452 was beginning to calm down, but Logan wasn't sure if that was good or bad. "I have to" she repeated, keeping the gun trained on him, finger on the trigger. Then, in a barely audible voice, she reached a decision, "But not today." She turned and was gone before Logan could even process what she had said. She leapt straight up through the skylight and replaced the top, then fled, not understanding the tears flowing freely down her cheeks.
Logan felt dazed. He sat sideways on the couch, starring at the spot on which she'd stood. If there hadn't been a wet trail of footprint from under the skylight, he would have thought he'd imagined the whole thing. Max was alive. More, Max was alive and he had left her in Manticore for almost a year and a half. Max was here. Max was in this apartment. These thoughts clouded his mind, allowing nothing else in, except one question, how? When he could finally move again, he picked up the phone and called the only person he could think of who might understand. He had no way of contacting any of Max's sibs, not even Krit and Sil, so he went for next best thing,
"Yo, you got Original Cindy here."
"Cindy? Thank god you're in."
"Logan? What ch'you talking about? Wha's wrong?" here Logan stumbled, not knowing how to say what he needed to, and thinking that it probably wasn't wise to say it on the phone anyway.
"I have to talk to you. Can you come over?"
"What, now? It's the middle of the night!"
"I know, I'm sorry, but it's important." Sensing the urgency in his voice, Cindy conceded,
"Ai-ight, I'll be right there."
452 paced up and down the small room. Every time she turned the right way, she would see her reflection in the full-length mirror that hung on one wall. Her cheeks were stained red with tears. She'd been crying since she left the apartment, and she still didn't know why. The image sickened her. It made her feel weak, pathetic, and constantly reminded her of …him. She didn't dare to even think his name. She knew it, from the files she'd dug up on him, but thinking about his name made him a person, instead of a target. But it wasn't just that. Those few moments that she had stood starring into his fathomless eyes, she had felt as if some leaden hand had gripped her heart. She had felt feelings that she had never, in her memory, felt before. She didn't understand what they meant. She didn't know the names of emotions like that. She had no use for them. Emotions were phoney sentimentality. So why did she crumble when she saw him? On top of all that, a couple of times, as she turned, she saw the reflection out of the corner of her eye, and instead of seeing 452, Manticore soldier, she saw a girl who resembled her, but wasn't, couldn't, be her. Her hair was loose, flowing over her shoulders; she wore jeans and a leather jacket over a blue t-shirt. Thumbs tucked into the pockets of the jeans, she stood there, smiling. When 452 turned completely the girl was gone. She turned again to face the mirror, frustrated and angry with herself, she thrust a fist into her own reflection, shattering the glass. As blood welled up in the various cuts on her hand, she collapsed to the floor, rocking back and forth, cradling her hand and sobbing.
Cindy sat in stunned silence. Logan had recounted the evening's events, and she hadn't said a word since he'd finished.
"You're sure it was really her? I mean, not to dis you Logan, but I know how much you miss her. Are you sure you didn't imagine it?"
"You saw the muddy wet footprints."
"O.K. so someone broke in here, but that doesn't mean it was Max…"
"I saw her!"
"Logan, cool it. I just wanna be sure. I know what it feels like. She was my best friend. I loved her too. D'you know the amount of times I've seen people on the street and run up to them, thinking they're Max? An' then I get close and they look nothing like her. The first few weeks, everyone I saw was Max cos I knew she couldn't be dead. It didn't matter that you saw her die. It didn't matter that I knew she was shot. She was Max, and she wouldn't leave me!" tears rolled down her cheeks as her voice reached a crescendo. Logan couldn't speak immediately. He rested a comforting hand on her shoulder, knowing exactly what she meant.
"I know, Cindy. I'm sorry. If it wasn't for those prints, I'd have thought I was dreaming too. And I even considered that maybe it was some random burglar who I just convinced myself was Max. Except that I know it wasn't. It was … different. It was her Cindy." She nodded slowly, wiping tears from her eyes, smudging make-up across her cheeks. Then she looked at Logan oddly,
"So you're Eyes-Only?" Logan was startled.
"Oh shit! I totally forgot that you didn't know. I just had to tell someone about this and I didn't even think!"
"It's ok Logan, I'm not gonna tell. It's actually kinda cool." She smiled slightly.
452 was driving again, not knowing where she was going, just driving. She didn't stop until she reached an abandoned building in the middle of squatter land. She looked up at the enormous structure, and wondered why she was here.
From the top of the space needle, she gazed out across the city. The air was fresher up here, the noise subdued, and the city actually looked beautiful. 452 tried desperately to understand what was going on in her head. Logan Cale, a.k.a. Eyes-only, her target, a threat to national security, her big break, had stopped her in her tracks. She had been physically unable to pull that trigger, and she didn't know why. She had a dreadful feeling of familiarity about this whole place. Everywhere she turned, she felt that inner part of herself smile, as if to say, we're home. As she stood on the very edge of the roof, face into the wind, she could almost let that part take over. It was so strong, willing her to remember these feelings that scared her so much. But there was always that harder part too. Screaming orders that made no more sense than the other voice, don't you dare! It yelled, How can you even consider it? They left you! They abandoned you! They gave you to Manticore, so that's where you're meant to be! 452 dropped into a crouch, holding her head in her hands. None of this made sense! She had never been to Seattle before, so why did she know it so well? She had never been assigned to eyes only before, never even tried to crack his codes, so how did she do it so quickly? She'd never been to that apartment before, so why did everything seem so familiar? She prayed for something that made sense, something to hold on to, somewhere to start…
"Hello?" the voice was quiet and shaky, and gave 452 a start. How had she not heard someone approach? She stood, and turned to face the girl standing at the top of the slope. When the girl saw her face, she gasped. "Oh my god! It really is you." But she didn't move. 452 fought the urge she had to smile, to greet this girl like an old friend, because the other half of her mind told her that she was a stranger, or worse, an Eyes-only operative. Without a word, she tried to walk straight passed the girl. But she grabbed her arm, "Max?" she said, almost pleading. 452 stopped, not because of the girls grip, she could break that easily, but because of the name. Without turning, she whispered,
"Why do you people keep calling me that?" the girl didn't answer, she was obviously stricken. "Huh? Why? I don't know you!" The girl shook her head.
"But Max, I'm Cindy. Original Cindy? Only your best friend for over a year before you left…"
"Left? What do you mean before I left? I've never been here before in my life. I think you have the wrong girl." Cindy seemed at a loss. Maybe Max really was gone. Then she had an idea.
"So you ain't X5-452? Barcode number-332960073452?" 452 now gasped. That was ridiculous! She had finally managed to separate the two voices, deciding that the soft one was just imagination, and all this 'Max' business was just a coincidence. But that girl, Cindy, had just confirmed that in fact, 'Max' was X5-452. Cindy was nothing to do with Manticore, 452 knew that. And there is no way Eyes only could have made her this quickly. So the only way that Cindy could know that stuff, is if she really did know 452. Which meant that Manticore had lied…
"No!" she yelled. Even Cindy knew it wasn't in answer to the question. She wrenched her armed free, "Leave, me alone! They wouldn't lie! I don't know you!" with this, she pushed the girls outstretched arm with a little more force than necessary. Cindy lost her balance, and slipped. She tumbled and rolled down the slope, screaming all the way. As she neared the edge, images were flashing through 452's mind, and at the last second, a scream was torn from her,
"CINDY!" she dove for the edge, arms out-reached, and grabbed the girls wrist as she dropped out of sight. She pulled her up, and they embraced, clamped together on the very edge. 452 was still confused, but she now knew for sure that something was very wrong on the Manticore end.