I ended my story on the weirdest note, possible. Once again it was quite
accidental, yet it was probably for the best. You see the most annoying
things, can sometimes save your life. I can't really explain it to you, but
there is truth in those words. Anyway I shall now continue my story.
As I lie there, I realized I had just killed my best friend, without a second thought. So that was the price of love. Depressing, very depressing. I would surely go to hell for this. Not like I cared at the moment. I just wanted to feel......better. Feel well and lively and...happy. Was that too much to ask? To have normal problems, and not having the weight of death on your shoulders every single day, until you die at a young age and go to hell for eternity. It was all to damn depressing. Life was depressing. I was depressing. Me and my hate and pain and sadness and vanity.
When I awoke, my first thought was about Vixie. Was she ok? Did she miss me? Did she think I had disappeared or been killed? Would she still love me?
I dragged myself to my knees, pain surging through my chest. I grasped onto the table, and pulled myself into the standing position, my legs wobbling uncontrollably. I stood there for a moment, gaining my strength, and willed my legs to move, and slowly they did. I gave a small cheer, before falling backwards onto my butt. Graceful...very graceful. It took me 15 minutes to get over to the phone. When I was there, I realized I didn't have anyone to phone. Vixie wouldn't be home at the moment, Ed and Pakita would be in bed, and my dorm friends would be out partying.
So I was alone.
Rule number one for survival,
If you're hurt, heal...and heal fast. Don't fuck around, and pretend to be strong.
I dragged myself into the washroom, downed a couple of painkillers, and wrapped my side in bandages. I would have to get more; there wasn't enough to patch me up.
I contemplated what to do, and decided to walk to the store a few blocks away. So what if it was the middle of the night, and that I had a fatal wound to the chest? It would be just another stroll in the park. Yeah..whatever.
When I got there, I walked down the aisles as fast as I could. The clerk behind the counter was watching me with scary lime green eyes. Looking me over. Checking me out. What was with humans now a-days? Did the all have to be so.....lusty? I laughed. It wasn't only humans. It was every organism on this stupid planet. I grabbed the bandages off of the rack, and moved towards the counter and His eyes. I threw them down lightly, and got out 5 one-dollar bills. He scanned it, and then smirked...
"Hey babe, got a phone number for me?"
I grabbed the bandages off the counter, threw him the ones and left, totally freaked out. The whole human race was starting to really bug me. I wish I hadn't met them at all. Cell's torture was better than this. Being treated so...disrespectfully. Like I was an object, used to turn guys on. Like a porn star or a prostitute. Why the fuck did no one understand me?
I went into the apartment, and wrapped myself up better. I looked in the mirror. I looked exhausted and sick looking. Pathetic. I punched the mirror, letting the glass rain down onto the floor. No more Serenity staring back at me. Nothing but shards of pain, waiting to hurt someone. I looked around the room, and saw my Discman lying on the ground. I scooped it up, and threw the headphones on. I had to leave here, and never return. This place was to full of bad memories. The sex, the hatred, the blood, everything about this place was evil. I walked out the door, slamming it hard enough for the neighbours to hear.
I walked down the street, my hoody over my head, masking my face. Stupid sick, pale, artificial face. I walked, without a thought, down the dark alleys and busy streets. My mind on the lyrics that were being sung, over and over again in my head. I knew all the words to this CD, and I mouthed them, forgetting the stares from the people I passed.
I walked and walked, ignoring the pain in my side, intent on forgetting my past, my problems. And then there was Dark, and another vamp. I hid my ki, and looked at the ground. If I were lucky he wouldn't see me. I blasted my music, pretending to be a young woman, out for a stroll at 1:00 in the morning. I walked right past him, and gave a sigh in relief. A little too soon, because his hand shot out, and grabbed mine harshly, and pulled me forward, letting my hoody fall out of my face.
Great now Dark was going to kill me. This was going to be, by far, the worst day of my life. Other than the day I was created.
He stared back at me, with his menacing metallic eyes. I held my breath, hoping he would think about this, before he laid a finger on me. I knew I could never kill him, even if I wanted to. At the moment I just didn't have the strength to fight.
He let go, slowly. I could still feel the perfection that his hands held, like God himself had blessed him. A sudden yearning to hug him, swept over me, but I stopped myself. Why should I give in now? He had broken my heart. He had betrayed me. He had destroyed everything I had worked for. He was a backstabber. He was....
My best friend, my first kiss, my first love, my....everything.
He was talking but I didn't hear anything. I was fighting once again. An exhausting fight. The hardest fight there is. Between your emotions, and logic. It was complicated. Do I forgive him? Or do I hate him forever?
I think Fate was with me, because a special song came onto my Discman. It's called "Make up your mind." And it goes something like this....
Make up your mind and I'll make up mine Don't worry about me, I'll be fine Those words that you said to me, why wasn't I listening? I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking I'll sit back and relax and wait for the morning
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
It hit something in me. I was acting like Saphire. Everything wasn't about me. Maybe he wasn't lying. Maybe he was being truthful. And somewhere deep down, I was hoping he felt just as hurt as I had.
He said something and it slowly snapped me back to reality. I looked at him, blankly as he continued on talking.
" ...like I said, I'm sorry.." I looked at him. He looked truthful. The pain in my side was slowly growing unbearable, and I put pressure on it, concentrating on his words, not gestures. Finally came the question that had been on my mind, way to much lately.
"...So did you like it...?" I asked quietly keeping all emotion out of my voice.
"....Yes...."
I thought about this for a minute. I was glad he hadn't lied about that but could I really continue to love someone who had fun sleeping with different seductive women?
Well...just because he did it once, didn't mean he would do it again. Plus I owed it to him to give him one more chance. If he screwed that one up (or down), well then I would have to think deeply about what the consequence would be, but once isn't that bad....right?
".... It would have been better with me.." I replied, still bottling all these thoughts and emotions deep within myself. Something that I had learned to do, amazingly well after years of torture. That was closest he was going to get to the words "I forgive you." If he didn't like it he could bite me. Literally
Another wave of pain washed over me, but I held it in, and changed the subject to the other vamp. His name was Varun, Dark's offspring. Something about him reminded me of my old self. He just seemed to have this air to him, which I deeply respected. Turns out, he was abused by a master swordsman. Also turns out he had never had the chance to be...loved. But Dark could take care of that. For all I cared, he could give every ounce of love left in him to Varun, and leave me with nothing. I just wanted Varun to be ok.
I knew how it felt to be hurt, day in and out. I knew how lost and hopeless you feel. I knew everything. And I wanted to make it better. Or at least let Dark.
The pain in my chest, suddenly grew to much, and I flinched. Dark saw it, and quickly asked if Saphire had bit me. Inside I was laughing hysterically, and yelling " I WISH!!!" insanely. I showed him the bloody wound, which had leaked through another bandage, and saw his face fall. So he did still care about me! I told him, I had better go home, and he agreed an even picked me up in his arms.
I haven't yet, felt as safe somewhere as I did with Dark. His arms were like a barrier between the world and me. Like I couldn't feel pain or hate or jealousy or...anything but happiness. And that's how I felt. Like I was invincible. That I would never die. That now that Saphire was gone, and I was healthy and fine I would never have to fight for my life.
I was naïve.
As I lie there, I realized I had just killed my best friend, without a second thought. So that was the price of love. Depressing, very depressing. I would surely go to hell for this. Not like I cared at the moment. I just wanted to feel......better. Feel well and lively and...happy. Was that too much to ask? To have normal problems, and not having the weight of death on your shoulders every single day, until you die at a young age and go to hell for eternity. It was all to damn depressing. Life was depressing. I was depressing. Me and my hate and pain and sadness and vanity.
When I awoke, my first thought was about Vixie. Was she ok? Did she miss me? Did she think I had disappeared or been killed? Would she still love me?
I dragged myself to my knees, pain surging through my chest. I grasped onto the table, and pulled myself into the standing position, my legs wobbling uncontrollably. I stood there for a moment, gaining my strength, and willed my legs to move, and slowly they did. I gave a small cheer, before falling backwards onto my butt. Graceful...very graceful. It took me 15 minutes to get over to the phone. When I was there, I realized I didn't have anyone to phone. Vixie wouldn't be home at the moment, Ed and Pakita would be in bed, and my dorm friends would be out partying.
So I was alone.
Rule number one for survival,
If you're hurt, heal...and heal fast. Don't fuck around, and pretend to be strong.
I dragged myself into the washroom, downed a couple of painkillers, and wrapped my side in bandages. I would have to get more; there wasn't enough to patch me up.
I contemplated what to do, and decided to walk to the store a few blocks away. So what if it was the middle of the night, and that I had a fatal wound to the chest? It would be just another stroll in the park. Yeah..whatever.
When I got there, I walked down the aisles as fast as I could. The clerk behind the counter was watching me with scary lime green eyes. Looking me over. Checking me out. What was with humans now a-days? Did the all have to be so.....lusty? I laughed. It wasn't only humans. It was every organism on this stupid planet. I grabbed the bandages off of the rack, and moved towards the counter and His eyes. I threw them down lightly, and got out 5 one-dollar bills. He scanned it, and then smirked...
"Hey babe, got a phone number for me?"
I grabbed the bandages off the counter, threw him the ones and left, totally freaked out. The whole human race was starting to really bug me. I wish I hadn't met them at all. Cell's torture was better than this. Being treated so...disrespectfully. Like I was an object, used to turn guys on. Like a porn star or a prostitute. Why the fuck did no one understand me?
I went into the apartment, and wrapped myself up better. I looked in the mirror. I looked exhausted and sick looking. Pathetic. I punched the mirror, letting the glass rain down onto the floor. No more Serenity staring back at me. Nothing but shards of pain, waiting to hurt someone. I looked around the room, and saw my Discman lying on the ground. I scooped it up, and threw the headphones on. I had to leave here, and never return. This place was to full of bad memories. The sex, the hatred, the blood, everything about this place was evil. I walked out the door, slamming it hard enough for the neighbours to hear.
I walked down the street, my hoody over my head, masking my face. Stupid sick, pale, artificial face. I walked, without a thought, down the dark alleys and busy streets. My mind on the lyrics that were being sung, over and over again in my head. I knew all the words to this CD, and I mouthed them, forgetting the stares from the people I passed.
I walked and walked, ignoring the pain in my side, intent on forgetting my past, my problems. And then there was Dark, and another vamp. I hid my ki, and looked at the ground. If I were lucky he wouldn't see me. I blasted my music, pretending to be a young woman, out for a stroll at 1:00 in the morning. I walked right past him, and gave a sigh in relief. A little too soon, because his hand shot out, and grabbed mine harshly, and pulled me forward, letting my hoody fall out of my face.
Great now Dark was going to kill me. This was going to be, by far, the worst day of my life. Other than the day I was created.
He stared back at me, with his menacing metallic eyes. I held my breath, hoping he would think about this, before he laid a finger on me. I knew I could never kill him, even if I wanted to. At the moment I just didn't have the strength to fight.
He let go, slowly. I could still feel the perfection that his hands held, like God himself had blessed him. A sudden yearning to hug him, swept over me, but I stopped myself. Why should I give in now? He had broken my heart. He had betrayed me. He had destroyed everything I had worked for. He was a backstabber. He was....
My best friend, my first kiss, my first love, my....everything.
He was talking but I didn't hear anything. I was fighting once again. An exhausting fight. The hardest fight there is. Between your emotions, and logic. It was complicated. Do I forgive him? Or do I hate him forever?
I think Fate was with me, because a special song came onto my Discman. It's called "Make up your mind." And it goes something like this....
Make up your mind and I'll make up mine Don't worry about me, I'll be fine Those words that you said to me, why wasn't I listening? I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking I'll sit back and relax and wait for the morning
We'll wake up, we'll make up and do this for the last time If we break up, we'll wind up losing both of our minds So wake up, let's make up and do this for the last time
It hit something in me. I was acting like Saphire. Everything wasn't about me. Maybe he wasn't lying. Maybe he was being truthful. And somewhere deep down, I was hoping he felt just as hurt as I had.
He said something and it slowly snapped me back to reality. I looked at him, blankly as he continued on talking.
" ...like I said, I'm sorry.." I looked at him. He looked truthful. The pain in my side was slowly growing unbearable, and I put pressure on it, concentrating on his words, not gestures. Finally came the question that had been on my mind, way to much lately.
"...So did you like it...?" I asked quietly keeping all emotion out of my voice.
"....Yes...."
I thought about this for a minute. I was glad he hadn't lied about that but could I really continue to love someone who had fun sleeping with different seductive women?
Well...just because he did it once, didn't mean he would do it again. Plus I owed it to him to give him one more chance. If he screwed that one up (or down), well then I would have to think deeply about what the consequence would be, but once isn't that bad....right?
".... It would have been better with me.." I replied, still bottling all these thoughts and emotions deep within myself. Something that I had learned to do, amazingly well after years of torture. That was closest he was going to get to the words "I forgive you." If he didn't like it he could bite me. Literally
Another wave of pain washed over me, but I held it in, and changed the subject to the other vamp. His name was Varun, Dark's offspring. Something about him reminded me of my old self. He just seemed to have this air to him, which I deeply respected. Turns out, he was abused by a master swordsman. Also turns out he had never had the chance to be...loved. But Dark could take care of that. For all I cared, he could give every ounce of love left in him to Varun, and leave me with nothing. I just wanted Varun to be ok.
I knew how it felt to be hurt, day in and out. I knew how lost and hopeless you feel. I knew everything. And I wanted to make it better. Or at least let Dark.
The pain in my chest, suddenly grew to much, and I flinched. Dark saw it, and quickly asked if Saphire had bit me. Inside I was laughing hysterically, and yelling " I WISH!!!" insanely. I showed him the bloody wound, which had leaked through another bandage, and saw his face fall. So he did still care about me! I told him, I had better go home, and he agreed an even picked me up in his arms.
I haven't yet, felt as safe somewhere as I did with Dark. His arms were like a barrier between the world and me. Like I couldn't feel pain or hate or jealousy or...anything but happiness. And that's how I felt. Like I was invincible. That I would never die. That now that Saphire was gone, and I was healthy and fine I would never have to fight for my life.
I was naïve.