Disclaimer: I don't own FFVIII. Square does.
A/N: I was planning to make my FFX-2 fic, Waiting for the Sun to Shine, my last fanfic but I just couldn't leave this little ficcy behind. I wrote this a year ago while I was writing the wedding chapter of Infatuated Souls (which I never posted. Forgive me for being selfish but it's just so crappy and OOC.) I had fun writing this and I hope you'll enjoy reading this as well.
Sweet Charade
The Lion's Story
'Cause I'm hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more
Than to sit outside Heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
It's where I wanna be
- Breathing by Lifehouse
We walked under the scorching rays of the sun, our battle-weary bodies, struggling against the unbearable heat. I felt the warm wind blowing towards our direction, teasing us by caressing our perspiring skin.
My eyes shifted its gaze towards the woman walking alongside me. Her honey-blond tresses glided across the air like exquisite golden silk. Despite all the battles we've fought, her face showed no sign of fatigue. It was the same beautiful face I used to secretly stare at back when she was my instructor. That was like three years ago. It felt as if it was only yesterday. Yesterday, the past, how much I hated it. I still can't believe I blew her off like that. All she wanted me to do was to listen. And what do I do? I tell her to talk to a fucking wall. I still regret saying that up till now. I hurt the first woman I ever fell in love with all because of my damned pride. I never apologized for that unforgettable night in the Training Center. I really want to say how sorry I am and that I didn't mean those hurtful words I said. But I didn't and still haven't. Perhaps it was because I was too wrapped in Rinoa.
Rinoa, my ex-girlfriend.
No, she didn't cheat on me just as those nasty rumors spreading rapidly across the Garden say. Rinoa would never do that! Things between us just weren't working out anymore. Sure, we loved each other but our personalities often clashed. She was too immature and carefree while I was serious and insensitive. We were the exact opposite of the other. They say opposites attract but I don't really agree. That stuff only happens in the movies, not in real life. So in the end, love, the only thing that made us last, abandoned us and we decided to part ways. It didn't hurt that much. Perhaps it was because we both knew it was the best thing to do. But I still love Rinoa… as a friend, that is.
"Squall? Are you alright?" I hear her say. It was only then that I realized that I actually halted in my tracks. Mentally cursing myself for getting lost in my thoughts, I nodded my head as a reply. A small smile curved her lips as she said, "Come on Squall, let's go."
"Come on Squall, let's go." It certainly wasn't the first time I heard those words from her. I remember that day clearly. It was the day we were first introduced to sharpshooter extraordinaire, not to mention, my present best pal, Irvine Kinneas. Galbadia Garden assigned him to be our sharpshooter for our mission to assasinate the sorceress. We had to split into two parties and he insisted that he be with Selphie and Rinoa. I didn't really care so I let him have his way. That irritated the two girls so much. I remember the look they had on their faces. They looked so flushed with anger and helpless, not to mention, funny! Anyway, they decided to just ride with the situation and began to flirt with Irvine! Selphie even said something like; "Mr. Irvine Kinnepoo, I'm going to make you happy!". Zell was outraged. I bet he was jealous. I really had a big feeling he was carrying a torch for her, I still have. Anyway, enough about Chicken-wuss (Oops! I'm starting to sound like Seifer! Hyne forbid!). Back to my story, Quistis suddenly linked her arm to mine and clung to me! She was mimicking the other girls' flirting! "Come on Squall, let's go," she whispered into my ear using the sexiest voice she could muster. I was so shocked. She was so close to me. So close, I could feel the loose strands of her golden hair teasing my neck, her porcelain face caressing mine, her warm breath sending shivers down my spine. Our mere closeness made my heart soar. I tried my best to hide the rapture I was experiencing by acting pissed and not reacting. We were mercenaries, not lovesick fools! Mission before emotion, as I used to say. But in reality, how I wanted to hold her tight as well! She was so close, so close! I wonder if she felt my heart racing…
There's no use wondering now… There's no use hoping either… I was given the chance before… Yet I drove it away…
Her voice awakened me from my trance and brought me back to reality once again. "Squall, why don't we stop over there before going back to the Garden?" She said while pointing to a nearby diner. "I could really use some refreshments."
I wiped the sweat off my forehead with the back of my palm and nodded. The heat was unendurable. Not even a potion or a cure spell could invigorate our exhausted bodies. We were in dire need of refreshments.
The chimes on the handle of the door played a sweet symphony as I gently pushed the door open for Quistis who gave me a grateful beam. I followed her as she made her way towards a vacant table. An old lady who looked very much like the cafeteria lady back at the Garden asked us to take a seat while getting the small pencil that was tucked on her right ear and a memo pad from her apron's pocket.
"What can I get you, honey?" she said while flashing her pearly white teeth which I'm pretty sure were false.
"A club sandwich and a glass of water will do," the golden-haired woman seated in front of me said.
"I'll have the same."
The old lady scribbled our order on her notepad and livelily said, "Alrighty! Two club sandwiches and two glasses of water coming up!". It was a wonder that someone as old as her possessed such great energy. She seemed so happy. Thinking about it made me wonder what I would be like when I'm as old as her. Probably end up being an old out-of-shape commander who still considers the Garden as home. But I don't want to end up like that. I want to grow old like normal people do… grow old with someone... grow old with her. But the icy walls around me will never reveal this longing I have. I'll end up alone again. I know it and I've accepted it.
Quistis neatly tied her hair into a tight ponytail and I watch as some of her locks fall, outlining her heart-shaped face. She placed her arms on the table and stared at the window, avoiding my gaze. We're not talking. A while ago, the loss of communication between the two of us was alright. I hardly noticed. But now, the silence was awkward. I wanted to say something… anything, just to get away from this uncomfortable situation! But I had nothing to say.
She sighed softly and shifted her gaze from the window to her clasped hands. "Squall…" She uttered, breaking the silence between us, her aquamarine pools now focused at me. "I have… something to tell you."
"What is it, Quistis?" I asked.
Silence was her reply. She's fidgeting with her fingers. She's nervous. I could tell. Somehow, I'm feeling nervous as well.
"What is it?" I asked again, tilting my head, allowing our eyes to meet.
"Do you still remember…", she took a deep breath and continued, "Do you still remember that day we visited Trabia Garden after the missiles attacked it?"
I nodded my head as a reply. "How could I not remember that day? You said all your feelings for me were just some sort of a misunderstood love that day." I told Quistis in my thoughts.
"All our childhood memories in the orphanage came back that day." She paused to take a deep breath once again. "I told you I mistook my um… feelings towards you as… love, when it was in fact, only a remainder of my childhood feelings as a sister…"
I nodded and stared at the table. Why is she talking about it? Where is this going? What's her purpose of reminding me of that day? To let me relinquish the pain I felt back then? A thousand questions ran inside my throbbing mind. The same mind froze as she let two words flow from her lips, two words that changed everything.
"I lied."
Two words. Two simple words. Two simple hyne-damned words. They were enough to make me, the brave and heartless lion, feel frightened and confused. She lied. She lied that day. She lied. I could not believe it. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, and I couldn't even look into her eyes. Confusion plagued my soul, my heart feeling an excruciating pain, my head going in circles. Just because of two fucking words. The next words that escaped her lips made me feel even worse.
"It wasn't a misunderstood love, Squall…" Her voice was now trembling and almost inaudible, her misty aquamarine eyes displaying mixed emotions of sadness, fear, and desperation. "It wasn't. I just… I just didn't know what to say back then. I was your instructor and you were my student and we were both busy with our mission and… Rinoa..." She avoided my gaze and stared at the window as if she was ashamed of something. But what she was hiding she could not keep to herself. Her reflection on the windowpane revealed her dejected face. I saw a tear escape her tightly-shut eyes, staining her right cheek. "Ri-Rinoa… She came into the picture…" Her words were so softly and slowly spoken. The Ice Queen was breaking down right in front of my eyes. It panged my heart deeply seeing her in this state. But the confusion that haunted me hurt even more. I didn't know what to do or what to say. The girl that I've always loved just confessed her kept feelings for me.
"What are you trying to say?" I asked, acting as if I didn't understand the words flowing from her fine lips. It was too much for my mind to handle. I didn't know what to say at all.
"I love you Squall. I've always have." She said softly while burrowing her head in her trembling hands.
I stared at her in disbelief, my mind going a million directions at once. She has feelings for me… She loves me… Quistis Trepe… My friend… My sister… My fellow SeeD… My ex-instructor… Garden. My mind froze. All the other thoughts disappeared. Only one remained. The Garden… The mission… And with that clouding my heart and mind, I uttered the words that made me hate myself more than ever.
"I don't need this right now. Our mission isn't over, Quistis. We still have to return to the Garden."
"You're right… We have to return to the Garden. That's all that matters to you anyway. Your beloved Garden. It was stupid of me to tell you that."
Her thick golden lashes met, allowing crystalline tears to escape her eyes. She lifted her face from her hands and gave me one last look. Sadness showed itself on her once gleaming face. She quickly got to her feet and headed towards the exit. She went out in a storm of weeping that left me completely remorseful and hurt.
The chimes on the door played its sweet symphony once again. But it wasn't enough to soothe my heart, which was now experiencing an excruciating pain as well.
What have I done?
I drove away the woman I had always loved… for the second time.
I stood up and ran after Quistis, a thousand thoughts shooting from all directions inside my mind. I pushed them aside knowing there was no use entertaining them.
"Where you going, sweetie?" the old lady holding a tray asked me as she halted my tracks. "I've got you and your date your sandwiches already. Grilled to perfection, it is!"
My eyes glared at her (though she did nothing wrong). I threw a hundred Gil on her tray and ran past the appalled lady, hoping I could catch up with Quistis. But when I reached outside, I saw nothing but sand. She was gone.
I gazed upon the heavens, watching the sun as it sank, letting the darkness take over, feeling my own heart sinking as well.
.+"+.+"+.+"+.+"+.
My eyes roamed the lobby as I entered the Garden, hoping to find Quistis. But all I saw were effervescent students chatting and walking around. There was no sign of the heartbroken blonde anywhere. I released a sigh of dejection and jogged towards the dormitory.
A vision of Quistis entered my head. She was wearing her SeeD uniform and proudly stood in front of us, her students. "Garden Code, Article 3, line 4 – After a mission is completed, SeeDs are required to report to the Headmaster upon arrival at the Garden." Her words echoed inside my head. But I ignored them. For the first time ever, the Garden or her teachings didn't matter to me. It was only her that mattered.
A familiar yellow coat distracted me from my thoughts.
"Irvine!" I cried out as I ran towards my friend.
The man leaning on the walls of the dormitory hallway straightened his posture and playfully punched my shoulder. "Hey Squall! I didn't know you were back. How was the mission?"
"Have you seen Quistis?" I asked, ignoring his question.
"Shouldn't you know? You were with her in the mission."
"Yes, but she—" My words were cut-off as I saw Irvine's eyes widen. I tilted my head, a puzzled look on my face, and asked, "What's wrong?"
"There's Quistis…" Irvine replied, his voice showing a touch of disbelief and shock.
"Where?"
"Behind you…"
And that's when I saw her with Seifer, their lips locked in a passionate kiss.
"What the hell is he doing?!" The words that stumbled out of my mouth came out a little sharp than I expected.
"He's doing what you should be doing, Squall, kissing her hurt away…"
My eyes shifted its gaze from the blonde couple towards the auburn-haired man standing beside me. I never told anyone about my long kept feelings for Quistis. But his words and saddened eyes proved that he knew about them.
Feeling uneasy and hurt, I turned away from Irvine and stared at the blonde couple once again. I didn't want his or anyone's pity for that matter. But I knew he was right. If it wasn't for my damned inanity, I would be the one kissing her pain away, not Seifer. Heck, she wouldn't have a reason to be hurting if I had admitted my feelings for her instead of driving her away.
But alas, the past can never be changed.
I watched Seifer as he led Quistis inside his room, their hands clasped, lust evident in their eyes.
"Squall… I'm sorry."
I heard Irvine's softly spoken words but paid no attention to them. Instead, I walked towards Seifer's room, each step stabbing my heart deeply. It was painful, but I deserved all the pain. It was the punishment Hyne had set upon me for my insensitivity. It was a punishment I willingly accepted.
Outside Seifer's door, I stood, savoring the pain. Surprisingly, hearing his soft moans didn't hurt as much as listening to Quistis breathing. Perhaps it was because I knew that she was very much alive and breathing… breathing for someone else… breathing while I was dying inside.
I released a sigh of defeat and walked away.
A/N: Quistis' story is up next! It'll hopefully explain the whole Quistis/Seifer scene. It may take me long though because I'm still experiencing major writer's block (A lot of times I wonder if I really am a writer… ) and because I wanna repeat my FFX-2 game and complete every mission there is (even if I don't like FFX-2 that much)! I wanna see Gippel again too! He's such a hottie! *drools* Anyway, thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a review. You guys don't know how much your reviews mean to me. Till the next chapter! ^_^