I have killed a child, and now nothing can save me.
I stand before the tree - kneel, crawl, plead - but there is no relief. There can be none for what I've done.
...not that I was looking for salvation.
"You didn't kill her."
No... no, I didn't.
I do not answer Him as I kneel. There would be no point.
"Why?"
And if I didn't know Him, I would almost think He really cared to know. But I do know Him; and He knows me.
"I couldn't."
That doesn't seem to satisfy Him, and He says nothing at first.
"I just... couldn't do it," I add, and there's a tremor in my voice now, which I can't help.
"You know what this means."
What this means? Do I know what this means? Is He mad?
"Of course."
"You have no objections?"
I look at Him for that one; He's mocking me, finding such amusement in my pain, and I know it. It must show on my face, because He smiles, fond, like He would be of a dog, and pats my head. "So cute, Subaru-kun"
He says
and oh the pain
pain
I've sacrificed one for another - how could I
...how could I do this to them?
"Please don't fail me again, Sukurazukamori," He says. "I would be terribly disappointed if we had to call off our game before it's even properly begun."
And something, someone, wrests a reaction from my throat. "How can you do this?" I cry, and don't know where that sound comes from. "How can you MAKE me do this? You of all people know I cannot - "
Silence. My voice trails away, sinking into nothing as we look at one another. I cannot answer Him. He has no reason to answer me. I can only hope that this outburst does not cause more damage than I already have by refu-
He takes two steps forward and cups my face with His hand.
freeze
frozen
do
not
move
"Now, Subaru-kun," He says, His voice still mockingly kind but His eyes -
Assessing
Assuming
Possessing
"I have never hurt you before - have I? Not since you became what I - wanted you to be." And His thumb, softer than the death of the world's thumb should be, rubs against my cheekbone.
I almost hate YOU
I almost say that
He smiles
apparently, I don't need to.
He finally walks away. "Goodnight, Sakurazukamori. Prepare for tomorrow. You have one day before the next round - and don't forget that small matter tonight that I want you to take care of."
One day? Oh, my gods; at this rate we'll be through the seals of heaven in a week. What can I do? It's only a temporary stopgap as it is, and once He's had his fill of it -
"Please," I say, and He looks at me. "Please, can I just... the woman..."
He studies my face; I have no reason to explain to a man who can read hearts, and then
miracle
"Would you like that as a gift, Subaru-kun? A small gift - something else you'd owe me..."
I just look at him
nothing to say
He is silent; and then, he agrees.
miracle
some do still exist
"You may. Subaru-kun." And then He turns and walks away, as if He doesn't care or isn't aware of the relief that floods my mind, but I know it and He knows it and
it's okay
I can do this now.
Very well, Kamui. I think of all I am to do; the things he wants me to take. One dragon a day...
If we stay with seals of heaven, that's one week.
...one week
Kamui -
You have one week to find yourself.
Chapter.2.PostscriptKamui's body healed more quickly than it should, and naturally, this meant that it processed chemicals more quickly, as well. Fully three hours before anyone expected him to stir, he did; and when he woke, he and Aoki were not alone in the room.
A woman he'd never seen before stood beside Seiichirou's bed.
She was medium-tall, not really fashion-model thin; had a very motherly look, and her dark red hair was all over the place. She leaned over Aoki with a familiarity that only comes with family or very, very close friends, touching his body and face, here and there almost as if hoping to find a magical spot that would somehow bring him back. The tears on her cheeks reflected dully in the light from the street lamps outside the window.
Kamui didn't want to move. This was an intimate moment; unwatched, meant just for the two of them, even if Aoki didn't seem aware, and he felt like a voyeur for even being in the room. Trying to find something else to look at, he turned his head; then he saw the man.
This was not the man from his dream. A slender man, too slender; standing in the shadows of the far corner and watching closely as if he'd been responsible for all that lay before him. Kamui knew. Even though the man's features were hidden in the dark, even though there was no reason why he should know - still, he knew.
"Subaru..." Kamui said unthinkingly, and the woman at Aoki's bed started.
"You're awake!" she said, one hand going to her chest, but before she'd even finished speaking, the thin man in the shadows ran.
"No... wait! Subaru!" Kamui leaped out of the bed and tried to follow, but the sedatives were still at work in his system; cursing, he twisted, his knee unexpectedly refusing to work, and bereft of his normal grace, smacked hard onto the cold tile floor.
"Oh!" cried the woman who was undoubtedly Aoki's wife, and hurried over to help him; but Kamui lay where he was, responding neither to her voice nor her hands. Subaru was gone, and Kamui felt that as sharply as he'd sensed Subaru's identity.
It seemed sudden abandonment only hurt worse the second time.
"Ooh... let me help you, here, I'll call the nurse!" The woman was pressing the call button. Having some compassion on her - since she was undoubtedly Aoki's wife - Kamui numbly allowed her to help him up and into the bed.
"Oh, are you all right? You fell so quickly!"
"No, it's okay." Kamui's voice sounded hollow to his own ears.
"Just lie back, you aren't feeling well," she said, tucking him in as if he were a small child.
"Really, I'm okay."
She wasn't listening. "I'm sure you'll see some discoloration later... you poor thing... you poor..." And folding her hands in front of her, the woman burst into tears.
Kamui knew why she was crying; but whatever else went with being "kamui," raising dead children to life was not one of his abilities. Bereft of options, he put one arm around her shoulders and held her until the nurses arrived. There were several of them; apparently, they'd had enough experience with this room that by now they knew to come in flocks.
The questioning started; Kamui had no part of it. He lay on the bed, quiet as Aoki, and tried to think.
What was Subaru doing here? Had he rescued her from someplace? But how? And why? And why had he stayed to watch?
More importantly - why had he run away?
"The man who killed her... he's the one who brought me here. I think he was looking for atonement."
Words like that always seemed to cut through contemplative thought. "Wh... what?" Kamui asked, but no one was listening to him.
"He was the Sumeragi clan head," she whispered, crying, and Kamui didn't believe it.
Neither did anyone else. "Sumeragi-san?" the nurses were repeating in disbelief, clearly familiar with him enough to know this was nonsense.
"It wasn't him," Kamui insisted, not caring that he was ignored, and stated again: "It was not him."
"It was him. He's the one who killed my daughter," Mrs. Aoki said, and began to cry again. "He... he just... right through her heart, like this, and..."
Kamui stiffened; the movement she made was eerily similar to that of Seishirou's - the Sakurazukamori - which office Subaru now filled. His stomach lurched a little; rubbing his diaphragm, Kamui repressed his nausea and simply, logically, thought it out.
Subaru Sumeragi - child-killer? Nonsense. Subaru was known for HELPING people, even the folks at the hospital knew that, there was no way Subaru could have - WOULD have - no. It was absurd to even think it. Subaru Sumeragi, killing a little girl? Never. It hadn't happened. The woman was dreaming, clearly just projecting projected the face of her savior over that of the killer's - since obviously, Subaru had saved her, brought her back to be with her husband -
But then... why had he run?
And then the words from Kamui's dreamscape came crushing back into his memory, blocking out all outside sound, wiping all thoughts from his mind.
You've damned him
Damned...
Covering his mouth, Kamui scrambled out of the bed and ran for the bathroom.