It's amazing what your mind can come up with when your so tired you don't
feel any emotion except weariness and lack of sleep, and your sitting in a
stupid boring English class, supposedly graphing the sentences... LOL.
Here are my thoughts on how Kurt may feel at times, Kurt, and every other
Anime show loners. (it definitely relates to real life too ) Thank you
God for inspiring me to write this!

The Real Me
By: Me

I am surrounded by friends
Yet totally alone.
I laugh and have fun
But feel empty inside.
I hang out with people I call friends,
And yet, none of them know me
The real me.

The real me
Has been hidden,
From the cruel, harsh world
Because if I didn't
It would destroy me.
Break my will
And destroy my soul.

The world would mock me
Mock my fears and dreams,
My weaknesses,
Even though I can do nothing about them
But hide them.

And so I do
I hide behind the fake-me
Watching quietly
As the real me slowly disappears.

This facade
Has become who I am
And who I must remain being
Because it's too late to stop,
Being what I'm not.

Some people have tried,
Tried to get past my protective shield,
And know the real me.
Sometimes I let them,
But then get scared of
What they will say
And what they will do
When they see who I really am inside.

So I replace my barrier
And push them away again
They ask to belet in
But I won't
I'm too afraid of how they will react
When they see who I really am
Inside.

They say I can't push them away from them forever,
Can't keep resisting them,
And I know they're right,
But it's too late
Too late to break the awful habit
Of being someone I'm not.

I tried being myself once,
For just a little while.
It didn't go so well
My fears became reality
And all my friends turned away,
Saying I had changed and
Claiming they didn't know who I was anymore.

In my mind I told them
'You never knew me,
And probably never will'
Because the real me is dying,
Dying from being smothered
From always being hidden.

But hide it I must
And so once again I hide behind
This false personality of mine
My protective shield from the world
My barrier, my wall
That cannot be allowed to fall.

So I just smiled and said,
"It's just a phase,"
I blamed it on school, family, hormones,
Anything,
To make them come back,
Come back and accept me
For who I'm really not.

The real me is no more,
No longer the real me,
Because I have pushed it away
Never to resurface
Ever again.

But yet, it will not disappear completely,
For the real me
Will always be there
Deep inside
Waiting,
To be shown to the world.

And also,
The real me
Cannot be hidden from our father,
Who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.

But until then,
Until that time when I can be the real me,
Only I and our Father, Christ, Jesus,
Will be the ones to know,
Know, of the real me,
Hidden deep inside.
And only when I am alone with the Father,
When the world can not see me,
Will I let out the real me,
freely.

But maybe,
Maybe someday,
I will meet someone,
Someone special,
Special enough to want to know and love the real me
For all my quirks and flaws.

When that happens
I will reach deep into my soul
And let the real me finally resurface
Forever and ever
To be loved and cherished
Appreciated and cared for.

The real me will wait patiently for that day.
The day when I will finally,
Be free...

End

I think this turned out nicely. This was originally an original poem
written at a time when FF.N didn't host original works, and so I said it
was from Kurts POV, which wasn't necessarily false. Even now, when they
have Fiction Press, I think I'll keep it here just because it belongs here
anyway.

February 25, 2004: I've gone back and edited the poem a bit. You may not be
able to tell the difference, but I changed a few words, deleted a whole
stanza, and just a few other little things to make it all the better.