it to our cabin and I didn't want to go inside yet.

I wondered, not for the first and certainly not for the last time, what 'normal' kids did when they were fifteen. They certainly didn't… Oh dear. The thoughts that had been stowed away tightly for so long were surfacing again.

Fuck it, I thought, I'm tired of denying it and chasing the thoughts away. I'm going to face it head-on this time.

I like Riddick. I am attracted to Riddick. I knew it almost from the moment I saw him. Circumstances had made me push the fact of this attraction away but I knew it was still there and not terribly likely to leave any time soon.

I rolled my eyes at myself. That's some kind of crazy fucked up Oedipal mess you've got there, Jack.

So much for facing the facts, I thought. Facing them didn't change them and didn't change the fact that nothing would ever come of it. The image of Riddick talking to the other adults came to the front of my mind.

He wants someone his own age and if he didn't, wouldn't there be something wrong with him? No, I thought, there might be something eerily right if that happened.

I sprawled flat on my back and stared up at the stars. You'll just have to forget about it again, Jack. Or at least you'll have to convince yourself that you've forgotten or you'll die of sadness. Or weirdness. Whichever comes first.

I closed my eyes.

I awoke to Riddick poking me in the ribs with his toe.

"Wake up, it's time for bed." He gave me his hand and hefted me up. I did my best to brush the sand off my back and butt and sleepily followed him inside. I fell into bed and didn't wake again until the next morning.

I woke up before sunrise. At first I thought that I had only slept for a few hours, but my body was fully rested. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling for a while, enjoying the cool comfort of the hotel bed.

I heard Riddick's door open. I rolled out of bed and hurriedly pulled off my clothes from the night before. I pulled on a clean shirt and my swimming shorts, took a moment to rub my eyes, and emerged into the lightly illuminated main room.

Riddick was making himself some of the complimentary coffee that the hotel provided. I washed my face.

As I dried my face I heard Riddick pouring his coffee. Without turning around I carefully chose my words and asked: "So what are you going to do today?"

I still didn't turn around but I knew what he would be doing. He would be slowly sipping the coffee and not looking at me.

"Don't know," came the low hum of his voice, "Thought I might just slum around the beach."

I folded the towel and hung it on the rail. I turned and saw him staring out the window at the rising sun. I shrugged and volunteered, "Yeah. I dunno, I was thinking that too."

He lowered his coffee cup. He might have stiffened a bit. I couldn't really tell in that light.

"I mean, we don't have to go together," I added quickly. "I know you don't need me hanging around you all the time or anything."

He didn't react at all. In the following silence I began to feel indignant. Who did he think I was? If he thought I was just going to follow him around like a stupid lost puppy he'd have another thing coming. I could take care of myself. Who needed to hang out with Riddick anyway?

Without another word I pulled on my sandals, picked up my towel and trotted out the door without a word and without looking back. I rolled my eyes to myself as I walked away. Let him find his own fun, I thought.

It didn't take long for me to reach the nearest recreational beach and by that time the sun was almost completely up. There must have been hundreds of people there. But since there was so much room it wasn't really crowded. I walked around for a while. I finally chose a spot, sat down, and watched the other people for a while.

The families fascinated me. I was watching a particularly large family when a woman sitting near me moved her chair closer.

"Hi," she said. I looked up and smiled. "Hi," I returned.

"You here alone?"
"Well I came with my uncle but he's somewhere else."
"I see. You have any brothers or sisters?"
"Nope."
"That's too bad. I see you're watching those kids over there."

I shrugged.

"Nice looking boy like you should have a family someday. I bet you'd be a good dad."

The thought had never occurred to me. Not like that, anyway. I had wondered about having a family someday but I had never thought that I might want to be a father someday. It caught me off-guard and I suppose I must have looked surprised because the woman laughed.

"I'm sorry, I've embarrassed you. What's your name?"
"Jack."
"Well Jack, tell you what, you don't want to be stuck sitting here on the beach all by yourself talking to me all day. Run along out there and have some fun. Go on!"

I smiled and nodded, picked up my towel and walked down to the water. I dropped my towel next to a large group of people, took off my sandals and left them there. I kept my shirt on. Though I hadn't developed any more chest in the past year I still wasn't comfortable going shirtless in public.

I turned toward the water and hesitated for a moment. I could see people bobbing up and down out in the water. I could see people with different kinds of boards out even further. Only the small children seemed to be playing near the beach.

I braced myself and headed out into the water. I reached the point where the kids about my size seemed to be, splashing each other and jumping into the waves. I joined a line of them that had linked arms and were jumping when the waves rolled over.

It was a lot of fun and the feeling of complete weightlessness when the water lifted me up was exhilarating. I closed my eyes and drifted with the water as it rolled toward the beach and I caught myself on the ground as the water rolled out.

After what seemed like ages, though, I turned around and headed back to the beach. I found my towel and sandals where I had left them (though my towel was half-buried in sand). I put on my sandals, slung my towel over my shoulder, and began to walk down the beach again.

As I walked my thoughts began to drift. The odd nature of Riddick's questions on the ride down there was still nagging in the back of my thoughts. Then the discomfort of my crush on him began to chew on the corners of my mind.

I also felt intimidated by the immense weight of the issues of fatherhood that the lady on the beach had brought up. Would I make a good father? Did I want to be a father? How could I be a father? I knew there were many ways to foster children, but wouldn't I want someone to foster the children with?

The sound of laughter brought my thoughts back to the present. I turned and saw a group of girls who looked like they were my age. They saw me look at them and turned away, giggling.

In a moment of unusual brashness (and a determined effort to drag my thoughts from the endless loop they were caught in) I smiled at them and walked over.

"Hi," I said, glad that my voice sounded more confident than I felt. I had butterflies in my stomach.

They seemed delighted to have me join them and introduced themselves as we proceeded to walk along the beach together. A few other boys joined us after a while. I felt awkward but apparently they thought I was cool.

They vacationed there together every year and were very interested in me, as a new member of their gang.

One of the guy's said, "So, Jack, you here with your parents?"

I was doing my best to match their relaxed and jovial tones, taking my cues from the other guys. "Nah, I'm just here for a week with my uncle."

"Why your uncle?"
"Oh, I live with him. My folks are dead."
"Oh… what's he do?"

I thought for a minute, having no idea how this would be received. "He's got a ship and we travel all the time."

Well, if I was afraid that they would laugh at me, I was incredibly wrong. Apparently most of them came from split families and they went to a school like my old one and hated it.

The presumed freedom of my life intrigued them and captured their imaginations. Especially the fact that I had gone to a school like theirs and no longer did.

"Why didn't you have to stay there after your folks croaked?"
"Well, my uncle came to see me since he became my guardian after that and I told him that I wanted out of there and out of there is where he took me."

It wasn't just a slick lie. It was one of my favorite daydreams – the ones that put me with Riddick and skipped the entire Planet-where-everyone-dies sequence.

We spent the rest of the day walking along the beach, splashing in the ocean with the full flirtatious force of horny, unchaparoned teenagers. I made a conscious effort to flirt with the girls and to mask my flirtations with the boys as slick witticism.

Eventually we all realized that we were hungry, so we left the beach and headed for one of the restaurants.

At about this point I began to realize that I was genuinely attracted to one of the girls. Her name was Nora. She had shoulder-length, curly red hair, dark brown eyes, light freckles across her nose and cheeks… I can still remember her exactly as she looked that day.

Since this didn't fit nicely with any reality that I knew, I pushed the thought aside as we ate.

We ate at one of the poshest places that I had ever seen. We made a scene too. We had a food fight and though they gave us stern looks, one of the girls insisted that her father was so important that we wouldn't be kicked out.

And she was right.

After our meal we window shopped in the plaza that ran adjacent to the restaurant. A few of the girls left to settle a bet about whether one could shoplift something.

The other showed no interest. "They do this all the time. And she never gets caught."

We walked aimlessly after that. I let myself walk next to Nora the whole time, trying to convince myself that it was fine to pretend that I was attracted to her since I needed to appear straight to these people and not because I was really attracted to her.

We talked about everything and nothing – stuff that's only interesting at the time. I told stories that I had thought up, stories of my real adventures with Riddick, all kinds of stories so they would joke "Did any of that really happen?" and I, of course, would laugh and reply "I wish!"

We ended up at a big dance in one of the hotel lobbies. Some of the guys looked uncomfortable. We stood watching the couples dance for a while. I saw the girls mostly looking down or shooting quick, shy glances at me and the other guys.

I smiled and, high on the happiness of having friends and having fun, I turned to Nora and asked, "May I have this dance?"

Her expression froze into a look of happy surprise. She hadn't spoken much the entire day. I didn't know must about her, I just knew that I liked her shy smile and I liked her a lot. It didn't mesh well with my brain, but my gut was saying "Go on, Jack!"

I took her hand and as we stepped into the crowd of gyrating bodies I said loudly next to her ear, "I can't dance!" She grabbed my hand and led me to the other side of the dance floor and from there, through the doors and down the stairs to the beach.

We fell into step next to each other, still holding hand. I tingled all over. A flood of feelings was drowning me and I couldn't remember ever being so happy. Or so unsure of myself.

I couldn't think of a thing to say that didn't sound stupid to me. And of course panicked thoughts like "What if she wants to kiss and she finds out…" and "Wait, I'm not even really supposed to like girls…What does this mean?"

Our pace slowed and I glance over at her nervously. "You want to go sit over there?" I asked, nodding toward the water. She glanced at me and then quickly looked away. She nodded.

We walked toward the water and found a good spot to sit. The act of sitting broke our handhold and I felt more nervous with every passing minute.

It felt like an eternity had passed when she finally spoke.

"Why did you ask me?"

She stared at the water. I looked at her, admiring her profile and the way that the moonlight lit her face. Wow, that sounds like bad poetry. But it was really a beautiful moment. I swear.

"Because you're beautiful. And… after this week I might never see you again… and, well, it's nice to be asked to dance."
"Yeah. But you can't dance." She smiled.
"Yeah," I smiled back, "But I figured if you knew I could follow your lead."

She laughed quietly and, for the first time, looked me in the eye. "I had the same plan!"

I laughed too. "You can't dance?"

She shook her head.

"But I thought you came here every year."
"Yeah, but none of those guys ever asks me." She was staring at the water again.
"What?" I was shocked. "You're the only one I would ask."

And that was the truth. Her face took on a stony expression and it suddenly hit me that she was trying not to cry. I knew that feeling so well. I reached over and put my arm around her.

"Really," I said, trying to find the words. "I mean, it was really cool getting to hang out with everyone today, but…" But what, Jack? "But you're the only one who's worth…" Worth what, Jack? ""Worth really talking to, you know?"

I patted her shoulder and wondered if that had comforted her. Had I said the right thing? Had I said too much? How would I know? What was she thinking?

I asked it before I could think about it anymore: "What are you thinking about?"

She looked at me quizzically. "You're… you're not like the other boys."

I decided that she meant that as a compliment. "Well, I'm really happy sitting here with you but I don't know if you're happy or what." I smiled shyly and lowered my eyes.

"I like you," she said.

I'll never forget that moment. Those three, simple words. We don't say them enough in everyday life. I had never head them spoken so directly to me before.

"I like you too!" I said, happily and sincerely.

We stood up after that and I walked her back to her hotel. We walked hand in hand and as we stood in front of her hotel we made plans to meet the next day and hang out together.

"Well I should go in now," she said, but she hesitated. This was the to-kiss-goodbye-or-not moment. I knew it and I had no idea what to do. I decided to just mimick what a boy had done in a vid I had watched the week before.

I kissed her cheek, gave her hand a squeeze, let go, and said "Good night… see you tomorrow."

She blushed, smiled, turned, and walked inside. I watched her disappear around a corner. Then I slowly turned away.

I thought about going back to the cabin but too many stray thoughts and strange emotions were nagging me. I decided to take a walk along the carnival lane. The rides and things were still open.

I found a bench and sat down. I watched a family walk by – a mother, a father, and three children. I marveled at this. It was like seeing a mythical creature in the flesh.

These thoughts crowded my brain in a confused jumble.

Why had I never had a family like that? If I had, how would my life be different? Where was Imam? Why was I avoiding the inevitable return to the cabin?

Should I tell Nora about myself? The whole truth? When should I tell her? What if she reacted badly and I became in danger?

Was I avoiding Riddick? What had he been doing all day? Had he wondered about me? Was he thinking about me right now? Was he worried that I hadn't come back yet? Did he ever worry? What if he wasn't there when I returned? What if he never returned?

Would I get to really kiss Nora, like in the vids? Would she expect me to really kiss her? Had she expected me to really kiss tonight?

Where was I going to be in ten years?

Eventually I got up and shuffled off toward to the beach. I followed the water back toward our cabin.

"Our" cabin, I thought, wow. Until that night I hadn't realized how rarely I thought "me" and "mine". I was more oriented toward "us", "we", and "ours". Me and Riddick. Riddick and me. Us. We. Ours. Together. Family.

And then, tacked to the end of my long string of questions came one answer. Not even an answer but a memory. The first time I saw Riddick. How attractive he was then.

AND STILL IS.

No, I scolded myself. Not this again. You let that one through last night and you know it's not really an answer. It just raises more questions. Make it go away.

But it wouldn't go away. I felt like kicking myself. Great timing, Jack. What about Nora? I liked her too.

And Riddick, I thought, Riddick would never… or would he? I didn't know. I had been far too caught up in my own head for the past year or so to consciously observe his behavior with this in mind.

I stopped. I was there, the cabin was in front of me. The lights were out inside. But of course they would be. Riddick didn't need lights. The outdoor light wasn't on either.

I walked around the cabin and saw that a group of older kids was smoking next to one of the other cabins. I approached them and was amiably drawn into their circle for an hour or so. It eased my mind and took me away from my questions. Then they moved on and I was left alone again.

I didn't know the time but I could feel that it was very late… or very early. I was tired.

I unlocked the door and slowly opened it. I stepped inside, being as quiet as possible. Riddick's door was closed.

I stood in the middle of the room and stared at his door. I began to get angry. I was angry at him for being attractive, for being impossible to figure out, for not leaving the light on for me, for not asking where I was going that morning, for not waiting up for me, and the list went on and on.

Mostly I was angry that I didn't have a family like those kids I had watched on the beach. I was angry that, for whatever reason, fate had singled me out for a finalist in the 'most abnormal life ever' competition. At that moment I directed the anger, rage and hurt at Riddick.

I took five steps and was inside my own room. "Lights," I said sharply. I turned and slammed my door shut loudly.

I stripped off my clothes, dumped my towel in the corner, pulled on my pajamas, fell into bed, and fell asleep with the lights on.

I didn't dream.