Summary:  Tragedy strikes.  Joey Wheeler is gone forever.  Or is he?  Joey POV.  Post Duelist Kingdom AU.  Will eventually be Seto/Joey shounen-ai.

Author's Notes:  Well, I thought I'd try writing a YuGiOh fic.  And it's still going.  And whoa, still going.  But it'll be over soon!

No way, over 500 reviews!?  ThankyouThankyouThankyou... *passes out from saying that more than 500 times*  Have some leftover Easter candy ^_^

haku:  5 chapters a day!?!?!

JKJ:  Yes, he will help.  I think.  Haven't written it yet...

Maiden:  I think the key was that card Kaiba gave to him.  I'm not sure, though...

man-o-man:  Mokuba's fine the way he is.  Besides, that would seriously change the plot I had in mind...

Sheron:  Sorry, this one's kinda dull.  It's hard giving lines to three people or more :(

tuulikki:  Yeah, ff.net drives me nuts sometimes, telling me that the chapter doesn't exist even though I know it's there.  What, does it disappear after n number of people read it?

Warnings:  Character death (sort of), language, angst, eventual Seto/Joey.

Disclaimers:  I don't own YuGiOh or any other brand names you might come across.  No cakes were harmed in the making of this fic.

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Being Dead Ain't Easy

Chapter Twenty-Four:  Couch Potato

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There's bad, and then there's bad, but I'm havin' one of those days where I just wanna go curl up somewhere and hide 'til it's all over.  And after Bakura's little bomb, well, a guy can only take so much, ya know?  But the little Kaiba in my head's sayin' 'Whimpering dog! Whimpering dog!' and I don't take that from anyone, not even myself.

"Bakura, can ya go away for a little while?  I need to talk to Kaiba."  This is between me and him and we don't need an audience.

Kaiba looks at me, frowns.  "You shouldn't try to talk, Wheeler.  Just relax and let me-"

I glare at him.  "I don't think so, Kaiba  We need to talk NOW."  This is important, and I... might not be able to later.

Yami Bakura looks at us, smirking.  "Do I sense some tension?"  He laughs, but gets up anyway.  "I will need to gather some supplies.  Where do you keep your candles?" he asks Kaiba.

Kaiba's glaring back at me.  "Kitchen."

He gets outta the chair.  "Speak quickly, dead man, and be done by the time I return."  The spirit heads for the kitchen.  "I have no desire to hear whatever cloyingly sweet thing you wish to say."  Great, 'cause I'm not gonna.  And he leaves.  Wow, he's not being totally evil.  Weird.

Once Bakura's gone, Kaiba leans over me.  He sighs.  "What is it, Wheeler?"

I can't talk to him like this.  I'm steaming mad, but we can't talk like this.  "Help me up."

"And you had to send the Egyptian away for this?"

"Don't be a smartass, Kaiba.  Just help me sit up, alright?"

"You're too weak to-" he argues.

"It's not gonna make any difference!  Now help me sit the fuck up!" I snarl.

He takes one look at me and does it.  I know I asked him to, but it's a serious blow to my pride, needing Kaiba to prop me up, move my arms, move my legs.  It's awful.  If Bakura can't pull this off, I don't want to hang around like some kinda floppy doll.

Finally, I'm sitting up on one side of the couch.  Kaiba's standing in front of me with his arms crossed.  "Happy?"

It's weird how I'm starting to feel better.  I jerk my head to the spot beside me.  "Sit down."

He does it.  Maybe I should mark this down someday:  The Day Kaiba Did What I Wanted Without Makin' A Big Fuss About It.

Kaiba looks at me, I look at him, and it's better 'cause now I don't feel like I'm lyin' on my deathbed or something.  I don't think I'll ever lie on a couch again.

Okay, let's get this over with.  "I hate you, Seto Kaiba.  This is all your fault, you know that, right?"

He narrows his eyes.  "If I had known this was going to happen, I would have just dropped you on the street and left."

You would've, huh?  I don't know if that's good or bad.  "But you didn't and now I'm gonna die again.  Because.  Of.  You."

"No you won't.  Bakura will-"

"Do some hocus pocus he just made up.  If you think that's gonna work, you're nuts."

"It will work, Wheeler.  I won't let it do otherwise."

Him and his stupid Priest powers.  "Yeah, the same way you didn't let me die?  That just makes it all better, huh!?  I got killed because of you!  And now even my ghost's gonna die 'cause you wouldn't let me go!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!" he growls.

"You..."  I close my eyes.  I'm pissed off at him, god I'm so pissed off at him.  Everything, everything all comes back to Seto Kaiba.  I wanna scream at him 'til his ears bleed.

That's what I wanna do, but do I want that to be the last thing I ever say?  Do I want that to be the last thing Kaiba ever hears from me?  If I went 'poof' right now, would I want it to end this way?

Kaiba sighs.  "Joey, I never meant to..."

Enough excuses, already.  "Seto Kaiba, you wrecked my life.  You wrecked my death, too."

"I DID NOT-" he yells.

"JUST SAY YES, DAMMIT!"  I hit him with the glare to end all glares.

"...Yes."

Good boy.  "I know you're a lousy human being, but you know what to say when you totally fuck someone up and you didn't mean to, right?"

He blinks.  "I do?"

"Even little kiddies know.  Think real hard."

He thinks.  He's tired and not doing too good.  After about a minute, he figures it out.  "I'm... sorry?"

Took him long enough.  "Not bad.  Now say it like you mean it.  Seriously, I don't have all day."

Kaiba's gettin' it now.  "I'm sorry, Joey Wheeler, for putting myself in a situation where I and the people around me could get killed.  I'm sorry for accidentally turning you into a ghost.  I'm sorry for ignoring you when I could have been helping you.  And I'm sorry for going outside against your and Mokuba's better judgement, forcing you to come after me."

Good enough.  "Apology accepted.  If I make it, I'm gonna make you pay and pay and pay, but... apology accepted."

He leans back into the couch.  Closes his eyes.  "Thank you."

This is about as close to resting in peace as I'm gonna get.  Air cleared.

Still...  "That's pretty good, but what about being sorry for beating me up and insulting me all the time?"

His eyes are still closed.  "I'm sorry for breaking your arm that one time you called Mokuba a whiny little spoiled brat."

"Uh, Kaiba..."

He opens one eye.  "I never beat you up, Wheeler.  If I actually had, you would've ended up in the hospital.  Or dead."

I guess he's right.  The guy can break a bunch of ribs with one punch.  "So what do you call that?"

He smirks.  "Playing with Puppy."

I just had to ask, didn't I.  "And the insults?"

"It amuses me when you get all defensive and yap at me."

And that's about as much as I wanna know about the mind of Seto Kaiba.  "You're a sick guy."

"Mmm."

"And I'm gonna be stuck with you for a long, long time if this all works out."

"Yes."  Kaiba squeezes my shoulder and his fingers don't go through.  "Because you're mine, according to Bakura.  He probably pities me."

Me.  Kaiba's.  I shudder in my head.  "Nah, he pities me.  Poor me, gettin' stuck with a freak like you."

"Actually, I pity you both."  Yami Bakura's back.  He's got some birthday candles, a lighter, and some tape.  He puts 'em on the floor by the front door.  "Are you done with your talk yet?"

"Yeah."

The spirit turns to Kaiba.  "Priest, do you have some object that was in contact with Wheeler when he died?"  He smirks.  "His dead body would do, but something less messy might be more convenient."

Kaiba gets off the couch.  "I might.  Why?"

"I will need to, ah, make use of it during the ritual.  Set it on fire, to be more precise."

Kaiba goes upstairs and outta my view, leaving me with Yami Bakura, the pyro.

"I know you're up to something," I say from the couch.

"Perhaps I am, but I am also helping you at the same time.  You are in no position to protest."

I'm about to say something, but Kaiba comes back down.  He's carrying that trench coat.  "Wheeler died on it.  Will it do?"

"It will do.  Very nicely, in fact."  Yami Bakura drops it on the pile of candles and stuff.

Yeah, everything's going great, but what's he gonna do?  "So what's gonna happen at the ritual, Bakura?"

"The end result should be fairly straightforward.  Your soul will be anchored to an item of personal significance that has been infused with power.  Then, your soul and the item together will be joined with the Priest."

I don't wanna join with him!  I hafta ask.  "Does it have to be him?"

"Yes.  Nothing can break the bond that the High Priest has formed with you, not even himself.  Strengthening it is the only option at this point."

Kaiba frowns.  "Wheeler's soul will be preserved, right?"  Yami Bakura nods.  "Is he going to be trapped in this item or what?"

The spirit smiles.  "That's the interesting thing about improvised rituals:  You never really know what will happen."

He doesn't know!?  "Waitaminute!  What's the point if I get stuck in some item and I can't come out!?"

"The agreement was for the preservation of Joey Wheeler's soul only," says Yami Bakura coolly.  "He may be able to function the way I do, or the Pharaoh does, or... he may not."

Kaiba narrows his eyes.  "How will I know his soul is actually in this item, then?"

"I will tell you.  Or you can ask the tiny Pharaoh."

I see a teeny problem with this plan.  "Hang on.  You guys are goin' on and on about this item, but what the hell are we gonna use?"

Kaiba frowns.  "...You're right.  What are we going to use?"

Yami Bakura smiles some more.  "I took the liberty of 'exploring' your home while you were speaking with your dead friend.  We will be using this."  And he pulls a card outta his pocket.

My Red Eyes Black Dragon.

"THAT'S MINE!"  me and Kaiba yell at the same time.

I don't think so, Kaiba.  "Excuse me?"

Kaiba ignores me.  "Where did you get that!?" he hisses.

Bakura smiles.  "Locked doors make me curious.  Expecting people to not break into your room is putting too much faith in human nature."

"That card is not yours to take!" growls Kaiba.  Well, it's not yours to take, either, Kaiba.

"A rather odd thing for you to say, I would think.  According to my host's memories, this card rightfully belongs to Yuugi Mutou now."

That shuts Kaiba up.

"As I was saying, we will be using this," he continues, waving the card, my card, "and this."

He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a shiny gold round thing.

The Millennium Eye.  Last seen in Pegasus' eye socket.  Yuck.

Kaiba face goes totally blank.  "You are not sealing Joey's soul in a card."

"No?  What's the problem?  Poor little priest, does it bring back bad memories?"

His eyes narrow.  "Don't mock me!"

"It is the only way.  Do not trouble yourself, Priest, I will not be 'sealing' his soul.  Besides, the full power of the Eye cannot be used by its bearer without cost, and I am quite attached to both of my eyes.  The Eye is simply another source of power."

Kaiba looks at me.  It's up to him; I don't think this'll work either way.  "Fine."

"Good."  There's a pounding at the door.  "And it sounds like the Pharaoh has arrived with his little followers."

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