~* Mwuahahahaha I am so cool. You must bow to my every will! Silly Muggles. Anyway, I am so cool that I have decided to be nice and give you another chapter. Enjoy.*~
Damaged Egos and Anti Twins
Chapter 2: The New Dos and the worst Detention Eva!
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Draco all gawked at their reflections.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Draco howled, grabbing his hair and trying to pull it out. Snape grabbed his wrists and held them away from Draco's head.
"Keep yourself together man!" Snape bellowed.
"But, but look at my hair!" Draco wailed. It was true; the reflection in the mirror was quite astonishing. Instead of the sexy platinum blonde hair that usually fell atop the god like cranium of Draco Malfoy, it was replaced with non other then a bunch of shaggy red locks…much like Ron's. Harry's Hair was the same length, but instead of the thin messy black hair he usually had, it had turned into a shaggy brown afro…much like Hermione's hair texture. Ron's vibrant red hair (which the author of this fanfic absolutely adores) had turned into an exact replica of Harry's previous hair. Hermione's hair had uncurled, and become much longer due to that fact alone, and had become the color of a veela's…kind of like Draco's.
"How did this happen!?" Harry cried, patting his new fro like do.
"Something must have gone wrong with the potion…" Ron said, admiring his new sexy look. The dark look was so him…
"No shit Sherlock!" Draco said through his sobbing, as he lay in a heap on the floor. His dignity and ego severely bruised, Draco got up off the floor and walked over to Snape's desk.
"Excuse me Mr. Malfoy, but just what do you think you are doing rummaging through my belongings!" Snape asked, as Draco opened all the drawers in his desk.
"Scissors! NEED SCISSORS!" he said, dumping the contents of the drawer clearly labeled "pointy objects of torture" on the desk.
"Stop that right now!" Snape said as the latest issue of bondage weekly dropped out of the drawer. Snape frantically hid the magazine of sadomasochist fun time, as Draco schlumped over to the other three, tears welling up in his eyes. Everyone in the room was still giggling at them and pointing as Ron tried to look dashing in the mirror.
"I am a sexy beast!" Ron said in his best Austin Powers accent (and since he'd never seen Austin Powers, that's saying something).
"You're welcome." Harry said.
"Alright, it's detention for all four of you! And a million points from each house, because I am a sadistic bastard and I gave you simple instructions! You muddled up worse then that git Longbottom ever could! And he does quite I lot of freagin' muddling!" Snape snapped, using the ever popular phrase "freagin'" that Dr. Evil tended to use, and therefore made popular in the evilness world. Everyone in the hair challenged group looked disconcerted, and started to become very interested in the stone floor. Snape started to breathe heavily through his nostrils, and tried to calm himself.
"Ms. Parkinson, you're in charge; I have to take these four to their detentions, which will start now! Make sure everyone gets back to work, and get some of that goop in a test tube. I'll need to start working on a bloody freagin' antidote tonight." Snape said, walking out of the dungeons with the not so sexy group of freagin' potion screw uppers.
~*~
Snape led them down to (or rather up to) the basement, where he stood in front of the giant fruit painting.
"Where are we?" Draco asked, now wielding a hat that said "I love ferrets" in bold green letters.
"The kitchens." Harry, Ron, Hermione and Snape said in harmony. Snape looked at the three musketeers with angry astonishment, as they innocently rocked on their heals, and whistled "Mary had a little lamb". Snape tickled the pear and the painting swung open. He led them in, Draco looking and feeling like he was on another planet.
"I've never been in a kitchen before…" he said idly, walking around and looking at all the "shiny" instruments in which his food was made.
"For tonight's dinner, the house elves will be preparing stew. Except, you will be helping them." Snape said, gesturing to all the bustling elves.
"That's not bad at all! I help me mum with dinner all the time! This is the detention that is supposed to go in the "Almighty Book of Detentions Worse then Death"?" Ron asked, Harry and Hermione.
"You will be helping them by cutting and peeling the 200 onions required for the stew." Snape said, another one of his famous clichéd fanfic I'm-a-bad-guy malicious grins crossing his face.
"Damn it!" the trio of Voldemort embarrassers murmured in unison. Cutting onions meant crying as your eyes burst into flames, trying to cut the blasted vegetables as your vision was compromised by the ever present tears that were involved with the act. Snape swept out of the kitchen in a very SWOOSHY way, leaving the foursome to gape at the mountain of nasty stingy veggies from HELL.
"How do you prepare onions?" Draco asked in an uncharacteristically innocent manner. Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other with the same mischievous glare. As if they shared a brain, the put their cruelty to work.
"Well, you see Draco, first you take an onion, and you peel it…" Hermione said, offering him an onion. Draco fussed over the onion for about ten minutes, digging his nails into the flakey yet sturdy skin of the onion, and ripping off piece by piece.
"Then, you cut it in half…" Harry said, handing Draco a dull spork.
"Why don't I use I knife?" Draco asked, looking at the wimpy little plastic spork. Harry gasped in a very fakey fake way.
"Draco! Do you want to bruise the poor little onion?" Harry asked, stroking the somewhat mutilated onion.
"No…" Draco said, slowly starting to stab the onion with the spork.
"Ok, now you're gonna want to breathe through your nose while you're at this part Draco. Onions, when first cut, can give you a nasty taste in your mouth if the fumes touch your tongue." Ron said in an equally fakey fake voice.
"Ok…" Draco said. The first waif of smelly onion hit Draco like a ton of bricks.
"AHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!" Draco wailed, much to the delight of the three dorkateers. Draco stupidly started to rub his eyes with his saturated onion fingers, only making the agonizing pain ten times worse.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he yelled, his eyes totally blood shot. He was able to spot a house elf walking bye with a large jug of blue kool-aid (why you ask? Who cares, GO KOOL-AID!). He threw off his ferret lover cap and grabbed the jug of kool-aid and doused his open eyes with the flood of icy cool goodness. He fell to his knees and let his eyes water and recover from the trauma that had just been inflicted upon him by his worst enemies. Hermione, Harry and Ron laughed as the Draco show of pain ended, and went into the process of properly cutting onions with the lack of crying; washing the onion in warm water while peeling and then cutting whilst wearing cool sun glasses (hey that's how I do it!). Draco ended up only cutting two more onions, saying that he was permanently distressed by his first encounter with the evil veggie, and spent the rest of the detention in a dark corner of the kitchen with Winky, tweaking and muttering about how he hated vegetables.