Perspective.3

"No one said irony had to be coordinated."

- Miranda Stoddard

"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself."

Does he expect a response? Do I even care?

"Who do you think said that, Sakurazukamori?"

I don't know who said that. I'm sure I don't care; this is just his way of telling me who's next to die, that's all.

...why won't you leave me alone?

"I don't know." Even to me, my voice sounds petulant.

"Indulging in self-pity again, Sakurazukamori?"

"Please don't call me that."

"I'll call you whatever I like."

Silence again, while I flinch a little and then rearrange myself. It isn't very comfortable, where he put me.

"So who said it?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Temper, Sakurazukamori."

Temper. Maybe he's trying to drive me to suicide. I don't know.

I won't suicide. He has to know that. The only thing I have LEFT is what comes after I finally die, and if I suicide, I lose even that -

I can't lose them again. I can't. I just can't.

"So who said it?" he asks again, and now he shifts so it's even less comfortable than before.

"An American," I guess wildly.

"Why?"

"Because everyone else you've quoted to me today has been American," I snap a little, amazed at my own tone, and

He turns and smiles so compassionately -

right

in my

face.

"Are you feeling unappreciated, Sakurazukamori?" he says, and his breath tickles my cheek

No, I think, but I do seem to be going insane. "I said stop CALLING me that!"

"And I said I'll call you whatever I like." Finger on my lips. Hushing. "You know you cannot lead."

I close my eyes and rest my head back. Against the tree. Against his hold over me. "Yeah." What else am I supposed to say? He's already reminded me twice today that if I had just been a little bolder and spoken up, then Seishirou might not -

Uneven inhale; even exhale. Don't think about it. That way lies madness.

He's not even looking in my direction anymore. His gaze is set off in the distance somewhere, on some victim for all I know, because this conversation is just SO very important to him.

I wonder, not for the first time, why he doesn't just let me go.

He's reading my mind again.

"Because... oh, there she is."

I look up, terrified because 'she' is in more danger than she's ever been in her life, and follow his pointing finger to the person he means.

...oh, gods, no.

"...no."

"No, what?" he says and looks at me, so compassionately, so innocent, so close.

"I... " don't want to give him ideas "Nothing. Never mind."

"I want you to kill her today," he says, casual as a grocery list, and goes back to staring off into the distance like he doesn't care.

Another child? ANOTHER? "Fuuma...."

That gets a response. Suddenly his hand slams into the tree just beside me, barely missing my head, and he's breathing in my face like I'm going to die even though his expression seems to say he's SO sorry for me -

I jump.

"I am Kamui." He breathes it - lives it.

Bastard....

Suddenly he smiles. So pitying. He probably heard that thought. "While you're going, deliver this," he says, and

Takes my hand, puts something in it

Something....

....oh, my GODS

"Ugh!" I say, and drop it, because I have held one of those before, I know what it feels like -

He catches it. Easy, fluent motion. And puts it back in my hand.

Oh gods, I think I'm going to be sick.

"It belongs to someone special," he informs me, and I have a crazy thought that I need to checking it to see if the color is gold.

Stupid. Of course it isn't gold.

"You need to give it to her before she dies," he says, "so that she will know she is going to a happier place."

I rub my face with the hand not occupied and wonder if he's trying to break me.

"Go, Sakurazukamori," he says so softly, finally pulling away; and when I don't move, he looks at me fully, with empty promises in his eyes. "Unless you'd rather I went in your place."

No. No, no. Not after...

...after he demonstrated... what he would...

Something comes out of my throat like a sob, but it doesn't matter; I'm moving, moving toward his chosen target, to warn her, for certain, and possibly to kill her as well, I don't know -

I don't care.

...I wish that were the truth.

She's so innocent, standing there.

Was walking - stopped, because her companion stopped, because her companion seems to see me and

he doesn't like what he sees

"Hi," I say quietly, though it's stupid, though she'll surely be smart enough to see me and run -

"Subaru!" and suddenly her arms are around me

around my waist

face pressed over my heart

so... completely innocent

"I'm sorry," I say, and my voice is uneven, and I push her away although it's so hard, and I know I'm already crying

and she sees

and it takes a moment.

...and she finally knows.

"Oh," she says, so quietly, so sadly.

We stare at one another.

"He's making you," she suddenly says. "I'm so sorry."

And for some reason, I have to argue. "No, he isn't."

Suddenly I'm getting a look like I'm being a silly little boy and she's the mother

...or the sister

impossible

"Of course he is. Are you all right?"

Am I all right? HOW - "How can you... ASK me that!? Don't you understand? You're going to DIE!"

She finally seems to get it. Maybe she gets it. Maybe.... I'll feel so horrible if I took the sparkle from her eyes -

soft "I know. I mean... I didn't know before TODAY, you understand, but I know NOW - and of course I knew I was going to die SOMEday - "

She's crying

oh no, no, no please no, don't do that

wiping her eyes "Everyone dies someday, and I was really lucky if you think about it, you know? Because how many people can say that they HAD a purpose in life and actually came really close to fulfilling it, although maybe I already DID fill it because I... oh." She blinks at me through her tears. "Wow, you look worse than I do."

I'm laughing - or maybe it's him. Or maybe it's her. Everything's going grey. "I... I..."

Her companion growls. A good friend; good companion. Please... please don't make me do this....

"I'm sorry."

She's looking at me, so much like that Other, so much like my sister, so much like -

She's hugging me again. Oh, my gods...

soft "I forgive you."

I wonder when she learned that cookies and toys didn't fix everything.

Stupid

She's known that all her life.

That harsh, choked sound -

a Braying sound

hoarse, inhuman

...that's coming from me.

We sink to the ground together, in each other's arms, and I wonder for a moment who's crying harder and if we could somehow get Fu... Kamui to let me die first

or let us die together

or -

It is time, Sakurazukamori

...damn you

"Stay... stay with him." She's talking to her companion, not me

Giving him to me

To her MURDERER

...damn me, too.

It is time.

...I know.

kissing her head

her face hidden

fists clenched in my shirt -

"I'm sorry...."

"I know. It's okay."

No, it ISN'T okay, and I forgot to give her the... the...

I won't. She can die without having to know.

And I want to resist.

I don't want to do it at ALL

But there is no

choice -

- the colors

the colors are already leaving me

....so much peace inside this Cold

Goodbye, Yuzuriha.