Disclaimer: I do not own Xena: Warrior Princess!
Hey, sorry it's been a while. As a matter of fact, I'm not really sure what I'm going to do in this chapter. I guess I'll just start writing and see what happens heheh. And well, I promised you Helga so I'll give you Helga!!!! What am I doing? No one reads these little authors notes…
In this chapter we will get to see what is beneath the exterior of Don Arnoldo….
*Dramatic Italian music starts playing*
***
Arnoldo's room/office
"Wait, just one more hour!!!" Begged Curly who knew it was the end.
Arnoldo considered what to say but decided that pausing would weaken his imposing aura, so he just pulled something out of the top of his head. "Curly, I gave you five extra days, so what I want you to do is go down town and buy what you owe me. You think I'm stupid? Huh? You don't think I can see a wad of cash bulgin' out of your pocket? And when you get down town, don't even think about runnin'."
Curly backed out of the room muttering like a nut case.
Arnoldo shook his head and looked over at Helga who was lounging with a bag of pork rinds.
"Ya know, I had this weird urge to give him advice or somethin'." Why was he admitting this to Helga? There was something about her that made him want to share his feelings. Like she knew him better than anyone else. Who knew how though. He saw something flash in her eyes, like a recollection of sorts. She shook it off.
What should she do? Give him advice? He wasn't exactly the type to ask for it. As a matter of fact, he hardly asked her for it when he was just plain old Arnold. "Pork rind?" She held the bag out.
Arnoldo ripped the bag from her hand and tossed it onto his automatic couch.
Helga stared at him wide-eyed…"Uh…so I guess you don't want any pork rinds…?"
"No…I want you Helga."
"Whoa there, I mean we are married and stuff but its not for real….but what the hey!" She grabbed him, smooched him, drew back, and smiled with smug satisfaction.
Arnoldo, the powerful Sicilian mafia man, stumbled slightly to get his bearings. Even without the potent taste of pork rinds, the kiss was powerful. "Scorze sante del porco…"
"I guess you can say I've had a little practice…"
***
"And that is how you get rid of a body." said Patrick McHugh, one of the Irish hit men.
"Oh."
"Say, Arnie, you ain't very talkative, huh?"
"I like gum." Arnie listened to the rhythmic sound of his teeth chewing the gum and his jaw slightly popping from the work out. The gum was in stage two now, hard and rubbery, so he had to put a little extra effort into chewing it.
Patrick shrugged and walked away. Don Arnoldo had paid him quite a bit of Reese's ® peanut butter cups to train this kid, but nothing seemed to be getting through to him. Maybe he would go eat some of those now as a matter of fact, and then get to the dead gum chomper later.
"I have to go." said Arnie. It was time to go back to Arnold's house. Arnold's grandma had a container of curry from India with a recipe label to die for.
Patrick shrugged, what was it to him?
* * *
"Oh, hey Arnie" Said Grandma who was busy karate chopping a watermelon.
"Do you have the curry powder?"
Grandma looked at him suspiciously. "…EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Suddenly she leaped onto the table and smashed a slice of watermelon over her knee. "I am XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS –"
"Oh Pooky, I hope you're not doing the Xena thing again," said Grampa from somewhere in the house. He entered the kitchen. "Watermelon again, Pooky!"
Arnie shrugged, found the curry, and wandered up to Arnoldo's room.
"So, Arnie, did Patrick actually do what I told him to do?"
Chew. Chew. Chew.
"Show me."
Chew.
Curly suddenly burst into the room. "Here! Here's your candy, ya don't have anything on me now, hear that? Nothing!!!!!!!!!!" He flew out of the room.
"Go and get him Arnie. This isn't all the candy."
Arnie shrugged lamely and suddenly turned around and left.
Much to Arnoldo's shock, five minutes later Arnie was back with Curly and had him by the neck. So, Patrick had kept his end of the deal. He would have to turn him into a Sicilian.
"Good job, kid. Tomorrow, I want you to bring Patrick over here, got it?"
"I have to change my gum."
Helga waltzed into the room. She was in an extremely good mood, considering, well nothing! She didn't have anything to consider. Everything was perfect. She was married to Arnold and they were powerful and happy.
"Hey Helga." Chew, chew, chew.
She whipped around. "Who the he—"
Oh great, the weird counting gum kid.
"Go count some pig feces pale boy," Said Helga in annoyance.
"Hey, Arnie's a new hit man now, easy on him," Arnoldo joked.
"Can I talk to you?" Chew, chew, chew.
"NO!" She shrieked.
"Hey, Arnie, what's the big idea hittin' on my wife?"
"One, two, three, four, five…" Arnie slowly counted the last of his chews until his gum would disintegrate for good.
"Get outa here ya weirdo!" Arnoldo shooed him away. He shrugged at the other people sitting in the room.
* * *
Later in Helga's room
"Oh my beloved! We have finally bonded together as soul mates, as one, yet…I still miss the compassionate, sensitive Arnold that I love, who adorned me with his umbrella, complimented my bow…" She entered her large closet and locked herself in. She had not been in there for a while and the old cheese shrine was getting kinda moldy. After all, she had made it out of chunks of cheese that fell out of his sandwiches about two months ago. "Yes, kind to me you are, but to others, you are not, OH THE DAY!!!!!!!!!! WHY HAS FATE BEEN THIS WAY?! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!!!!!!"
"Helga, are you ok in there?" the muffled voice of her drowsy mom sounded through the doorway.
"Yes, Mirium, I'm fine." Helga gritted her teeth and turned back toward the shrine.
She spoke in a hushed yet anguished voice. "Oh words to describe, the day I die; will it be of satisfaction, or bittersweet sorrow? Sigh."
* * *
TBC I gotta do my homework. Sorry to leave it there; kinda a weird chapter conclusion if you ask me. But now, you can see how Helga is dealing with this drastic change. At first she was nonchalant about it, but then she realized how much she misses the old Arnold. Anyhow, I need more votes. I only got 7 so far, and I would like to see more opinions. The vote: Should Arnold stay Arnoldo, or turn back into Arnold.