-Disclaimer- I do not own Evangelion or any of its characters, Evangelion is the property of Gainex. This Fan-fiction has been created for entertainment purposes only.
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Psycho Analysis
Chapter 3
" How much time do we have left? " Shinji asked,
" `bout 20 minutes left" Kensuke said,
" Don't worry Ikari, we gots lots of time" Toji said,
-It was a Monday afternoon and since it was Monday that meant school. And another day of school was another day of hell. The only sanctuary was a time of day that most people call lunch, but it was never long enough.
" What's on your mind Ikari?" Toji asked
" Yeah….you haven't even touched your food yet" Ken said
" Huh?…..Oh I was just thinking ……..you can have my lunch if you want." The third child replied,
" Can't tell us because its about the Eva's…eh?" the Otaku said,
-Moving away from his leaning position on the guard rail, Shinji took two steps back to get a better view of the school yard. The roof of the school was the trios regular hang out spot, high above the ground, away from the other students. Stretching out his arms and letting out a loud yawn he did a quick 180, then fell back on the guard rail.
With his back against the metal rail Shinji answered, " No……I feel like I'm forgetting something…."
" Ikari, Where is pilot Sorhyu?" Rei said frightening the three boys
" Don't sneak up on me like that!" Toji said while choking on Shinji's sandwich,
" Pilot Sorhyu?……oh crap……." Shinji sighed as he mentally slapped himself,
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-Shrouded in darkness Misato's apartment was completely silent except the sound of the wind howling, the busy traffic outside, and the most annoying noise coming from a broken clock. So it wasn't exactly silent, but it was more silent than usual screaming of the human residents. And one might ask if the walls of the apartment could talk, what would they say about the people living there?..…….well the answer is………walls can't talk, so don't even bother trying to talk to the walls or any wall. (Its just a waste of time…..BELEIVE ME….I KNOW)
-Being exhausted, the two teens were thrown out of there normal routine and with one small mistake the entire order of events were pretty screwed up. Every morning Shinji woke up to his alarm then, he would then follow a precise set of steps. First he himself would get ready after he prepared the breakfast for his room mates. Once he finished placing the final dish, which was Pen-pen's fish, he made the lunches. Lastly he would turn on the TV for the daily news.
-The mistake he made was not turning on the TV and without TV Pen-pen wouldn't wake up to watch TV. Then Pen-pen wouldn't turn on the air conditioner, then the cold air wouldn't awaken Misato. Without Misato, the radio she turned on would be off, which wouldn't piss off Asuka and wake her up.
" ZZZZZzzzzzzz"
" zzzzz…GrAWk……zzzzz"
" ::burp::zzzzzzz"
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" Boy….I am gonna get it this time" Shinji grumbled,
" Cheer up Shinji at least you didn't forget anything else" Toji said still chewing on Shinji's sandwich,
" Shinji, have you forgotten about our appointment with the doctor" Rei said,
" DAMIT……." Shinji said while banging his head against the rail,
"Are you sick or something Shinji?" Toji said with a mouthful of food,
" No…….all pilots have to report to Dr. Morimoto for some kind of counseling"
" HEY! I'M A PILOT!" Toji said spitting a big chunk of beef in Rei's eye, "Why doesn't anyone tell me about these THINGS?!"
" Toji you're spitting on everyon-"
" Don't INTERUPT ME KENSUKE, when I'm trying to point something out!" Toji said as he paced back and forth waving his sandwich in the air, " Why I AM I ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW?!"
-For a good seven minutes Toji gave a speech about how everyone always ignored him. As usual no one was paying attention to what he was saying, but that really didn't matter. Toji was one of those people who liked the sound of their own voice. The little speech that Suzuhara gave, made Shinji hungry and he started to regret giving his lunch away.
* grumble *
-And it showed.
" Hey, You hungry?" Toji opened up his bento and gave Shinji a bowl of Ramen, " Try some of my world famous……Crapple Noodles!"
" Crapple noodles?" Shinji said with a hint of fear in his voice,
-Toji was also one of those people who didn't have the time, to waste time. The fourth child had a busy life, he was very active in sports and plus he spent a lot of time with his sister at the hospital. Saving time was a must, so rather than have a drink and some food in his bento…….he'd shove all the food in a blender and create the nastiest food you've ever seen. Even though it was a great time saver……….it tastes like…….
" CRAPple noodles!" Toji said " you mean you never heard of my Crapple noodles?!"
" Heheh…….no, don't think I have" third child said,
" You're missin' out man!" Toji said as he took of the lid to reveal the infamous Crapple Noodle, " Do you wanna know what it's made out of?"
" I'm afraid to ask….." Shinji said as he hung his head
" Well……what it's made out of is a mixture of Instant Ramen and…….some of my special juice."
" Special juice?" Shinji said looking a little green,
- When Toji wasn't looking Shinji tossed the noodles over his shoulder and spilling it on a bunch of unsuspecting kids. It was definitely the right thing to do although, sadly those kids would forever be known as……the smelly Crapple kids.( I know it has nothing to do with the story, but oh well) The whole time this was happening Rei was sitting silently against the rail with the piece of beef still in her eye and Kensuke was throwing his best pick up lines at her.
" Are your parents terrorists?" Ken said
" ……no……." Rei said
" BECAUSE you're the bomb!" Ken said
" …………."
-Rei was in her own little world and there was nothing Kensuke could say or do to get her attention. As if the pick up lines even had a chance at anything at all.
" Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?" Ken said
"……..no…….."
" I could get lost in those eyes of yours." Ken said
"………….."
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-After the crapple incident, Shinji had convinced Toji that he finished the crapple noodles. Using his slick moves, Ikari acted like he had just eaten the best noodles he ever tasted and faked the smile of satisfaction on his face.
" Hey what happen to the crapple noodles?" Toji said looking around aimlessly for his cooking disaster,
" I ate them" Shinji quickly said,
" Hey, so what did you think of the taste?……..and where's the bowl?"
-Puzzled, Toji searched for the bowl and began to doubt that the third child actually ate it. Looking around he saw nothing strange except for Kensuke actually trying to put the moves on Rei…….and getting shot down every time.
" I ate it…." Shinji said
" …..really? "
" …uh…..yea…." Shinji said trying to play it smooth,
-Instead of dwelling on the subject for long, Toji thought up a plan to get Shinji out of trouble. Some how they needed to wake up Misato and Asuka…….without actually waking them up. If the two of them woke up to find out that Shinji left the house and completely forgot about them would be a very painful experience.
" Okay……I got it!" Toji said
" ……got what?" Shinji sighed,
" The Plan!" Suzuhara said full of confidence.
" ……..wait, no hypnosis Toji….. "
" Dam……..but I saw it work on TV…….the TV never lies Shinji!"
"No…."
"…..Fine……Plan B!"
" I'm soooooo, going to regret this…." Ikari said as he had a bad feeling about the whole thing,
" This is what were gonna need: some magnets, peanut butter, a trash can lid and an ace of hearts." The fourth child said,
-Toji was well known for his elaborate plans that made absolutely no sense until the very end, surely reasonable people would steer clear of things like this. Unfortunately, Shinji Ikari the son of one of the most powerful men on earth, is a complete wimp.
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-To make things short the plan failed…….
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" You think she's mad?" Toji said
" YES."
" She can't kill us, can she?….I mean we're pilots……..they NEED us."
"Shush……she's coming…."
-The swung open, shining in a bright light into the dark room. Misato walked in holding a box, followed by two cleanly dressed men in Nerv issued suits. The box she was holding looked like an ordinary shoe box except for a blue pin stripe across the top. With a serious face Major Katsuragi handed the box to Shinji and Toji. And being the smart one, Kensuke did not get involved in their little plan. Rei well….nobody ever knows where Rei is.
-Curiously, the third child examined the box and wondered what it was for. He then looked to his guardian and then to the two Nerv agents for an answer. The Nerv agents smirked and left the room closing the door behind them. Dumbfounded, the pilot of unit 1 looked to his fellow pilot and the fourth child only shrugged.
" What is it?" Shinji said,
" Open it….." Misato grinned devilishly
" Hey…..its only a box full of scissors" Toji said,
"EXACTLY……." Misato smirked,
" Huh?…." they both said in unison
-With a demonic laugh followed by a cold stare, she issued the punishment for what they did.
" I want you to mow the lawn."
" But what are the scissors for?……….hold on a sec………..…no…..no….NO!" Shinji moaned realizing the grim truth,
" Misato your not actually asking us to do what I think you want us to do? Right?" Toji asked hoping for the best,
" YUP."
" Hey but wait, you guys don't even have a lawn, you live in an apartment." Toji proclaimed,
" heh……not my lawn, Nerv's main office LAWN."
"…….Dear God……." Shinji said horrified.
-Those who are unfamiliar with the size of the Nerv office front lawn and want to know how big it is……should know its pretty freak'n big. It was clear from the beginning that the boys had their hands full and if you add the fact they were using scissors it seemed almost impossible. But what could they do? If they disobeyed direct orders from a superior, they get thrown in the brig and they couldn't run because they were under the surveillance of Nerv's many cameras. So….what did they do?
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" Okay…..I'll get the east side……you get the west side….." Shinji sobbed as he surveyed the how much yard work they were gonna do,
" lets get started…….hand me a pair of scissors" Toji grumbled,
-Handing Toji a pair of scissors and a pair for himself, he began on his side of the lawn. By this time the sun was setting and the two boys became silhouettes in the red glow of the setting sun. As the night came, the sun disappeared into the distance and the darkness extinguished the remaining light. The quiet sounds of evening echoed. People then began to return to their homes, preparing for the new day to come. And when tomorrow comes, the sun rises consuming the darkness.
" Yah know what Shinji……"
" What? " Shinji said,
" Misato could have given us better scissors…..you can't even cut paper with this plastic crap." Toji grumbled some more,
" Toji……shut up…..you're ruining the moment……."
To be continued………
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Jay's Author notes: Did yah hate it? Did you love it? TELL ME! Review!
It's been probably almost 6 months since the last time I wrote something so I'm kinda rusty. And anything I write is all for funs so, don't take any of it seriously. ( I'm talking to you hard core fans who think I'm bashing characters and stuff like that.)
I think you want to know what crapple noodles is……..well lets just say that it came from a Sunday afternoon when all that was in the fridge was cranberry juice and instant ramen in the pantry. There we were, my friends and I mixing expired Ramen with cranberry juice. As scary as it sounds, we ate it and if you want to know what it tastes like…….be my guest to try.
Now words of wisdom…….
" ONLY YOU, can prevent forest fires"
-Smoky the bear