Golden Sun: What You Call Messed Up
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Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun, and neither do you. It's owned by Camelot! Unless of course, you're Camelot, then I have nothing to say. I do have a version of the games, however, but that doesn't count. This is an attempted humorous retelling of the beginning of Golden Sun, with its constant twists. Help from Flame, Taboo, and Rikku.
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Chapter 2: Vale: Three years and not a s***in' thing happened
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THREE YEARS LATER...
Isaac: ...to the day I die.
*Jenna walks up the stairways, halts to let a woman past, and watches Isaac pretend to patch the roof*
Isaac: Stupid fu*king roof...
Dora: Isaac! Haven't you finished mending the roof yet?
Isaac: *intentionally breaks a chunk of the roof with his feet and falls straight onto his bed*
Isaac: Nothing like a nap...*thinking* If I don't mend it maybe another boulder will come and crush Mom!
Dora: You're almost done! OK, keep at it!
Isaac: *snicker* It might occur to you that I'm inside the house, not on top of the roof!
Jenna: *nods and walks up to the stairway to Garet's house and hears Garet*
Garet: Hyaa!
Isaac: When did Garet learn karate?
Jenna: *jumps up* Hee hee...Still training, Garet?
Isaac: He needs to... He still can't even do move... *snicker*
Garet: Hyaaaa! *Garet moves his house 3 feet left*
Isaac: WHA!!!
Jenna: You sure do put your heart into it, Garet!
Garet's Dad: Dammit Garet! Stop moving the house!
Garet: Damn straight. Oh, I'm just finishing up.
Jenna: That's good. It's time to go, and I was about to leave you behind.
Garet: *confused*
Jenna: Say, what exactly happened to you two?
Isaac: Good! I need time with Jenna, even though shes ugly... mwa...
Garet: *confused*
Jenna: The accident three years ago... Is that why you've been studying Psynergy?
Garet: No...you see I hate my parents so I decided to move the house to get them chasing after me...
Garet's Family: That's right!
*Impressive scene of family chasing Garet*
Kay: YOU MOVED THE HOUSE ON MY FLOWERS!! AHHH! *chases Garet*
Garet: Sister! It wasn't my fault!
Garet: It was...uhhh... Jenna!
Jenna: I appreciate your concern, but...my family's never coming back, and neither is Isaac's father...
*Garet's family starts chasing Jenna*
Isaac: Yeah.. and it's all your fault!
Jenna: AIYEE!!! *running around*
Jenna: I just want to forget that day. I wish everyone would...*shakes head*
Isaac: I do too.. I got my butt handed to me by two members of ICP... *climbs back up out of the roof*
Garet: That awful day...We went to get help, but they found us unconscious...
Jenna: Well, let's get Isaac and go to Kraden's...
Garet: *stutters*
Jenna: What, Garet?
Garet: *shakes head*
Jenna: What is it?
Garet: *jiggles like JELL-O for no reason at all*
Jenna: *shakes head* Don't be weird, Garet. Whatever...
Garet: Jenna, are you mad at me?
Isaac: YES!
Garet: *confused*
Jenna: *shakes head* I don't want to talk about it.
Garet: *confused*
Jenna: Come on!!!
Garet: Huh?
Jenna: *nods to Garet* Isaac is waiting for us.
Garet: But, Jenna...! *shakes*
Jenna: I'll leave you behind if you're too slow.
Garet: *tries to walk slow, but with some Psynergy, he is forced to move* AHHH! WHAT THE?!
Jenna: ^_^
Garet: Jenna...
*Both nod and walk toward Isaac, who has been staring the whole time*
Isaac: *pretends to finish mending the roof*
Dora: Good job, Isaac. You patched it nicely.
Isaac: *thinks to self* I sure did...
Dora: *nods* All right. You're all done. You're very reliable, Isaac...just like your father was...
Isaac: YES! Off to play my GBA SP!
Dora: What is it, Isaac? Do you still think about the accident?
Isaac: Hell no...but I did love every moment of it! Especially when Felix got crushed by that boulder! *grins widely*
Dora: *shakes head* I don't believe you...o_O WHAT?
Isaac: I said especially when Felix ate a folder!
Dora: Oh...^_^ You and Garet have been working yourselves to the bone studying Psynergy.
Jenna: AND JENNA!
Isaac: Oh yes, lets not forget the ugly girl... o_O
Dora: *turns* Do you think things would be any different if you'd had stronger abilities?
Isaac: Damn right. I wish I had Grand Gaia right now to waste this house. Also, I could go to the past and kill Felix faster!
Dora: That's what I thought. I was devastated when Kyle died...I felt all alone...
Isaac: Yup, cause I left the house every day to go spear fishing. Fishing...for people!
Dora: It's taken some time, but I'm better now. *nods to Isaac* I still have you, Isaac.
Isaac: Not for long! I suddenly feel an urge to burn the house down.
Dora: What was that?
Isaac: I said I feel an urge to churn the milk gown!
Dora: Oh, OK then.
Jenna: Thats a poor excuse...
Dora: You're almost seventeen. You're so much like Kyle was when he was young. I'm looking forward to seeing where life takes you.
Isaac: To hell! Uhh...I'm looking forward to seeing Felix again.
Jenna: *walks up onto roof* MA'AAAAM!!! *afraid Dora can't hear her yelling*
Dora: Hello, Jenna.
Dora: *Right next to Jenna* WHAT?! *falls off roof*
Isaac: Great! Now where were we...
Dora: Hello, Jenna.
Garet: How you'd see Felix again in hell Isaac?
Jenna: Good morning.
Dora: Yes, yes... Good morning.
Isaac: It looks like a good morning to TP some houses...
*Garet climbs up roof*
Dora: Well, if it isn't Garet, too!
Garet: Hoi.
Dora: Where do you all plan to go today?
Isaac: Damn, not him!
Garet: To fight Dullahan.
Isaac: To go graffiti Sol Sanctum.
Garet: We're going to Mt. Aleph with Kraden.
Isaac: To graffiti it.
Garet: Yea.
Isaac: What, the old man that killed the Brazilian soccer player near the boulder?
Garet: What's a Brazilian?
Isaac: ^_^
Isaac: ^_^
Dora: Mountain climbing with Kraden, eh?
Garet: *nods and turns to Jenna*
Dora: Kids and their games...
Isaac: I got mine! *holds up Golden Sun*
Jenna: No! It's a part of our studies!
Dora: Ah, yes...Alchemy.
Isaac: The Alchemy of raining doom! MWA!
Garet: Bless you!
*Garet and Jenna nod while Isaac plays Golden Sun again*
Dora: Alchemy is the foundation of all Psynergy...
*Garet and Jenna nods*
Isaac: So? Woot! I got a Hard Nut! *is now playing TLA* Hey does anyone a Shebaist?
*Garet and Jenna nod*
Isaac: REALLY?
Garet: Yea, you didn't know?
Isaac: Teacher? He falls asleep in the middle of his lessons!
Dora: *turns around* Alchemy...I wonder what use it all is?
Isaac: As I said before! To rain impending doom!
*Garet turns to Jenna again*
Isaac: o_O *thinking* They ain't in love with each other, are they? Nah...Jenna's...ugly!
Dora: Your mother would rather see you grow up to be a happy, ordinary man.
Isaac: But I'm not!
*Everyone notices the pouring rain*
Isaac: Damn Jupiter adepts! They're making it rain here!
Dora: But I suppose you still want to go...
Isaac: No!
Garet: Yes!
Isaac: Yes!
Garet: No!
Jenna: Both!
Isaac: Maybe so?
Isaac and Garet: *look at each other*
Dora: Well, if that won't persuade you, nothing will! You're just stubborn as your father!
Isaac: Damn straight!
Dora: Ahhh!
Isaac: What?
Garet: Be careful, ma'am!
Isaac: *grins evilly as they watch Dora fall off the roof*
Jenna: Garet, don't!
*Garet makes a gigantic hole in the roof*
Isaac: That's two!
Dora: Oh! That was exciting!
Isaac: I made it myself... cept it was supposed to get hot chicks that fall from the sky, like Sheba.
Dora: *jumps from ground onto roof* I'm sorry I scared you like that.
Isaac: Wow, Mom! I never knew you were such an international high jumper!
Dora: ^_^
Isaac: How could she jump that high! And I am not scared! I wanted you to fall!
Dora: Well!
Isaac: *gives her the anime tongue out with eye thing*
Garet: I... I'm sorry, ma'am. I'll get out of your way right away!
*Garet jumps back*
Jenna: Wait! Not there!
Garet: Huh? What's wrong with- *falls into the hole above Isaac's bed*
Isaac: I did it again... I knew I did a bad job! ;) I'm an uber l33t genius!
*Everyone looks away from Garet*
Dora: Oh, never mind...
Isaac: HAHA!
Dora: Bad Isaac! Stop wishing death on people! But you'd better get going...The old house will fall apart if you stay much longer. I'll get this fixed up. You don't have to hang around here.
Issac: Don't make me use Charon on your a**!
Dora: ...
Isaac: I'll make sure it falls apart...hay is fire's best friend... Jenna! Cast Flare! *thinking* Heh...if she falls would it kill her?
Garet: Dude Isaac, remember last time? Iris did 3 damage! It can't do any more this time with Charon!
Issac: WELL IT BETTER WORK THIS TIME!!! That was against the monkey things.
Jenna: *nods* Thank you, ma'am.
Issac: I'm gonna blow you up now!
Dora: Please, call me Dora.
Garet: We'll get going right away!
Isaac: DORA DORA DORA DORA DORA DORA!
Dora: Wait, Garet... Just watch your step.
GARET AND JENNA JOIN YOUR PARTY!
Isaac: How unfortunate. Now...about burning the house down. Garet, Jenna?
Garet & Jenna: *stare at Isaac*
Issac: Why do I always hang around with you two?
Garet: My Psynergy sucks.
Jenna: I'm not that type of girl.
ISAAC USES SERPENT FUME!
Isaac: Oops, we're still up on the roof of this house. We're all going to die!
SERPENT FUME CANNOT BE CASTED HERE!
Isaac: Oh, phew.
Isaac: *walks down the ladder from the roof* The end is near and we're all gonna die, tra la la la la!
Garet & Jenna: *continue staring at Isaac*
Isaac: What? You see dead people or something?
Garet: Ya.
Isaac: Is it Felix?
Jenna: Ya, you.
Garet: Isaac's a HIL.
Dora: *comes down from roof down the ladder and nods to Isaac*
Isaac: Why're you nodding to me?! WHAT IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME FOR?!
Isaac: Right! *notices gasoline and a match next to the hut and takes the match*
Garet & Jenna: ...
Isaac: Any help? No? *lights the house on fire*
*house burns down instantly*
Isaac: Oh crap! I just remembered I left my Sol Blade and Game Cube in there! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Garet: Serves ya right! Hel... Wait... I left my candy in there!!! Sh*t!!!
Jenna: Stop the swearing, damn it!
Isaac: You just swore.
Jenna: Oh...right...heh heh...
Garet: Ha ha! Jenna got scolded by Isaac! *gets smashed on the head with Jenna's rod*
Isaac: So we going already? I wanted to go in the Sol Sanctum three years ago
but stupid Garet said killing Felix was more important!
Issac: *cuts Jenna's rod in half with the Machete*
Jenna: o_O
Garet: After my headache goes away... oww...
Isaac: And no more singing!
Garet & Jenna: What?!
Isaac: Just kidding.
*Isaac, Garet, and Jenna finally start moving north toward the Sol Sanctum*
Elder: Srop you retards!
Issac: Sh*t, it's the cops!
Elder: Srop? *walks around repeating 'Srop' over and over*
Issac: Run for your pathetic lives!
*Isaac and company run across the bridge west*
Garet: What exactly are we RUNNING from?
Isaac: The beastie.
Garet: I dont see any beasties...
Sheba: You're running from SROP! RUN DAMNIT RUN!
Isaac: It's Sheba! w00t!
Sheba: My a**, now RUN!
Jenna: Are you hallucinating, Isaac? And who is Sheba?
*Elder walks on screen from the left*
Issac: The hot a** chick that just fell from the sky!
*All others run left screaming like maniacs*
Isaac: Huh?
Mystery Woman: At long last, the time has come to light Venus Lighthouse's beacon.
Isaac: Cool! I can see into the future!
Jenna: That's Ivan, you twit.
Isaac: How would YOU know him? Got a crush?
Jenna: Ummm...
Isaac: That's what I thought!
Mystery Man: With the second beacon lit, only two will remain.
Isaac & Garet: Eh?
Mystery Woman: No. Lighting Jupiter is virtually the same as lighting Mars.
Isaac: These guys are weird... one of them looks like a member of ICP.
Garet: Or the IRS.
Mystery Man: That is really true. It is the same as lighting Mars.
Felix: That's right. Your dreams are within your grasp now.
Jenna: IS THAT REALLY FELIX?!
Mystery Woman: *spots Jenna* Oh hi. We were rehearsing our lines.
Jenna: *boils* REHEARSE YOUR DAMN LINES LATER! WE ARE ON!
Mystery Woman: You see, we made a mirage for our play.
Mystery Man: They seem to know a little of Sol Sanctum's mysteries.
Isaac: *unloads Jenna and Garet all his back* Can you call me a donkey?! Garet weighed as much as an elephant!
Garet: Screw you monkey boy!
Mystery Man: What'd you just call me?
Jenna: Elepha...I mean Garet! Let's get going.
Garet: What time tonight?
Mystery Man: The elders of Vale must not permit anyone to enter it, not even Kraden.
Isaac: I was talking to him, monkey boy.
Mystery Woman: *turns to Mystery Man* Kraden, can we use him?
Issac: Go ahead. We don't need him.
Mystery Man: Use him?? Huh?
Isaac: I'd recognize that evil music anywhere!
Isaac: Its ICP! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
Saturos: *nods* Hmm...His knowledge is no meager thing. ...We can use him.
Garet: What does meager mean?
Jenna: It means ordinary, you dumba**.
Issac: it means starved.
Felix: *pops out of nowhere* THAT'S ENOUGH! NOW FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!
Isaac: *sings* Use me, abuse me, try and confuse me...
Garet: Dude, you're so rude! *kicks Felix*
Jenna: *slaps Issac* No singing, remember?
Felix: OW!
Issac: Awwwwww...
Kraden: Little carolers have come to visit!
Jenna: Garet, Felix would teach you not to mistreat your elders! Now say sorry to that poor elder!
Felix: Me, elder?
Garet: *snickers* Sorry old MAN.
Mystery Woman: But he's more stubborn that we expected...
Isaac: Who, me? Can we kill Felix now?
Mystery Man: *nods* And cunning, too... Cunning beyond measure.
Garet: What Felix? I see no Felix...that's Kraden!
Isaac: I'm cunning too! YES!
Mystery Woman: If he won't go willingly, then we can always...
Isaac: YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!
*Mystery Woman and Man finally spots Isaac, Garet, and Jenna and run to them*
Ivan: *pops out of nowhere* COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!
Issac: Nooo!
Mystery Man: You there! What are you doing?
Isaac: Drinking a beer, picking my nose, throwing rocks at trees, you?
Garet: I'm ripping a new leaf.
Jenna: Uhhh... you don't need to know what I am doing.
Garet: What are we doing?
Isaac: Picking my nose.
Mystery Woman: Were you eavesdropping on our conversation?
Isaac: Nope. I was picking my nose
Garet: Hey, Isaac! Wasn't this Mystery Woman the hot chick you were looking for?
Mystery Woman: Question?
Isaac: Yes...shoot.
Garet: No.
Jenna: Yes.
Isaac: No.
Garet: Yes.
Jenna: No.
All at the same time: YES!
Mystery Woman: Oh ho! Well...
Mystery Man: Can we get along with the introductions now?
Isaac: YAY! SANTA CLAUS IS HERE!
Mystery Woman: I can't permit you to continue your spying.
Isaac: Remember how much damage I did to you last time when I used Iris? Bring it on!
Garet: Yep. A whole load of THREE DAMAGE! *rolls eyes*
Mystery Man: Answer us!
Garet: Hey, you're the ones who were sneaking around!
Issac: Hey! I've gotten better! I'm up to 4 damage now! Sneak?
Mystery Man: Sneaking... Who are you, to accuse me?
Isaac: The God of Vale! I took Felix's position since last time.
Mystery Woman: So Kraden's engagement was with you...
Isaac: That's sick. I dont wanna marry an old man!
Jenna: Yeah, we're off to meet him right now.
Isaac: Gods don't marry old men!
Isaac: He looks like a wizard... why don't we sing that song?
Issac: eh?
Garet: Which song?
All others: NO SINGING!!!!!!
Isaac: *singing* We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz...
Mystery Man: And this appointment is important enough to drive us away?
Garet: Damn right.
Isaac: Actually, no. If you give me Sheba, I'll even give you my Game Boy Advance. OR MIA!
Garet: Who is this Sheba you keep talking about?
Jenna: And what is this Game Toy Davance you keep speaking of?
Isaac: IT'S GAME BOY ADVANCE YOU DUMB BROAD!
Mystery Man: Pfeh! If your errand is mportant than our own, then...*thinks for a minute*
Issac: Or Sheba and Mia. I could use a bit of threesome action!
Garet: DAMN IT! You remind me of FlamewireInvoker?
Isaac: Who dat?
Garet: Never mind.
Mystery Man: Go...
Jenna: You're letting us go?
Isaac: GO? Isn't that the place you pass to gain 200 dollars?
Garet: ...
Isaac: Money... excellent...*singing* We're off to Imil, and then to
Lalivero, guess what I have here, money for the God of Vale!
Garet: God, God, God...sucks at singing! *smacks Isaac with a giant trout*
Shut up!
Mystery Woman: Are you sure, Saturos?
Saturos: DAMN IT! YOU BLEW MY TRAP!
Issac: since when did you have a trout?
Mystery Woman: ^_^
Saturos: Now they know my name... DAMMIT! So I'll blow yours! Menardi, we have no reason to delay these children any further.
Menardi: YOU SAID MY NAME! I HATE YOU! *takes out scythe*
Issac: Shut up you two, or I'll blow you all up!
Saturos: Bring it on whelp! You won't live to regret your stupidity! *draws sword*
Saturos & Menardi: *beating the everlasting sh*t out of each other*
Garet: Let's... Let's go, Isaac.
Issac: JUDGEMENT!!!!!!
Jenna: Let them flush their personal problems..
*Isaac and company quickly run west and up the stairway after Saturos and
Menardi start killing each other*
Isaac: My money's on the ICP girl! o_O Nah I love Sheba...or Mia...or both! The people that own you.
Old Man: They already know too much about Sol Sanctum...things that even the elders of Vale don't know. And what were they saying about the elements? The elements of Alchemy: Earth, Water, Fire, and Wind...
*Isaac, Garet, and Jenna stares at the old man walking around on the cliff next to his house for 5 minutes*
Isaac: And HEART! CAPTAIN PLANET!!! What on Venus is he doing?
Garet: Venus?
Old Man: They plan to set them into motion? And the four Elemental Stars are the key? These are things even I, a trained Alchemy sage, do not know.
*Isaac nudges Old Man*
Isaac: Captain Planet...I'm free! Sage. HAH! You don't even know any Psynergy, old man!
Old Man: Oh! Isaac...
Jenna: You look like something's bothering you.
Old Man: Me? Ah, well...
Issac: Let me show the true power of psynergy!
Old Man: Oh ya, my name's Kraden.
Isaac, Jenna, and Garet: We knew that already.
Garet: It's those two, isn't it? Saturos and Menardi were their names, right?
*Isaac looks down the cliff to see them still clashing*
Kraden: Are they still out there? They're very persistent...
Isaac: Especially on each other... They don't look so tough though...
Jenna: Did they want something from you, Kraden?
Kraden: *nods* That seems to be the case...
Isaac: And they look like those Jesse and James fellows from that Pokemon game I like...
Garet, Jenna, Mia, Sheba, Felix, Alex, Saturos, Menardi, Babi, & Piers: POKEMON?!
Isaac: Wha? Where'd you all come from?
Jenna: Seems to be?
Kraden: Mt. Aleph and Sol Sanctum... They spoke as if they'd seen them with
their own eyes... Isn't that strange?
Isaac: No!
Jenna: Yes.
Garet: NO!
Issac: Maybe?
Isaac, Jenna, & Garet: *all look at each other* YES!
Kraden: *nods* Yes. You can't enter Mt. Aleph without a very good reason.
Isaac: Is graffiting it a good reason? Isaac: I got a reason.
Jenna: And if they entered secretly, then they might be thieves!
Garet: We have to go tell the high elders and the villagers!
Isaac: Ummm, we can't do that. They all ran away after you yelled "POKEMON?!" *thinks* I enter Garet's house secretly all the time, it don't mean I'm a thief...
*Isaac and company turn to leave*
Garet: I sneak into Jenna's room...
Kraden: Wait, everyone! I still don't know how accurate the things they said were... We can do nothing until we confirm what they told me.
Jenna: But I don't live in Vale.
Isaac: *looks at the place where Saturos and Menardi were fighting* They're gone! Blood ain't though...
Jenna: Then what should we do?
Kraden: Well, we go confirm it.
Garet: ...Do you mean we should go into Sol Sanctum ourselves?
Isaac: ...
Garet: Do you listen to what I say Issac?
Isaac: No...hey where was that chick in South Vale?
Kraden: o_O Let's go in.
Jenna: Isn't that impossible?
Kraden: Why would it be?
Isaac: You said so...
Kraden: Just because climbing Mt. Aleph is forbidden?
Isaac: Yes.
Garet: No.
Jenna: Yes.
Isaac: Maybe.
All: Yes!
Kraden: We're just going to see whether they've been to the mountain. Surely, that would be acceptable!
Garet: We'll be fine if they don't see us, right?
Isaac: No!
Garet: Yes! Sure, you say no, but you know you want to!
Isaac: Master my golf putts?
Jenna: This will be just be our secret, OK?
Isaac: Yes!
Garet: No!
Garet: NO!
Both: Sure why not? :P
Kraden: Then it's decided!
Isaac: Where's the nearest golf course?
Jenna: Lemuria.
Isaac: LEMURIA?!
Kraden: We'll make you the leader, OK, Isaac?
Isaac: Hell ya! I'm the God of Vale!
Garet: There are some dangerous places between Mt. Aleph and Sol Sanctum, but you can handle it, right, Isaac?
Isaac: ...No.
Jenna: You're more cautious than Garet is, Isaac, so you'll be fine!
Isaac: ...NO.
Garet: You don't have to be so blunt...
*Kraden hops into his house*
Isaac: I can't kill woodland creatures but people..
Kraden: *goes into house and steals something from his desk* This is our best bet. All right! Let's go!
THE SCHOLAR KRADEN PRETENDS TO JOIN YOUR PARTY!
*Isaac and company go down the stairway, east to the next, up that and across the bridge back into North Vale*
Isaac: I'm getting airsick. You? *walks up across the temple next to the entrance of Sol Sanctum and gets knocked back by an elder*
Garet: *vomits* no...
Elder: You're not planning on sneaking up to Mt. Aleph, are you?
Isaac: No, I'm a good boy!
Elder: SROP!
Garet: *vomits* No...
Elder: Well, I'll overlook it this time... But I've got my eye on you, Isaac. *starts walking right, eyes turning right*
Isaac: *sneaks to the left but Elder stops him*
Elder: You're not planning on sneaking up to Mt. Aleph, are you?
Isaac: No, I'm a good boy!
Elder: SROP!
Garet: *vomits* No...
Elder: Well, I'll overlook it this time... But I've got my eye on you, Isaac. *starts walking right, eyes turning right*
Isaac: *waits till Elder turns corner dumbly, temple blocking his eyesight* HAHA, SUCKER! LET'S RUN TO THE SOL ENTRANCE!
Garet & Jenna: *run with Isaac to the Sol Entrance*
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Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun, and neither do you. It's owned by Camelot! Unless of course, you're Camelot, then I have nothing to say. I do have a version of the games, however, but that doesn't count. This is an attempted humorous retelling of the beginning of Golden Sun, with its constant twists. Help from Flame, Taboo, and Rikku.
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Chapter 2: Vale: Three years and not a s***in' thing happened
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THREE YEARS LATER...
Isaac: ...to the day I die.
*Jenna walks up the stairways, halts to let a woman past, and watches Isaac pretend to patch the roof*
Isaac: Stupid fu*king roof...
Dora: Isaac! Haven't you finished mending the roof yet?
Isaac: *intentionally breaks a chunk of the roof with his feet and falls straight onto his bed*
Isaac: Nothing like a nap...*thinking* If I don't mend it maybe another boulder will come and crush Mom!
Dora: You're almost done! OK, keep at it!
Isaac: *snicker* It might occur to you that I'm inside the house, not on top of the roof!
Jenna: *nods and walks up to the stairway to Garet's house and hears Garet*
Garet: Hyaa!
Isaac: When did Garet learn karate?
Jenna: *jumps up* Hee hee...Still training, Garet?
Isaac: He needs to... He still can't even do move... *snicker*
Garet: Hyaaaa! *Garet moves his house 3 feet left*
Isaac: WHA!!!
Jenna: You sure do put your heart into it, Garet!
Garet's Dad: Dammit Garet! Stop moving the house!
Garet: Damn straight. Oh, I'm just finishing up.
Jenna: That's good. It's time to go, and I was about to leave you behind.
Garet: *confused*
Jenna: Say, what exactly happened to you two?
Isaac: Good! I need time with Jenna, even though shes ugly... mwa...
Garet: *confused*
Jenna: The accident three years ago... Is that why you've been studying Psynergy?
Garet: No...you see I hate my parents so I decided to move the house to get them chasing after me...
Garet's Family: That's right!
*Impressive scene of family chasing Garet*
Kay: YOU MOVED THE HOUSE ON MY FLOWERS!! AHHH! *chases Garet*
Garet: Sister! It wasn't my fault!
Garet: It was...uhhh... Jenna!
Jenna: I appreciate your concern, but...my family's never coming back, and neither is Isaac's father...
*Garet's family starts chasing Jenna*
Isaac: Yeah.. and it's all your fault!
Jenna: AIYEE!!! *running around*
Jenna: I just want to forget that day. I wish everyone would...*shakes head*
Isaac: I do too.. I got my butt handed to me by two members of ICP... *climbs back up out of the roof*
Garet: That awful day...We went to get help, but they found us unconscious...
Jenna: Well, let's get Isaac and go to Kraden's...
Garet: *stutters*
Jenna: What, Garet?
Garet: *shakes head*
Jenna: What is it?
Garet: *jiggles like JELL-O for no reason at all*
Jenna: *shakes head* Don't be weird, Garet. Whatever...
Garet: Jenna, are you mad at me?
Isaac: YES!
Garet: *confused*
Jenna: *shakes head* I don't want to talk about it.
Garet: *confused*
Jenna: Come on!!!
Garet: Huh?
Jenna: *nods to Garet* Isaac is waiting for us.
Garet: But, Jenna...! *shakes*
Jenna: I'll leave you behind if you're too slow.
Garet: *tries to walk slow, but with some Psynergy, he is forced to move* AHHH! WHAT THE?!
Jenna: ^_^
Garet: Jenna...
*Both nod and walk toward Isaac, who has been staring the whole time*
Isaac: *pretends to finish mending the roof*
Dora: Good job, Isaac. You patched it nicely.
Isaac: *thinks to self* I sure did...
Dora: *nods* All right. You're all done. You're very reliable, Isaac...just like your father was...
Isaac: YES! Off to play my GBA SP!
Dora: What is it, Isaac? Do you still think about the accident?
Isaac: Hell no...but I did love every moment of it! Especially when Felix got crushed by that boulder! *grins widely*
Dora: *shakes head* I don't believe you...o_O WHAT?
Isaac: I said especially when Felix ate a folder!
Dora: Oh...^_^ You and Garet have been working yourselves to the bone studying Psynergy.
Jenna: AND JENNA!
Isaac: Oh yes, lets not forget the ugly girl... o_O
Dora: *turns* Do you think things would be any different if you'd had stronger abilities?
Isaac: Damn right. I wish I had Grand Gaia right now to waste this house. Also, I could go to the past and kill Felix faster!
Dora: That's what I thought. I was devastated when Kyle died...I felt all alone...
Isaac: Yup, cause I left the house every day to go spear fishing. Fishing...for people!
Dora: It's taken some time, but I'm better now. *nods to Isaac* I still have you, Isaac.
Isaac: Not for long! I suddenly feel an urge to burn the house down.
Dora: What was that?
Isaac: I said I feel an urge to churn the milk gown!
Dora: Oh, OK then.
Jenna: Thats a poor excuse...
Dora: You're almost seventeen. You're so much like Kyle was when he was young. I'm looking forward to seeing where life takes you.
Isaac: To hell! Uhh...I'm looking forward to seeing Felix again.
Jenna: *walks up onto roof* MA'AAAAM!!! *afraid Dora can't hear her yelling*
Dora: Hello, Jenna.
Dora: *Right next to Jenna* WHAT?! *falls off roof*
Isaac: Great! Now where were we...
Dora: Hello, Jenna.
Garet: How you'd see Felix again in hell Isaac?
Jenna: Good morning.
Dora: Yes, yes... Good morning.
Isaac: It looks like a good morning to TP some houses...
*Garet climbs up roof*
Dora: Well, if it isn't Garet, too!
Garet: Hoi.
Dora: Where do you all plan to go today?
Isaac: Damn, not him!
Garet: To fight Dullahan.
Isaac: To go graffiti Sol Sanctum.
Garet: We're going to Mt. Aleph with Kraden.
Isaac: To graffiti it.
Garet: Yea.
Isaac: What, the old man that killed the Brazilian soccer player near the boulder?
Garet: What's a Brazilian?
Isaac: ^_^
Isaac: ^_^
Dora: Mountain climbing with Kraden, eh?
Garet: *nods and turns to Jenna*
Dora: Kids and their games...
Isaac: I got mine! *holds up Golden Sun*
Jenna: No! It's a part of our studies!
Dora: Ah, yes...Alchemy.
Isaac: The Alchemy of raining doom! MWA!
Garet: Bless you!
*Garet and Jenna nod while Isaac plays Golden Sun again*
Dora: Alchemy is the foundation of all Psynergy...
*Garet and Jenna nods*
Isaac: So? Woot! I got a Hard Nut! *is now playing TLA* Hey does anyone a Shebaist?
*Garet and Jenna nod*
Isaac: REALLY?
Garet: Yea, you didn't know?
Isaac: Teacher? He falls asleep in the middle of his lessons!
Dora: *turns around* Alchemy...I wonder what use it all is?
Isaac: As I said before! To rain impending doom!
*Garet turns to Jenna again*
Isaac: o_O *thinking* They ain't in love with each other, are they? Nah...Jenna's...ugly!
Dora: Your mother would rather see you grow up to be a happy, ordinary man.
Isaac: But I'm not!
*Everyone notices the pouring rain*
Isaac: Damn Jupiter adepts! They're making it rain here!
Dora: But I suppose you still want to go...
Isaac: No!
Garet: Yes!
Isaac: Yes!
Garet: No!
Jenna: Both!
Isaac: Maybe so?
Isaac and Garet: *look at each other*
Dora: Well, if that won't persuade you, nothing will! You're just stubborn as your father!
Isaac: Damn straight!
Dora: Ahhh!
Isaac: What?
Garet: Be careful, ma'am!
Isaac: *grins evilly as they watch Dora fall off the roof*
Jenna: Garet, don't!
*Garet makes a gigantic hole in the roof*
Isaac: That's two!
Dora: Oh! That was exciting!
Isaac: I made it myself... cept it was supposed to get hot chicks that fall from the sky, like Sheba.
Dora: *jumps from ground onto roof* I'm sorry I scared you like that.
Isaac: Wow, Mom! I never knew you were such an international high jumper!
Dora: ^_^
Isaac: How could she jump that high! And I am not scared! I wanted you to fall!
Dora: Well!
Isaac: *gives her the anime tongue out with eye thing*
Garet: I... I'm sorry, ma'am. I'll get out of your way right away!
*Garet jumps back*
Jenna: Wait! Not there!
Garet: Huh? What's wrong with- *falls into the hole above Isaac's bed*
Isaac: I did it again... I knew I did a bad job! ;) I'm an uber l33t genius!
*Everyone looks away from Garet*
Dora: Oh, never mind...
Isaac: HAHA!
Dora: Bad Isaac! Stop wishing death on people! But you'd better get going...The old house will fall apart if you stay much longer. I'll get this fixed up. You don't have to hang around here.
Issac: Don't make me use Charon on your a**!
Dora: ...
Isaac: I'll make sure it falls apart...hay is fire's best friend... Jenna! Cast Flare! *thinking* Heh...if she falls would it kill her?
Garet: Dude Isaac, remember last time? Iris did 3 damage! It can't do any more this time with Charon!
Issac: WELL IT BETTER WORK THIS TIME!!! That was against the monkey things.
Jenna: *nods* Thank you, ma'am.
Issac: I'm gonna blow you up now!
Dora: Please, call me Dora.
Garet: We'll get going right away!
Isaac: DORA DORA DORA DORA DORA DORA!
Dora: Wait, Garet... Just watch your step.
GARET AND JENNA JOIN YOUR PARTY!
Isaac: How unfortunate. Now...about burning the house down. Garet, Jenna?
Garet & Jenna: *stare at Isaac*
Issac: Why do I always hang around with you two?
Garet: My Psynergy sucks.
Jenna: I'm not that type of girl.
ISAAC USES SERPENT FUME!
Isaac: Oops, we're still up on the roof of this house. We're all going to die!
SERPENT FUME CANNOT BE CASTED HERE!
Isaac: Oh, phew.
Isaac: *walks down the ladder from the roof* The end is near and we're all gonna die, tra la la la la!
Garet & Jenna: *continue staring at Isaac*
Isaac: What? You see dead people or something?
Garet: Ya.
Isaac: Is it Felix?
Jenna: Ya, you.
Garet: Isaac's a HIL.
Dora: *comes down from roof down the ladder and nods to Isaac*
Isaac: Why're you nodding to me?! WHAT IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME FOR?!
Isaac: Right! *notices gasoline and a match next to the hut and takes the match*
Garet & Jenna: ...
Isaac: Any help? No? *lights the house on fire*
*house burns down instantly*
Isaac: Oh crap! I just remembered I left my Sol Blade and Game Cube in there! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Garet: Serves ya right! Hel... Wait... I left my candy in there!!! Sh*t!!!
Jenna: Stop the swearing, damn it!
Isaac: You just swore.
Jenna: Oh...right...heh heh...
Garet: Ha ha! Jenna got scolded by Isaac! *gets smashed on the head with Jenna's rod*
Isaac: So we going already? I wanted to go in the Sol Sanctum three years ago
but stupid Garet said killing Felix was more important!
Issac: *cuts Jenna's rod in half with the Machete*
Jenna: o_O
Garet: After my headache goes away... oww...
Isaac: And no more singing!
Garet & Jenna: What?!
Isaac: Just kidding.
*Isaac, Garet, and Jenna finally start moving north toward the Sol Sanctum*
Elder: Srop you retards!
Issac: Sh*t, it's the cops!
Elder: Srop? *walks around repeating 'Srop' over and over*
Issac: Run for your pathetic lives!
*Isaac and company run across the bridge west*
Garet: What exactly are we RUNNING from?
Isaac: The beastie.
Garet: I dont see any beasties...
Sheba: You're running from SROP! RUN DAMNIT RUN!
Isaac: It's Sheba! w00t!
Sheba: My a**, now RUN!
Jenna: Are you hallucinating, Isaac? And who is Sheba?
*Elder walks on screen from the left*
Issac: The hot a** chick that just fell from the sky!
*All others run left screaming like maniacs*
Isaac: Huh?
Mystery Woman: At long last, the time has come to light Venus Lighthouse's beacon.
Isaac: Cool! I can see into the future!
Jenna: That's Ivan, you twit.
Isaac: How would YOU know him? Got a crush?
Jenna: Ummm...
Isaac: That's what I thought!
Mystery Man: With the second beacon lit, only two will remain.
Isaac & Garet: Eh?
Mystery Woman: No. Lighting Jupiter is virtually the same as lighting Mars.
Isaac: These guys are weird... one of them looks like a member of ICP.
Garet: Or the IRS.
Mystery Man: That is really true. It is the same as lighting Mars.
Felix: That's right. Your dreams are within your grasp now.
Jenna: IS THAT REALLY FELIX?!
Mystery Woman: *spots Jenna* Oh hi. We were rehearsing our lines.
Jenna: *boils* REHEARSE YOUR DAMN LINES LATER! WE ARE ON!
Mystery Woman: You see, we made a mirage for our play.
Mystery Man: They seem to know a little of Sol Sanctum's mysteries.
Isaac: *unloads Jenna and Garet all his back* Can you call me a donkey?! Garet weighed as much as an elephant!
Garet: Screw you monkey boy!
Mystery Man: What'd you just call me?
Jenna: Elepha...I mean Garet! Let's get going.
Garet: What time tonight?
Mystery Man: The elders of Vale must not permit anyone to enter it, not even Kraden.
Isaac: I was talking to him, monkey boy.
Mystery Woman: *turns to Mystery Man* Kraden, can we use him?
Issac: Go ahead. We don't need him.
Mystery Man: Use him?? Huh?
Isaac: I'd recognize that evil music anywhere!
Isaac: Its ICP! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
Saturos: *nods* Hmm...His knowledge is no meager thing. ...We can use him.
Garet: What does meager mean?
Jenna: It means ordinary, you dumba**.
Issac: it means starved.
Felix: *pops out of nowhere* THAT'S ENOUGH! NOW FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!
Isaac: *sings* Use me, abuse me, try and confuse me...
Garet: Dude, you're so rude! *kicks Felix*
Jenna: *slaps Issac* No singing, remember?
Felix: OW!
Issac: Awwwwww...
Kraden: Little carolers have come to visit!
Jenna: Garet, Felix would teach you not to mistreat your elders! Now say sorry to that poor elder!
Felix: Me, elder?
Garet: *snickers* Sorry old MAN.
Mystery Woman: But he's more stubborn that we expected...
Isaac: Who, me? Can we kill Felix now?
Mystery Man: *nods* And cunning, too... Cunning beyond measure.
Garet: What Felix? I see no Felix...that's Kraden!
Isaac: I'm cunning too! YES!
Mystery Woman: If he won't go willingly, then we can always...
Isaac: YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!
*Mystery Woman and Man finally spots Isaac, Garet, and Jenna and run to them*
Ivan: *pops out of nowhere* COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!
Issac: Nooo!
Mystery Man: You there! What are you doing?
Isaac: Drinking a beer, picking my nose, throwing rocks at trees, you?
Garet: I'm ripping a new leaf.
Jenna: Uhhh... you don't need to know what I am doing.
Garet: What are we doing?
Isaac: Picking my nose.
Mystery Woman: Were you eavesdropping on our conversation?
Isaac: Nope. I was picking my nose
Garet: Hey, Isaac! Wasn't this Mystery Woman the hot chick you were looking for?
Mystery Woman: Question?
Isaac: Yes...shoot.
Garet: No.
Jenna: Yes.
Isaac: No.
Garet: Yes.
Jenna: No.
All at the same time: YES!
Mystery Woman: Oh ho! Well...
Mystery Man: Can we get along with the introductions now?
Isaac: YAY! SANTA CLAUS IS HERE!
Mystery Woman: I can't permit you to continue your spying.
Isaac: Remember how much damage I did to you last time when I used Iris? Bring it on!
Garet: Yep. A whole load of THREE DAMAGE! *rolls eyes*
Mystery Man: Answer us!
Garet: Hey, you're the ones who were sneaking around!
Issac: Hey! I've gotten better! I'm up to 4 damage now! Sneak?
Mystery Man: Sneaking... Who are you, to accuse me?
Isaac: The God of Vale! I took Felix's position since last time.
Mystery Woman: So Kraden's engagement was with you...
Isaac: That's sick. I dont wanna marry an old man!
Jenna: Yeah, we're off to meet him right now.
Isaac: Gods don't marry old men!
Isaac: He looks like a wizard... why don't we sing that song?
Issac: eh?
Garet: Which song?
All others: NO SINGING!!!!!!
Isaac: *singing* We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz...
Mystery Man: And this appointment is important enough to drive us away?
Garet: Damn right.
Isaac: Actually, no. If you give me Sheba, I'll even give you my Game Boy Advance. OR MIA!
Garet: Who is this Sheba you keep talking about?
Jenna: And what is this Game Toy Davance you keep speaking of?
Isaac: IT'S GAME BOY ADVANCE YOU DUMB BROAD!
Mystery Man: Pfeh! If your errand is mportant than our own, then...*thinks for a minute*
Issac: Or Sheba and Mia. I could use a bit of threesome action!
Garet: DAMN IT! You remind me of FlamewireInvoker?
Isaac: Who dat?
Garet: Never mind.
Mystery Man: Go...
Jenna: You're letting us go?
Isaac: GO? Isn't that the place you pass to gain 200 dollars?
Garet: ...
Isaac: Money... excellent...*singing* We're off to Imil, and then to
Lalivero, guess what I have here, money for the God of Vale!
Garet: God, God, God...sucks at singing! *smacks Isaac with a giant trout*
Shut up!
Mystery Woman: Are you sure, Saturos?
Saturos: DAMN IT! YOU BLEW MY TRAP!
Issac: since when did you have a trout?
Mystery Woman: ^_^
Saturos: Now they know my name... DAMMIT! So I'll blow yours! Menardi, we have no reason to delay these children any further.
Menardi: YOU SAID MY NAME! I HATE YOU! *takes out scythe*
Issac: Shut up you two, or I'll blow you all up!
Saturos: Bring it on whelp! You won't live to regret your stupidity! *draws sword*
Saturos & Menardi: *beating the everlasting sh*t out of each other*
Garet: Let's... Let's go, Isaac.
Issac: JUDGEMENT!!!!!!
Jenna: Let them flush their personal problems..
*Isaac and company quickly run west and up the stairway after Saturos and
Menardi start killing each other*
Isaac: My money's on the ICP girl! o_O Nah I love Sheba...or Mia...or both! The people that own you.
Old Man: They already know too much about Sol Sanctum...things that even the elders of Vale don't know. And what were they saying about the elements? The elements of Alchemy: Earth, Water, Fire, and Wind...
*Isaac, Garet, and Jenna stares at the old man walking around on the cliff next to his house for 5 minutes*
Isaac: And HEART! CAPTAIN PLANET!!! What on Venus is he doing?
Garet: Venus?
Old Man: They plan to set them into motion? And the four Elemental Stars are the key? These are things even I, a trained Alchemy sage, do not know.
*Isaac nudges Old Man*
Isaac: Captain Planet...I'm free! Sage. HAH! You don't even know any Psynergy, old man!
Old Man: Oh! Isaac...
Jenna: You look like something's bothering you.
Old Man: Me? Ah, well...
Issac: Let me show the true power of psynergy!
Old Man: Oh ya, my name's Kraden.
Isaac, Jenna, and Garet: We knew that already.
Garet: It's those two, isn't it? Saturos and Menardi were their names, right?
*Isaac looks down the cliff to see them still clashing*
Kraden: Are they still out there? They're very persistent...
Isaac: Especially on each other... They don't look so tough though...
Jenna: Did they want something from you, Kraden?
Kraden: *nods* That seems to be the case...
Isaac: And they look like those Jesse and James fellows from that Pokemon game I like...
Garet, Jenna, Mia, Sheba, Felix, Alex, Saturos, Menardi, Babi, & Piers: POKEMON?!
Isaac: Wha? Where'd you all come from?
Jenna: Seems to be?
Kraden: Mt. Aleph and Sol Sanctum... They spoke as if they'd seen them with
their own eyes... Isn't that strange?
Isaac: No!
Jenna: Yes.
Garet: NO!
Issac: Maybe?
Isaac, Jenna, & Garet: *all look at each other* YES!
Kraden: *nods* Yes. You can't enter Mt. Aleph without a very good reason.
Isaac: Is graffiting it a good reason? Isaac: I got a reason.
Jenna: And if they entered secretly, then they might be thieves!
Garet: We have to go tell the high elders and the villagers!
Isaac: Ummm, we can't do that. They all ran away after you yelled "POKEMON?!" *thinks* I enter Garet's house secretly all the time, it don't mean I'm a thief...
*Isaac and company turn to leave*
Garet: I sneak into Jenna's room...
Kraden: Wait, everyone! I still don't know how accurate the things they said were... We can do nothing until we confirm what they told me.
Jenna: But I don't live in Vale.
Isaac: *looks at the place where Saturos and Menardi were fighting* They're gone! Blood ain't though...
Jenna: Then what should we do?
Kraden: Well, we go confirm it.
Garet: ...Do you mean we should go into Sol Sanctum ourselves?
Isaac: ...
Garet: Do you listen to what I say Issac?
Isaac: No...hey where was that chick in South Vale?
Kraden: o_O Let's go in.
Jenna: Isn't that impossible?
Kraden: Why would it be?
Isaac: You said so...
Kraden: Just because climbing Mt. Aleph is forbidden?
Isaac: Yes.
Garet: No.
Jenna: Yes.
Isaac: Maybe.
All: Yes!
Kraden: We're just going to see whether they've been to the mountain. Surely, that would be acceptable!
Garet: We'll be fine if they don't see us, right?
Isaac: No!
Garet: Yes! Sure, you say no, but you know you want to!
Isaac: Master my golf putts?
Jenna: This will be just be our secret, OK?
Isaac: Yes!
Garet: No!
Garet: NO!
Both: Sure why not? :P
Kraden: Then it's decided!
Isaac: Where's the nearest golf course?
Jenna: Lemuria.
Isaac: LEMURIA?!
Kraden: We'll make you the leader, OK, Isaac?
Isaac: Hell ya! I'm the God of Vale!
Garet: There are some dangerous places between Mt. Aleph and Sol Sanctum, but you can handle it, right, Isaac?
Isaac: ...No.
Jenna: You're more cautious than Garet is, Isaac, so you'll be fine!
Isaac: ...NO.
Garet: You don't have to be so blunt...
*Kraden hops into his house*
Isaac: I can't kill woodland creatures but people..
Kraden: *goes into house and steals something from his desk* This is our best bet. All right! Let's go!
THE SCHOLAR KRADEN PRETENDS TO JOIN YOUR PARTY!
*Isaac and company go down the stairway, east to the next, up that and across the bridge back into North Vale*
Isaac: I'm getting airsick. You? *walks up across the temple next to the entrance of Sol Sanctum and gets knocked back by an elder*
Garet: *vomits* no...
Elder: You're not planning on sneaking up to Mt. Aleph, are you?
Isaac: No, I'm a good boy!
Elder: SROP!
Garet: *vomits* No...
Elder: Well, I'll overlook it this time... But I've got my eye on you, Isaac. *starts walking right, eyes turning right*
Isaac: *sneaks to the left but Elder stops him*
Elder: You're not planning on sneaking up to Mt. Aleph, are you?
Isaac: No, I'm a good boy!
Elder: SROP!
Garet: *vomits* No...
Elder: Well, I'll overlook it this time... But I've got my eye on you, Isaac. *starts walking right, eyes turning right*
Isaac: *waits till Elder turns corner dumbly, temple blocking his eyesight* HAHA, SUCKER! LET'S RUN TO THE SOL ENTRANCE!
Garet & Jenna: *run with Isaac to the Sol Entrance*