Title: Inside Out
Chapter Completed: March 14, 2003
You're turning me inside out
You're breaking all the promises we made
Maybe time will make it right
You're turning me inside out
It's taken all my strength and will to stay
Maybe time will make it right
~ VonRay
Even through her tear blurred eyes Chloe managed to drive to the Luthor mansion without crashing into anything. It was a skill she had developed recently thanks to the Lana-Clark drama that was quickly becoming her life. She waited a few minuets, wiping under her eyes and trying to calm herself down. How dare Clark demand some sort of decision from her! How dare he expect her to still be falling all over him! Her tears were slowly drying up into anger. She couldn't keep letting Clark do this to her. She had to, despite if she loved him, take him out of her life. Sighing deeply, she realized that she really had made a choice that moment. Or maybe she had always known it. Either way she knew that avoiding the long-term pain was best. She climbed out of her car and started toward the front doors, she had really just remembered the odd call from Anna.
"Anna?" Chloe called out when she reached the top of the main stairs. She had only been here a few times…funny, not one visit ever actually ended well. They usually ended with a trip to the hospital. That thought ran through the girl's body, giving her a cold chill. "Anna?!" she repeated louder and more frantic now, especially at not receiving a reply, as she began poking her head into the various rooms to find her friend. She had wild images flashing through her mind, the type of thing that make her live up to her reputation for having an over-active imagination.
Upon finding a room that was obviously being used by the other girl she relaxed slightly, only to be more on edge from the silence. There was no sigh of her there, just various articles and things. She made her way in, biting her lip as she moved around the bed, not noticing the open suitcase resting on it, on her way to the small bathroom.
Anna appeared, stepping out the small doorframe just as Chloe stuck her head in, "Chloe!" she jumped back in surprise at finding another person in her room, even if she had called her.
The young girl smiled, relieved to see her. And even happy to see her dressed and primped. The way Lex had described it to her over the phone made it sound like she should expect to find the other girl in old pyjamas lying in bed like a blob. But her smile slipped when she saw the red, puffy eyes and how Anna had collected her personal toiletries in her arms. "What are you doing?" she inquired.
Anna bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes tight. She didn't think it was going to be this hard to tell and explain, but being faced with her only actual friend she was choked up. Taking several deep breaths she cleared her head enough to speak, and push past the waiting eyes, "I made a decision." She dumped the contents of her arms into the open bag. Another deep breath and she blurted, "I'm leaving."
It surprised Chloe. She was speechless as she turned, open mouthed, to face the other girl. Opening and closing her mouth several times she built up the momentum to form words, "What?" she was shaky and confused with the question, "What do you mean you're leaving?"
This was so much harder then she thought it would be. Not that she didn't know it was going to be hard. It was going to hurt like hell, and it was. And she hadn't even got around to telling Lex yet. Anna brought her hand over her eyes and let out a harsh sob, "I have to leave Smallville." She didn't turn toward the other girl, unable to make eye contact. She had never had to leave people she cared about, even loved. Leaving her father didn't count anymore. That whole chapter was closed in her life. And now this one seemed to be too.
It was quiet for a few moments. Neither girl speaking, but both were having tears spill from their eyes.
Chloe struggled with her voice again, "Can I ask you why?"
Anna turned now, sitting on the bed's edge and facing the girl, "Have you ever had to do anything that hurt like hell to just save yourself?"
The older blonde didn't know it, but the question hit Chloe right where she was. If the rhetorical question was raised just hours earlier she would have no understanding of the meaning, but now after Clark, Chloe knew exactly what she ment. She nodded slowly, the emotions all playing over her face.
"It just hurts to be here right now," the older girl continued, "I feel like this place is killing me, slowly sucking all life from me." She ment the miscarriage and the false perfection of the Kansas town. "And if I stay, I'm afraid of what I'll become. It's just so stifling here."
Chloe just nodded, staring intently at a spot on the rug. Part of her couldn't help but feel like Anna wasn't really leaving Smallville, but telling her that she didn't want her around either. So she tried to stand strong. She wasn't used to the emotional friendships, especially with a girl friend, but had to deal with this twice in one day. "I understand…"
"God…" Anna broke into tears again. She rose to her feet, crossing the small space between the two girls, she pulled Chloe into a hug, "I'm gonna miss you."
The embrace startled her, along with the outpouring of emotion. She recovered enough to return the affection, but not to distil her tears.
"I want you to promise me something," Anna began as she pulled herself together, drying the wetness on her face, "I want you to get out of Smallville, when you can." This was a surprise to the young reporter, not that she hadn't thought that herself, but Anna continued to explain, "It's so suffocating here…And you really are worth more then this place, then these people think you are."
Taken aback again Chloe was silent. That comment seemed to have great bearing on the revelations of the day. Not to mention the meaning of what was said from the older, and therefore, wiser girl who was fast becoming her best friend. "Are you sure you have to leave?" She knew it sounded a little like begging, but didn't actually care at this point and looked up at her hopefully.
Anna actually cracked a smile, it was sad and drawn, but still a smile.
Chloe nodded now, "I think I understand," and it was very possible that she did. "I'm gonna miss you too," it was her turn to initiate a hug, not really her strongest skill.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Lex came up the stairs, taking two at a time. He was sure that his stops today were going to fix things, at least make them better. He was feeling confident and secure, things not best suited to the brooding millionaire. A smile even threatened to break on his face.
"Anna?" he poked his head into the room she had taken interrupting a moment between the two girls. The smile spread on his face at the sight of her. She was up and alive, much more like HIS Anna. His Anna had returned. Stepping into the room caused the joy to slip from his face. He noticed the over hanging mood in the room that he just wasn't going to like. The red in their eyes confirmed it.
"Lex," Anna's voice was just over a whisper. Barely audible to him but the curving of her lips as she spoke his name was unmistakable to him.
He froze like stone, making his features mimic the feeling tugging at his chest.
Chloe learned from experience that it was best not to be there in the middle. The tension and intensity between them was too strong for her to be witness to, far too intimate. She silently slipped into the hall. Even if she had been loud and extravagant with her movements they still wouldn't have noticed her.
"Lex," Anna repeated, taking steps closer to him to test the waters. Her eyes were trying desperately to make contact with his. But he could feel the other shoe dropping and was determined not to meet those soft blue orbs; they could break him. "Please," she pleaded for him to look at her.
When he looked up at her his eyes had gone cold, a skill he had learned from his father, "What is it?" Even his voice was hard. All his defences were up.
She had no idea how to say it other then to just let it blurt out, "I'm leaving." As soon as the words left her mouth, tears spilled from her eyes.
He jerked his head away quickly, like avoiding the words would avoid the pain and hurt. What did she mean she was leaving? Leaving where? Why? When he turned back the questions all flashed in his eyes.
She stepped closer to him, part of her scared of a physical reaction because of his legendary anger issues. He moved to touch her with an extended hand and she flinched away before leaning into the caress on her cheek.
"Why?" His eyes were tightly shut now. Tears were threatening to appear in the same way the smile had only moments before.
She choked on her sobs. All her reasoning was fleeting under his touch. But the dream nagged at the back of her head. The barren place she was trapped in. This open prison. Swallowing hard her voiced cracked, "I just need to."
The millionaire let his hand fall from her cheek and bury itself into his coat pocket. The small velvet box greeted him, mocked him.
"Have to," Anna continued. She was still leaning into the touch that had left her. The feel of his strong hand on her tear stained cheek lingering.
It was his turn to swallow the lump forming in his throat. Fighting to ignore the sting in his frozen eyes.
She moved now to grace his cheek with her hand, but he pulled away. Away from her touch, away from her. "You have to understand," she pleaded. She grabbed his un-pocketed hand and held it to her heart, her hands encasing it, "I'm dying here." Her voice was barely a whisper.
He wanted to pull away from her, to get away before it hurt him anymore then it already was, but he couldn't move. The hurt had paralysed him. His eyes squeezed shut and shoulders shook. The stone man had fallen. He cried.
"But…what about me? Us?" He hated sounding so needy, but that was how he felt. Unable to cover the real questions with cryptic words.
"I love you so much," she stroked his cheek, "But I need to make sure I survive this. And I know I can't here." She had no idea where her strength had come from, maybe it was a survival instinct. A Darwinist characteristic.
Lex wanted to object, but couldn't. He knew all too well the desire for survival and the sacrifices that have to be made to insure it. Some things just need to give. He closed his eyes and nodded. He understood, but certainly didn't like it.
Anna pressed her lips hard and thin between each other, causing pain in a much more healable place as she reached around her neck to release the clasp of her chain.
"No," Lex shook his head, "I want you to keep it." His hands now reached around her neck, refastening the delicate clasp and unable to resist touching the softness of her neck. And her unable to hold back the whimper. He slowly dragged his fingers down along her neck and shoulders. He swallowed again as he caught her eyes in his.
She opened her mouth to speak receiving another order to stop from his shaking head.
The grasp on her shoulders pulled her into him. His mouth attacking hers for nourishment. A needy tongue begging for one last admittance into the soft pleasures beyond her lips. Hands retracing bodies to comment the forms and feelings to memory.
Her hand cupped his cheek and snaked around his neck, drawing the lovers' lips closer before the inevitable break. Which came.
Lex pulled back, just as suddenly as he had pulled her in. Instinctively his tongue licked along his red lips, taking up the last taste of her before it was lost. His hand caressed her cheek in the same way. "Anna," he spoke her name like labelling the sensations. He was determined not to speak her name again, not to remember the pain. His hand dropped again, he was finished.
Anna nodded, biting the inside of her lip to stop it from quivering. She moved silently, taking up her bag and making her way to the door. Not turning back to look at him, out of respect for his stance and to keep herself from falling. It wasn't until she was in the hall that she could breath. And even then it was haggard and drawn. The tears were the only things moving freely.
Chloe had stayed in the hall, part of her just couldn't go. She wanted to say goodbye to her friend. So she stood, waiting and biting her lip.
She opened her mouth to voice the words spinning in her head, but this time Anna was the one to silence her with the movement of her head, only a broken "gu" sound escaped.
"Don't. We will still keep in touch," she squeezed the younger girl's hand to convey the importance of her promise and Chloe nodded. A small smile squeezed out onto Anna's face, "Good." She nodded.
The second time Anna tried to talk it was harder. Tears burned at her eyes and the back of her throat at the beginning of her request, "Ca…can you promise me something?" she didn't' wait for an agreement, "Can you look after him?"
The request was strange to Chloe. She and Lex were not friends. They were only acquaintances through a certain farm boy and now the leaving girl. But the dire need to make sure he was all right was clear in the eyes begging her. So she nodded.
A weight seemed to lift off the older girl. And she was now able to move. She mouthed "Thank you" and began her long walk out of the mansion.
Chloe slowly walked into the room, careful with every step like it would cause pain. She slowly moved behind Lex, unsure if he was crying or not. Tentatively her hand extended to rest on his back. It was all she could think of to comfort him.
"I can't beg her to stay, but I couldn't bear to say goodbye either," he said not really talking to the young girl standing at his back, but didn't shrug off the contact. A sickly breath expelled from his constricted chest as he retrieved the velvet box from his pocket. Not bothering to look at it, he stepped forward and placed it on the corner of the empty bed and turned toward the door. His Anna had left.
THE END
A/N: thanks to those of you who read!