Have you ever felt so lonely; you felt your only comfort is music? That's
how it always was, for me, although I've never said so before this time.
The lyrics of a song can change my emotions faster than you can sing them.
Happy. I walked the streets, rapping just like some black guy. It made me free my emotions, cease the pain that had so many times before, broken me. I went into different bars, danced with different people, sung to different songs, drank different alcoholic beverages, and acted as if I were finally a normal person, living their life to their fullest.
Happiness. I must have been blind, thinking everything would be all right. I had a best friend that would never betray me again, I had a boyfriend who I loved with every piece of my heart, I had a mother who would never hurt me, I had friends who would be there to dry my tears, and I had a life. Everything I had ever asked for, I had.
I felt on top of the world.
Until I walked into that stupid apartment.
As soon as I got into the building I felt something weird. Something painful. I could here moans coming from my apartment, and thinking nothing of it, walked in.
And there they were.
On my couch, fucking each other. My boyfriend and best friend. I just stared at them, hoping this was a mirage. That it would disappear. But I was so totally wrong. Dreadfully wrong. This mirage was quickly turning into a nightmare.
My head was spinning. Saphire didn't even see something wrong with this. She continued to shove him harder into her. A cold shiver ran down my back, and I suddenly felt compelled to kill the both of them. Kill them for the pain I knew they would cause me, for what I would have to go through after this.
Dark finally got off of her, and left. Without a word. Wtf was wrong with them?! Did they want me to go insane? To kill them?! To kill everyone! Rage was taking over, my limbs were no longer my own. I had to leave.
I teleported to a park, and sat down on a bench. "Why is it so hard for people to love you?" I screamed while ripping at my hair. Pulling strand after strand out. It was fake. It wasn't real. I wasn't real!
Tears sprung to my eyes, as I stared at my hands. They were beautiful. They were trembling, in hurt and pain, but they were still beautiful. Like music. It made me want to sing. It scared me at first, because I didn't understand why. Maybe it was because in the heat of my sorrow, music had always been there for me. I dunno. All I do know is I sang. I sang with all my heart, the song called, "When I'm Gone," which I loved to listen to. "There's another world inside of me that you may never see.
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind. So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything, if only for your good. So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone.
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends. Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone. Everything I am and everything in me.
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,
Ill never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good. " Blood tears, rolled down my cheeks, and onto my lap. And then the thought came to me...I had given my blood to those bastards! I gave a moan, in disgust. They had taken it! Rage once again, pumped through my veins, and I took it out on my left wrist. Scarlet blood gushed from it, but I ignored the pain, and tried to concentrate on what I was to do. Was I supposed to run away, find Vixie, Kill them, or go back to the apartment? I decided against all of them, and decided to sleep on the bench, hoping sleep would claim me, before I could hurt anymore.
I did sleep, but not very well. Different images ran through my mind, driving me insane. There were remembered kisses and hugs, and different talks, pictures, and images of being beaten, sometimes the person was Dark, and sometimes it was Saphire.
I woke up the next morning stiff, and scared. My wrist was torn pretty bad, and it ached quite a bit. Luckily the sun was out and I wouldn't have to see either of them in the daytime.
I stood up, and stretched my legs, yawning quite ungracefully. I walked down the street to a small café, which was packed with businessmen, all scurrying to get to work on time. I ordered a vanilla cappuccino, and sat down in a comfy chair, near the fire. I stared into the flame, warming myself, and thinking about..
Murder.
It could kill both of them in an instant. I could... I shook away the plot forming in my head. Ok so they had sex. No reason to kill them. Right? I almost felt like contradicting myself and saying "Wrong" but decided against it. Ok so you couldn't kill them. You could still kick Saphire out of your apartment. That would be revenge...pathetic, yes, but still revenge.
I drank down the coffee quickly, and walked out the door, listening to the little jangle of the bells as I left the crowded café. I would find Vixie. She had had experience with pond scum; I mean she went out with Jagg, so she had to know how to mend a broken heart.
I walked down the streets, staring at the clouds, and trying not to cry. The whole time I had been the doll. I hated being the doll. I hated being played. I hated everything. I hated life.
I continued down the street, mumbling insane words, and thinking about the past. From Cell to Roti to Him to Dark to Saphire to Vixie to Ed to vamps to aliens to God to the Devil.
I probably would've gone back to insanity if it weren't for a little man.
A poor, blind, old man. He sat on a corner, singing and playing his guitar. People walked by, dropping money into the guitar case, absently. I stopped to listen to him, and to collect my thoughts. I dropped a 50 dollar bill into the case, because money had never been a big thing with me.
The man looked at me, as if he could see me, clearly. And smiled. A toothless grin, but it was full of happiness. How could this man smile after all of his years on the streets? Was it possible he saw the best in his life, even though it had been full of pain?
I continued to walk, but I forgot all about Dark and Saphire, and I began to wonder how old friends were. I sighed, as the sun beat down on my face warming it completely. I felt happy, remembering Josh and Jenny and Steven, and all of my android friends, which I had left behind at the shelter. I wondered what they'd do in this situation, and I knew they would all shrug it off, and continue their lives. They were used to pain, and they knew that pain followed them like an evil curse. As I should by now.
I laughed at myself, for being so emotional, and continued down the street, walking into my apartment. I stared at the sofa, which I now loathed with all that was left in me, before heading towards the phone, and phoning up Vixie. She came immediately (just like she always had) and made tea, and talked to me about everything.
She seemed madder at Dark than Saphire. I think because he had unearthed some memory that she had wanted to keep buried beneath her hard shell, for so many years. She told me not to kill them, that it wouldn't do any good. I promised I wouldn't although I wasn't sure if that was going to come through.
Night was creeping up on us, and I felt uneasy. I knew they would be here soon. Thank God for Vixie. She wasn't worried. In fact if I were either of them, I would have been afraid to come face us. Me being on the verge of insanity, and Vixie on the verge of killing someone.
We played cards for a few hours, until it was dark. The time of the vamps. I shivered, and prayed that neither of them would bother us, that they would leave me alone, and never talk to me again, so they couldn't mock me with their happiness.
Then Dark's ki.
It was coming closer, coming into the apartment. I could hear footsteps. I wanted to hide, and I almost did, but Vixie held my hand, secretly comforting me.
As soon as Dark was in the room, I felt pain and hate rushing through my veins. On MY sofa. With MY best friend. While I was out, loving life. I stared at the cards, the only thing that could calm my nerves.
Vixie was on him as soon as he walked through the door. I knew how mad she was at him, but I knew he didn't. He didn't realize anything. He never realized anything!
Anger.
He sat down next to me, and talked to me. "It was an accident" and "It was never supposed to happen." What did he think I was? A fucken idiot?
That I didn't have a fucken clue how people had sex? I had had it many times before him. I knew. And I knew it couldn't be an accident.
My comebacks were sarcastic. The only thing that could stop me from strangling him, on the spot. Sarcasm was my best friend at times like these.
It seemed like he didn't see anything wrong with him screwing her. Like it would have never hurt me. I could feel frustration balling up in my chest, and I suddenly had the urge to scream. I held it in, and left both Vixie and Dark. For a minute after I had left I thought he might fuck her as well, but I doubted that. She would never let him.
I walked down the streets, bored. My mind drifted off onto small things, with really no meaning whatsoever. I ran across a few vamps, which talked to me about it, and told me that they would leave him, and her, if they were me. I almost felt like doing it but I remember all the good things that had happened and I decided to let it ride, see what happened.
By this point I was laughing at myself, for trusting them. They were both against rules, and didn't give a shit what other people thought. As if they'd even give a second thought to what they were doing. They liked hurting people, that much I realized. A little too late.
I went home, and found the apartment the way I had left it. I jumped onto the couch, and turned on the stereo, and watched the ceiling, with nothing in particular on my mind.
I fell into a dreamless sleep, and woke up to a beautiful day! Finally things were going my way.
I thought about what to do, and decided on swimming, because it usually helped me concentrate on the task at hand, which (at the moment) was surviving.
I grabbed my fave bikini, a towel, and some shampoo, and went to a beach. There were humans everywhere, some sunbathing, some playing beach volleyball, and some swimming in the water.
A few minutes after I got onto the beach, a guy came over and asked me if I wanted to play beach volleyball. Usually I would have quietly told them "No" shyly, but today I answered casually " Sure. Why not?" It wasn't like I had anything better to do. He introduced me to his girlfriend, her friends, and his friends. I smiled, trying to look as human as possible.
We played volleyball for hours! I learned they all went to the local College, and liked to come here to get away from life. I agreed, pretending to be an exchange student from New Zealand. They were all very nice, and we had a blast.
Finally it was dark. We sat near the campfire, eating marshmallows and laughing at the sad attempts of ghost stories Chloe made up. Finally they had to go back to their dorms. All of them gave me a hug good-bye except for Trevor who gave me a peck on the cheek, saying that I had to call him before I left back to New Zealand.
Then they drove away in their convertible.
I walked along the beaches, watching the waves, and wondering what to do. Trevor seemed like a nice guy and I could tell he would be loyal. But could I really give up on Dark so soon?
Suddenly I saw a shadowy figure walking towards me, and I stopped. I had a bad feeling about this. I turned around, and the figure was in front of me, as if they had casually walked over while I wasn't looking.
I had never met this person before. She had red curly hair, down to the small of her back. She also had glowing yellow eyes, which seemed to see right through me. Like I was transparent.
She raised a silky hand to my cheek, and sighed.
"You are so beautiful," She murmured.
I stared at the hand, and brought it down tenderly, and kissed it. The flesh was smooth, not a fault in it. She was like a queen, so beautiful, so amazingly powerful.
"Don't go home, it's not worth it," She whispered in my mind.
I bit my lip, trying to tell her that I must go home, that I could handle it. As if reading my mind she replied.
"You are a strong one Serenity, but beware, for some may not love your boldness"
She kissed my neck, and I felt her fangs against my skin, and I knew that she was the queen of them. I didn't pull away, but I did tremble in her grasp, fearing the worst. She dragged one fang along my flesh, and I felt myself bleeding, but just slightly. Her tongue licked at the small wound, her golden eyes, staring up at mine, before moving away, just like a ghost. I reached out to her, but she moved to quickly for even my eye, and I missed. Her parting words to me were ones I shall forever remember.
" Never use the power of this blood, to heal your wounds, for it will most certainly corrupt you" And then she walked sacredly across the water, until I could no longer see her anymore.
Happy. I walked the streets, rapping just like some black guy. It made me free my emotions, cease the pain that had so many times before, broken me. I went into different bars, danced with different people, sung to different songs, drank different alcoholic beverages, and acted as if I were finally a normal person, living their life to their fullest.
Happiness. I must have been blind, thinking everything would be all right. I had a best friend that would never betray me again, I had a boyfriend who I loved with every piece of my heart, I had a mother who would never hurt me, I had friends who would be there to dry my tears, and I had a life. Everything I had ever asked for, I had.
I felt on top of the world.
Until I walked into that stupid apartment.
As soon as I got into the building I felt something weird. Something painful. I could here moans coming from my apartment, and thinking nothing of it, walked in.
And there they were.
On my couch, fucking each other. My boyfriend and best friend. I just stared at them, hoping this was a mirage. That it would disappear. But I was so totally wrong. Dreadfully wrong. This mirage was quickly turning into a nightmare.
My head was spinning. Saphire didn't even see something wrong with this. She continued to shove him harder into her. A cold shiver ran down my back, and I suddenly felt compelled to kill the both of them. Kill them for the pain I knew they would cause me, for what I would have to go through after this.
Dark finally got off of her, and left. Without a word. Wtf was wrong with them?! Did they want me to go insane? To kill them?! To kill everyone! Rage was taking over, my limbs were no longer my own. I had to leave.
I teleported to a park, and sat down on a bench. "Why is it so hard for people to love you?" I screamed while ripping at my hair. Pulling strand after strand out. It was fake. It wasn't real. I wasn't real!
Tears sprung to my eyes, as I stared at my hands. They were beautiful. They were trembling, in hurt and pain, but they were still beautiful. Like music. It made me want to sing. It scared me at first, because I didn't understand why. Maybe it was because in the heat of my sorrow, music had always been there for me. I dunno. All I do know is I sang. I sang with all my heart, the song called, "When I'm Gone," which I loved to listen to. "There's another world inside of me that you may never see.
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind. So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything, if only for your good. So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,
So love me when I'm gone.
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends. Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone. Everything I am and everything in me.
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,
Ill never let you down even if I could.
I'd give up everything if only for your good. " Blood tears, rolled down my cheeks, and onto my lap. And then the thought came to me...I had given my blood to those bastards! I gave a moan, in disgust. They had taken it! Rage once again, pumped through my veins, and I took it out on my left wrist. Scarlet blood gushed from it, but I ignored the pain, and tried to concentrate on what I was to do. Was I supposed to run away, find Vixie, Kill them, or go back to the apartment? I decided against all of them, and decided to sleep on the bench, hoping sleep would claim me, before I could hurt anymore.
I did sleep, but not very well. Different images ran through my mind, driving me insane. There were remembered kisses and hugs, and different talks, pictures, and images of being beaten, sometimes the person was Dark, and sometimes it was Saphire.
I woke up the next morning stiff, and scared. My wrist was torn pretty bad, and it ached quite a bit. Luckily the sun was out and I wouldn't have to see either of them in the daytime.
I stood up, and stretched my legs, yawning quite ungracefully. I walked down the street to a small café, which was packed with businessmen, all scurrying to get to work on time. I ordered a vanilla cappuccino, and sat down in a comfy chair, near the fire. I stared into the flame, warming myself, and thinking about..
Murder.
It could kill both of them in an instant. I could... I shook away the plot forming in my head. Ok so they had sex. No reason to kill them. Right? I almost felt like contradicting myself and saying "Wrong" but decided against it. Ok so you couldn't kill them. You could still kick Saphire out of your apartment. That would be revenge...pathetic, yes, but still revenge.
I drank down the coffee quickly, and walked out the door, listening to the little jangle of the bells as I left the crowded café. I would find Vixie. She had had experience with pond scum; I mean she went out with Jagg, so she had to know how to mend a broken heart.
I walked down the streets, staring at the clouds, and trying not to cry. The whole time I had been the doll. I hated being the doll. I hated being played. I hated everything. I hated life.
I continued down the street, mumbling insane words, and thinking about the past. From Cell to Roti to Him to Dark to Saphire to Vixie to Ed to vamps to aliens to God to the Devil.
I probably would've gone back to insanity if it weren't for a little man.
A poor, blind, old man. He sat on a corner, singing and playing his guitar. People walked by, dropping money into the guitar case, absently. I stopped to listen to him, and to collect my thoughts. I dropped a 50 dollar bill into the case, because money had never been a big thing with me.
The man looked at me, as if he could see me, clearly. And smiled. A toothless grin, but it was full of happiness. How could this man smile after all of his years on the streets? Was it possible he saw the best in his life, even though it had been full of pain?
I continued to walk, but I forgot all about Dark and Saphire, and I began to wonder how old friends were. I sighed, as the sun beat down on my face warming it completely. I felt happy, remembering Josh and Jenny and Steven, and all of my android friends, which I had left behind at the shelter. I wondered what they'd do in this situation, and I knew they would all shrug it off, and continue their lives. They were used to pain, and they knew that pain followed them like an evil curse. As I should by now.
I laughed at myself, for being so emotional, and continued down the street, walking into my apartment. I stared at the sofa, which I now loathed with all that was left in me, before heading towards the phone, and phoning up Vixie. She came immediately (just like she always had) and made tea, and talked to me about everything.
She seemed madder at Dark than Saphire. I think because he had unearthed some memory that she had wanted to keep buried beneath her hard shell, for so many years. She told me not to kill them, that it wouldn't do any good. I promised I wouldn't although I wasn't sure if that was going to come through.
Night was creeping up on us, and I felt uneasy. I knew they would be here soon. Thank God for Vixie. She wasn't worried. In fact if I were either of them, I would have been afraid to come face us. Me being on the verge of insanity, and Vixie on the verge of killing someone.
We played cards for a few hours, until it was dark. The time of the vamps. I shivered, and prayed that neither of them would bother us, that they would leave me alone, and never talk to me again, so they couldn't mock me with their happiness.
Then Dark's ki.
It was coming closer, coming into the apartment. I could hear footsteps. I wanted to hide, and I almost did, but Vixie held my hand, secretly comforting me.
As soon as Dark was in the room, I felt pain and hate rushing through my veins. On MY sofa. With MY best friend. While I was out, loving life. I stared at the cards, the only thing that could calm my nerves.
Vixie was on him as soon as he walked through the door. I knew how mad she was at him, but I knew he didn't. He didn't realize anything. He never realized anything!
Anger.
He sat down next to me, and talked to me. "It was an accident" and "It was never supposed to happen." What did he think I was? A fucken idiot?
That I didn't have a fucken clue how people had sex? I had had it many times before him. I knew. And I knew it couldn't be an accident.
My comebacks were sarcastic. The only thing that could stop me from strangling him, on the spot. Sarcasm was my best friend at times like these.
It seemed like he didn't see anything wrong with him screwing her. Like it would have never hurt me. I could feel frustration balling up in my chest, and I suddenly had the urge to scream. I held it in, and left both Vixie and Dark. For a minute after I had left I thought he might fuck her as well, but I doubted that. She would never let him.
I walked down the streets, bored. My mind drifted off onto small things, with really no meaning whatsoever. I ran across a few vamps, which talked to me about it, and told me that they would leave him, and her, if they were me. I almost felt like doing it but I remember all the good things that had happened and I decided to let it ride, see what happened.
By this point I was laughing at myself, for trusting them. They were both against rules, and didn't give a shit what other people thought. As if they'd even give a second thought to what they were doing. They liked hurting people, that much I realized. A little too late.
I went home, and found the apartment the way I had left it. I jumped onto the couch, and turned on the stereo, and watched the ceiling, with nothing in particular on my mind.
I fell into a dreamless sleep, and woke up to a beautiful day! Finally things were going my way.
I thought about what to do, and decided on swimming, because it usually helped me concentrate on the task at hand, which (at the moment) was surviving.
I grabbed my fave bikini, a towel, and some shampoo, and went to a beach. There were humans everywhere, some sunbathing, some playing beach volleyball, and some swimming in the water.
A few minutes after I got onto the beach, a guy came over and asked me if I wanted to play beach volleyball. Usually I would have quietly told them "No" shyly, but today I answered casually " Sure. Why not?" It wasn't like I had anything better to do. He introduced me to his girlfriend, her friends, and his friends. I smiled, trying to look as human as possible.
We played volleyball for hours! I learned they all went to the local College, and liked to come here to get away from life. I agreed, pretending to be an exchange student from New Zealand. They were all very nice, and we had a blast.
Finally it was dark. We sat near the campfire, eating marshmallows and laughing at the sad attempts of ghost stories Chloe made up. Finally they had to go back to their dorms. All of them gave me a hug good-bye except for Trevor who gave me a peck on the cheek, saying that I had to call him before I left back to New Zealand.
Then they drove away in their convertible.
I walked along the beaches, watching the waves, and wondering what to do. Trevor seemed like a nice guy and I could tell he would be loyal. But could I really give up on Dark so soon?
Suddenly I saw a shadowy figure walking towards me, and I stopped. I had a bad feeling about this. I turned around, and the figure was in front of me, as if they had casually walked over while I wasn't looking.
I had never met this person before. She had red curly hair, down to the small of her back. She also had glowing yellow eyes, which seemed to see right through me. Like I was transparent.
She raised a silky hand to my cheek, and sighed.
"You are so beautiful," She murmured.
I stared at the hand, and brought it down tenderly, and kissed it. The flesh was smooth, not a fault in it. She was like a queen, so beautiful, so amazingly powerful.
"Don't go home, it's not worth it," She whispered in my mind.
I bit my lip, trying to tell her that I must go home, that I could handle it. As if reading my mind she replied.
"You are a strong one Serenity, but beware, for some may not love your boldness"
She kissed my neck, and I felt her fangs against my skin, and I knew that she was the queen of them. I didn't pull away, but I did tremble in her grasp, fearing the worst. She dragged one fang along my flesh, and I felt myself bleeding, but just slightly. Her tongue licked at the small wound, her golden eyes, staring up at mine, before moving away, just like a ghost. I reached out to her, but she moved to quickly for even my eye, and I missed. Her parting words to me were ones I shall forever remember.
" Never use the power of this blood, to heal your wounds, for it will most certainly corrupt you" And then she walked sacredly across the water, until I could no longer see her anymore.