~* Tee-hee…This chapter shall be much fun. It's from third person again, so no funny perspectives. Well I hope you like it. I'm not good at these author's notes things.*~
Damaged Egos and Anti Twins
Chapter 4: Advancements and Astonishments
Meals were the worst time for the cranium challenged. Walking into the great hall was like walking into a pit of lobster! Evil lobsters, ready to pinch and poke at your self-esteem. Of course, for Ron and Hermione, it was more like walking into a pit of flowers and cottony fluff. Everyone adored them and wanted to glomp them. Hermione, Harry and Ron all walked into the great hall together, everyone swooning over the sexy Ron and sexy (gag) Hermione. Harry schlumped behind them, mumbling something about how he wished everyone was blind. They took their seats at the middle of the table (save Harry, who was shoved to the end of the table by all the swooning boys and girls).
"This is just peachy…" Harry muttered to himself, stabbing a roll with his steak knife until it was a pile of crummy dust.
"That's not a healthy habit there Potter. They have a therapist here if you want to vent." Draco said from behind Harry.
"What do you want Malfoy?" Harry asked, not turning to look at him. Draco sighed and sat in front of Harry, togged up in a new cap that said "Weed is a Wizard's Aspirin". Harry laughed as Draco rolled his eyes, trying to keep his head down so as none of his previous concubines would see him at the Gryffindor table.
"Why are you here?" Harry said through a laugh and a bite of macaroni n' cheese and weenies.
"I've been exiled. Banished from my own table! The back stabbers!" Draco grumbled, dishing up a plate of the gooey-ooey cheesy goodness.
"God, you Gryffindors must really be loser! We have lobster, caviar and Champaign at our table!" he said spitefully, pouring himself a goblet of Hawaiian punch kool-aid (HOOORAY KOOL-AID). Draco and Harry's attention turned to Hermione and Ron and their little fan clubs as Ron said another one of his over done jokes (all the little brainless zombies laughing).
"Honestly, you all need to get laid…" Draco said, tentatively taking a bite of the repulsive muggle food. Harry laughed and took bite of his weenie (A/N: ::cough, cough:: HOMO ::cough, cough::) Just then Seamus bounded over.
"Hiya Harry! Is this Slytherin gobdaw reefing you?" Seamus asked in his undecipherable Irish slang, cracking his knuckles and glaring at Draco. Dean and Neville came up behind him and tried to look angry at Draco. They just came off as expressions of "Ooo, I don't like you and therefore shall steal your socks!" kind of looks.
"No, thank you Seamus…Draco and I are in this together." Harry said, "Plus, his Slytherin cronies think his pink hair is side-splitting yet utterly embarrassing…" he whispered.
"Oh, shut up Potter!" Draco snapped, sipping his Kool-aid.
"Oh, Draco, I just remembered, would you care for some onion soup?" Seamus asked, pulling out a hot steamy bowl of onion soup out from behind him and shoving it up to Draco's nose. Draco shrieked as his vivid dreams of demonic onions flashed through his head, and he threw the evil soup at the wall next to him. The four Gryffindors started to laugh as Draco just tweaked watching the onions streaked down the wall.
"Feck off Finnigan, and go get your Prozac!" (The reference to Seamus on Prozac is from Sharon Armstrong's Draco Malfoy the Amazing bouncing …rat? Which I highly recommend to all Draco fans. It is an uproarious fic that is well worth reading!) Draco said in his best Irish accent. Seamus scoffed and turned back to Harry.
"Well, it was a gas Harry, but I desperately need to go to the Jacks!" Seamus said, doing a veritable potty dance where he stood.
"Good, I was waiting for you to HUMP OFF!" Draco yelled as Seamus headed out of the Great Hall towards the loo.
"Please tell me you weren't inviting him…" Harry started.
"You really need to brush up on your Irish slang Potter!" Draco spat, grabbing a package of twinkies and opening them. Snape strolled up to Harry and Draco and leaned over so as he could whisper to the both of them without anyone else hearing.
"Tomorrow morning, meet me in my office, I have something for you both…" he said, walking away just as quickly as he had arrived.
"Now, that was an invitation!" Draco said in a cheeky tone. Harry shrugged, and grabbed a snickers bar.
~*~
The Gryffindor group of do gooders tentatively walked into the empty potions classroom at 4:30 AM the next morning, to find Snape and Draco hovering over a simmering copper cauldron (then, it wasn't empty now was it?).
"Finally!" Snape snapped (I love that saying [SNAPE SNAPPED]). They came and sat next to them, and cautiously peered into the contents of the cauldron. It was back in looked like tar…and smelled like moldy socks.
"Is that the antidote?" Harry asked with disgust.
"Yes, and be grateful! Unless of course, you want to look like a rabid poodle for the rest of your life!" Snape barked. He started to ladle the goopy moldy-sock tar into a bottle and handed it to Draco.
"Go wet your hair and laver for five minutes." He ordered.
"NO!" Ron said, clutching his sexy do.
"GO WEASLEY!" Snape barked again (A/N: When ever I read the phrase "Snape barked", I always get a vivid mental picture of a greasy poodle barking at me from behind a jagged chain link fence…) They all started to walk towards the basin, and Hermione could of sworn that she heard Snape murmur "I hope this works…"
They all wet their hair and started to lather, the smelly-smell of smelly socks sinking into the core of each one of their strands of hair. The scalps started to tingle, and then itch…and then BURN!
"ARGH!" Draco grr-ed, rinsing his hair with the others. They all straightened up at the same time, to their relief their natural hair colors had returned.
"Damn!" Ron said, crossing his arms as his hair dripped on his shirt.
"Oh sexy, did you miss me? I missed you!" Draco said, fondling a strand of his hair. "Did that mud blood hurt you!?"
"No…" came a tiny voice out of no where. Draco froze as something wriggled in his hair, making it shake and quiver. Everyone gasped as a tiny head popped up from Draco's hair.