I could barely see anymore.
It was dark outside and I could hear the werewolves howling from within the Dark Forest. They were miles away, but I still wished one of them would find me. That would save me from having to do this.
However, I knew that the poison would be far less painful. It was one of the very last potions he ever taught us to make. It was called Eau Noir. Known for its immaculate ability to take life away without a morsel of pain, the Eau Noir had become the most common method of suicide among witches and wizards in the last century. I wasn't going to let that statistic die. Instead I was going to use it so that I could finally put an end to all the pain before it could really begin. I can't leave this place knowing he doesn't love me nor even care what happens to me.
I'd kept the tiny vile hidden in my robes after the three part Potions final. We'd each made two doses of Eau Noir. One was to kill a gnome, and the second was to turn the poison into a harmless vapour. Powdered unicorn blood instantly turned the Eau Noir into a non-toxic cloud of smoke. The third part was to concoct an antidote that we used to spare the lives of the gnomes.
After using the Eau Noir to kill the gnomes Professor Snape knew the potions would all become ineffective once he instructed the class to add the powdered unicorn blood. What he didn't know was that I never added the powder when he had asked. Ironically, that was the first time I ever disobeyed him.
I looked at the tiny vile in the palm of my hand and thought about the last seven years of my life. I'd spent all of those years staying up late at night to study Potions so that I could be the best in his class… and I was. That got me nowhere.
I ate meal after meal in the Great Hall watching him and hoping that his eye would one day catch mine. It never did.
I cheered for Slytherin at all of the Quidditch games so that he would know I wanted his team to win. I don't think he ever noticed.
It doesn't matter anymore now anyway. Soon the pain will be gone. Soon I'll no longer be in love with him.
I pulled the cork from the glass vile and held it in front of me where I could see it. There was just enough left to do the job. It would be quick and it would be painless. There was nothing to be afraid of.
My hand slowly crept up to my mouth. I could feel the cold glass on my lips. My body was shaking and my heart was pounding. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be.
"Come on," I told myself. "Just do it."
Once again I reached the mouth of the vile to my lips and closed my eyes before tipping my head back. The liquid just touched my lips when I heard the sweeping sound coming towards me.
My eyes opened in a flash and I looked everywhere around me. Coming from the castle was a tall hooded figure. Long, quick footsteps brought him closer to me. I recognized his panther-like walk immediately.
It was him!
A gasp escaped from my mouth and I nearly dropped the vile. I squeezed my hand around the tiny glass bottle to keep from letting that happen again. I was so close. I couldn't let anything stop me now.
"Miss Chamberlain?" I heard him speak in a firm velvety voice.
My name! He said my name!
I could hear the irritation in his voice, but hearing him say the words I've been dying to hear for seven years nearly melted my heart. It sounded like magic to my ears. A pity he was one day too late, just as he was one day too late in the beginning.
"Miss Chamberlain, just what the hell do you think you're doing?" He walked up to me and stopped just a couple of feet before me and tore the hood of his cape off his head.
I looked down the long dark tunnel of his black eyes and searched desperately for the compassion I longed for. There was none. Only fury and anger.
"It's the only way I'll ever escape you," I said and held the vile out where he could see it.
He looked at me for a moment longer before his face twisted up into a scowl. "I beg your pardon," he said cruelly.
"You heard what I said. I've come out here to end this. I can't leave you any other way." I felt a warm drip of moisture run down my cheek. He watched the tears fall down my face and then looked back up into my eyes.
For the first time in my life I let him see me cry.
There had been plenty of times before I could have cried in front of him. As perfect as I was in his class he always found a way to put me down or crush my heart. There were times I wanted to cry, but tears were a sign of weakness. He had no weakness. I didn't want to have weakness. I wanted to be like him. More than that, I wanted to be with him.
"Don't be a fool, girl." His fingers moved slowly about at his sides. His long black cloak covered most of his body, but I could see that he was trembling. He'd probably never been face to face with a suicidal graduate before. "Give me the vile and get back inside the castle before-"
"I've been a fool for seven years," I interrupted him. "A fool for allowing my heart to surrender to you. I loved you all along and you never saw it."
"I did see it," he confided. "I knew very well what you were thinking when you looked at me and that is precisely why I never gave you the satisfaction you sought after. You are a fool if you believed for one moment that I'd ever put my hands on a student."
I think it was that very moment that my heart stopped beating and began to break. The cold cruel look in his eyes pierced through me like daggers. I knew then that the last seven years of my life had all been lived in vain. He didn't disregard me because he was ignorant. He refused me because he never wanted anything to do with me. My love for him drove him away.
How could he be so cruel? I lived every day for him. Clearly I was wasting my time. He's heartless.
The half empty vile slipped out of my hand and shattered overtop the rocks beside me. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and looked up at him with a smile on my face. I don't know why I was smiling. I just loved him so much. I hated him and I loved him all at once.
"I'm not a student anymore," I told him. I don't know why I said it, but it was true. I'd graduated from Hogwarts hours ago. It wouldn't make a difference though. He'd still never love me like I loved him. He was Severus Snape after all.
I could still see him standing there in front of me. He was becoming nothing more than a blur, but he was still there watching me, studying me, and then I could remember him catching me.
Falling into his arms I felt the warmth of his body embracing me. His large hands wrapped around my back and under my knees. I pressed my head into his chest and tried to reach my hands up to touch his face.
My arms wouldn't move. They hung lifelessly at my sides and disregarded all desires I had for them to reach up to him.
I couldn't see him anymore. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.
I could hear the fierce pounding of his heart against my ear. His warm breath blew gently over my face and calmed my fears. Then the last words I ever heard him speak to me rang in my ears until my heart could no longer battle the poison in my veins.
"You foolish girl," was all he said.
My body could no longer fight against the Eau Noir. Such a tiny sip. If he'd only stopped me a second earlier I'd have lived to know what happened next.