Epic
Chapter Three – One Wedding and No Funeral, Yet.
A week had passed, a very long week. The week had been long, the days had been long, and the minutes, well you get the idea. Xander had spent the time thinking. As some of you may very well know time spent thinking is the opposite of time spent having fun. No only does it not fly but it does not even break a sweat. Time sort of lies there sunbathing developing skin cancer all in the name of beauty. In this case time is very much like a rich upper-class woman entering middle age with the burden of a newly discovered inferiority complex. Anyway Xander had been doing some thinking about his life, or what was left of it. He had been given the gift of life and as with most other things he had been given, he had wasted it. He had only six months left and he knew it. Six months is nothing, it is half of a year, two seasons of the four seasons and only five McDonald's kiddie meal promotions. I bet you are wondering where Xander went? Who did he meet? Did he have some sort of spiritual awakening and discovered God (I didn't know he was lost)? And perhaps most importantly what shirts did he wear? Well those are all good questions and some of them deserve good answers. A good storyteller would give up those answers in a subtle way and a bad storyteller would tell you them in a blatant (or as I like to call it American television way). However, as you may well know, I am not an ordinary storyteller. I am neither good nor bad (personal opinion which some of you may not share) as my mother says, I'm special. So it is in the disguise of this specialness (that includes making up my own words – hey it is not like I'm the only one, Shakespeare did it) that I have hit upon a third way (nothing to do with Mussolini and his fascist Italian government). This third way is ingenious in it simpleness (there's another one). What is it? (Like you haven't worked it out yet) Well, I have decided not to answer those questions. The cynics among you will be screaming at their computer screens calling me numerous naughty words that couldn't possibly be repeated here (and not only because I couldn't spell half of them) and most of you are right. It is a cop-out, I admit. I am feeling in an honest mode so I will go with it, I couldn't be bothered to think up a story about Xander's "road trip". Basically it doesn't matter (at least to me it doesn't) and if you don't like it them feel free to email me. If I get enough emails of the complaining nature then I may consider writing the "road trip" chapter but I wouldn't hold your breath (seriously it damages your brain cells). So this chapter is about the return of Xander and the results of his extensive thinking. So enjoy…
A week had passed, a very long week. The week had been long, the days had been long…I'll skip this part…. The night was dark, much darker than the last time Xander drove to his apartment. He finally arrived and parked in his usual spot. He got out and climbed the familiar stairs, walked up the familiar corridor and arrived at the familiar door. Almost automatically his hand went to his pocket and pulled out the key. He unlocked it and opened the door. There was darkness. Fumbling around the wall he finally found the light switch. Click. Xander looked around the newly lit apartment.
"Anya!"
He went to the bedroom. Click. There was no one there and the bed didn't look like it had been slept in.
"Anya!"
He looked around the apartment but there was no one there. He was all alone. He looked at his watch, it was late. Slowly he made his way to the bedroom and there he collapsed on the bed. For a brief second his eyes went to Anya's side of the bed then he closed them.
*Beep**Beep**Beep*
Xander awoke with a shudder.
*Beep**Beep*
He looked around the room with half closed eyes.
*Beep**Beep*
His hair was ruffled so much that it looked like one of those cheesy wigs that middle-age bald men get in the vain hope of convincing the world that they aren't really bald.
*Beep**Beep*
"Fire!" He shouted as if the thought had just entered his head. "Fire!"
*Beep**Beep*
He quickly got up from the bed and smelt the air in the way that those drug-seeking dogs do.
*Beep**Beep*
His gaze roamed the room until finally settling upon a bedside clock.
*Beep**Be-
The sudden appearance of fist on the top of the clock put an end to its beeping days.
"Damn clock."
The rest of the morning went without incidence. After a shower, a combing and a careful examination in the mirror Xander passed himself fit for public appearance. He had found his car keys after a search which lasted much longer than usual, the keys seemed to had attempted to make a break for it but had be stopped by the wall behind the fridge. Now he was in his car on his way to the Magic Shop. The roads were practically free from traffic, as is usual in small town California, and the journey was relatively easy and quick. He arrived, parked and waited. He looked at the front door almost as if he was using Superman-style X-ray vision to see inside. Finally he decided to get out of the car and made his way to the door. Again there was hesitation but that was quickly overcome and the door was slowly opened. Xander was confronted by the scene of the Scooby Gang sitting around the table with a big pile of books. Only Anya had looked up at the sound of the bell but her stillness upon seeing him had prompted Giles to look and then a sort of domino effect occurred until everyone was looked at Xander.
"Hey." Said Xander in a subdued voice.
He was looking at Anya but she didn't reply.
"Xander?" It was Buffy who broke the silence. "Where you been?"
"Err…somewhere." Xander didn't seem interested in answering Buffy's question. "Anya?"
She just looked at him then she ran off out of the back door. Xander quickly ran off her.
"Anya?"
He got in front and stopped her.
"Anya?"
"You can't do this."
"Leave for no reason and without so much as a goodbye then come back a week later and expect me to run into her arms."
"I didn't expect that."
"Then what did you expect?"
"I don't know what I expected."
"Did you have a nice time?"
"What?"
"On this trip, did you have a nice time?"
"No, I missed you."
"Obviously not enough to call me."
"I didn't call because I didn't know what I would say."
"So you know what to say now?"
"Yes."
"Well…"
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For this. I can't marry you."
Anya's face betrayed no emotion whatsoever.
"Sorry."
Upon hearing this tears started to appear in Anya's eyes and he ran out of the door.
"Anya!" Xander started as if he was going to follow her but didn't. He just watched her go.
[End of Chapter Three]
*****
[Start of Chapter Three]
Epic
Chapter Three – One Wedding and No Funeral, Yet.
"So, what's happening?"
Xander had arrived at the Magic Shop slightly later than he had said he would. Slightly being an understatement.
"What time do you call this, Xander?" Asked Buffy with the hint of annoyance.
"Lunch."
"Every time to you is lunch." The hint of annoyance was now nowhere to be seen.
"That's not true. What about breakfast?"
"Don't you eat breakfast at lunch time?"
"Maybe at conventional lunch time."
"You have your own lunch time?"
"Yep." Said Xander with a little bit of pride in his voice.
"Well since the rest of the world doesn't run on Xander time I think it is safe to say that you are late."
"I didn't know I had to be here at a certain time."
"I called you and said you had to be hear at a certain time."
"Oh yeah."
"Willow called you and said you had to be hear at a certain time."
"Now I remember."
"And…"
"You made your point Buffy."
"So, you agree that you are late?"
"Yes."
"You would have thought I was going somewhere with that."
"I wouldn't have."
"No one listens to late people."
"Depends on your meaning of late."
"What other meaning of late is there and I see what you mean."
As Buffy was speaking Willow emerged from behind Xander carrying a massive pile of books. She passed by him struggling to keep hold of the books.
"Careful, Wil." Advised Xander.
She gave him a stern look and then managed to make it to the table with the books.
"Why all the books?"
"Why do you think?" Asked Buffy.
"It's not research is it?"
"Yep." Said a disturbingly gleeful Willow.
"Aww…" Xander made a disappointed sound as he slowly walked towards the table. He chose the seat opposite Buffy.
"Cheer up Xander, it's not the end of the world." Said Buffy with a smile.
"So what am I researching?"
"A demon that kills people then skins them and eats their bones."
"Why are demons always so gross?" Asked Xander.
"Not all demons are gross. What about the demon that looks after puppies?"
"Err…Buffy…the demon doesn't look after puppies."
"It doesn't?"
"Nope."
"What does it do then?"
"I don't think you want to know."
"Oh. It doesn't…does it?"
Xander nodded.
"Why are demons so gross?" Asked Buffy.
Before Xander could answer Anya appeared from the basement with a large box. He got up and went to help her. Buffy and Willow shared a look at this behaviour.
"What's in the box?"
"Eyeballs."
Xander moved away from the box. "Eyeballs?"
"Yeah. They are a very good seller."
"Who buys eyeballs?"
"Witches, trolls and frat boys."
"My fiancé, the eyeball-seller." Said Xander.
"I love it when you say that."
"My fiancé."
The two of them kiss and Buffy rolls her eyes making Willow laugh. This, in turn, drew the attention of Xander but that was back on Anya when she said, "What are you wearing for the wedding?"
"A tux."
"You think you could wear an all-white one?"
At this both Buffy and Willow laughed but they both tried to pretend they were just coughing.
"Err…Anya." Xander took her to one side. "I'm not wearing an all-white tuxedo."
"Why not?"
"Because I'll look silly."
"I think you would look good. Don't you want to look good?"
"Honey, the groom wears a black tuxedo. It is tradition."
"Tradition? That is your argument against all of my ideas."
"Yeah, well, tradition is kind of important at stuff like weddings."
"But I thought it supposed to be my special day?"
"It will be. It will be."
"Then you're wear the all-white tuxedo?"
"Aww honey…" He took her head and placed it on his chest. "…Not a chance in hell."