DISCLAIMER: GAH! How I hate these things! Anyone stupid enough to sue a teen for writing these little stories is an idiot! On a note- not my Magical Harry Potter.

~Blackmail and the Morning After~

Neville and Draco carried in Hermione to the castle, getting strange and messed up looks from people. They went into the Gryffindor boys dorms, and laid Hermione on the bed. They figured out what kind of blackmail they should write. It turned out like this:

TO: HARRY POTTER

FROM: PIMPALICIOUS

Harry, you are being blackmailed. By none other than us! If you tell anyone of what happened that one night outside of school with the man situations -you know what I'm talking about- we will let something spill to your friend Ron. More than one person saw what you did out there. You know how much Ron likes Hermione, if he ever found out she was a whore, it would kill him. So keep your mouth shut, or else we wont. If you really want to reply us, put your letter in the Owl Infirmary, box 11.

They looked very satisfied with their blackmail note. Now their next problem was Hermione, what to do? Well, since Neville hasn't had a date before, Draco would teach him some points.

"These here are boobs. I'm sure you've noticed them before, since you like girls. The thing about these are, don't look at them! If she notices, you can ruin your whole night. So, you wait for the invitation," He explained

"But how will I know? I don't think she'll come right out and say, 'Take a look!'" He said frantically, writing down everything he could on his notebook.

"Good question! Well first to get an invitation, act studly! Know the stud walk! You walk like a rodent," Draco said strutting back and forth, "Okay, now try it."

And what a sight it was! The two Stud Muffins were strutting around the room, when Hermione woke up! "What the Hell?"

"Oh, sorry about that, I was teaching Neville to-" Hermione cut Draco off.

"Oh. Yes, Neville, Draco has good strategies, but it only works for guys like him. The thing that would help you the most is walking straight. You walk hunched. But girls like the shy guys, I seem to want them more......Unless they're ugly, I mean REALLY ugly," Hermione told him. He wrote this all down, but she tore the notebook away from him, "Yeah, you could write it down. But it's better if you pay attention. Now! Neville do you know how to dance?"

"No," he mumbled.

"WHAT? Sound confident, if you don't know, don't be scared. Guys that are too scared don't get women. There's a line between shy and wimpy."

"NO!" he shouted

"Better! I'm actually a bit turned on," She complimented

"Me too!" Draco exclaimed. They turned to look at him, "Okay, I'll shut up."

"Okay Neville. Dancing. You would probably be slow dancing and that isn't hard. It depends on how she comes at you. If both of her hands go to your neck, both of yours goes to her hips to her waist, wherever she'll let you go. However, if one arm is out the other way, take your and hold hers up and put your hand on her waist or hips again. Easy, right?" She asked

"Yes," he said, more confident. Draco fanned himself from his melting at Neville.

"As I said, don't be afraid, be yourself, remember how to dance, just in case, you'll be fine," Hermione reassured him, "Well I'm going to bed! You guys should, too. If you want to start off the Saturday good, and practice some more."

The next morning, Neville got up and got dressed with a start. He went to the common room, passed a making out Ron and Hermione.....then he backtracked. He stared for a few minutes. Ron looked up and sarcastically said, "Take a picture, it lasts longer," and he went back to kissing. Neville didn't know he was sarcastic, so he did!

He walked all through the school thinking about what Hermione said. Maybe I can really win the girl that way, he thought. He continued thinking about it, looking at the ceiling, when he walked right into Draco, "That would be the ceiling," he said getting up.

"Duh, I'm thinking here Captain Obvious," Wow! Neville was getting better at comebacks! Little by little, he may even be a master........On second thought, no.

"Well we can do that later, we have to get you ready!" Draco shrieked like a giddy schoolgirl.

"That's what I was thinking about, Captain....Jingle Pants!" Nope Neville isn't a master, yet. Maybe I spoke too soon...

"Who told you about that?" Draco said petrified.

"What?" Neville never knew his lousy comeback would strike something that actually happened that was a striking moment in someone's life! He realized it was good to figure out information, he tried to cover up that what, "I mean, oh yeah. I knew. Everyone knows."

"You can't be serious," Draco whimpered.

"Serious is as serious does," now he was sounding like a pimped up Forrest Gump! (A/N: Remember his mother always said, 'Stupid is as stupid does.')

"How long have you known?" Draco asked, pulling himself together.

"For quite some time now," He replied, so suave!

"Then, you better hear the true story from me, what you probably heard was a twisted truth........ Along time ago, in my fourth year. I was a virgin. I was ready to lose it, to the right girl. See back then I was stupid and didn't know the pleasure, so I was waiting to find someone true and beautiful. That's when I saw Hermione, she was stupid back then, too she wanted it, but wanted a good person. She fell for my charm, we dated secretly, then I popped the cherry, and we realized it felt so good. We kept doing it, we decided to start a business, then realized the older teens already had one so we were the top 2 in our year. But the thing about me, when I do it, it whistles,"

"What?" Neville was so dense.

"My wang, genius. God, sometimes I don't know why I try anymore. But It makes a whistling type noise. It was like a bell some said. So the ladies gave me the nickname of Captain Jingle Pants," Draco said looking so shamed.

"I get the actual telling of how you got the name, but what's with the life story?" Neville asked, tilting his head to the side like a dog.

"I figured you might want to know how I got here," Draco said, thinking it's what he wanted.

"No, not really," Neville looked like he just wasted his precious time.

"Oh, ok," Draco looked down. Sadness struck him.

"That's okay. I would have figured it out anyway. Now you have to help me with the preparation of my date," Neville said getting worried again. Those stupid teenage minds, all they think about is sex, SEX, SEX! Just then Stephie, yes the girl he asked out, happened to walk by. She of course noticed him.

"Oh! Hey Neville! I was wondering, for our date, can we meet at the swimming pool instead? Swimming sounds like a good date." She asked him twirling her hair and looking as cute as a bug's ear!

"Okay," Neville drooled. Men *shakes head* and with that she said bye, waved at him and Draco and left. Neville drooled after her then realized something, very panicky he shook Draco, "I don't know how to swim! Draco you got to teach me! NOW!"

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Wow! What suspense eh? Thanks for the three reviewers! That's a hint to you people *nudges fat man standing next to her for no reason!* hey who are you?! *man runs away* well here are some notes to my wonderous reviewers, that's not a word but who's counting?

u-know-who formerly known as sak- well here's some more for your entertainment! Did you only read that little first part in the fic? cuz the computer didn't load all of it, there was more!

Insane with Anger- Hey Moopie! well you have to read this now! I think I will use tube socks! Oh! Oh! I got it! ZOOP! You can't go wrong with hot Steamy POTATOES either..

Ronsspawn- yes maybe I should find Ron another whore...... If Draco liked Harry he would be a little more than we thought he was right?

This was my longest chapter ever! Go me! I'm so proud! Well to you people who are reading this very sentence, a message to you: REVIEW! please!