Golden Sun: What You Call Messed Up
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Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun, and neither do you. It's owned by Camelot! Unless of course, you're Camelot, then I have nothing to say. I do have a version of the games, however, but that doesn't count. This is an attempted humorous retelling of the beginning of Golden Sun, with its constant twists. And what Adept am I? wario taboo says Mars...hehe! Thanks to wario taboo for SOME funny phrases in this first chapter.
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Chapter 1: The Boulder Attacks!
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Dora: Isaac, wake up!
Isaac: NO! I'm tired from staying up till midnight to play Golden Sun!
Dora: Please, dear, wake up!
Isaac: Is the sun finally out? There's only been sun once for 45 years!
Dora: The Mt. Aleph boulder is going to fall!
Isaac: So? *continues sleeping*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: *ignores Dora*
Dora: If it falls there's no breakfast tomorrow!
Isaac: *pretends to yawn*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: *pretends to be fast asleep*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: ZZZ...
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: Grrr fine! I'm tired!
Isaac: *gets up and falls back into bed*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: The repetitiveness is getting on my nerves...*throws pillow*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: Fine, fine! *gets up for real*
Dora: Isaac! You forgot something!
Dora: *uses Catch Psynergy to grab Isaac's tunic*
Dora: It's pouring out without your tunic!
Isaac: NOT THE TUNIC AGAIN!
Dora: ^_^
Isaac: Oh, that thing. Is that even mine?
Dora: *puts it on Isaac*
Isaac: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO anything but this!
Dora: Have you got everything you need?
Isaac: No...Let's see...I'm missing my Golden Sun games, my Game Boy Advance SP, my GameCube, my Sol Blade...
Dora: I'm sorry, but we don't have time. You'll have to leave it behind.
Isaac: Come on, just let me die. I have the Revive Psynergy to heal myself anyway. And maybe it occurs to you that I said SIX objects, not ONE, which would make it "them"! *heads back up the stairs*
Dora: *throws him down the stairs*
Kyle: *comes in the house* Isaac, Dora, hurry! The boulder could fall at any second!
Isaac: Like now? *waits a second* Or now? *waits a second* Or now? How dramatic!
*Kyle and Dora walk out of the house, Isaac goes back up the stairs*
Dora: *throws Isaac down the stairs and out of the house*
Dora: Kyle...Will they be able to stop the boulder?
Isaac: No, they won't. We'll all die a miserable death anyway! Now let me get my Game Boy Advance! *heads back into the house*
Dora: *goes back in and throws Isaac out of the house AGAIN*
Issac: Mom, I hate you! My Golden Sun! :(
Kyle: *shakes head* I don't think so. Not for long, anyway.
Isaac: *shakes head grinning*
Kyle: You two go and take refuge in the plaza.
Isaac: Where can I get this pizza?: I love pizza? Just hang on...I have to get my batteries.
Dora: Aren't you coming.
Isaac: No.
Dora: *confused look* Aren't you coming? *grabs Isaac by the leash*
Isaac: No.
Kyle: *shakes head* I need to help evacuate the other villagers.
Isaac: Let them die already!
Dora: Let me help you, Kyle! *holds on to Isaac by the leash*
Kyle: It's too dangerous, Dora! Please, just take good care of Isaac!
Isaac: Why can't everyone in Vale just die?
Dora: Bad Isaac! Stop wishing death on people!
Isaac: ^_^
Kyle: It's too dangerous, Dora! Please, just take good care of Isaac!
Dora: *shakes head* Isaac is old enough to get to the plaza on his own. You can find your way, can't you Isaac?
Isaac: No.
Dora: You know the way...just go south to get to the plaza. Be careful!
Isaac: Yeah, after I get my Game Boy Advance and more sleep *heads back in the house*
*Dora goes back in and throws him out*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: Why should I go? No time. The seconds are ticking away! We're all going to die!
*Dora and Kyle head north and leave*
Isaac: *goes back inside, heads into bed, and goes back to sleep*
*Invisible force throws him out of the house*
Isaac: O_o Heck...there's this stairway that goes south toward the pizza. Let's try going left 2 spaces, down one, and down the stairway!
*boulder from the eastern cliff falls right onto the stairway, cutting Isaac off*
Isaac: Good...now that the boulder is finally killed no one, back to sleep! w00t! *goes back inside and into bed*
*Invisible force throws him back out*
Isaac: Can't I get any security? I can't even go into my own house! Damn Ivan. I told him not to get the Force Psynergy.
Isaac: *walks a little northwest down another stairway*
*Another boulder falls from the eastern cliff out of nowhere to block Isaac*
Isaac: WOO! I'll just go back to the house north of my house and see if that stairway up unleashes another boulder!
Isaac: *walks up the stairway* I see the boulder...but it's not moving! Mia, lift it! *goes above the house*
Garet: Ugh...Hrnghhh...
Isaac: *confused* Do you have Golden Sun? I'll battle you!
Garet: Isaac, what do you want? I'm trying to save my things?
Isaac: What valuables do you have? Do you have money? I could use some...you see I'm trying to bribe Camelot into making a Golden Sun 3.
Garet: What, you want me to just dump my stuff?
Isaac: Yes. Well, we can always compromise if you have Golden Sun...
Garet: You think I should forget these things and save my own life?
Isaac: Since when did you think you had a life?
Garet: *stops pulling on his belongings and nods to Isaac* You know, you're right. OK! Let's just get out of here!
Isaac: Get out of where? Vale is nice and peaceful. And I don't want pizza just yet. I'm trying to level up Isaac to Level 99 on my game.
GARET JOINED YOUR PARTY.
Isaac: What's a party?
Garet: Forget it...let's go west across the bridge!
Isaac: *leads Garet to the stairs upward to the Sol Sanctum*
Garet: We shouldn't go north...that'll take us toward Mt. Aleph. The plaza is over that way. We need to head south.
Isaac: *leads Garet to the stairs upward to the Sol Sanctum*
Garet: We shouldn't go north...that'll take us toward Mt. Aleph.
Isaac: *leads Garet to the stairs upward to the Sol Sanctum*
Garet: We shouldn't go north...that'll take us toward Mt. Aleph.
Isaac: Fine fine. Why can't I choose my own fate? Besides, south is blocked by scary falling insane boulders! *leads Garet west across the bridge and heads south and hear large boulders falling*
Elder #1: Ahhh! The Boulder! It's falling!
Isaac: Maybe it would occur to them that TWO ALREADY FELL AND NEARLY CRUSHED ME?
*Isaac and Garet turn to the Elders, watching the Elders stop the boulder*
Elder #2: Ugh...Ughnn...It's too heavy! We can't hold it for long!
Isaac: How dramatic.
Elder #3: If our Psynergy runs out, Vale will be destroyed!
Isaac: I'd love Vale to be destroyed. Serves it right. What a crappy town.
Elder #4: We have to hold on until the villagers are safe!
Isaac: I AM THE ALL-POWERFUL VENUS ADEPT ISAAC!
Elder: *hears it and turns* Hurry, boys! Run!!! It's just a little farther!
Isaac: Yeah, to the Doom Dragon.
Garet: Come on, Isaac, run! The Boulder is coming!
Isaac: Another one?
*Isaac and Garet run down the stairway and then southward*
*Boulder falls in the way*
Garet: We can't get around this rock!
Isaac: So? It's not like we need to. The best way to head south is head north.
Garet: We'll have to find another way.
Isaac: WHY?!
*Isaac and Garet run west and they spot another boulder*
Isaac: Damn those boulders! I'll get you one day! *spots another one* AND ANOTHER ONE! THE HORROR!
*Isaac and Garet walk up to a boy lying on the ground*
Isaac: What happened to you, dawg? Haha.
Boy: Rockslide...destroyed fence...Monsters everywhere...
Isaac: I don't see a destroyed fence, monsters, or rocks. Other than the boulder next to you. So, you have any money on you?
Boy: I'm hurt pretty badly...Do you think I'll die?
Isaac: Uh...yeah, of course. How many money do you have with you? Do you have Golden Sun? Do you have a Level 99 Isaac?
Boy: I knew it...This is it for me...Save yourselves...
Isaac: But...I want all your possessions! :( Let's walk down that stairway to the south, Garet. Probably another boulder will fall and we'll have to dramatically prevent it from killing us.
*Nothing happens as they walk east from the stairway*
VERMIN APPEARED! ISAAC'S PARTY ATTACKS FIRST!
Isaac: Oh crap we're all going to die! *looks in Psynergy listing* You have no Psynergy? What kind of crap is this!
Garet: Use your Machete. It's used to do chores. You also have 3 Herbs, a Cotton Shirt, and Padded Gloves.
Isaac: How the hell do you know all this? Have you been stalking me?
Garet: Umm...no. I'm just smarter than you. For that account, I have one Machete, 3 Herbs, a Cotton Shirt, and Padded Gloves.
VERMIN BITES ISAAC!
Isaac: *faints* This is it for me...Save yourself...
Garet: o_O Well, that's interesting. REVIVE THE VENUS ADEPT!
Isaac: *is revived* WHA? Oh, attack!
ISAAC ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 9 DAMAGE!
GARET ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 10 DAMAGE!
Garet: Who's got the mad skills now?
Isaac: Shut up.
ISAAC ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 5 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED VERMIN!
YOU GOT 2 EXPERIENCE POINTS!
Isaac: What's an experience point?
YOU GOT 2 COINS.
Isaac: What can two coins buy? Now I knew we should have taken the money from that dying dude.
*Isaac and Garet continue eastward*
BAT APPEARED!
Isaac: I never knew there were bats flying around Vale...LET'S KILL THEM ALL WITH MY SOL BLADE!
Garet: You don't have a Sol Blade. You have a Machete, though.
Isaac: O_o Oh, right.
ISAAC ATTACKS!
BAT TAKES 17 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED BAT!
YOU GOT 1 EXPERIENCE POINT.
Isaac: w00t! I wonder what this is for! Looks like I've done more damage than you, silly redhead!
YOU GOT 1 COIN.
Garet: Man, can you ever shut up? We're supposed to save Felix!
Isaac: Who's Felix?
*Isaac and Garet continue to walk eastward until they spot a stairway up*
Isaac: I'm climbing it so I can get crushed by a boulder!
Garet: You won't. The boulders have all fallen.
Isaac: I hate you, Garet. I really hate you :(
*They walk southward*
WILD MUSHROOM1 APPEARED!
WILD MUSHROOM2 APPEARED!
Isaac: ...
Garet: ...
ISAAC ATTACKS!
WILD MUSHROOM1 TAKES 12 DAMAGE!
GARET ATTACKS!
WILD MUSHROOM2 TAKES 11 DAMAGE!
ISAAC ATTACKS!
WILD MUSHROOM1 TAKES 11 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED WILD MUSHROOM1!
THE BOLEFUL GAZE OF WILD MUSHROOM2 TURNS UPON YOU!
GARET ATTACKS!
WILD MUSHROOM2 TAKES 16 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED WILD MUSHROOM2!
WILD MUSHROOM'S PARTY GOES DOWN!
YOU GOT 2 EXPERIENCE POINTS.
YOU GOT 4 COINS.
Isaac: ...what stupid mushrooms. They never attacked!
Garet: That's right! That's because we're Gods!
*They continue southward and down another stairway*
Isaac: WHAT, A DEAD END?
Garet: Isaac, you're so dumb. We're supposed to cross that bridge east, remember?
Isaac: Oh yeah...but there's two giant fat boulders here! They'll kill us! And look...that's my house!
Garet: o_O Let's just go south past these two stairways to the pizza...I mean plaza.
Isaac: Pizza? We Asians love pizza!
Garet: Asians?
Isaac: Never mind. Let's go and die a miserable death!
*Isaac and Garet go all the way down the stairways to find a boulder fall right in front of them*
Isaac: How dramatic.
Garet: Stop repeating that phrase! It's iritating me!
*Isaac and Garet walks back up the stairways, west on the bridge, and back down the stairway*
Isaac: See, look! This isn't a dead end! Look at that stairway down!
Garet: You were the one that said this was a dead end!
Isaac: Grrr fine. Let's charge down and trample everyone!
*Isaac and Garet race down the stairway*
Garet: *trips Isaac*
Isaac: Hey, that was uncalled for!
Jenna: Oh no! My brother!
Isaac: What's a brother?
Felix's Dad: Hang on, Felix!
Isaac: Why can't the kid just fall in?
Dora: Felix will be all right. We'll find a way to save him...
Isaac: They must all have ADD. After all, why don't I get all the attention?
*Felix falls in the river*
Jenna: Nooooo! Felix!
*Felix appears again*
Isaac: How dramatic!
Garet: SHUT UP ISAAC!
Felix's Dad: The rope won't reach...We should use Psynergy. Do you have any left?
Isaac: Uh, yea. Want me to use Ragnarok on Felix? Besides, why don't you queers use LASH! That saves everyone trouble!
Felix's Mom: I've used all mine up. What about you, Kyle?
Kyle: I'm drained from helping the other villagers...
Isaac: Felix this, Felix that, blah blah blah.
Dora: We have to get help.
Isaac: Only 35 of us live in Vale, Dad! And half of them are dead!
Kyle: I used it on that stupid guy who thought he died. Can Felix hang on long enough for us to find help?
Isaac: No. Unfortunately he can. If he can jump off the Venus Lighthouse from a mile up and survive, he can survive a giant boulder than hits him head first.
Dora: There's nothing else we can do for him here, is there?
Isaac: Yep. Bye bye, Felix! Felix, it's Odyssey time! *uses Odyssey Psynergy on Felix*
*Nothing happens to Felix*
Isaac: What the heck?
Kyle: Then go get help, but be as quick as possible!
Isaac: No!
Felix's Mom: Jenna, can you go too?
Isaac: No.
Felix's Mom: You'll go find help, right?
Isaac: No. Isn't Felix's mom also Jenna's mom?
Dora: Your brother is counting on you, Jenna.
Isaac: I can't count!
*Jenna nods*
Dora: All right, let's get going!
*Dora and Jenna go through the house and out the left door*
Dora: I'll go north...You head for the plaza, all right?
Jenna: Yes, ma'am. We're looking for anyone with any Psynergy left, right?
Isaac: NO!
*Dora heads north and Jenna heads south*
*Dora crashes into Isaac*
Isaac: Owww! Mom, that really hurt!
Dora: Isaac!
Isaac: Yea, that's what you named me.
Dora: You saw what happened?
Isaac: No, I had my eyes closed. Right, Garet?
Garet: Nope.
Dora: I'm looking for someone who can help Felix. He's fallen into the river.
Isaac: Ummm Mom I think he jumped into the river!
Dora: I don't suppose...Could the two of you help me?
Isaac: No.
Garet: Yes.
Isaac: Yes.
Garet: No.
Isaac & Garet: No.
Dora: You don't have to if you don't want to...Just get yourselves to the plaza.
Isaac: For some pizza!
*Dora runs north up the stairway*
Isaac: We don't have a choice, do we?
Garet: Why aren't we allowed to kill Felix?
Isaac: Cause he's God of Vale.
Garet: Oh.
*Isaac and Garet run around the house southward to a stairway*
Isaac: These are freaky. *shudders*
Garet: Not really. *drags Isaac up the stairway and across the bridge to the east*
VERMIN APPEARED!
BAT APPEARED!
Isaac: Wow, so they're sidekicks now?
ISAAC ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 11 DAMAGE!
BAT ATTACKS!
ISAAC TAKES 7 DAMAGE!
Isaac: Ouch...I think I'm about to die. Sorry Garet.
Garet: o_O
GARET ATTACKS!
BAT TAKES 16 DAMAGE!
VERMIN ATTACKS!
ISAAC TAKES 6 DAMAGE!
Garet: Note how I take no damage...haha!
Isaac: Bast*rd.
ISAAC ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 10 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED VERMIN!
BAT ATTACKS!
GARET TAKES 6 DAMAGE!
Garet: O_o Haha at least I have 26 HP left. Isaac has 17!
GARET ATTACKS!
BAT TAKES 7 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED BAT!
VERMIN'S PARTY GOES DOWN!
YOU GOT 3 EXPERIENCE POINTS.
YOU GOT 3 COINS.
*Isaac and Garet continue east to the plaza*
Isaac: So where do we go now that we're here?
Garet: Search for living souls. These houses are empty, which means everyone's already died a tragic death!
Isaac: Cool! *runs around houses*
Garet: Why does he do that every time that someone dies?
*Isaac and Garet walk down three stairways toward the south till they reach South Vale*
Isaac: People here, Garet! Look at that chick there!
Garet: You do that and get killed. But I'm going to check out the devastation of the boulders!
Isaac: *stares* ok...sure...*drool*
*Garet drags Isaac to the entrance of the inn*
Isaac: Hey, you there! What happened to you? *snicker*
Man: Ohhh...I'm exhausted. I used all my Psynergy deflecting falling rocks...
Garet: *whispering* Doesn't he remind you of the other guy?
Isaac: Hey, you got any money on you?
Man: What do you take me as, a thief?
Isaac: YES!
Man: I'd kill you but I'm tired. I'll kill you later.
Isaac: OK, I'll see you then.
*Garet drags Isaac counterclockwise around the lake*
Mayor: Go aid the Elders! The boulder is too heavy for them to hold much longer.
Isaac: And HELP them prevent people from dying? I'm confused...
Mayor: We can't let the Mt. Aleph boulder destroy the village.
Isaac: YES, YES WE CAN!
Men: Let's go help the Elders.
Mayor: We're counting on you.
*The two men run off*
Garet: Grandpa! Jenna!
Isaac: Coconuts! Cherries!
Jenna: Garet, Isaac...You came to help me?
Isaac: No, actually, I was just checking that chick. I'll be right back. *slips away*
Garet: *nods, then goes over to Isaac, and drags him back to Jenna and the Mayor* Jenna told me about Felix. Is that why you're here?
Isaac: No, actually, I was just checking that chick. I'll be right back. *slips away*
Jenna: Wait...that's Felix, Isaac!
Garet: *grabs Isaac and throws him to the Mayor again*
Mayor: Well, regardless, I want you two to help Jenna.
Isaac: *whispering* But Jenna's...ugly!
Man at Psynergy Stone: Great! I'm all charged up!
*Man hops over to the Mayor*
Isaac: Poor cripple. *laughs*
Mayor: How are you? Have you recovered your Psynergy?
Isaac: No.
Man: *nods* Enough to save Felix, thanks to the Psynergy Stone.
Mayor: *nods* OK, Jenna, you heard him. Now hurry back!
Jenna: *looks around confused on what to do next*
Mayor: The path may be blocked by fallen rocks. You two can show the way!
Garet: We can?
Isaac: Let's see...two comes after one. Right?
Jenna: *nods* ...Thank you, Isaac.
JENNA AND MAN TEMPORARILY JOIN YOUR PARTY!
Isaac: I don't want to go. The chick...
Garet: SHUT UP! *blindfolds Isaac, covers his mouth, and drags him toward Felix*
Jenna: Why is it Felix's Dad and Felix's Mom? Why can't it be Jenna's Dad and Jenna's Mom?
*Garet, Jenna, and Man walk back up the stairways out of South Vale, dragging a screaming Isaac*
Garet: We're there on the bridge above the river! *unblindfolds Isaac and sets him free*
Isaac: Damn it Garet. She was hot! And...I'm not a slave you know!
Garet: Say that again and I'll kill you.
Jenna: Mom! Dad! We're back!
Dora: Is that you, Jenna?
Isaac: No.
*Dora runs over*
Jenna: Yes, ma'am...
Dora: I couldn't find anyone that could help...
Isaac: Except Isaac.
Dora: How did you do?
Isaac: You see, I checked out this...
*Man shows himself to Dora*
Dora: You're just in time.
Isaac: Time to witness the death of us all!
Jenna: Then my brother is still...
Isaac: Yep, dead from my Odyssey attack! HAHA!
Dora: *nod* Felix is all right. He's hanging in there. Come down here and we can save Felix!
Isaac: Damn it! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FALL ALREADY!
*Isaac and party nod reluctantly and come down the stairway*
*the ground shakes*
Isaac: HOW DRAMATIC!
Jenna: *whacks Isaac with a tuna*
Isaac: Where'd you get that out of?
Jenna: ^_^
Isaac: Gee, I wonder what this is? THE BOULDER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*everyone looks around nervously*
Isaac: I love rain!
*giant boulder passes Elders, drops on random cliffs next to river, drops past the waterfall, and falls*
Isaac: Garet, RUN!
*Isaac and Garet run under bridge*
*Jenna runs to the side away from the river, Man with Psynergy trips, Felix's parents and Kyle scream*
*Felix's parents and Kyle look up from the dock to see the falling boulder*
*Falling boulder drops right on top of Kyle, Felix's parents, and Felix*
Isaac: How could this boulder do what my Odyssey could not?!
*everyone shakes from the horrific sight*
Isaac: Not me. I love it! *bursts out in laughs of joy*
Dora: No...It can't be. Kyle...It must be a dream...
Isaac: I love dreams...especially about a...
Jenna: Mom...Dad...Felix...Please...Don't leave me all alone...
Isaac: That's right!
Garet: Isaac...The Boulder...We need to get help, or everyone will drown...
Isaac: Didn't four of them already drown?
Garet: NO! They didn't. See? *points a raging water with nothing in it*
Man: Oooh...I'll go...I'll go get help! It's no use. I can't move...Isaac, please get help!
Isaac: Why me? I'm the hero.
*Isaac runs south up the stairway and across the bridge to the east*
Garet: Isaac...I can't let him go alone...It's times like these that we men have to stand together!
Jenna: And women.
*Garet runs toward Isaac*
Person We Don't Know So We'll Call Him Mystery Man: Only the two of us survived...
*Isaac looks up to see the Mystery Man on the cliff near the Plaza*
Person We Don't Know So We'll Call Her Mystery Woman: How could we have anticipated Sol
Sanctum would unleash such fury?
Mystery Man: It's a miracle even the two of us were spared.
Mystery Woman: *looking north* That switch. It must have been a trap.
Mystery Man: *looking north* But to think it could conjure up a storm this powerful!
Mystery Woman: *shakes head* Another demonstration of the awesome powers of alchemy.
Mystery Man: Regardless, we must not fail next time we challenge Sol Sanctum.
Mystery Woman: *nods* Next time, we shall certainly...
Garet: Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait! *runs up to Isaac*
*Mystery Man and Woman hear the loud shout and go down to spot Garet reaching Isaac*
Garet: Are you staring at that chick?
Isaac: No.
Garet: Liar.
Isaac: Shut up Garet! I was trying to spy on these very evilly mental people!
Mystery Man: *nods* You were eavesdropping on us just now, weren't you?
Isaac: No.
Garet: Yes.
Isaac: Yes.
Garet: No.
Isaac: No.
Garet: Yes.
Isaac: Yes.
Garet: No.
Isaac & Garet: No. *shakes head*
Garet: Isaac... *walks up to Isaac* They look scary...Are you sure you should be talking to them?
Isaac: Yes, I'm trying to foil their plot to conquer the world by lighting the lighthouses.
Garet: What?!
Isaac: Never mind.
Mystery Woman: You must forget everything you've heard.
Mystery Man: Don't worry...We'll help you forget!
*Mystery Woman and Mystery Man leap from ledge and prepare for battle*
MYSTERY WOMAN APPEARED!
MYSTERY MAN APPEARED!
Isaac: I summon...Iris!
Garet: I summon...Charon!
ISAAC ATTACKS!
MYSTERY MAN TAKES 3 DAMAGE!
Isaac: O_o DAMN IRIS! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DO TWO THOUSAND!
MYSTERY WOMAN USES DEATH SIZE!
GARET TAKES 55 DAMAGE!
GARET GOES DOWN...
Garet: This is it...save yourself.
MYSTERY MAN CASTS FIREBALL!
ISAAC TAKES 74 DAMAGE!!!
ISAAC GOES DOWN...
ISAAC'S PARTY HAS BEEN DEFEATED!
*Mystery Man and Woman nod and jump like monkeys out of South Vale*
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To be continued...
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Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun, and neither do you. It's owned by Camelot! Unless of course, you're Camelot, then I have nothing to say. I do have a version of the games, however, but that doesn't count. This is an attempted humorous retelling of the beginning of Golden Sun, with its constant twists. And what Adept am I? wario taboo says Mars...hehe! Thanks to wario taboo for SOME funny phrases in this first chapter.
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Chapter 1: The Boulder Attacks!
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Dora: Isaac, wake up!
Isaac: NO! I'm tired from staying up till midnight to play Golden Sun!
Dora: Please, dear, wake up!
Isaac: Is the sun finally out? There's only been sun once for 45 years!
Dora: The Mt. Aleph boulder is going to fall!
Isaac: So? *continues sleeping*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: *ignores Dora*
Dora: If it falls there's no breakfast tomorrow!
Isaac: *pretends to yawn*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: *pretends to be fast asleep*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: ZZZ...
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: Grrr fine! I'm tired!
Isaac: *gets up and falls back into bed*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: The repetitiveness is getting on my nerves...*throws pillow*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: Fine, fine! *gets up for real*
Dora: Isaac! You forgot something!
Dora: *uses Catch Psynergy to grab Isaac's tunic*
Dora: It's pouring out without your tunic!
Isaac: NOT THE TUNIC AGAIN!
Dora: ^_^
Isaac: Oh, that thing. Is that even mine?
Dora: *puts it on Isaac*
Isaac: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO anything but this!
Dora: Have you got everything you need?
Isaac: No...Let's see...I'm missing my Golden Sun games, my Game Boy Advance SP, my GameCube, my Sol Blade...
Dora: I'm sorry, but we don't have time. You'll have to leave it behind.
Isaac: Come on, just let me die. I have the Revive Psynergy to heal myself anyway. And maybe it occurs to you that I said SIX objects, not ONE, which would make it "them"! *heads back up the stairs*
Dora: *throws him down the stairs*
Kyle: *comes in the house* Isaac, Dora, hurry! The boulder could fall at any second!
Isaac: Like now? *waits a second* Or now? *waits a second* Or now? How dramatic!
*Kyle and Dora walk out of the house, Isaac goes back up the stairs*
Dora: *throws Isaac down the stairs and out of the house*
Dora: Kyle...Will they be able to stop the boulder?
Isaac: No, they won't. We'll all die a miserable death anyway! Now let me get my Game Boy Advance! *heads back into the house*
Dora: *goes back in and throws Isaac out of the house AGAIN*
Issac: Mom, I hate you! My Golden Sun! :(
Kyle: *shakes head* I don't think so. Not for long, anyway.
Isaac: *shakes head grinning*
Kyle: You two go and take refuge in the plaza.
Isaac: Where can I get this pizza?: I love pizza? Just hang on...I have to get my batteries.
Dora: Aren't you coming.
Isaac: No.
Dora: *confused look* Aren't you coming? *grabs Isaac by the leash*
Isaac: No.
Kyle: *shakes head* I need to help evacuate the other villagers.
Isaac: Let them die already!
Dora: Let me help you, Kyle! *holds on to Isaac by the leash*
Kyle: It's too dangerous, Dora! Please, just take good care of Isaac!
Isaac: Why can't everyone in Vale just die?
Dora: Bad Isaac! Stop wishing death on people!
Isaac: ^_^
Kyle: It's too dangerous, Dora! Please, just take good care of Isaac!
Dora: *shakes head* Isaac is old enough to get to the plaza on his own. You can find your way, can't you Isaac?
Isaac: No.
Dora: You know the way...just go south to get to the plaza. Be careful!
Isaac: Yeah, after I get my Game Boy Advance and more sleep *heads back in the house*
*Dora goes back in and throws him out*
Dora: Come on, Isaac. We have to go - now!
Isaac: Why should I go? No time. The seconds are ticking away! We're all going to die!
*Dora and Kyle head north and leave*
Isaac: *goes back inside, heads into bed, and goes back to sleep*
*Invisible force throws him out of the house*
Isaac: O_o Heck...there's this stairway that goes south toward the pizza. Let's try going left 2 spaces, down one, and down the stairway!
*boulder from the eastern cliff falls right onto the stairway, cutting Isaac off*
Isaac: Good...now that the boulder is finally killed no one, back to sleep! w00t! *goes back inside and into bed*
*Invisible force throws him back out*
Isaac: Can't I get any security? I can't even go into my own house! Damn Ivan. I told him not to get the Force Psynergy.
Isaac: *walks a little northwest down another stairway*
*Another boulder falls from the eastern cliff out of nowhere to block Isaac*
Isaac: WOO! I'll just go back to the house north of my house and see if that stairway up unleashes another boulder!
Isaac: *walks up the stairway* I see the boulder...but it's not moving! Mia, lift it! *goes above the house*
Garet: Ugh...Hrnghhh...
Isaac: *confused* Do you have Golden Sun? I'll battle you!
Garet: Isaac, what do you want? I'm trying to save my things?
Isaac: What valuables do you have? Do you have money? I could use some...you see I'm trying to bribe Camelot into making a Golden Sun 3.
Garet: What, you want me to just dump my stuff?
Isaac: Yes. Well, we can always compromise if you have Golden Sun...
Garet: You think I should forget these things and save my own life?
Isaac: Since when did you think you had a life?
Garet: *stops pulling on his belongings and nods to Isaac* You know, you're right. OK! Let's just get out of here!
Isaac: Get out of where? Vale is nice and peaceful. And I don't want pizza just yet. I'm trying to level up Isaac to Level 99 on my game.
GARET JOINED YOUR PARTY.
Isaac: What's a party?
Garet: Forget it...let's go west across the bridge!
Isaac: *leads Garet to the stairs upward to the Sol Sanctum*
Garet: We shouldn't go north...that'll take us toward Mt. Aleph. The plaza is over that way. We need to head south.
Isaac: *leads Garet to the stairs upward to the Sol Sanctum*
Garet: We shouldn't go north...that'll take us toward Mt. Aleph.
Isaac: *leads Garet to the stairs upward to the Sol Sanctum*
Garet: We shouldn't go north...that'll take us toward Mt. Aleph.
Isaac: Fine fine. Why can't I choose my own fate? Besides, south is blocked by scary falling insane boulders! *leads Garet west across the bridge and heads south and hear large boulders falling*
Elder #1: Ahhh! The Boulder! It's falling!
Isaac: Maybe it would occur to them that TWO ALREADY FELL AND NEARLY CRUSHED ME?
*Isaac and Garet turn to the Elders, watching the Elders stop the boulder*
Elder #2: Ugh...Ughnn...It's too heavy! We can't hold it for long!
Isaac: How dramatic.
Elder #3: If our Psynergy runs out, Vale will be destroyed!
Isaac: I'd love Vale to be destroyed. Serves it right. What a crappy town.
Elder #4: We have to hold on until the villagers are safe!
Isaac: I AM THE ALL-POWERFUL VENUS ADEPT ISAAC!
Elder: *hears it and turns* Hurry, boys! Run!!! It's just a little farther!
Isaac: Yeah, to the Doom Dragon.
Garet: Come on, Isaac, run! The Boulder is coming!
Isaac: Another one?
*Isaac and Garet run down the stairway and then southward*
*Boulder falls in the way*
Garet: We can't get around this rock!
Isaac: So? It's not like we need to. The best way to head south is head north.
Garet: We'll have to find another way.
Isaac: WHY?!
*Isaac and Garet run west and they spot another boulder*
Isaac: Damn those boulders! I'll get you one day! *spots another one* AND ANOTHER ONE! THE HORROR!
*Isaac and Garet walk up to a boy lying on the ground*
Isaac: What happened to you, dawg? Haha.
Boy: Rockslide...destroyed fence...Monsters everywhere...
Isaac: I don't see a destroyed fence, monsters, or rocks. Other than the boulder next to you. So, you have any money on you?
Boy: I'm hurt pretty badly...Do you think I'll die?
Isaac: Uh...yeah, of course. How many money do you have with you? Do you have Golden Sun? Do you have a Level 99 Isaac?
Boy: I knew it...This is it for me...Save yourselves...
Isaac: But...I want all your possessions! :( Let's walk down that stairway to the south, Garet. Probably another boulder will fall and we'll have to dramatically prevent it from killing us.
*Nothing happens as they walk east from the stairway*
VERMIN APPEARED! ISAAC'S PARTY ATTACKS FIRST!
Isaac: Oh crap we're all going to die! *looks in Psynergy listing* You have no Psynergy? What kind of crap is this!
Garet: Use your Machete. It's used to do chores. You also have 3 Herbs, a Cotton Shirt, and Padded Gloves.
Isaac: How the hell do you know all this? Have you been stalking me?
Garet: Umm...no. I'm just smarter than you. For that account, I have one Machete, 3 Herbs, a Cotton Shirt, and Padded Gloves.
VERMIN BITES ISAAC!
Isaac: *faints* This is it for me...Save yourself...
Garet: o_O Well, that's interesting. REVIVE THE VENUS ADEPT!
Isaac: *is revived* WHA? Oh, attack!
ISAAC ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 9 DAMAGE!
GARET ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 10 DAMAGE!
Garet: Who's got the mad skills now?
Isaac: Shut up.
ISAAC ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 5 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED VERMIN!
YOU GOT 2 EXPERIENCE POINTS!
Isaac: What's an experience point?
YOU GOT 2 COINS.
Isaac: What can two coins buy? Now I knew we should have taken the money from that dying dude.
*Isaac and Garet continue eastward*
BAT APPEARED!
Isaac: I never knew there were bats flying around Vale...LET'S KILL THEM ALL WITH MY SOL BLADE!
Garet: You don't have a Sol Blade. You have a Machete, though.
Isaac: O_o Oh, right.
ISAAC ATTACKS!
BAT TAKES 17 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED BAT!
YOU GOT 1 EXPERIENCE POINT.
Isaac: w00t! I wonder what this is for! Looks like I've done more damage than you, silly redhead!
YOU GOT 1 COIN.
Garet: Man, can you ever shut up? We're supposed to save Felix!
Isaac: Who's Felix?
*Isaac and Garet continue to walk eastward until they spot a stairway up*
Isaac: I'm climbing it so I can get crushed by a boulder!
Garet: You won't. The boulders have all fallen.
Isaac: I hate you, Garet. I really hate you :(
*They walk southward*
WILD MUSHROOM1 APPEARED!
WILD MUSHROOM2 APPEARED!
Isaac: ...
Garet: ...
ISAAC ATTACKS!
WILD MUSHROOM1 TAKES 12 DAMAGE!
GARET ATTACKS!
WILD MUSHROOM2 TAKES 11 DAMAGE!
ISAAC ATTACKS!
WILD MUSHROOM1 TAKES 11 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED WILD MUSHROOM1!
THE BOLEFUL GAZE OF WILD MUSHROOM2 TURNS UPON YOU!
GARET ATTACKS!
WILD MUSHROOM2 TAKES 16 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED WILD MUSHROOM2!
WILD MUSHROOM'S PARTY GOES DOWN!
YOU GOT 2 EXPERIENCE POINTS.
YOU GOT 4 COINS.
Isaac: ...what stupid mushrooms. They never attacked!
Garet: That's right! That's because we're Gods!
*They continue southward and down another stairway*
Isaac: WHAT, A DEAD END?
Garet: Isaac, you're so dumb. We're supposed to cross that bridge east, remember?
Isaac: Oh yeah...but there's two giant fat boulders here! They'll kill us! And look...that's my house!
Garet: o_O Let's just go south past these two stairways to the pizza...I mean plaza.
Isaac: Pizza? We Asians love pizza!
Garet: Asians?
Isaac: Never mind. Let's go and die a miserable death!
*Isaac and Garet go all the way down the stairways to find a boulder fall right in front of them*
Isaac: How dramatic.
Garet: Stop repeating that phrase! It's iritating me!
*Isaac and Garet walks back up the stairways, west on the bridge, and back down the stairway*
Isaac: See, look! This isn't a dead end! Look at that stairway down!
Garet: You were the one that said this was a dead end!
Isaac: Grrr fine. Let's charge down and trample everyone!
*Isaac and Garet race down the stairway*
Garet: *trips Isaac*
Isaac: Hey, that was uncalled for!
Jenna: Oh no! My brother!
Isaac: What's a brother?
Felix's Dad: Hang on, Felix!
Isaac: Why can't the kid just fall in?
Dora: Felix will be all right. We'll find a way to save him...
Isaac: They must all have ADD. After all, why don't I get all the attention?
*Felix falls in the river*
Jenna: Nooooo! Felix!
*Felix appears again*
Isaac: How dramatic!
Garet: SHUT UP ISAAC!
Felix's Dad: The rope won't reach...We should use Psynergy. Do you have any left?
Isaac: Uh, yea. Want me to use Ragnarok on Felix? Besides, why don't you queers use LASH! That saves everyone trouble!
Felix's Mom: I've used all mine up. What about you, Kyle?
Kyle: I'm drained from helping the other villagers...
Isaac: Felix this, Felix that, blah blah blah.
Dora: We have to get help.
Isaac: Only 35 of us live in Vale, Dad! And half of them are dead!
Kyle: I used it on that stupid guy who thought he died. Can Felix hang on long enough for us to find help?
Isaac: No. Unfortunately he can. If he can jump off the Venus Lighthouse from a mile up and survive, he can survive a giant boulder than hits him head first.
Dora: There's nothing else we can do for him here, is there?
Isaac: Yep. Bye bye, Felix! Felix, it's Odyssey time! *uses Odyssey Psynergy on Felix*
*Nothing happens to Felix*
Isaac: What the heck?
Kyle: Then go get help, but be as quick as possible!
Isaac: No!
Felix's Mom: Jenna, can you go too?
Isaac: No.
Felix's Mom: You'll go find help, right?
Isaac: No. Isn't Felix's mom also Jenna's mom?
Dora: Your brother is counting on you, Jenna.
Isaac: I can't count!
*Jenna nods*
Dora: All right, let's get going!
*Dora and Jenna go through the house and out the left door*
Dora: I'll go north...You head for the plaza, all right?
Jenna: Yes, ma'am. We're looking for anyone with any Psynergy left, right?
Isaac: NO!
*Dora heads north and Jenna heads south*
*Dora crashes into Isaac*
Isaac: Owww! Mom, that really hurt!
Dora: Isaac!
Isaac: Yea, that's what you named me.
Dora: You saw what happened?
Isaac: No, I had my eyes closed. Right, Garet?
Garet: Nope.
Dora: I'm looking for someone who can help Felix. He's fallen into the river.
Isaac: Ummm Mom I think he jumped into the river!
Dora: I don't suppose...Could the two of you help me?
Isaac: No.
Garet: Yes.
Isaac: Yes.
Garet: No.
Isaac & Garet: No.
Dora: You don't have to if you don't want to...Just get yourselves to the plaza.
Isaac: For some pizza!
*Dora runs north up the stairway*
Isaac: We don't have a choice, do we?
Garet: Why aren't we allowed to kill Felix?
Isaac: Cause he's God of Vale.
Garet: Oh.
*Isaac and Garet run around the house southward to a stairway*
Isaac: These are freaky. *shudders*
Garet: Not really. *drags Isaac up the stairway and across the bridge to the east*
VERMIN APPEARED!
BAT APPEARED!
Isaac: Wow, so they're sidekicks now?
ISAAC ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 11 DAMAGE!
BAT ATTACKS!
ISAAC TAKES 7 DAMAGE!
Isaac: Ouch...I think I'm about to die. Sorry Garet.
Garet: o_O
GARET ATTACKS!
BAT TAKES 16 DAMAGE!
VERMIN ATTACKS!
ISAAC TAKES 6 DAMAGE!
Garet: Note how I take no damage...haha!
Isaac: Bast*rd.
ISAAC ATTACKS!
VERMIN TAKES 10 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED VERMIN!
BAT ATTACKS!
GARET TAKES 6 DAMAGE!
Garet: O_o Haha at least I have 26 HP left. Isaac has 17!
GARET ATTACKS!
BAT TAKES 7 DAMAGE!
YOU FELLED BAT!
VERMIN'S PARTY GOES DOWN!
YOU GOT 3 EXPERIENCE POINTS.
YOU GOT 3 COINS.
*Isaac and Garet continue east to the plaza*
Isaac: So where do we go now that we're here?
Garet: Search for living souls. These houses are empty, which means everyone's already died a tragic death!
Isaac: Cool! *runs around houses*
Garet: Why does he do that every time that someone dies?
*Isaac and Garet walk down three stairways toward the south till they reach South Vale*
Isaac: People here, Garet! Look at that chick there!
Garet: You do that and get killed. But I'm going to check out the devastation of the boulders!
Isaac: *stares* ok...sure...*drool*
*Garet drags Isaac to the entrance of the inn*
Isaac: Hey, you there! What happened to you? *snicker*
Man: Ohhh...I'm exhausted. I used all my Psynergy deflecting falling rocks...
Garet: *whispering* Doesn't he remind you of the other guy?
Isaac: Hey, you got any money on you?
Man: What do you take me as, a thief?
Isaac: YES!
Man: I'd kill you but I'm tired. I'll kill you later.
Isaac: OK, I'll see you then.
*Garet drags Isaac counterclockwise around the lake*
Mayor: Go aid the Elders! The boulder is too heavy for them to hold much longer.
Isaac: And HELP them prevent people from dying? I'm confused...
Mayor: We can't let the Mt. Aleph boulder destroy the village.
Isaac: YES, YES WE CAN!
Men: Let's go help the Elders.
Mayor: We're counting on you.
*The two men run off*
Garet: Grandpa! Jenna!
Isaac: Coconuts! Cherries!
Jenna: Garet, Isaac...You came to help me?
Isaac: No, actually, I was just checking that chick. I'll be right back. *slips away*
Garet: *nods, then goes over to Isaac, and drags him back to Jenna and the Mayor* Jenna told me about Felix. Is that why you're here?
Isaac: No, actually, I was just checking that chick. I'll be right back. *slips away*
Jenna: Wait...that's Felix, Isaac!
Garet: *grabs Isaac and throws him to the Mayor again*
Mayor: Well, regardless, I want you two to help Jenna.
Isaac: *whispering* But Jenna's...ugly!
Man at Psynergy Stone: Great! I'm all charged up!
*Man hops over to the Mayor*
Isaac: Poor cripple. *laughs*
Mayor: How are you? Have you recovered your Psynergy?
Isaac: No.
Man: *nods* Enough to save Felix, thanks to the Psynergy Stone.
Mayor: *nods* OK, Jenna, you heard him. Now hurry back!
Jenna: *looks around confused on what to do next*
Mayor: The path may be blocked by fallen rocks. You two can show the way!
Garet: We can?
Isaac: Let's see...two comes after one. Right?
Jenna: *nods* ...Thank you, Isaac.
JENNA AND MAN TEMPORARILY JOIN YOUR PARTY!
Isaac: I don't want to go. The chick...
Garet: SHUT UP! *blindfolds Isaac, covers his mouth, and drags him toward Felix*
Jenna: Why is it Felix's Dad and Felix's Mom? Why can't it be Jenna's Dad and Jenna's Mom?
*Garet, Jenna, and Man walk back up the stairways out of South Vale, dragging a screaming Isaac*
Garet: We're there on the bridge above the river! *unblindfolds Isaac and sets him free*
Isaac: Damn it Garet. She was hot! And...I'm not a slave you know!
Garet: Say that again and I'll kill you.
Jenna: Mom! Dad! We're back!
Dora: Is that you, Jenna?
Isaac: No.
*Dora runs over*
Jenna: Yes, ma'am...
Dora: I couldn't find anyone that could help...
Isaac: Except Isaac.
Dora: How did you do?
Isaac: You see, I checked out this...
*Man shows himself to Dora*
Dora: You're just in time.
Isaac: Time to witness the death of us all!
Jenna: Then my brother is still...
Isaac: Yep, dead from my Odyssey attack! HAHA!
Dora: *nod* Felix is all right. He's hanging in there. Come down here and we can save Felix!
Isaac: Damn it! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FALL ALREADY!
*Isaac and party nod reluctantly and come down the stairway*
*the ground shakes*
Isaac: HOW DRAMATIC!
Jenna: *whacks Isaac with a tuna*
Isaac: Where'd you get that out of?
Jenna: ^_^
Isaac: Gee, I wonder what this is? THE BOULDER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*everyone looks around nervously*
Isaac: I love rain!
*giant boulder passes Elders, drops on random cliffs next to river, drops past the waterfall, and falls*
Isaac: Garet, RUN!
*Isaac and Garet run under bridge*
*Jenna runs to the side away from the river, Man with Psynergy trips, Felix's parents and Kyle scream*
*Felix's parents and Kyle look up from the dock to see the falling boulder*
*Falling boulder drops right on top of Kyle, Felix's parents, and Felix*
Isaac: How could this boulder do what my Odyssey could not?!
*everyone shakes from the horrific sight*
Isaac: Not me. I love it! *bursts out in laughs of joy*
Dora: No...It can't be. Kyle...It must be a dream...
Isaac: I love dreams...especially about a...
Jenna: Mom...Dad...Felix...Please...Don't leave me all alone...
Isaac: That's right!
Garet: Isaac...The Boulder...We need to get help, or everyone will drown...
Isaac: Didn't four of them already drown?
Garet: NO! They didn't. See? *points a raging water with nothing in it*
Man: Oooh...I'll go...I'll go get help! It's no use. I can't move...Isaac, please get help!
Isaac: Why me? I'm the hero.
*Isaac runs south up the stairway and across the bridge to the east*
Garet: Isaac...I can't let him go alone...It's times like these that we men have to stand together!
Jenna: And women.
*Garet runs toward Isaac*
Person We Don't Know So We'll Call Him Mystery Man: Only the two of us survived...
*Isaac looks up to see the Mystery Man on the cliff near the Plaza*
Person We Don't Know So We'll Call Her Mystery Woman: How could we have anticipated Sol
Sanctum would unleash such fury?
Mystery Man: It's a miracle even the two of us were spared.
Mystery Woman: *looking north* That switch. It must have been a trap.
Mystery Man: *looking north* But to think it could conjure up a storm this powerful!
Mystery Woman: *shakes head* Another demonstration of the awesome powers of alchemy.
Mystery Man: Regardless, we must not fail next time we challenge Sol Sanctum.
Mystery Woman: *nods* Next time, we shall certainly...
Garet: Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait! *runs up to Isaac*
*Mystery Man and Woman hear the loud shout and go down to spot Garet reaching Isaac*
Garet: Are you staring at that chick?
Isaac: No.
Garet: Liar.
Isaac: Shut up Garet! I was trying to spy on these very evilly mental people!
Mystery Man: *nods* You were eavesdropping on us just now, weren't you?
Isaac: No.
Garet: Yes.
Isaac: Yes.
Garet: No.
Isaac: No.
Garet: Yes.
Isaac: Yes.
Garet: No.
Isaac & Garet: No. *shakes head*
Garet: Isaac... *walks up to Isaac* They look scary...Are you sure you should be talking to them?
Isaac: Yes, I'm trying to foil their plot to conquer the world by lighting the lighthouses.
Garet: What?!
Isaac: Never mind.
Mystery Woman: You must forget everything you've heard.
Mystery Man: Don't worry...We'll help you forget!
*Mystery Woman and Mystery Man leap from ledge and prepare for battle*
MYSTERY WOMAN APPEARED!
MYSTERY MAN APPEARED!
Isaac: I summon...Iris!
Garet: I summon...Charon!
ISAAC ATTACKS!
MYSTERY MAN TAKES 3 DAMAGE!
Isaac: O_o DAMN IRIS! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DO TWO THOUSAND!
MYSTERY WOMAN USES DEATH SIZE!
GARET TAKES 55 DAMAGE!
GARET GOES DOWN...
Garet: This is it...save yourself.
MYSTERY MAN CASTS FIREBALL!
ISAAC TAKES 74 DAMAGE!!!
ISAAC GOES DOWN...
ISAAC'S PARTY HAS BEEN DEFEATED!
*Mystery Man and Woman nod and jump like monkeys out of South Vale*
-----------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued...